Heya, everyone!
I hope you guys had a really wonderful Christmas! Sorry about taking so long to update I've just been super lazy!
I hope this chapter makes up for it.
Let me know what you think!
Reviews always mean a lot to me to hear from you
Much Love 3
Hermione's Point of View
After three hours of hopeless sleep, dawn breaks over the eastern horizon illuminating the lake and forbidden forest first before cascading in my window and blinding me. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and throw my legs over the side of the bed, breaking there for a moment to will myself to get out of bed. My head feels heavier than usual and my arms light as feathers. The other girls in the dorm haven't woken up yet and I'm glad for the stolen privacy which is very rare between these confines. I let a tear slip down my cheek before wiping it away and grabbing my uniform off the back of the chair.
I shower slowly in the Prefects bathroom hoping the water might breathe some new life into me but it just makes me feel even sleepier. Once I'm fully washed and dressed, I lose my train of thought and find myself staring absently at my reflection in the mirror. Trying to analyse it or something. I have a strong feeling that today will be the kind of day that ages me. The kind of day that if I were to look at my face again tonight in the mirror, I might think I look different. That thought worries me dreadfully.
I grab my book bag as softly as I can from beside my bed and shut the bedroom door soundlessly behind me. Luckily the other three girls don't stir. The common room is empty when I get downstairs. The clock on the wall read 6:15 am. I sigh deeply as I make my way down to the Great Hall. I sit in the empty room and lean my head against the cool mahogany counters. Breakfast is not usually served till 7 am.
When the stillness starts to stir uncomfortable thoughts in my head, I take out my charms notebook and try to get some studying done. My hand seems to have other ideas. I look over the page and notice the muddled writing and use all my focus trying to steady my hand as I write. But it's fruitless.
I look up at the sun rising in the sky and casting a long arm across the Great Hall and I wonder is today the day. He had said soon. But how soon was soon? His behaviour and attitude last night had seemed to spur of the moment for him, far too careless. It seemed as if he knew his time was up and was acting accordingly. Is it today? Has something already happened while I was sleeping? If one could call that sleeping.
At 7 am I find myself still alone in the Great Hall as the long rows of tables fill with breakfast. My charms notebook vibrates on the table so I pull it down onto my lap as a plate appears in its place. I wait for a moment as the tea and coffee pots eventually appear. I grab the big pitcher of coffee and the biggest cup within reach and fill it up to the brim. I cast a mild cooling charm and gulp almost a third of the cup down. I take some of the wet coffee from the compartment in the pitcher, fleetingly looking around to make sure I'm alone and dot some of it under my eyes in hopes that it might combat some of the dark circles.
When the cup is empty I feel a little better but the caffeine seems to flare up my apprehension like it sometimes does. The relentless thoughts and worries flood into my mind and I pour myself another cup regardless. I try to calm myself, placing my nose at the edge of the cup and focusing solely on the smell of the coffee. I try to think back to the summers I would spend at home with my parents and Ms McGuire's coffee shop on the corner of Winchester Street. For a minute I try to pretend for my own mental state that none of it is real. That the whole wizarding world isn't real. I try to imagine that I am sitting there with an old novel and Crookshanks is on my laps while Ms McGuire chats absently behind the till to a customer. The atmosphere there had almost felt as much like home and my actual home did. I wish to be there now. It would be so much easier to pretend none of this was happening if I could just be there now.
In a small part of my mind a voice whispers 'You could be'. I try to ignore it but it starts to speak louder. I am aware of my level of candour with the professors and how from years of it they wouldn't ask too many questions if I suddenly asked to go home for a few days. But that isn't feasible no matter how alluring the idea might seem. It would inevitably cause more problems than it would fix. I would have to explain to my parents why I was home in the middle of February and when I came back who knows what I would come back to? Who knows what might be left or who for that matter? Then I would have to explain to everyone why I left in the first place.
