Hermione's Point of View
I wait on the landing staring down at the foyer listening carefully to try and gauge the best time to walk into the dining room and face whatever mess is waiting for me there. The face Seamus made when he had finally put two and two together was hard to see. The face of a close friend saddened. Intense to see even Malfoy's reaction to it. I wish he hadn't done this. Created this level of a mess and now gets to hide in the room while I try and deal with the fallout. It's unfair and tiring.
A groan sounds from across the landing as Tonks pokes her head out sheepishly.
"Has the situation deescalated, or should I stay in my room for another while?" she whispers. I smile at her touched by her solicitude.
"It's okay Tonks you can come out, but I would avoid the dining room as that's where the commotion has currently moved too," I explain walking a little over towards her in case anyone steps out of the dining room door and demands my immediate input on the matter.
"What happened?" she calls, sneaking out of the door and looking around like a death eater might jump out and frighten her.
"Seamus and Dean are back," I summarise, and she smiles almost knowingly.
"But Malfoy kissed me in front of them," I add and her smile fades.
"Yeah," I purse my lips in response.
"So, he was jealous?" she adds simply.
"I don't think Malfoy is the type to get jealous, Tonks."
"Really? Have I missed the part where he's a man? Men get jealous Hermione. Malfoy is no different in that sense," she replies.
"He didn't say it was because he was Jealous. I asked him and he said no."
"Well, jealousy is often an emotion that people don't like to admit they're having. It shows vulnerability and that can be hard. Especially for men, and especially for someone like Malfoy. He's rather proud, wouldn't you say?"
"But he knows they are my friends? I mean he must know that, right?"
"Hermione unfortunately a lot of your close friends are guys. I think he'll always struggle a little with the idea of that. I imagine he doesn't like the concept of sharing," she adds, self-contentedly.
"He just never said anything when I asked."
"Where is he now?" she asks. I point towards our bedroom across the hall.
"I can speak to him if you'd like," she offers. I take in her sweet face and feel grateful that she's here. As much as Ginny has said that she's okay with the Malfoy situation she would never come up and offer to speak to him about what just happened. She was there for me during Hogwarts and the only one who really supported me about the decision, but I can't ever imagine her speaking or comforting Malfoy. Perhaps I should give her more credit. It's not the easiest of tasks.
I tend to forget sometimes that Tonks is related to Malfoy; that in a way he does have family here in Grimmauld Place and maybe reminding him of that fact would help his decision on whether to stay here after I'm gone.
I listen to Seamus and Dean's muffled voices echoing up the stairs and know in my heart that the time has come for us to leave again. Without saying it I know Harry was just waiting for them to return from their trip before we set off again. They were here at Grimmauld Place the last time we left. Harry trusts them to watch over things here while we're gone. To assist where necessary even if it's just keeping morale up which Seamus has been known to be good at. Dean on the other hand plays a very key role with Remus when it comes to plans of action. He sees things differently and sometimes understands the distant wonderings of Remus when he enters his 'mind zone' as Tonks likes to refer to it as. Usually when his sentences start to trail off and he gets this strange look in his eye.
"I appreciate how you treat him, Tonks. I really do. I know he has a challenging time with the others and they're not entirely on board with the idea of him being here and I know they just put on a smile for my sake. I'm willing to accept that now because I know in time, they will get to know him like I do, and they'll understand why I am unwilling to let this go. But I've never felt like I've had to convince you of anything when it came to Malfoy. It felt like I said he was trustworthy, and you were the only one who wasn't waiting for the 'but'," I say, appreciatively.
"I knew him when he was a baby, and I was often left alone to watch him while our mothers drank tea on the porch. I talked to him a lot about the things that were bothering me at the time even though he was just a baby and couldn't understand a word I was saying but he would squeeze my thumb so tightly and laugh. I knew him coming here took a lot of courage and I worry that that is something that others don't really see or understand. That day at your house Ginny told me about how easily he handed his wand to you. Malfoy doing that and coming here to this environment where everyone is dubious and wary around him took a lot of guts in my eyes. I was on board when he walked through the door with you, Hermione. I trust your judgement. You would never willingly endanger anyone here. I trust you," she responds.
