Surviving as a Nobody in Naruto

by Corvid's Eclair

Being an OC without hax sucks balls. Makoto Hotaru, a mere noname background character stared to a certain swing, and gained sentience. Self aware that he is an OC with useless anime facts at his disposal, hilarity ensues. Like it or not, he will have to face The Plot against his will. Warning: AU as heck

25. 25

Chapter 25: The Shadow over Insumasu

Part 2: Welcome to the Wild East.

In case you didn't get it, this fic is an AU and I am stuck in what is probably a far more bullshit deathworld than it originally is.

The thing about having a world where everything and everyone has chakra is that it tend to make the wildlife to be more OP than usual. For example, I had been ambushed by a species of tiger that can use Fire release like 3 times as I journey across this Land of Fire. Despite riding the bike at top speed, I kept getting delayed by the local wildlife sensing immense chakra battery used to power the Chakra Bike.

Note to Naruto, add Fuinjutsu array to conceal chakra signature next time.

"We should have just traveled by the trees!!", Hanabi screams behind me, as once again we are being blasted by fireballs by Flame Tigers.

"Yea, I know.", now I know why ninjas become the dominant military force instead of samurais. As it turn out, because the planet is full of superpowered predators with chakra and man-eating youkai, having military force that know how to be sneaky is preferred over regular warrior culture like back on Earth. This is because the more chakra you have, the more noticeable and attractive you are to the local super wildlife. Everything on this planet wants to eat you and unless you are an OP ninja, you better know how to be sneaky.

Hence, a dirt bike with enuff chakra to bomb a city block is probably not a great idea to travel across this deathworld.

The 5 Great Elemental Nations gained their namesake from what element is the most common to be found within their territories. Ninjas born in Land of Fire tend to lean to Fire affinity, and this applies the wildlife as well. According to legend, the 5 Great Elemental Nations was blessed by gods of the respective element, though I'm not sure how true that legend really is. I mean, the Great 5 environmental threat level is especially far more jacked up than other countries. Not sure how that sounds like a blessing to me.

What I do know is that I shouldn't underestimate this Fanonverse just because my previous life rewatch Naruto several times and read many fanfics. This Fanonverse is a completely new territory that can kill me if I'm not careful.

Fucking Writer making up bullshit on the fly just because just rehashing regular Naruto would be too boring for him. You couldn't make my life easier hadn't you? One chapter you introduce gadgets to hax me up only to upscale the World Threat level just to balance things out.

"Looks like we lose them once again.", I informed Hanabi.

"We need to abandon this bike! We're like fire and everything else are moths!"

Right. I sighed. Man, I thought I was so cool too introducing that chakra bike. Maybe this is why Narutoverse didn't become a chakra-powered civilization. Any invention using chakra as powersource would become a beacon that attract predators. Stronger predators aren't interested in eating regular people with near nonexistent chakra reserve, but a bike full of Naruto-grade chakra? Oh, I pretty much carrying around a 5 star restaurant buffet.

"Alright, the moment I make a clone, we jump to the trees.", I give Hanabi some order.

We did so immediately and jump to the tress and immediately conceal our chakra. My Lightning Shadow Clone revved the bike and sprint far away, then a few moments later, a whole pack of Flame Tigers chased after the clone. Now I also know why everyone and their grandma know clone jutsu.

Having decoys is rudimentary survival kit outside here.

I nod to Hanabi and we began to hop across the trees branches to the nearby town.

))))))))))))

We arrived to a seedy looking town that looked like a Japanese version of a wild west town. Everyone looks poor and hungry, crooks are all over the place and the buildings looks like its hanging on from collapse through sheer willpower.

"Can we go to a nicer town?", a ninja she may be, but Hanabi is still an Ojou-sama. She's not the type that used to being around shitholes like this.

"It's near dark and this is the only town for dozens of miles in range. Unless you want to camp in the woods with all that predator, Hanabi, I suggest you just shut up and follow my lead. No complaining about how poor and trash this place is. We're just going in for the night and then we get out as soon as it's dawn.", I ordered Hanabi.

"O-okay.", Hanabi replied to me.

We enter a…. I guess some kind of tavern and everyone looked at the newcomer. The moment they see the Konoha logo on my cap and Hanabi's scarf, they looked away.

Everyone knows you don't mess with a ninja, especially the ones from The Great Five.

Along with Hanabi, I go the counter and say, "Have a room?". Hanabi was about to protest but I side-glared at her to shut her up.

The Bartender replied, "Upstairs, 3 doors to the left. That will be 30 Ryo (I finally decide to just treat the exchange rate as 1USD=1Ryo)."

I give the bartender three notes of 10 Ryo and move to go upstairs.

"Would you like some dinner and breakfast later?", the bartender asked, already know I was going to decline anyway as I wave him off without looking back.

