-Kurama-

.

"Honestly, I'd have thought that you'd finally get somewhere when the red-eyed brats started trying to play nice! Why are they so weirdly protective of their taijutsu style?! It's not like they're giving you one of their fancy eyes or anything! Although, I suppose learning that style might bring more long-term harm than good. What little you've learned has been uncomfortable, to say the least. This style clearly doesn't suit you... Which brings us right back to where we started! I'm getting tired of all of our prospects being either crazy or total dead ends! Find a teacher already! It doesn't even have to be a good one, just get a solid foundation and we'll figure out how to build on it later!"

.

-Naruto-

.

It was kind of annoying that Fuzzy was still ranting about this instead of something more interesting, but Naruto got where he was coming from. They've been thinking about learning taijutsu for, what, a year and a half? And barely any progress. And that came from stalking ninja who were too sucky to notice him stalking them, so the taijutsu was kind of mediocre at best. Yeah, Naruto should get around to finding a teacher.

Where to start, though? Crazy purple lady is a definite no. Never. Crazy green jumpsuit guy is just creepy. Naruto doesn't want to be forced to wear a jumpsuit like that, and he likes his hair the way it is, thank you very much. Pervert may have earned some points with the awesome birthday present, but Naruto's still not going to spend that much time with an obvious masochist. So, where does that leave him?

Maybe Naruto's thinking about this wrong. He needs a teacher who can complement him, right? Probably someone who's a little weird, since Naruto's weird and he'd need someone who can at least kind of get how his mind works. And someone Naruto can stand spending a lot of time with. Someone adaptable with a unique fighting style would be a plus; Naruto's already kind of got a patchwork style, and being unpredictable is never a bad thing. And someone willing to share their knowledge. Learning from Shisui would be awesome, but if he can't share his clan's taijutsu style then he's really limited in what he can teach.

Ok, that easily rules out the Uchiha. Anko too, because Naruto would not survive that. Gai is a no, because his style is way too ordered and disciplined for Naruto's general crazy. Pervy Sage is a no, at least for now, since Naruto would be too worried about dealing with a pervert to actually learn anything. Ummm... Who else does Naruto know? Iruka, maybe? But he has to teach a whole class, and Naruto would end up learning the Academy style anyway. It'll work as a last resort, but Naruto would rather learn something other than the basic Academy style.

Naruto paused. He thought. Huh. Yeah, that'll work! But how to get him to agree? Oh!

Naruto grinned evilly and ran off to torment his old victim.

.

-Kakashi-

.

Kakashi was minding his own business, off guard duty and in between missions because the Hokage thought he needed breaks. Whoever thought of such a silly idea? Breaks are the perfect time to wallow in grief and self-pity, and Kakashi doesn't need any more time to do that. It might not be the most healthy strategy, but since when have ninja ever paid attention to therapists?

So Kakashi was standing at the memorial stone, grieving (as usual), when he suddenly found himself swarmed by a horde of angry squirrels.

As Kakashi, the prodigy war veteran, fought for his life against the angry mob, he heard a child's hysterical laughing above the cacophony. For just a second, Kakashi managed to surface for air, and saw the smug face of his sensei's child staring down at him with an evil glint in his eye. Kakashi may be ridiculously petty, but he also has a sense of self-preservation. Plus, he's kind of protective of the last shred of sanity he has. So Kakashi does the only reasonable thing he can do: he makes a clone to distract the squirrels and runs.

And of course, that wasn't the end of it. Everywhere Kakashi turned, and everywhere he went for sanctuary, there was a new horror awaiting him. He went to the woods, only to find hundreds of clones of Tora. He went to the market, hoping to blend in with the crowds, and had to constantly dodge paintballs. He went home, to find his precious Icha Icha replaced with textbooks and monk poems!

By the end of the week, Kakashi was more than ready to dig himself a hole and just hide 'till he died. Naruto, unfortunately, had a very different idea. He waited until Kakashi was just barely hanging on his last dregs of sanity, and struck.

"Hi!"

No. Not that cheerful, innocent, evil face. Kakashi tried to run; a horde of foxes blocked his escape.

"Hey, don't go! I've got something to ask you!"

Kakashi just lowered his head in defeat and prayed to be swallowed up by the earth.

"Could you teach me taijutsu?"

Aaaaaaaaand there goes Kakashi's grip on reality.

"What?"
"I want you to teach me taijutsu."

"Is that what this was about?"

"Yep!"

"So you tortured me when you could've just asked?!"

"You would've said no."

Fair enough.

"No."

"What?!"

"No. I'm leaving."

Naruto grumbled.

"Guess I'll have to pay you back, then."

Kakashi stopped. No, not that. Anything but that.

Naruto grinned and went in for the kill.

"You know, if you were my teacher I'd probably have to stop pranking you so much."

Is he blackmailing Kakashi? Into betraying the Hokage's orders to not get involved personally with his sensei's son? Into betraying the entire ANBU by escaping the terror and leaving them to fend for themselves?

"Deal."

Kakashi doesn't abandon his comrades, but this is a special occasion. He's sure Sensei would approve this time.

Plus, Kakashi is petty. This gives him more than enough excuse to torture the brat.