-Naruto-

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Naruto wasn't really sure what to expect, since he'd never been to anyone's birthday party before. Was he supposed to wear anything special? Bring a cake or something? Naruto thinks the family usually gets the cake, but again, he's never been to a birthday party. Meh. Sasuke's mom didn't tell him to bring anything, and she probably would've mentioned a dress code, so Naruto feels (sort of) confident showing up in his usual T-shirt and shorts carrying a messily-wrapped box. Sasuke wouldn't really care if it was wrapped or even in a box, but maybe his parents would? Naruto should probably stop thinking about that. He's stressing himself out, and no one wants a stressed Naruto in a fancy house.

Of course, Sasuke doesn't care how well the present's wrapped. Naruto can tell he's grateful, so that's good enough. Sasuke's mom seems to be happy, but Sasuke's dad is radiating a weird feeling off in the corner. Naruto would be worried, but it's not directed at him so it's probably fine. Actually, the real thing that's making Naruto feel distracted is the weird patches of nothing around the house. There aren't many, but they're still weird. And they're hiding... are they ANBU? Why would there be ANBU at Sasuke's party?

Before Naruto can keep thinking about that, a supremely sneaky and fast person ambushes him.

"ATTACK!"

Naruto goes down screaming, but his "attacker" seems more playful than angry, so he just goes along with the game and squirms just barely not enough to actually get free. The ambusher hoists his victim into the air in triumph.

"I caught the bane of the police! I demand to be named Clan Head for this feat!"

Itachi looked only mildly disinterested, and Sasuke just ignored them in favor of his personal tomato bowl.

"Noooooooooooo, I've been caughted! I'll go to jail and I'll never get out! My life is over! Do I get a final wish? A last meal? Sasuke's presents?"

Sasuke let out an indignant squawk and chucked a tomato at Naruto's face.

"Shisui, let him down or he'll never stop shouting!"

Shisui just kept holding Naruto up in the air with a smirk, as Naruto continued to be a drama queen.

"Hey, your name is Shisui? Are you taking me to jail? Because if you are, could you not? I kinda wanted to start a war on door-to-door salesmen tomorrow."

Shisui was very intrigued. Sasuke and Itachi could only watch in horror as Naruto bribed Shisui by letting him in on the prank, and then they started planning an all-out war on not only the door-to-door salesmen, but also merchants with unfair prices and even musicians (because apparently neither Naruto nor Shisui could sing and they were a little bit miffed by it).

Even worse, Shisui promised to teach Naruto Body Flicker. The traitor! He knows exactly what that'll do, and he doesn't care in the least! He'd probably sell out his mother just to see some chaos!

Naruto and Shisui continue to terrify everyone for a solid half hour before Mikoto finally puts an end to their scheming by subtly bribing them with cake. Presents soon follow, and Sasuke is very pleased with the scrolls Naruto "borrowed" for him (Dragon Fire Jutsu, and the Academy clone and transformation with notes from both Naruto and Kurama about how they improved them). He was less pleased with a note in one of the scrolls politely warning him that Naruto was going to kidnap him later. At least Naruto said Sasuke could pick the target of whatever prank they're going to do.

Naruto notices Sasuke's dad watching him, which is a little creepy but probably fine. It's not like he'd get unlucky with another pervert pestering him, right? Yeah, no reason to worry. Actually, Naruto kind of wanted to ask him something anyway. This is probably a good time, since Shisui's drilling Sasuke about a stuffed animal he used to like. (Naruto would totally bet one of his fuuinjutsu scrolls that Sasuke's still got that thing hiding somewhere if he liked it as much as Shisui says).

Turns out, Naruto didn't even have to sneak away. Sasuke's dad comes over to talk as soon as everyone's distracted by Shisui.

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-Fugaku-

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Fugaku tried to start with polite small talk, but Naruto seemed to have other plans. Straight to business. A little off-putting, but Fugaku can appreciate skipping the pleasantries when there are more important things to speak about. And Naruto very certainly has something more important to say.

"Umm, do you know why there are ANBU here?"

Fugaku probably shouldn't be surprised, considering this is the child who regularly gives the entire ANBU force of Konoha the runaround, but he still finds himself stunned by the blunt acknowledgement of their presence and Naruto's ability to sense them. Fugaku stops to consider his response. Clearly, Naruto's not afraid to reveal that he knows about the ANBU, so perhaps if Fugaku goes about this right, he can find out more about how the kid can so consistently torment and escape the police force. Any insight into such a talented child's capabilities is important, so Fugaku begins fishing for information.

"Why do you think there are ANBU here?"

Naruto tilted his head and squinted up at Fugaku, as if weighing his options. Eventually, he just shrugs and says:

"I can sense their feelings."

Fugaku blinked. That... was not what he expected. Did he mean that literally? Can he sense emotions? Or is it some other "feeling", like the "feeling" of touch? Can he sense the locations, or just the sensations?

"What do you mean by that?"

"They feel like weird nothings around the house. It's creepy. Even most of the ANBU who chase me get annoyed or angry and stuff. They're really easy to pick out. The police are even easier because you guys get so angry so quick. But these guys are just... weird. I don't like them."

So it's location and emotion? How precise is it? And "weird nothings"? ROOT, most likely. Danzo is certainly more likely to be paranoid enough to spy on a seven-year-old's birthday party than the Hokage. Maybe...

Fugaku stops suddenly. This sensing power of Naruto's has incredible potential, but it'll bring bad attention if it gets out. Danzo would snatch this kid up the first chance he got, and that absolutely cannot happen. Fugaku may not have been close with Minato, but he did respect him. Fugaku may not have had the greatest history with Naruto, but he's not letting the warmonger anywhere near him.

Fugaku stares contemplatively at Naruto, and decides that he needs someone to keep an eye out for him.

"You and Sasuke train together often, correct? You should stop by here after training for dinner sometimes. You'll only get so far without a proper diet."

Naruto looks back, and it's as if he's looking into Fugaku's soul for a second. Then the moment shatters, and Naruto just grins and nods, then runs off to join Shisui in bullying Sasuke.

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A/N - less cracky than most of the story, but it's because the Uchiha Massacre is a much more heavy topic and I want to do it justice. This is still very much a humor fic, but I'm also just trying to make a well-written story. It's not going to be the most angsty thing you've ever seen, just a little less cracky than the other chapters I've put out.