I wipe the corner of my eye quickly, uncomfortable at the lump in my throat that stops me from speaking.
"Oh, petal come here," she beckons with open arms. She closes the distance, the landing creaking noisily under her foot and she stops, frowning and looks towards the dining room, waiting to see if anyone will pop their head out. When it's clear she chooses to tip-toe the rest of the way over and I lay my head against her chest as she caresses my hair. It feels familiar. Her hands calloused at the tips like my mother's were from sewing. I cry quietly against her chest.
"I'm sorry about the dramatics. I just had a fight with Malfoy about what happened and it's just nice to have someone trust my opinion on it without question. It's refreshing," I admit, brushing the hair back from my eyelid.
"I know it's a difficult situation with Harry and Ron but if it helps, they're just overly concerned because they're worried about you." She pulls back and holds me by the shoulders as she accesses my face.
"I know it's painful to hear but word got around after you came back about how bad you were while you were on the road and I assume a lot of people thought it was related to the stress of the situation and perhaps the pressure of it but now," she trails on.
"And now?" I prompt her to continue. She sighs, averting her eyes as she musters the correct words.
"I think people are piecing it together that maybe your dishevelled state and weight loss weren't connected to stress about the situation but because of him. Because of Malfoy and whatever had happened before," she says, searching my eyes hoping they'll provide a better explanation.
"Do people talk a lot behind my back?" I inquire, despondently.
"Not the way that you think. Not like that. Not with malice Hermione, but with concern. I promise you that," she says warmly.
"He left me before. Back when we were in Hogwarts and at the time, I sort of saw it coming but it still didn't prepare me for the aftermath of when he was gone," I say, leaning against the staircase railing, running my hand along the dusty mahogany bannister. I laugh inwardly.
"I thought I was hiding it pretty well at the start, you know? But Harry saw right through me incredibly early on and his concern and watchfulness only exacerbated things. It hurt a lot more than I expected it to and I wanted to crumble in peace, but Harry wouldn't allow that to happen and when Harry wasn't watching me it was like he ordered Ron to. Things got strained because they couldn't understand why I would allow someone like Malfoy to have that effect on me. It was hard to explain to them what it had been like," I admit.
"And now?" she questions.
"Now we don't really speak about what happened on the road. It feels like a custom that we don't mention the words that were spoken in anger. The words that were often shouted in anger."
"You must know that they acted that way because they love you, Hermione. They didn't want their best friends to fall apart, and it seems like they were the only ones taking care of you when you were choosing not to. I know neither of the three of you are particularly proud of the way the situation was managed but they saw first-hand for months what you were like because of Malfoy. Their concern has only extended since then because he's back now," she says.
"I know their distrust of him comes from concern, but it feels like they just don't trust me in a way," I explain.
"Hermione their distrust comes from the fear of you returning to that person you were on the road if Malfoy were to decide to ever leave again. That is where it stems from solely. From a place of love; not from a place of distrust of you. Those boys trust you with their life. I think they're simply scared, for you. Nobody wants to see the ones they love hurting. Watching someone you love hurting is like hurting yourself. You feel that pain as if it were your own and how we show that concern and love might not always be in the best ways, but it's for the right reasons."
"I know you're right, Tonks. I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I love Harry and Ron more than I can express sometimes. But I catch Ron looking at me sometimes when he thinks I don't know and it's like he's trying to catch me out so he can point and say 'Ha! I know you weren't the real Hermione all along.'" I lament.
"Well, we both know why Ron is taking it a little bit harder than Harry. Harry has only ever loved you platonically. Ron on the other hand," she trails off, pursing her lips together solemnly.
