Hey everyone!
Sorry for the long delay I just have lots going on recently. But this story is always at the back of my mind because I really want to finish it and do it justice!
Anyways here's the next chapter it's more of a filler chapter if I'm honest but its a very important scene that has been a long time coming. I hope you enjoy it and please review and let me know your thoughts.
As always, Much love 3
Hermione's Point of View
When the buzz in the air settles we sit in the Great Hall. Everyone, all together as if it's the first day of school again. No one really speaks, not even professors. Hagrid eventually enters the Great Hall. Seamus had said that his hut was set ablaze as they left the grounds. It didn't register all that well with me who they were. I considered them to be Death Eaters but I didn't allow myself to think that he had been with them. That he had actually left with them. But apparently, he had. It was the main point of most of the huddled whispers. But most people didn't seem to care. They were not alarmed by the news that Draco Malfoy had left with a group of well know Death Eaters.
The main concern was the fact that Snape had left with them. Our own professor who we knew and somewhat trusted had killed Dumbledore and left as if that was the only reason he had ever been here in the first place. Two parallel lines running alongside one another for years only to eventually deviate their path and meet. But I knew that wasn't true of course. I knew why Snape had done it. He had done it so Malfoy wouldn't have too. In a way, I am grateful to him. I don't know what exactly I feel towards Malfoy now but I am grateful that he is still somewhat untarnished. I know it cannot last because we've finally come to the end of it. The end of our innocent. Now the great war shall begin. We all know it. Everyone sitting in this hall can feel it. Soon people will start to apparate home. There is no more school, no more classes, no more aimless chats in the common room or the Great hall. No more panic over schoolwork or mindless flirting. It's all gone now with a simple flick of a wand. Now there is just war.
Ginny slides into the seat beside me and stares ahead at the empty table. Eventually, Harry and Ron join and we sit in this kind of awkward silence. I don't know if Ron and Ginny feel the awkwardness but I feel it thick in the back of my throat. I look at Harry to find him staring at me with a strange expression. He doesn't know I was there on the tower so he doesn't know I heard everything. I look down.
"I heard something interesting," Harry starts and Ron perks up before noticing Harrys intense stare. I knew that it needed to happen I just didn't think the conversation would happen right now. In front of both Ron and Ginny. I am laid bare across this table now to be picked apart. But I guess I knew this was inevitable. The more steps I took towards Malfoy the furthered I strayed away from the person I promised I would always stand beside. I look at both Harry and Ron and I think is this it? My emaciation from the golden trio. Perhaps I deserve it. Would I have felt different if Malfoy had stayed? Am I left with this thought because Malfoy didn't give me a choice?
"What?" Ron interjects. Ginny takes my hand beneath the table and I'm grateful. She's caught on very quickly to what is about to happen.
"On the tower. Dumbeldore revealed some surprising details," Harry says, his tone taking on a slightly malicious tone.
"Harry!" Ginny warns.
"What? Did you know too?" Harry asks, turning his anger towards Ginny.
"Know what?" Ron asks, cluelessly.
"About Hermione and Malfoy," Harry says and I watch as the words filtered up and hang in the air above us. It's finally been said.
"What?" Ron laughs. Harry's eyes narrow in on Ginny.
"Yes, I did know," Ginny informs him. Harry nods slowly.
"So, you told her but not us, and you kept it from us!" Harry bellows out. A few heads turn in our general direction.
"It wasn't my place to tell. Harry lower your voice right this second!" Ginny warns and Harry's eyes turn down for a moment.
"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Ron interjects. I turn and stare up at him.
"Hermione?" He questions with a disbelieving expression.
"Did you know this was going to happen?" Harry asks. I open and close my mouth, unable to speak. Like a fish bubbling in the water.
"Harry give the girl a break okay! Stop yelling at her!" Ginny warns again.
"Why should I? She clearly knew this was coming and she didn't say anything to us. To me even! Dumbledore died today Ginny, or have you just brushed that off?"
"Of course not, but she is still your best friend and people make mistakes Harry. I'm sure you've made your fair share of them!" Ginny yells across the table. My cheeks flush bright red as more heads turn our way. When did I turn into the person that needed Ginny to fight their battles for me?
"I didn't know this was coming. I just knew something bad was going to happen," I start. "I didn't know it would be anything along these lines. I never expected this Harry I swear!"
Harry rolls his eyes.
"I'm sorry can someone please explain what the hell is going on? Harry, why are you so angry?" Ron asks. I squeeze Ginny's hand.
"Care to explain Hermione?" Harry asks.
