Heya Guys!
Heres the next chapter. Let me know what you think! I put a lot of effort into this chapter and I do hope ye enjoy it.
Please review!
Much Love 3
Draco's Point of View
When we apparate back into the small house on the coast of Brighton, Blaise pushes through the door first. It seems to have gotten more crowded now that when we left a few hours ago.
"Jesus they've multiplied since we've gone," Blaise exclaims coming in the door. Pansy stands up amongst the crowd in the small, dingy kitchen.
"Malfoy," she calls, whizzing passing several curious eyes and flying into me. I wrap my arms around her and she grips me tightly. Blaise turns and rolls his eyes at me dramatically.
"You alright," I whisper into her hair and she shakes her head against my shoulder. It's been a while since Pansy and I have been in the same safe house together. In fact, it's been a while since I've even seen her. Most be over a month by now. I rub her back, somewhat awkwardly, as I take in the rest of the room. Theodore Nott sits in the back beside Goyle and Blaise makes his way over to them. The rest of the people in the room are only people I've run into a few times and I only know a handful of their names. They're higher up. At the place that my family used to be before that night in the Astronomy Tower. I imagine they're just passing through. Maybe just here to pass a quick word of order to Yaxley. The higher-ups don't stay in run-down places like this.
"Did you hear about Astoria?" Pansy asks, wiping her face against my shoulder.
"Yeah," I mumble. "I'm sorry about that," I say. Pansy nods again, tears running down her face.
"She was a good friend in the end. We got very close," Pansy says, her voice trailing off at the end.
"Why don't you go lie down and we can talk a little later," I say, unravelling her arms from around my back.
"Okay," she says making her way down the corridor to one of the room. I imagine the room I stayed in last night has already been claimed by someone new. I sigh moving over towards Blaise and Nott. Nott greets me slightly and I nod at him in acknowledgement before Yaxley pushes past Goyle to stand in front of Blaise and me.
"What happened out in the woods?" he questions, his eyes narrowing in close on me. Blaise steps forward a little.
"Nothing," he starts nonchalantly. "There wasn't anyone out there," he adds. Yaxley shifts his eyes to Blaise for a moment with a wickedly intense stare before moving his attention back to me, waiting. Blaise turns to me.
"Empty, like he said," I say and Yaxley weights this up and moment before making his way through the crowded kitchen and out the back door.
"God, that guy is a fucking nightmare," Blaise laughs, lightening up the tension in the air. He eyes me curiously when Nott and Goyle aren't looking.
"Come on Malfoy," Blaise says, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "Let's go see if these guys haven't eaten everything in the place," he says pulling me towards the presses with him.
"Don't count on it," Goyle calls as we push through the crowd. The noise in this kitchen is starting to give me a thumping headache.
As we get to the presses Blaise grabs two protein bars from the back and shoves them into his coat away from a few prying eyes that seemed to have missed them amongst the empty wrappers and cardboard boxes.
"Come on," Blaise whispers as he moves down the hallway towards the rooms. He listens at each door to see which are free and eventually finds a free one at the very end. He pulls the door open and we both slip in, locking it behind us.
"Why are you being weird?" I ask once we're in the room. It turns out to be the bathroom. Blaise hands me one of the protein bars and he slips up onto the sink countertop and stares down at me.
"Do you remember the summer of second year?" He asks, his voice low and distant.
"Vaguely, why?" I ask, unsure of where this conversation is going and why it needs to happen in a cramped bathroom that has been recently used. And used well for that matter. I try not to think about that as I take a bit out of the only food I've had in about 24 hours.
"Do you remember you came out to my grandparent's house in Norwich for a weekend?"
"Kind of, I remember flying out over the English channel," I admit. Blaise smiles at this.
"Do you remember what you told me back then?" he asks with a questioning look. I blush a little, nervous all of a sudden.
"I'll take that as a yes," he laughs.
Back in the summer of second year I had gone to stay with Blaise for a little while because my father had been beating my mother so badly that I couldn't take being in the house anymore. My mother didn't say anything when I cried in her face and asked her to do something. She just sat there drinking peppermint tea in a small, slightly cracked cup that was as small and fragile as she was. She looked through me and my questions as if I had been nothing more than a pane of glass. That weekend I had told Blaise all about it and immediately regretted telling him once I got back to the Manor. It was not that he ever used it against me or told anyone it was just that I didn't want to tell him. It was a moment of weakness.