Avoidance - as nice as it might sound - is not the answer I'm looking for. So, what is then? Approaching him is out of the question. He wouldn't tell me anything anyway. His words from last night haunt me. He had lamented the idea that it was okay if my opinion of him was to change. That might be all well and good for him but I didn't want that. I wouldn't stand for that. But if I was to fight so hard against that outcome would it make it inevitable in the end?
I slam my hands against the table hitting against a fork sending it flying behind me, knocking over a cup on the Ravenclaw table. I sigh stepping up to fetch it when I notice the first lot of students making their way into the Great Hall. I sit back down speedily and take a napkin, wiping under my eyelids furiously trying to get all of the coffee off.
Twenty-five minutes before our first class Harry and Ron stumble into the Great Hall. As I watch them joke across the table with one another I think of speaking. I think of saying something to Harry about what Malfoy has said. But I can't speak. Something terrible is coming I know it and by the way Harry is throwing me cautious eyes, I think he might feel it too. He has a way of knowing when something bad is going to happen. His glances towards me prove my suspicions that today must be the day.
I wish that I could have known sooner. I mean in a sense I did know something was coming and I should have prepared better. This was if anything else a premeditated event. But I chose to ignore it and now it's too late. No amount of words or actions can stop what's to come. I can feel the weight hanging over us all and it's enormous.
When we leave the table, Harry throws an arm over my shoulder as we walk to our first class. I feel a tremendous amount of culpability burrow itself in the back of my throat as he smiles down at me sadly. When we get to the entrance of the Great Hall I look back over my shoulder. Before my eyes find his seat, I already know he's not going to be there. Sometime tells me he won't be in any classes today.
When classes are finally over my headache feels like it is stretching my skull. I almost consider going to Madame Pomfrey but our relationship is still a little sore since the last time I saw her. Ginny links her arm through mine when she catches me.
"Headache?" she asks when she notices my pained expression.
"Yup," I sigh in response.
"Why don't you go to Madame Pomfrey?"
"Don't feel like seeing her," I laugh off her suggestion. Ginny shrugs.
"So," she starts.
"Ginny," I warn her as I can feel a wave of questions coming off of her.
"I wasn't going to say anything," she defends.
"I can feel the questions brimming behind your tongue, Ginny," I sigh.
"Well, you never told me why Malfoy was looking for you? And you were gone so long I had to tell Harry and Ron that you had switched your Prefects duties with Dean Thomas," Ginny explains.
"Thanks for that," I say instead.
"You're welcome. But you've got to tell me what he wanted," she insists. I roll my eyes but the playful nature isn't there. I can't help the wave of panic and sorrow that washes over me at that moment.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" Ginny questions, pulling me into one of the girl's bathrooms. We push through the doors and Ginny checks the stalls before beckoning me to continue. I gather my breath.
"I don't know," I admit.
"What? Why do you look like you're about to burst into tears?"
"I don't know maybe because I might," I warn her trying to slow my breathing.
"Did ye have a fight?" Ginny asks, eying me.
"No, it wasn't anything like that," I assure her.
"Well, what happened? Where did the two of you go? He didn't do anything to hurt you, did he?" Ginny starts and I know if I don't answer her now all the questions will come tumbling out of her.
"We went down to the lake," I start. "But things felt really different."
"Different bad or?"
"I'm not sure they felt deeper if that makes sense. Like the words we were saying seemed to hold a lot more heaviness than usual," I explain.
"I don't fully understand," Ginny says confused.
"I don't either," I disclose. "He can be so hard to read sometimes. I mean he tries to be because he knows I'm trying to read him so he averts his eyes and it's hard to know then whether he's being honest or lying through his teeth."
"Does he lie a lot?"
"Yes and no," I answer. "It's not the lying you're thinking of. I'm explaining this badly," I admit, frustrated.
"It's not exactly lying. He just evades my questions. He has a smart mouth so it comes easier to him," I clarify.
"I see. So what was he trying to avoid saying last night?"
"Something is going to happen Ginny. He said that he's been asked to do something and he won't say what it is. Just that he has to and that it is bad," I say another panic building in my chest.