"Harry stop it!" Ginny argues.
"No why should I explain when she's the one whose been running off with a Death Eater all year behind our backs! You did know he was a Death Eater?"
Ron suddenly turns to me and his expression is the one I wanted desperately to avoid.
"What?"
"She's been with Malfoy," Harry informs Ron.
"Malfoy? As in Draco Malfoy? The person we all despise more than anything?" Ron asks, aghast. I can't look at him.
"Was he worth this, Hermione? Really? I mean he's gone now, clearly, you must not have meant that much to him if he could just walk away when he was called?" Harry says.
Something in me suddenly snaps. Maybe it's the remembrance of how easily Malfoy chose to leave. How easy it was for him to leave all of this. Or maybe the pressure of everything has finally reached boiling point and my emotions have started to flow out over the pot.
"You don't know anything! Not a thing about what happened or how hard it was for me. You don't know how many times I wanted to talk to you about it but you were always in your own little bubble it was so hard for me to say it. I mean you would have never understood it. You would have disowned me just because of some grudge against Malfoy you formed in the first year."
"Do not blame us for your cowardice," Harry warns. "Your loyalties laid somewhere different this year."
"I know lying to you both was wrong. I know that. But this is the first time I was ever in this situation and it was not an easy situation, okay. I didn't know what to do and I was just so lost and confused by it. I should have told you and for that, I am so sorry, Harry. Really, I am. But he is not the monster you think he is," I explain.
Harry throws his hands up in a huff.
"What you expect me to believe that because he whispered some nonsense in your ear that made you believe that. It's Draco Malfoy we're talking about. I think his actions today just proves my point about him!"
"He didn't kill Dumbledore!" I shout.
"Yeah, but he was going to Hermione! Don't you get that? He let the Death Eaters in. He made that choice. Him alone!"
"He wasn't going too, Harry. He lowered his wand!"
"How do you know that?" Harry and Ron ask simultaneously. Harrys eyebrows furrow together.
"You were there? Weren't you?" Harry asks. I nod.
"With my cloak?" I nod again.
"I knew that I heard something when I was there. I just assumed it had been Snape," Harry informs.
"So what? You just followed him wherever he went?" Harry asks. "Why don't you go follow him off into the woods with the other traitors?"
"Harry Potter you stop that right now!" Ginny bursts out, slamming her hands down on the table.
"I was there from the very start with her and this was not easy for her. Hermione struggled the entire time with what was happening and keeping it from you and Ron. I can understand now why she did. You're treating her like scum on the end of your shoe. How dare you talk to your best friend like that. You forget she has stood beside you through thick and thin for the last six years. Unquestionably. She did everything and anything you asked. And now she has made one mistake and you're ready to throw her to the dogs!"
"Ginny, it's okay, really. I deserve this," I mumble to Ginny, trying to pull her back down into the seat.
"No, you don't! You don't deserve this," she shouts down at me before turning her attention back to Harry.
"If you want to talk about it then talk about it. Just don't speak to her as if she is a stranger," Ginny warns, visibly calming herself as she tucks her skirt in before sitting back down. I take her hand under the table again to find its burning hot.
"Thank you," I whisper. She smiles at me.
Harry resettles his glasses on his face and looks towards Ron who looks more confused than ever.
"So, you heard what Dumbledore said about the award then I take it?" Harry asks, his voice considerably more controlled this time.
"Yes, I heard," I say, swallowing back a lump.
"So, you heard it was a lie Dumbledore made up. The whole entire award! Everything that Malfoy saw?" I can feel Harry pushing at my barriers. It's only natural. He wants me to see the situation from his point of view. Emphatically. But I can only see what I saw. I try to think of the Malfoy that I knew when I speak. Not the stranger I said goodbye too.
"The award wasn't real?" Ron asks, confused, staring between the two of us. Although Ron interjects every now and again this is truly a conversation between Harry and me with two witnesses.
"No. Dumbledore made it up as a way of trying to dissuade Malfoy. I guess he knew the Dark Lord has ordered Malfoy to kill him," Harry explains.
"I do have one question, though?" Harry says. I meet his gaze.
"What did Malfoy actually see in the pensive?" he asks. I can feel Ron lean in. I guess if I don't speak now and be honest then I will miss my chance for good.
"He saw us," I admit. Harry leans in close this time. I sigh.
"He saw us, together." I elaborate.
"What, like romantically?" Ron asks.
"Obviously, Ron," Ginny sighs.