"Yeah, that was a mistake really. I didn't really trust you back then," I admit sheepishly. Blaise smiles in return.
"My point exactly," he exclaims. "You didn't trust me back then but you still told me what was happening," Blaise says and I crease my eyebrows together in confusion.
"Blaise, what the hell are you getting at?" I say, tired of the entire conversation already. My headache thumping behind my eyes.
"Think of what you can tell me now when you do trust me?" he says. I glance over at him.
"You do trust me now, right?" Blaise asks, unsure.
"Yeah man, you know that. What are you getting at?" I say becoming really uncomfortable with how emotional this conversation is feeling.
"You can trust me, Malfoy," Blaise says again, more serious this time.
"Trust you with what?" I ask, a little frustrated.
"With what you saw in the woods?" he says finally and my heart thumps heavy in my chest. A big weight pulls down towards my stomach.
"I saw your face when you came out around the tree. You weren't taking a piss, were you?" Blaise asks, kicking his legs back against the counter.
"You don't understand," I say in a panic. Blaise slides down from the counter, throwing the empty bar wrapper in the trash and stares at me.
"I put us back here in this house," I admit. "I put us back here to spend who knows how long waiting on more useless orders and rationing up food that wouldn't even fully feed one person. I put us back here in this fucking hell because I made a choice, Blaise."
"It's alright man-
"It could have been over right there and then in that fucking forest, but I just couldn't do it. Something in me just couldn't do it. I didn't even want to after the moment had passed," I admit in a rant of panic and emotion pumping in my head.
"Malfoy what happened?" Blaise asks more calmly this time, assessing the risk that is me. Whether or not I'm going to explode. I can tell by his expression that he regrets bringing it up now. If I am ever anything it is calm and collected. But right now, I can seem to quell this anxiety that has built up in my chest over the last year. The dam that is holding back this flood is starting to show cracks. It was the anxiety of running into her and the anxiety of praying that I don't each and every morning when I wake up. But my façade had started to show cracks today because today had been the day like I knew would inevitably come regardless of my praying.
"She was there. In the forest. Granger. It was like she appeared out of nowhere and there was nothing I could do to make it go away if that makes sense. I walked a little up the hill when you were taking a piss and I accidentally walked into her wards. Potter and Weasel were up on the top of the hill in the tent. Potter was there. I saw him," I admit.
Blaise's face goes an almost ghostly pale colour. I move towards the sink and turn on the tap, splashing a handful of water over my face. It feels like iced daggers piercing into each and every pore on my face. I pull away and wipe a hand over my face.
"Fuck, man."
"Yeah," I say, wiping my face again.
"He was right there and I couldn't do anything about it. I fucked us both over. I fucked you over," I admit. Blaise grabs your shoulder.
"I get it man, Okay? I get why you did it. I can't say I would have done the same thing but I get why you did it," Blaise says reassuringly.
I want to laugh all of a sudden. To laugh at the situation we're in. If this was back in Hogwarts I would have rather died than admitted something to Blaise. But things are different now. In this war, if you don't get shit off of your chest it has a sickly humorous way of coming back at you.
"It could have been over with Blaise. This entire war. He was right there in front of me," I say, hunching over. The pain in my chest is almost unbearable now. It just building and building and soon, very soon I feel as if I might explode.
"Yeah but so was she. You know what they would have done to her, Malfoy. They would have extracted every bit of information from both her and the Weasley and then disposed of them. I get why you did it, okay? It's okay," Blaise says, with a hand on my back as I slide down to my knees in front of the sink.
"Look I don't want to be stuck in these fucking safe houses as much as you but if it means you're okay then we'll just have to tough it out and wait," Blaise explains. I smile a little at this sentiment.
But what are we waiting for, really? Just for someone else to eventually find Potter and her. To prolong the inevitable. To prolong her death.
"What did you say to her?" Blaise asks suddenly.
"I told her to go North. Up to Edinborough. The last safe house we were in I heard Yaxley say it was empty up there and they were pulling out their Death Eaters to better lockdown London," I admit.
"Smart," Blaise comments. I pull myself back up to my feet and lean over the sink. Feeling a sudden quell of nausea.
"She'll be okay, Malfoy. She's smart. Smarter than both of us combined," he assures me.
"Speak for yourself," I chuckle a little.