"I know. But I thought at this point he would be starting to heal and move on from whatever happened with us. It was so very brief, and it feels like a lifetime ago to me."
"Probably not to him, though."
The quality of the sound in the dining room changes so greatly that it arrests our attention. Seamus's calls of arrant nonsense came cutting like a knife across the silence Tonk's and I had enjoyed so briefly.
"I'm scared to go down there," I admit guiltily. Tonk's smiles soothingly.
"They are your friends Hermione; you shouldn't be afraid to face them. I know it's not an ideal situation to walk into but don't allow them to talk down to you. I know it might sound cheesy but go with your gut. You know why you want him here and that's not going to change so they need to accept that fact."
"Do you think I'll always have to have this conversation with everyone new who finds out about Malfoy," I ask.
"No, not always. But for a little while as it's still new. But not always. I promise you soon it'll be old news and he'll fade into these mustard-coloured walls like the rest of us. He won't stand out at all," she assures me. I smile sweetly at her, laughing inwardly. I can't ever imagine a world where Draco Malfoy doesn't stand out. At least not for me. Even before I really knew him, I could always spot him first in a crowded hallway at Hogwarts. Something about the way the sun reflected off his brilliant blonde hair. Like light passing through a pane of glass and bursting into a prism of colours. It was hard to ever miss him.
I hear Harry's voice echo loudly to answer Seamus and I sigh.
"I better go," I tell her.
"I'll go check on Malfoy. I have to give him some more potions for any persistent pain," she says.
"Can you also check his chest? The cuts somehow re-opened there, and he was bleeding a little when I left him," I ask.
"Of course," she says smiling and turning back into her room to grab a few different potions that she holds tightly in her hand. I nod appreciatively as she passes and take the first step down towards the foyer.
"Oh, and Tonks?" I call. She turns in response.
"Can you teach me the spells you use to help his wounds? I tried but maybe because I was flustered, they didn't work, or I might have the wand work incorrect. Could you show me again how to do it properly? He seems to be the type of person that tends to get into situations like that and I want to know how to do it myself," I explain.
"Of course, Hermione. I'd love to," she answers. I thank her and make my way down the stairs. I contemplate the circuitous route; taking a moment to talk to Mrs Weasley in the kitchen and maybe taking some time to stare at the birds in the thicket of trees in the backyard of a Muggle house at the end of the garden. But prolonging the inevitable isn't going to lessen Seamus and Dean's level of uncertainty.
I step into the dining room and the rigid floorboard declares my arrival. God damn this aged house. The tumult of confusion and questions cease at my appearance and Ginny tries to smile reassuringly at me, but it doesn't reach her brows which are creased in apprehension.
"You better explain, Hermione because I'm at my wits end here with this whole fiasco. I should call Shacklebolt and hear it from him because none of this is making sense. Harry says he's been here a while," Seamus exclaims vehemently.
I hear the door to our bedroom close upstairs. The familiar sound of it scraping across the sill. The door still crooked from that time Malfoy kicked it down to get into the room. I think of Tonk's in there forcing him to take his potion and speaking to him as she would to anyone in this room. Her faith in my trust in him. It makes me suddenly angry at everyone here. I told Malfoy that I would never choose between him and my friends and perhaps my friends should understand that too. That there isn't a choice because I won't even allow that question to be asked.
"I don't feel like I have to explain anything," I comment. My voice taking on a new level of confidence that I haven't used when speaking to my friends about him.
"What do you mean? You can't expect that whole scene to have happened and not explain yourself?" Dean asks as Seamus stares gapingly at me; prostrate with shock.
"I have no issues with explaining the situation with Malfoy, but I won't stand here and be ridiculed or spoken down to. Let me just make that clear. I'm not here to be convinced of anything and neither are you. Malfoy is here and he has been here for a while, and he will probably be here for as long as I am here. That is a fact, not an idea to be debated upon," I say, my tone strong. Ginny leans down, hiding her smirk behind her scarf.