"He saw us I guess, and our lives together. He saw our son and I guess all of it. Our future," I say rambling, unsure as I watch the boys take in my words.
"It was a clever plan, I guess," Harry admits. "I mean you fell for it pretty easily," Harry says.
"Harry!" Ginny warns.
"I don't care about whether or not it was all fake or just some huge joke-
"But you should Hermione. Can you honestly sit there and believe that Malfoy didn't trick you? Maybe he knew all along too?" Harry asks.
"Can you not see where I'm coming from?" Harry asks, more urgently this time.
"I can and I understand you're concerned Harry but I don't care if it was a lie," I admit.
"Why?"
"Because of what came from that lie. You may never get to see what I saw but I know what kind of person Malfoy is or was or is capable of being. He is the same as any one of us sitting at this table. A scared kid in the face of war," I say.
Harry sits back and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.
"I'll see you at the burrow Ginny. Come on Ron," Harry says as he stands and stalks off down the hallway. Ron leaves awkwardly from the table, shooting me a confused look over his shoulder.
"So, I guess I'm not invited to the Burrow," I admit.
"Of course, you are. I invite you. It's my house, not his," Ginny assures me. "Don't mind him he's just in shock. He's processing everything."
"I don't know Ginny. I mean he was really angry," I sigh.
"Come on let's go and get our things. It looks like people are starting to leave." I look around and notice Professor McGonagall rounding up people near the entrance.
When we arrive at the Burrow Harry stalks off upstairs and Molly gives us a concerned look.
"He's fine," Ginny explains, embracing her mother. I follow quickly behind and it feels nice to be held tightly by her.
"Go and settle in upstairs dear. Dinner will be ready in an hour," Molly says. I smile politely at her as I carry my suitcase up the stairs to the very top attic. I plunk my suitcase down on the bed and unpack my clothes quietly. I can hear the sound of the boys on the floor below me, talking low. I imagine the conversation is about me. I dismiss that thought and make myself a cup of tea with the kettle on the third floor and make my way back upstairs.
I take up shelter on the window seat and sip on the hot tea as I watch the high grass sway in the light breeze outside. I think of Malfoy out there somewhere in the world. I think about the fact that I might possibly never see him again and the thought sends a throbbing pain to my head. I lean forward and close my eyes and a few tears escape. My mind wanders uncontrollably to his smell and the feeling of his soft lips pressed warmly against mine. This causes the tears to flow even more. I put the tea down and swipe furiously at my face trying to rid myself of the tears but they don't stop. I let my head drop down into my lap for a moment and try and breathe through it.
There's a creak on the stairs and I wipe as fast as I can at my face. Harry appears coming up the stairs. He notices my expression and stops dead on the stairs.
"Do you nee- Are you okay?" He asks awkwardly.
"I'm fine. I'm fine," I assure him, wiping my face. He walks up the remainder of the steps and picks my tea up from the windowsill, handing it back to me as he takes its place.
"Thank you," I say, wiping my sleeve over my face. I try to smile hoping it might compensate for my puffy red cheeks. He takes in my expression and frowns slightly.
"About earlier. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for shouting at you so much."
"It's okay. I guess shouting is allowed in that situation," I admit.
"No Ginny is right. I was very harsh on you without really knowing the full story," Harry explains. I nod.
"So," Harry starts, awkwardly.
"So," I say for something to say. I take a sip of my tea and stare out the window.
"What happened Hermione? Really. How did we get to this point? I thought we knew everything about one another? Why didn't you tell me?" Harry asks, all the words rushing out of his mouth as quickly as if the breeze outside has just run through him, pushing the words out in their wake.
"I'm sorry, Harry. Really I am. I don't know why I didn't say anything. I guess I was just terrified of losing you. Of losing Ron. That was the last thing I wanted and I didn't know what to say or how to say it and the longer it went on the more there was to tell and it just mounted up and mounted up to the point where I couldn't speak," I say, rambling just as much as Harry.
"I won't pretend to understand what happened or how it is even remotely possible. Because I just can't picture it in my head, Hermione. I can't picture you and Malfoy that way. It just doesn't seem real to me," Harry says. I sip on my tea trying to get some saliva in my mouth.
"This wasn't something that happened overnight, Harry. It wasn't something that just happened one day and continued. It was a long battle that we both didn't want. We both fought so hard against it, believe me. But it just happened anyway and once it did…I don't know." I sigh.
"But he hated you, Hermione. For years! How could he just suddenly change?"