"Don't be big-headed. She was definitely the smartest in the year. Even if she was the most annoying," Blaise jokes. I smile a little.
"So you want to maybe talk about her now?" Blaise asks and I notice a sneaky smile on his face.
"Fuck off," I laugh.
"Come on, Malfoy! We just had a nice touching moment. We were sharing," Blaise jokes, pushing my shoulder.
"Please don't call it that," I sigh, laughing deeply.
"I'm just fucking with you. I know enough now," Blaise explains.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I know enough about it from what you've just told me. I guess I thought it was something funny to slag you about because I didn't really think it was that serious. But I know now you cared about her a hell of a lot if you did what you did today," Blaise clarifies.
"I used too, a long time ago," I admit, sullenly.
"Not anymore?" he asks, curious.
"I think it's different now," I admit. "I didn't really know her when I saw her. She looked like she didn't know me either. We're different now," I explain.
"Everybody is different now, Malfoy. That's just in the small print of war. Everybody changes," Blaise says matter of fact.
"It's stupid to even talk about. I will never see that girl again. Until one of us is dead and buried, I imagine," I say. Blaise pats me on the shoulder.
"Then don't dwell on today, man. Let's go get some rest. It's getting late," Blaise says reaching for the door handle. I nod and stare at myself in the mirror one last time before leaving the room with Blaise.
We hunker down in one of the rooms with Goyle and Nott. Blaise and I take the floor while the two of them take the bed. Long after the noises in the kitchen come to a stop I find myself awake, staring at the fluorescent street light flooding in from the mesh curtains above the bed. It casts a long glare off the wall, keeping me awake. Or perhaps it's not even the light that keeps me awake. Later I would realise it was the feeling of panic of something to come. Although at the time I didn't realise how bad it would be.
Blaise turns over in his sleep and I envy him. But quickly that envy dissipates as a huge bang goes off in the kitchen. Blaise, Nott and Goyle snap up, awake and alert. A habit we have formed in the war. I sit up as the sounds of boots comes down the hallway towards our room. I look at Blaise across the room but I can barely see his face. But I know he can see mine because it's lit up against the street light. A wave of panic rushes through everyone and the heavy sound of boots get closer.
"We've been compromised," Goyle whispers.
"Get your wands," shouts Nott. I already have mine clutched tightly in my hand. I spot Blaises on top of the counter and reach up, throwing it back at him. He mutters a quiet panic. Suddenly the door flies open and Yaxley comes in, the light from the hallway barely escaping into the room around his large robust figure.
"Wakey, wakey, sunshine," he calls, reaching down towards me.
"Get up!" he instructs. I stand up quickly, throwing my coat over myself. I leave my clothes on when I sleep, a habit also picked up from the war.
"What's going on?" I ask as I give a quick look at Blaise over my shoulder. He nods before we leave the room. Yaxley shuts the door and I follow him down the hallway. The kitchen is empty and he soon leads me outside before pulling out his wand.
"Great news!" he says, his voice sounding almost excited if that were possible for him. I have never heard him speak above a grunt in the year that I've known him.
"Potter was found in the woods. They're at the Manor now," he says and before I have a second to register what that means I feel the earth fall away from my feet and that's before we even apparate.
When we drop down I fall to my knees as they crumble beneath me like liquid jelly. Yaxley pulls me up by the scurf of my hood. I push away his hand as I right myself. He scowls down at me. Ahead of me, the Manor looms overhead with its long dark architectural features. My father's grandfather had built the Manor himself. Which, in translation, meant that he had gotten someone else to do it and claimed the work as his own. Ever the Malfoy.
I have not been back in the house since last summer. I got put on groundwork after what happened and I wasn't surprised and I didn't even try and fight against it. Neither did my mother or father either. My father said it would teach me a lesson. I would have to earn my place back in the home after my downfall. After my father's several downfalls though there always seemed to be an excuse, someone else to blame for his mistakes. He never spent any time away from the Manor.
"Come on," Yaxley calls over his shoulder as he enters the Manor.
I walk inside and that same anxiety I felt in the bathroom earlier with Blaise takes hold in my chest. Something is coming. Something very bad is coming. I reconstruct my face as Yaxley pushes open the door and my mother rushes into my arms. I feel her hair wrap over my face and the sweet smell of peppermint lingers around her.