"Like been asked because he's a…" Ginny awkwardly averts her eyes to the floor. "Death eater?"
I nod slowly as Ginny takes it in.
"Hermione!" Ginny says her voice with heavy with a pleading tone.
"I've asked him not too and he said he doesn't have a choice," I explain. I grab Ginny arms. "I'm worried Ginny. I'm worried it's today. That's the impression I got last night. He kept saying it was soon but I don't know how soon is soon?" I ramble on and Ginny pulls me into a tight hug as a tear escapes. I rest my head on her shoulder and exhale some of the pressure away.
"It's okay Hermione. Take a deep breath, okay? Just breathe," she says soothingly, rubbing circles into my back as I catch my breath.
"Something bad is coming. I can feel it and I think Harry can too," I say into her shoulder.
"Where is he now?" Ginny asks.
"I don't know he hasn't been in any of his classes all day. I looked around for him but I haven't seen him since last night," I cry. Ginny rubs my back a little harder.
"Matter of fact I didn't see him at all today either," Ginny says curiously. "He's got to be either in his dorm or in the Slytherin common room."
"Well, it's not exactly like I can go knock on the door and check?" I say pulling out of the hug and wiping away the tears stuck in my tear troughs.
"Why not? Didn't he come looking for you last night here?" Ginny declares with a raised eyebrow
"Yeah, but he got lucky and found you. Knowing my luck, it'll be Pansy Parkinson I'll end up running into," I sigh. "It's not much use anyways Ginny he won't tell me anything. Believe me."
"Then what if you just wait outside the Slytherin common room. I mean he has to come out at some point. He must be in there because he definitely hasn't been going to class," Ginny reasons.
"And what do you suppose I do when he comes out or someone sees me?"
"You could follow him?" Ginny suggests.
"He'd spot me in a heartbeat Ginny," I maintain. This all seems futile. I thought I had the situation in my grasp but it keeps slipping through and there's nothing I can do. It's like trying to catch smoke. It's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands. But maybe my grip on the situation has never been that tight to begin with. How could it be with someone like Draco Malfoy?
"What if he couldn't see you?" Ginny says.
"What are you playing at?"
"We happen to have a friend that is in possession of an invisibility cloak, do we not?" Ginny says smugly with a gleeful smile.
"Ginny I can't involve Harry in this. Then he'll ask a million and one questions and I don't know if I'm ready to have that conversation with him yet."
"I understand. But what if you didn't ask him?"
"You want me to steal his invisibility cloak? Yeah, that's really going to help my credit when I have to tell him everything," I say rolling my eyes.
"No! What if you just borrowed it without him knowing?" she suggests. I weigh this up for a moment. Listing the pros and cons in my head as Ginny watches me expectantly.
"I don't know," I say unsure.
"Don't you want to know what he's going to do? Or better yet don't you want to know at least where he is? You can start there and see how you feel?"
"Ginny, I don't know. I mean I can't just take his invisibility cloak! And then what? I just put it on and walk into the Slytherin common room?" I can feel my heart rate start at the idea of it all.
"Hermione, breathe!" Ginny says slowly, pointing a chastising finger at me. She has often berated me in the past for getting too worked up too quickly but I think it's justifiable in this situation.
"You can do this!" Ginny plants both her arms down on my shoulders like a coach trying to get his team in the proper mindset for the upcoming game. I breathe deeply into the space between us and try and draw some strength from Ginny. She grabs my arm and starts dragging me out of the girl's bathroom.
"Where are we going?" I ask, unsure as we enter the mostly empty corridor.
"Back to the common room. I'm going to distract Harry and you're going to go into his room and get that cloak!" Ginny's voice holds so much conviction and surety I wish I could be as confident in the plan as her.
Back in the common room, Ginny gives me a subtle nod from the fireplace as she places her arm lightly on Harry's forearm, laughing loudly at whatever he just said. I roll my eyes and take a quick sweep of the room before I make my way up the stairs to the dormitory. Most of the students seem to be in the common room. Beside Dinner is in half an hour so most of them will likely move in that direction fairly soon.