"So, you can just decide to have a death eater in our safe house and none of us get a say in that. None of us gets a say in our safety here," Seamus argues.
"It kind of defeats the purpose of this being a safe house if Malfoy is here. Doesn't feel very safe," Dean adds defensively.
"Are you and him together? Like together, together?" Seamus asks sceptically. For some reason, the question stumps me. I know in my head the answer to the questions is yes, but we have never spoken the words aloud to one another.
"Look lets give Hermione a break, okay? She specifically said she's not here to convince you guys of anything and I told you about how he helped get mine and Ron's wand back from the Manor," Harry interjects when he notices my trepidation at the question.
"I just want to hear her say it is all," Seamus silences him.
"As long as I am here, Malfoy is here," I respond and Seamus runs a frustrated hand over his head, chuckling uncomfortably.
"Do you trust him? Him? Really? The guy who tortured you and your friends for fun at Hogwarts for several years," Seamus questions intently. He's started to pace around behind Harry at the table, making the entire conversation heated. I can feel Harry mustering up some words to steer the conversation back towards a lighter tone. But I knew it had to happen like this.
"I trust him Seamus as much as I trust you," I answer. He laughs incredulously.
"Which is what, Hermione? Not at all? Is that a dig at me?" Seamus laughs vehemently.
"With my life," I answer.
"That's not funny, Hermione," Ron perks up from the doorway that leads back into the kitchen. He leans away from the door frame.
"It's not a joke, Ronald."
"Good because I'm not laughing," Ron adds. Harry moves to stand between Ron as he steps away from the shadows casting down from the doorway.
"Ronald I'm not here to argue with you about this. We've already spoken about it."
"Ron, this isn't the time mate," Harry adds.
"I just think it's ridiculous that she would say she trusts him with her life. Do you think that little of yourself?"
"Ron, please," Ginny pleads, placing a warning hand on Ron's arm.
"Ron, we've already done this. I've already explained this to you."
"Well, if Ron doesn't trust him what chance do any of us have of trusting him?" Dean interjects, having his word before the conversation gets to heated for anyone else to join.
"Ronald was never going to accept the situation, regardless," I comment. This unfortunately wasn't the best choice of words.
"Yes, Hermione. I was always going to have a problem with the situation because Harry and I were the ones who had to hold you together when we were on the road, when you just allowed yourself to fall to pieces. You're only recovering now, Hermione. I don't think you realise how bad it actually was. You couldn't see it from me and Harry's point of view how bad you actually got."
"What happened on the road?" Seamus asks, his question immediately ignored.
"Ron, please mate let's just have this particular conversation for another time," Harry pleads, exchanging nervous glances with Ginny.
"When he leaves again what will happen then?" Ron asks.
"He's not going to leave again Ron. I know that. I'm not worried," I explain. He laughs mockingly.
"You know that, huh? You hope that Hermione. You can never really know for sure with him and honestly, I'm kind of sick of pretending that I'm okay with all of this," Ron exclaims.
"I'm sorry that you feel that way, Ron. I am sorry about what happened on the road, and I've explained that before. But heaven forbid you be the one to carry me for a change," I bit back, finally the anger seething. Perhaps it's good to get all this out on the table now. Wring the dirty dish rag per se.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ron asks, stepping forward accusingly as Harry tries to hold him back.
"You're only upset because you had to look out for me for a change instead of the other way around. Assumingly I'll always look out for you. Sorry, you had to pick up the slack for once," I spit back.
"Hermione, that's not fair. You know we didn't mind taking care of you. We love you; we were just worried, and I know that Ron doesn't want to see that happen again," Harry says, raising his hands defensively. Seamus and Dean's queries have faded to the background; both watching argus-eyed at the scene that's unravelled around them.
"You understand that he's not leaving with us on Tuesday. So don't you dare even try to suggest it," Ron shouts. I turn to Harry, realisation finally settling.