"Draco," she whispers into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tightly. It's been so long since I've seen her. I stare over her shoulder into the eyes of my father. Big, gleaming eyes.
"Draco," he calls, as he extends his hand out to me. My mother immediately releases her grip of me at the sound of my father's voice. I move as if muscle memory has taken over and stride across the room to him. Bellatrix is there too and a momentary flash of something appears in my mind,- a memory- but I push it away. I can't think of that right now.
My father pulls my head close to his and whisper very close to my face, his breath spitting over me as he rushes.
"Great news, son. We've caught Potter," he says hurriedly looking over his shoulder.
"Shall we not forget who really caught Potter?" Greyback calls and I notice him and a few others standing in the corner beside Bellatrix. They had been following us in the woods. God damn it, Granger. She wasn't fast enough. How could they have caught them?
My father demands my attention again and I look deep into his pleading, eager eyes.
"Bring in the boy!" Bellatrix calls, her voice high and screechy. I flinch against the sound.
I hear the doors tumble open behind me, their weight sounding loud as they scrap open along the ground. My father grabs my neck and twists me around as a boy is led into the room by another Death Eater. He pushes him roughly to his knees and for a second I'm overcome with relief because I don't recognise him at first. His face is large and swollen in some areas. One of his eyes is half shut. My father pushes me down to my knees in front of him so we're eye to eye and at that moment there's no mistaking it. It is Potter.
"What's wrong with his face?"
"Something he caught in the woods," Greyback calls over towards us.
I examine his face slowly as Potter stares back at me with a stoic expression. But there's hate in his eyes. I can see it.
"Is it the Potter boy? Look closely son," my father urges me with a slight knee in the back.
"I can't be sure," I say as I feel my fathers legs push more into my back as he leans eagerly over me.
"Draco," he whispers, low beside my ear. "If we're the ones to hand over Potter to the Dark Lord then this will all be forgotten. You can come home again and we can be a family," my fathers low, pleading voice assaults me. Potter searches my eyes as I search his. I feel everyone's eyes on me then. My mothers, somewhat crying, pleading eyes in the corner followed by Bellatrix's large, watchful ones. They're all waiting. Everyone in this room is waiting for me to speak.
"I can't be sure," I say again, trying to keep my voice even. My father grabs my neck and yanks me back up to my feet.
"Bring him down to the cellar," my father shouts at me as he pushes me forward. I grab Potter arm and pull him up. He whips his arm away from me and we share a moment before I push him forward out the door. Yaxley follows us out the door but stops in the doorway to talk to Bellatrix. I push Potter ahead as we descend the stairs. When we get to the bottom of the cellar I notice Weasley behind the iron bars.
"Where's Granger?" I call before I can stop myself.
"Malfoy?" Weasley calls back. "Had a feeling you'd show up here," he curses.
"Where's Hermione?" Potter asks this time. I open the door and push him inside.
"They just took her," the weasel tells Potter. What? When? I didn't see them. I close the door and lock it.
"I swear Harry I held on to her as long as I could but they broke my finger," the weasel says. I look down as he lifts up his hand to show Potter. One of his fingers is bent back at an awkward angle. I grimace.
As if the heavens have opened a scream rips through the entire Manor and a cold burst shoots up my back. The Weasel falls to the floor as he stares up at the roof in astonishment. I hear Yaxley coming down the stairs, his large boots hitting the ground with heavy thumps.
"It's Hermione," the weasel says, his voice barely more than a whisper. I look up as her screams echo around the Manor.
I feel a hand grab the front of my robes as Potter reaches out between the iron bars. He pulls me as hard as he can towards the bars and I burst my lip against them. Releasing a little bit of his grip I hold my busted mouth as Potters eyes turn venomous.
"Listen to me here you bastard. That is my best friend up there. I don't know why but she had some stupid, sick and twisted idea that you might not be the dickhead waster you've been for the last 8 years. She said there was some good in you. I never believed it and I doubt Ron did either but she did. She said that you cared about her. If there is a shred of truth there then you do something. Do you hear me?" he says pulling harder on my chest till my face is pressed tightly against the iron bars.
"Because if she dies here it's on you Malfoy. And I will hold you accountable. I will come for you! Do you hear me you bastard?" Potter shouts, his eyes ablaze in resolve. I grab his arm and try to pry it off me but his grip is locked in tight. Yaxley comes into the room then and rips me away from Potter. The front of my shirt rips away, staying in Potter's death grip.