As soon as we enter the room, I deploy 5 Mini Raijus in rat form and had it hide at some corners. I locked the door, knowing the flimsy thing wouldn't do shit to block anyone coming in.

"Why do we have to share a room?", Hanabi had to ask.

I looked at her with a deadpan face which is my neutral state of face to begin with. I spread open my hand, just waiting her to figure out herself.

She then blushed, realizing how stupid she was wanting separate rooms coz it's not appropriate for boys and girls to room in together.

This is what happens when you skipped a grade. Outside World Survival is supposed to be covered in the middle of Final Year.

I looked around the room, looking for peepholes to block off, when Hanabi asked.

"You hadn't joked around since we got out, you know.", I flinched. "Usually, you will just treat everything as a comedy only you understand and you have no regard for personal safety at all. You would run off your mouth to your superior just for the sake of it and disregard any common sense."

Hanabi looks concerned and anxious. "What's going on, Hotaru? You were never a careful person. I heard the stories, you know. The Outstupid Maneuvers. The Idiot Savant Makoto Hotaru would have solved any crisis by making the most stupid decisions ever. Ever since we got out, you had been nothing but smart."

I listened as I scanned around the ceiling. Damnit. Its not concealed. Anyone can climb the wall and get in.

"You had made good decisions ever since the first time we got ambushed by those tigers. You figured out a good plan for us to get away, and you didn't provoke the locals of this town without reason. You kept it low profile and don't make a fuss. That is supposed to be good. That is what a smart ninja do. But that's not how you would usually act."

I face myself toward Hanabi.

"What's going on, Hotaru? You're kind off scares me…"

You.

That's what's going on.

Despite my general avoidance for danger, I don't have actual self preservation whenever I should. The reason I could do so many ridiculous shit against so many people was because I genuinely didn't feel any danger toward myself, despite all my complains about the bullshit I kept finding myself in. I intellectually know that I need to preserve my life. But emotionally, I never did feel like it.

I couldn't care less about dying other than just feel annoyed and go, ah shit what a mess. I may had feel stressed out trying to solve The Plot, but I never once feared for my life.

The moment that Flame Tiger ambushed us however, silly Makoto Hotaru went to sleep. I don't fear losing my life.

I fear for Hanabi.

Unlike Naruto and Sasuke and to an extent, Kakashi, Hanabi is not protected by The Plot. She is a very irrelevant character actually, exist only as flavor text for Hinata. The lil sister that's more talented than Hinata and Kishimoto proceed to not elaborate further. Honestly I don't even realize Hanabi existed until adult Hanabi happened in Boruto.

And this is an AU, where everyone's fate is uncertain. I certainly changed a lot of people's fate through my antics. Neji is crippled, Kiba is disowned because he could never become stronger than a Genin and Sakura is apparently Awesome now. Who knows how much divergence will build up as I continue to exist in this world like fucking Mothra flapping hurricanes everywhere.

That moment I stepped out of the village and found myself that this Fanonverse is a whole another level of deathworld than canon, I got metaphorically slapped in the face by The Writer.

Training wheels is off now, Kiddo. You're in a rough ride.

I had stopped playing stupid precisely because I couldn't act stupid right now. Coz for the first time in my life.

I felt fear.

"Isn't this what you all wanted? That I finally stopped fucking around and take this ninja thing seriously?", I double-check the room safety once again. "I thought you'd be more assured that I took things seriously for once, Hanabi. Not become more nervous instead.", I triple check the room safety once again. Each time I'm just seeing more ways to breach into this room.

"Hotaru, can I say something that you don't realize about yourself?"

"What?", I quadruple checked the room.

"Everyone either fear you or admires you. Makoto Hotaru, the clanless brat with nothing to his name, had gone toe to toe with clan heirs of A class and win. Makoto Hotaru, who got away treating Clan Chiefs as a joke. Makoto Hotaru, who had been enslaved by the Hyuuga clan, and proceed to bomb the Clan Chief and Five Elders who did it to him."

I was stunned. Paralyzed. She knew???

"I know what you did. I saw you got out of the Main Office and it immediately exploded. I know you killed them."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"I don't know what to feel. Me and Hinata, we were never close to father. All we ever got from him was demands to do better. And I was fine with just that for awhile… and then…", she touched her forehead, which used to be branded with the Caged Bird Seal. "Hinata knew, you know. About me getting branded. And she did nothing to stop it. Too obedient to fight against father. No one came to stop it. No one, except you."

Hanabi looked at me with dread

"Hotaru, the last time you take things seriously, you lose. And that's what scares me. The Outstupid Maneuvers Hotaru was invincible. Serious Hotaru was not."

Both of us are silent. Neither of us answering one another. The door then knocked hard.

"Hey open up before we break the door!"

"Hahaha! I heard the two girls are cuties!"

"heh, Ninja girls is always the hottest ya know?"

Many more dialogues of vulgar nature began to fill the upper floor of the tavern as they try to break in our room. Things they want to do to us.