I take a left at the Avanni painting. Left for boys, right for girls. Surely if I run into anyone they won't think it's too crazy that I would be in Harry's room. No one really ever suspects me of anything that would stray away from the perfect Prefect and at this moment I'm thankful for that reputation.
When I get into the dormitory I move quickly, pulling the trunk out from Harry's bed, ignoring the state of the room and my sudden urge to clean away the anxiety. Ginny had said check the trunk first as it seemed the most likely place it would be. I flick open the two latches and push it open. I shove through most of the junk until I feel the familiar material.
"Did you finish that assignment for Snape yet?" A voice sounds coming up the stairwell. I grab the cloak pulling it out of the trunk and wrapping it around me. As quietly as I can possibly manage I close the trunk choosing to leave the latches open as I push it under the bed. Closing the latches would have made far too loud a noise. I stand beside Harry's bedside table as Seamus and Ron walk into the room.
"No haven't even started it yet. When is it due?" Ron asks as they make their way over to one of the other beds. I use this opportunity to slip out and move as swiftly as I can down the stairs. If I meet someone now, they'll definitely bump into me in the narrow stairwell and there'll be no explaining that away.
I sigh a deep breath of relief as I enter the common room to find it mostly empty. They must have gone down to dinner. I spot Ginny on the couch with Harry and Padma, talking lightly. On my way past, I pinch Ginny's earlobe to let her know the plan worked. Not thinking too much about my actions Ginny lets out a loud whelp, probably from the shock. I cover my mouth and try not to laugh as she realises what it was and tries to explain it away to Harry and Padma.
Ginny eyes the direction of the door over Harry's shoulder and I open it slightly to let her know I'm standing there. She smiles supportively at me and at that moment, I realise how lucky I truly am to have a friend like her. Even if she does talk me into some sticky situations. Because I know she just pushes to help me push past my own worries.
In the cold corridors, I try to remember her supportive expression but it seems to fade and replaces with worry the closer I get to the dungeons. I shuffle along almost lost, pulling the cloak as tightly around me as possible. Every few steps I stop to make sure my feet aren't showing but the cloak is practically dragging along the ground. If I'm not careful someone could trip over it and I'll have to take off running.
When I finally reach the general area I think the Slytherin common room is in I feel the air turn theatrically colder. I should have asked Ginny where it was to make sure. It's not like I've ever had any reason to seek it out before. I hear the sound of voices in the distance and take off in that direction. I come up behind a group of first-year Slytherins and decide to follow them.
At the end of the corridor, they stop in front of a large statue. Over their chatter, I don't hear the password and instead, I slip in close behind them, sweat gathering on my back the entire time. Once inside I stop, afraid to move anymore. It's not the best place to stop as the doorway in is rather narrow. If someone decides to come in behind me they'll definitely hit me. God, why does this have to be so difficult? I should just turn back now before I get caught and embarrass myself even worse.
A voice carries out over the chatter of the first year. A voice I recognise. A voice I would know out of possibly millions. It's his voice. I follow the sound of it out of the darkness of the doorway until serval candles floating near the room illuminates the Slytherin common room. It's probably the first and last time I'm ever going to see it. It's much bigger and nicer than the Gryffindor common room. Surely that has something to do with the fact that many of the older students in Slytherin come from extremely well of families who can afford to furnish the place at a different standard then the school can afford.
In the corner under a large pillar hidden away from the light of the candles, I find him. Blaise Zabini sits beside him in a corner sofa that extends out with extra legroom. Blaise sits nonchalantly, one leg hanging lazily ahead of him. Malfoy, on the other hand, sits forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together in from of him. He wears a deep pensive expression as he starts into the middle distance in front of him. I take in the room slowly as I make my way over to a less populated area. Thank god it happens to be dinner time and most of the students aren't here. I can't imagine how my anxiety would have held up if the place happened to be packed with students.