"Make a choice," Potter says as another scream rips through the Manor. His eyes stay on mine as I practically fall back up the cellar stairs. The closer we get to the room the louder Grangers voice seems to get. She screaming and gurgling and what sounds like a few coughs escape her mouth. The sounds send my stomach into knots and twist.
When I walk around the corner my body goes into this silent resolve when I see her. A complete washing away of all emotion hits me. I look over at her lying on the floor as Bellatrix leans over her, carving something into her arm. The feeling I got earlier hits me, the flash of something and this time I see it more clearly. Everything looks the same and I can't unsee it. It looks the exact same way that I saw it in her glimpse of the future. Granger is sitting the same way and my aunt is leaning over her with the same exuberant and terrifying expression. It's the exact same.
My father leans eagerly over Bellatrix's shoulder as he watches on but my mother stands close to the hearth, with her arms extended outwards towards the fire. Her hands are red and look uncomfortable that close to the heat. But she seems to be mentally checked out. She's not here in this room at all. She's somewhere far away and I hope that wherever it is, that it's better than here.
Time moves slowly as the understanding of what needs to be done dawns on me. Yaxley is close to me so I take a few steps ahead of him so that I'm out of immediate reach. My father turns and looks at me eagerly before his face falls a little as he takes in mine. Granger's head lulls to the side as she looks at me but her eyes are completely glazed over. If this is correct and what I saw in her future are correct then it's not long before the house-elf comes out and pulls her lifeless body away.
Maybe Dumbledore was right all along. That this choice was always destined to follow me wherever I went. As long as she lives I was going to have to make it at some point. But I see now that it was never meant to be on the Astronomy tower. I was always going to face this choice right here. In my own home. In front of my family. How ironic? The place where I learnt to be the person I was for most of my life is the place where I was going to leave it all behind.
I take a breath and hear it loudly in my ears as Granger's screams finally come to a halt. I pull out my wand and it begins. I take Yaxley down first and he goes flying back through the doors. I shut them with a flick of my wands as I turn around and eye my father and Bellatrix. They're only starting to become aware of what's happening.
I hold up my wand and Bellatrix turns with a slight smile on her face. My father has gone silent. A look of complete and utter confusion on his face.
"What's this Draco?" Bellatrix asks.
"Going to kill me to save the Mudblood?" she asks in a downgrading tone. I raise my wand as she takes her out.
"Draco," my father calls, raising his hands in defence.
"Son, you're making a mistake," he says in the most sincere tone I've ever heard him speak in.
"Give it up Lucius. Look at the pathetic son you've raised. And now he's turned on you for what? Some worthless Mudblood! Such a waste," Bellatrix shouts. She raises her wand and flicks it at me.
"Avada Kedvra!"
I fall to the left as the curse whizzes past my ear, feeling as if it's burnt my flesh. I breathe deeply as the room takes in what just happened. Bellatrix looks shocked that it missed me and refixes herself.
"Avada Kedvra!" a voice calls as a green light zips across the room and burst into Bellatrix's chest. She falls to the ground, lifeless. My mother drops her wand as my father falls to the floor, staring at Bellatrix.
I hear the sound of banging on the door outside and I'm sure by how loud it is that it must be Yaxley. I scramble up off my feet and run over towards Granger. I kick both my father and Bellatrix's wand away as hard as I can. I pick up Granger as gently as I can and I'm momentarily caught up in how lifeless and light she feels. I rest her body over my shoulder as I stare down at my father.
"Son," he says, his mouth agape. He scrambles to his feet and I move back towards my mother, near the hearth.
"We can still come back from this, okay? Just put the girl down. We can still do this together. As a family," he says hurriedly, his hands extended in a plea.
"You are no family of mine," I say sternly as I place my hand on my mother's shoulder. My father looks between my mother and me but her back is still to him. A slight understanding crosses his face.
"Draco, please!" he begs. A final plea.
"I've made my choice," I say, my tone final.
The door bursts open as Yaxley takes in the room. I take one look as we apparate, one hand holding Granger and my other placed firmly on my mothers' shoulder. The three of us whiz away and the Manor is gone. My father is gone.
When we drop to the ground I fall forward and Granger flies ahead. My mother falls behind me, before sitting upright and staring around at her surrounds.