"Tuesday?" I ask, and Harry takes a moment to search my eyes before nodding slowly. We leave again for the road on Tuesday. It's Saturday.
"Tuesday it is," I comment as I turn and leave the room, taking the stairs in the rush to get back up to the bedroom.
Draco's Point of View
Tonk's rubs the salve along my chest with a smug, knowing expression.
"Why are you smiling like that? You're freaking me out," I inquire.
"Spoke to Hermione on the landing. She told me about what happened," she responds, pursing her lips together to hide her smile.
"And pray tell what light did Granger paint me in?"
"I would say a muddled yellow," she responds. I sigh, aggravated at Tonk's constant riddles and vagueness.
"What does that even mean?"
"If I was to tie muddled yellow with an emotion I would pick confused, perhaps?"
"So, she was confused?" I inquire, sceptically. Tonk's reseals the salve and it starts to burn a little. Reflexively I go to brush it off my chest.
"Don't touch it. It's soothing," she remarks.
"Yeah, maybe to look at. Not to have it burning on your skin," I confess.
"It'll stave off any infection that might be lingering. You're a bit feverish so I'm concerned."
"What did Granger say? Why was she confused?"
"She was confused when I told her you were just jealous is all," Tonk's admits, looking through the little black bottles of potions she's lined up on the bedside table.
"I'm not jealous," I chastise and she muses, smirking at me.
"Yes, and I'm not a little bit crazy either," she remarks with a wink.
"Why would you think I was jealous?" I ask, confused, albeit slightly embarrassed.
"Were you not? Isn't that why you kissed her on the stairs? Not a fan of how many close male friends Hermione has. Wait until you come to our Christmas parties there'll be even more of them there then. She's rather popular with the guys, wouldn't you agree?" Tonk's smirks again. It is becoming almost a permanent fixture on her face for this entire conversation.
"Why are you telling me this, Tonks? Are you trying to annoy me or piss me off here?"
"No, I'm actually trying to give you some advice, Malfoy."
"What advice could I possibly take from this conversation? Or advice from you for that matter?" She laughs longingly, holding her stomach gleefully.
"Oh, you are so adorable sometimes I can see why she likes you so much. Charming almost," she laughs. I watch as she potters around the room gathering up the supplies she came in with.
"What advice?" I inquire, more pressingly this time.
"Is it not obvious?" she smirks.
"Don't fuck it up," she adds.
"That it? Don't fuck it up? That's your advice?"
"And yet, here you are fighting with her? So, I guess even you can miss the obvious." I roll my eyes in response.
"Let me let you in on a little secret dear Malfoy," she starts, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.
"Hermione may view all of those guys downstairs as just friends, - and I truly believe that- but there isn't a single guy down there, besides Harry, who wouldn't love to be in your position right now. To have her. I know that they would jump at the chance if it was offered to them. But she chose you. So please, for your own sake, do not mess this up. Because that girl is irreplaceable.
Years from now you could see all these people again and comment on how much they've all changed but Hermione would still be the exact same because truly good people don't need to change, there are no lessons they have to learn along the way because they don't make the same mistakes others do in the first place. Truly good people always remain good people and there are so few selfless people like Hermione in this world. You'd be a fool to let something like that go. Do not look back at certain points in your life and wish you had said something that the fear of vulnerability stopped you from saying."
She steps up from the bed after patting my head condescendingly with a smile.
"If you were jealous, tell her. Girls enjoy hearing those kinds of things. Makes them feel desired in a way," she says, at the door.
"Have you told her you loved her yet?" she asks, holding the door ajar. The sounds of distant chatter from downstairs fade away at her question. I get a painful ringing in my left ear.
"Excuse me?" I ask incredulously, covering my ear hoping the ringing stops or Tonk's leaves without an answer.
"That longer you wait the more of a chance there is of you regretting not saying it. Don't be someone who goes through life gathering regrets, Malfoy. Your father is someone like that and I don't see any of him in you. Remember that!" she says, closing the door behind her quietly.