Malfoy stares at the clock every few seconds as if he's not sure the time is moving or staying completely still. I notice Blaise watching him out of the corner of his eye.
"Malfoy you're making me anxious," Blaise laughs but it doesn't reach his eyes. He knows something is wrong too I can see it on his face.
"Shut up," he responds sharply and it reminds me of the tone he used to use with me at the start. The tone he still sometimes uses if we get practically heated in an argument. But he never uses that much venom with me. To know he was going easy on me at the start even stirs a new kind of emotion in my chest.
"When are you suppose to be there?" Blaise asks.
"Seven," Malfoy states staring up at the clock. I turn my attention to the clock hanging over the hearth. It's ten minutes to seven.
"Shouldn't you go now?" Blaise suggest. I watch Malfoy crease his eyebrows together and he squeezes his hands into fists. He stands and Blaise watches him. Malfoy picks up his wand from the chair and slips into his robe, leaving the wand in the front pocket.
"You know what to do?" Malfoy asks. Blaise nods in response.
"Okay," Malfoy says stepping away from the couch.
"Malfoy," Blaise calls. Malfoy stops and turns slightly on his heels.
"I don't envy you, man," Blaise whispers. I think it's the softest I've ever heard him speak to someone else. Malfoy regards him for a moment before giving him a final nod. He walks towards the entrance and I stare at Blaise longingly, willing him to say something. Plea with him to stop and stay but perhaps whatever Malfoy has to do is something he wants to be done. Something maybe they all want to be done.
I shake the thoughts out of my head as I hurry on my heels after him, pulling the cloak up so I can move quicker. I try to move as soundlessly as I can but it's not my feet that's making the most noise. It's my panicked breathing that's going to get me caught. I stop suddenly on my tippy toes in the dark of the doorway inches away from pressing against Malfoy's back.
Out of view of the rest of the common room, Malfoy has come to a complete standstill in the darkness. I take a soundless step back so he if he decides to suddenly swing his arms backwards, he won't hit me. In the quiet of the dark, I can make out his jagged breathing. He outstretches his arms out in front of him leaning against the entrance door. His breathing comes hard and fast and he bows his head into his chest.
"Fuck," he sighs, his voice low and croaky. I can almost feel his pain and I desperately want to reach out and comfort him. I want to comfort the boy that no one expects to need it when he is the one who has always needed it to most. Maybe years ago if only someone had seen that things could be different now. He wouldn't be standing here with the weight of another man's mistakes on his shoulders. I know why he has to do whatever he has to do. His father's mistakes have featured quite largely in the papers over the past year. The court cases and pictures often being considered front-page news. This alone is enough to break a man let alone a child.
In this dark hallway filled with the sound of his scared uneven breathing, I am reminded once again of the fact that he is just a minor, a child. A mere boy of seventeen expected to hold the weight of a man twice his age. If he had let me, I would have been willing to help him lift the weight but he has always been too proud to acknowledge the fact that he was losing his footing. Where is the pride in this dark doorway, huh?
The light blinds me slightly as he opens the door. I slip out as rapidly as I can behind him. He takes off down a dim corridor in a direction I'm not sure. Any of the main areas you have to go upstairs for but he's gone the opposite direction, I think. I hear Ginny's words in my head, reminding me that I can just check and make sure where he is. I've done that now. Technically I can leave. I can head back to my own common room and put the cloak back where it belongs.
As I turn my feet, I argue with myself. I don't have to go. I really don't. I can go back and pretend if I want to that he stayed there with Blaise and talked usually guy shit all night. I can just pretend. My thoughts start to unravel as dread takes over. How can I stand here and watch him walk away? Walk away to who knows what? Or where?
I turn and follow him. I follow him regardless of the panic and anxiety and fear crumbling in my chest. I follow him because the further he walks way the worse it seems to get. I follow even though I know we are walking into near death.
I follow because I think if the situations were reversed, he would follow me.