"Where are we?" she asks, staring out at the coastline illuminated by the moon overhead. I hadn't meant to but in the last seconds before apparating, I had thought of the summer I had spent at Blaise's grandparent's house and I guess that's where we ended up.
I pick up Granger's body from the ground and rest my ear next to her chest and I hear the faintest sound of a heartbeat and a sense of relief washes over me.
"Norwich, I think," I say to my mother who fuses with the end of her cardigan.
"I should go back, Draco. Your father-
"Beat you for your entire marriage. I'm not leaving you there anymore," I say grabbing her wand from her hand.
"Now get up," I say, my patience wearing thin. My mother nods her head reluctantly as she stands. I take Granger into the house through the back patio door that was left open. I leave my mother fussing at the kitchen table, nervously looking around a shabby little cottage kitchen.
I take Granger to the back bedroom and lay her down on the bed, brushing her hair out of her eyes. I take a cloth from the en suite and wash down the blood from her arms and face and dap it a little at the blood on my own face, still dripping from my busted lip.
When the blood is cleared from her arm I notice the markings, fresh and new, embedded deep into the soft skin of her forearm. Mudblood. Forever marked by my own family. I pull down her sleeve and the movement causes her eyes to flutter open. She opens them fully after a second and searches around the room in a half-crazed, panic.
"Where am I? Where is-
"Ssh, Granger. It's okay, relax," I say, pushing her back down when she tries to sit up.
"Malfoy?" she asks, deeply confused. She puts her hand up to my face and touches my cheek. Her fingers are icy cold so I take her hand and put it under the covers for warmth.
"What's going on? Where am I?"
"You're safe now. You can sleep," I assure her. But she persists and takes her arm back out and grabs my own arm with more force than I thought she was capable in her present state.
"Malfoy! Where am I? Where are Harry and Ron?" She questions angrily.
"You're somewhere safe. Potter and Weasel are at the Manor. I got you out," I explain. Her eyes search my face with shock.
"You left them!" She screams, her voice causing me to shiver.
"I had to get you out of there. Bellatrix was about to kill you, Granger. Don't you understand that?" I say, trying to keep my anger quelled.
"I would have rather died with my friends then abandon them!" she shouts and I'm sure now that my mother can hear our entire conversation.
"Potter said to get you. He told me himself!" I argue back.
"I can't believe you've done this!"
"I can't believe you're this ungrateful!" I shout back, unable to keep the anger back.
"I will never forgive you for this," she says suddenly, very quietly with such severe eyes that they pierce mine like a needle.
"Fine! You don't have too," I shout, standing up from the bed. I feel her eyes burn into the back of my head as I leave the room and slam the door much harder than needed.
I walk back into the kitchen and my mother is in the same spot twiddling her thumps nervously as she looks around the room. Her eyes glazed over.
"Draco?" she calls as she takes in my expression. I can't stand it anymore. In a split second, I am angrier than I've ever been in my entire. All the pressure I felt for the last year waiting and waiting in safe houses with Blaise and just barely scraping by seems to come bursting forth and I can't stop myself once it starts. The flood is finally coming.
My mother gaps in horror as I tear apart the entire adjoining sitting room. Ripping pictures down from walls and throwing them as hard as I can against the opposite wall. I kick through the television and pick it up, sending it across the room, leaving a giant dent in the wall. I can hear the sound of someone screaming in the background but I can't make myself stop. I can't stop until the anger is gone because I can't live with it anymore. I can't breathe from one second of the day to another. I'm always gasping for air, never getting enough and I just want it to stop. I just want to be free of this pain. Maybe it would have been better if Bellatrix didn't miss me with that curse.
I feel the weight of someone on my back and when I turn around in a rage I come face to face with my mother's terrified expression. I can see mine mirrored in her eyes as she cups my face.
"Draco," she says so softly it sounds like music. "It's okay," she says and I can feel my knees unlock and I drift down to a slump on the ground. My mother drops down with me, still cradling my face, brushing over my face with her warm hands.
"It's okay," she keeps repeating as she brushes back my hair from my face. The anger dissipates with each warm hand against me. When we both reach the ground I lean my head forward into her chest and she wraps her arms around me. She feels so small trying to hold me together.
"It's okay," she says again, holding my head in her arms. "Mommy's here now," she whispers. That single, innocent whisper of reassurance crumbles in my chest and a flood comes pouring out of my eyes.
I cry for the first time in ten years.