"I think he wanted too. I know you'll find that hard to believe because he chose to leave with them. But I think once he saw what he saw in the Pensieve he wanted a way out of it. But I think he was scared Harry. He was scared that something would happen to his family or to him. I think he did try. I saw a change in him. It was enough for me. I know it might be enough for you but it was enough for me. That's what changed my mind," I admit.
Harry grows quietly, muddling over the words I've said as we both fall silent. The sound of the breeze outside the only noise in the air.
"Do you really care for him?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did? As in you don't anymore?" he asks. I feel the pressure behind my eyes start to push in and a few tears start to fall again.
"I'm sorry I don't mean to make you cry. I'm just trying to understand." Harry assures me.
"I said goodbye," I admit, wiping away the tears.
"You saw him before he left?" He asks taken back.
"I followed him with the cloak on. I don't know maybe I thought I could change his mind. I just wanted an explanation. I wanted to know why he hadn't told me about what the Dark Lord had ordered him to do."
"You really didn't know?"
"No, I didn't know. He told me something bad was coming. He gave me an idea of when it would be and I knew it was going to bed bad because that last night we spent together he was so different. He knew it was going to be our last time together," I explain. I watch Harry warily as I speak wondering with each word is it going to be too much for him. But he wanted to talk so I'm going to talk. It feels good to say it out loud. To finally talk aloud about it all.
"It's so weird to hear you talk about him like this. Like you knew him," Harry confesses.
"I did know him. I probably knew him better than anyone," I admit.
"The person I said Goodbye too wasn't the person I knew though. That wasn't the Draco Malfoy I knew," I say.
"Maybe that was the person he always was underneath? Did you ever think of that?"
"Harry I know you're going to think the worst no matter what but can't you just trust me when I say that I didn't just fall at his feet. I put up a strong front. I'm not a moron, Harry. I would have known if he was bullshitting me the entire time. It didn't feel like that."
"I'm sorry Hermione. It's just really hard for me. Perhaps you were just looking too closely?"
"Perhaps you were unwilling to look at all?" I fire back. Harry smirks slightly and the tension between us relaxes.
"What would have happened if he had stayed? After, I mean, when you spoke with him?" Harry asks curiously. I consider this for a moment.
"I would have stood by him as I have stood by you for years," I admit honestly because I would have. I would have stood at his side and defended him.
"That might not have meshed well," Harry says.
"What do you mean?"
"The four of us. You, Malfoy, Ron and I," Harry laughs.
"I guess but if he had stayed things would have been different," I say somewhat dreamily.
"But he didn't stay, Hermione. I think that's something you need to remember when you're remembering what once was."
"I know," I say sheepishly.
"I don't know if I could have accepted it," Harry admits suddenly.
"The idea of you and him. Together," he adds.
"If you knew him as I did you would have," I explain.
"He will never be good enough for you, Hermione. Someone like you deserves the world!" Harry exclaims.
"Is it not enough that I was happy?"
"You were happy? With him? Really?"
"Yes, Harry. I actually was. I mean we fought all the time and he infuriated me to no end. But I was happy with him. I never knew him at all for so long and I never knew that person was capable of being inside of the cold front he always put up. But he made me happy," I say. "For a little while at least," I add, with a small laugh.
"I guess I always thought you had a thing for Ron," he admits.
"So did I. For a while," I clarify. "Malfoy just sort of-"
"Came out of nowhere?" Harry laughs. I join in with him and it feels so good to laugh again with him. It's felt like years since we've been on the same page let alone in the same book.
"Hermione?" Harry asks seriously. I stop laughing and stare at him.
"Did you love him?" The question starts my heart rate soaring. I take a deep sip of the tea as Harry searches my face for the answer.
"You did, didn't you?"
"I think I did Harry."
He nods slowly, staring out the window again. I follow suit.
"Did he love you?"
"Yes."
"Then why did he leave, Hermione?" Harry asks intensely. I've been asking myself the same question since I walked away from him today.
"Because a boy was asked to make a man's decision and fear was the only thing he could see. He couldn't even see me," I admit, honestly. Harry weights this up.
"I can understand fear," Harry confesses. Harry's words are the first time he has agreed with me on anything so far today.
"Thank you," I say, sobbing slightly. Harry wraps his arms around me suddenly, pulling me close.
"I thought it meant that you were going to leave," Harry admits into my arm.
"I would never leave, Harry. Ron and I promised we would always be here for you. I'll always honour that promise," I assure him.
"I'm sorry I was just worried I was going to lose you is all."
"I'm not going anywhere. It will always be us three against the world," I laugh. He joins in.
"Promise?"
"Promise."