"Hanabi, do you hate me?"

……

"I don't know what I feel about you, Hotaru. But I do know this…"

Hanabi looked at me with clarity.

"I trusted in Stupid Hotaru more than you right now."

Huh? Really? Since when does being stupid is reliable?

Clearly, Hanabi is the real stupid one here. Tsk tsk tsk. Silly Hanabi, you too have bought into my hype. Ahh gee, here I am ready to finally become the reliable and competent and smart OC you all waiting for but The Plot decides that nah, that's boring.

Well, my customers came here for the silly, ridiculous content and endured the pain of terrible grammar and incoherent text structures, coz this shitty fanfic is apparently funny. God knows what is wrong with you guys, because this fanfic is clearly written by a neckbeard that should be thrown into an insane asylum a long time ago.

BANG BANG BANG

BANG BANG BANG

Urrghh, so noisy. Oi, I am having a character development here. You pedos can wait to do absolutely illegal things to us later, I am busy having a heart to heart with my Waifu, Hanabi here.

CRASH

Ah great. They're inside now.

"Oi, pedobears. Crashing through doors is supposed to be an FBI thing, not yours. How dare you commit the sacred religious ritual of door crashing. That is cultural appropriation and it is not Twitter-approved.

Pedo 1 looks flabbergasted and absolutely confused.

"FBI? Twitter?"

I sighed. Man, silly japanese hillbillies.

"Whatever! Anyway-!"

"Aaa bub bub bub bub bub! Just shut up would you. Yea yea, I know what y'all thinking. You had nothing but Skeletor the Hoe to fuck around in this shithole and then you see, wow, a girl and femboi…"

"What's a femboi."

"…comes into our humble town and you all figure, hey, let's go become a trashy cliché loli doujin hentai villain. Totally will raise this fanfic rating to M. Maybe banned even! Now ain't that a record?"

"Hotaru what are you doing?!!", Hanabi exclaimed her totally reasonable concern.

"Being stupid, duh.", I pulled my tongue out to Hanabi. She wants Stupid Hotaru? Well she's getting him. No take backsies. This is not a bland SI-OC power fantasy fanfic. This is a crack fic, and everyone will abide by my stupid logic.

Just look at that pedos. They didn't even make a move to do not PG-13 stuff at us. Clearly I am bending somekind of law of the universe here.

"Hey boss, can we do not-PG13 stuff to these kids yet?" Pedo 34 ask Pedo 1 for permission.

"Hold up, let her cook.", Pedo 1 points at me.

"Now look here, you sure you want to do this? I mean c'mon, we're ninjas. You know our horror stories. We eat guys like you for breakfast. Do you really think you can take on me with just a group of pedos with no special powers whatsoever?"

"That's a chance we're willing to take." Pedo 1 answers me with charisma. Sheesh. This is what happens when Chris Hensen is not born in this world. You get these pedobears running around doing not-PG13 stuff to kids.

"Fine. I just want to sleep in a room without blood but if you insist."

Now, the next sequence of event is too gruesome to be written, so The Writer took creative liberty to summarize the Castration of Shochu Town with this divine language

-Hotaru grab PP

-Hotaru ripped off PP with bare hand

-Hotaru grab and rip off another PP

-Hotaru rip off a lot of PP.

-A lot of PP was ripped off

-many pedobears run, but Hotaru still chase them anyway

-a lot of PP holder get unPPied

-Hotaru put PPs in pot.

-Hotaru make PP soup

-Hotaru give PP soup to pedobears to make them feel better

-Hotaru is a good boi.

"I take it back! Go back to being serious, Hotaru!", Hanabi cries as she finally arrived to the aftermath of my crusade. The world is now a better place and I am a generous man. I even gave them soup.

"No take backsies.", I answered Hanabi.

)))))))))))

Shochu Town finally took a deep breath after the Blue-Eyed Demon finally leave them by dawn. That mosnter! We in the Shochu Town are just humble appreciator of illegal interest. We just wanted to spread love and peace and show the world that love truly has no boundaries. They said.

Today, the population of Shochu Town has now been cut from the gene pool. No more will their kind replenish themselves in their sacred duty to commit not-PG13 stuff. This safe refuge will now become their tomb.

On that day, the Pedobear Clan of Shochu went extinct, and a new monster is born.

Dick-ripper Hotaru, they call him. He truly has no honor and absolutely insane. A madman that castrated a humble community jst because he disagree with their humble request.

Bounty Ninjas are advised to approach with caution if you are of the male gender. You never know if his accursed Disarming Hand will DisPP you.

Name: Makoto Hotaru

Age: 12 (age at 62 AK (After Konoha Founding)

Rank: Genin (Genin Corps)

Kekkei Genkai: Unknown

Title: Dick-ripper

Threat rank: C

Bounty: 3000 Ryo

Bingo Book, 62nd edition.