-Kurama-
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"I feel like we kind of have to get a few things out of the way. First off, yes, I am the Kyuubi. Congratulations, you've got a millennia-old chakra construct in your head. Second, stop calling me Fuzzy. It's Kurama, you brat. Third, humans are idiots. Honestly, life would be a lot easier for everyone if they would just stop assuming the stupidest possible things about me."
"Many people call me evil, or a demon, or mindless, or even all three. Disregarding the complete lack of proof, that's such a stupid idea that I can barely comprehend where it came from. How can something mindless also be evil? Do they even know what a demon is? Spoiler alert, Bijuu and demons are completely separate. Demons are spiritual entities that can take physical form and tend towards being manipulative, although whether they're evil or just a little mischievous can depend on the individual. Bijuu are pure chakra constructs, forces of nature given sentience. I am the pure power of nature incarnate. Nature doesn't adhere to human morals. What kind of idiot calls a hurricane evil? I do my job, create chaos where I need to, then go take a nap. The only reason I have any conflict with humans is because they're idiots who think I need to be sealed."
"Which is the next point. Why do people think I have some sort of stupid hatred for humans? Humans are annoying idiotic ants, nothing more, nothing less. Again, I don't care about human morality, I just do my job and move on. I fight humans only because they feel the need to attack me and make the situation worse instead of just evacuating or waiting out the storm! Seriously, humans blatantly disregard all sentience of Bijuu. You know how the history books always praise the First Hokage for his morals and dedication to peace? Stupid! Your precious First Hokage gave us Bijuu away to all the other villages like we were nothing but mindless toys to perpetuate war! If you humans didn't insist on sealing me away literally every time I get close to freedom, I would have just run off to avoid all the hassle of dealing with the idiots in this village! Why do they act like I'll blow the whole place sky high as soon as I'm free? That's absolutely the most pointless thing I could do!"
"And another stupid thing. People seem to have the dumb idea that I eat humans, possibly even souls. As if I need sustenance. I'm made of chakra, not physical matter. There's no point to eating, and even if there was, humans taste awful. Plus, humans eat me far more often than I eat them. Have you ever thought about where I'm always sealed? That's right; your stomach. The Fourth Hokage literally force-fed me to you. And now I have to deal with your stupid ramen addiction. Seriously, the only time I tried eating humans (again, tasted terrible), they ate their way out of my stomach to escape! Which honestly just seems impractical. How in the world they managed to eat pure chakra, I don't even know, but they couldn't have thought of a different way out?!"
"In conclusion, humans are idiots who don't know what they're talking about. Don't let any perverts near your belly or I will spend the rest of your life reciting Academy lectures in your dreams."
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-Naruto-
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Wow, Fuzzy was talkative last night. Not even in the interesting way, just a whole lot of talking about why humans are idiots. Which is nothing new, it's just got more context now. Meh. Naruto wasn't really paying that much attention, but he got the gist of it. Everyone's scared of Fuzzy for no reason, and people do dumb things when they're scared of something.
Not fun to listen to, but Naruto can totally use this.
Plan Exposure Therapy, commence!
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-Jiraiya-
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Jiraiya had used the night to calm down and at least get a lid on his hysterics. Yeah, the kid was in deep, but he wasn't beyond saving. Hopefully. The Kyuubi had been relatively docile the last few years (Jiraiya wasn't sure why, but maybe the seal only allowed a little leaking?), so Naruto most likely wasn't going to spontaneously combust overnight. Probably. So Jiraiya took some time to strategize.
Of course, strategizing is a little hard when the first thing you notice in the morning is the overwhelming pressure of Kyuubi chakra.
Jiraiya practically flew to Naruto's apartment, only to find the kid wasn't there. He immediately proceeded to run around the village like a headless chicken, trying to find and save Minato's kid, only to find the brat casually hanging out on the Hokage Monument, of all places (on Minato's head!)!
As Jiraiya panicked and started to summon Gerotora (the scroll toad), Naruto (in all his Kyuubi-cloaked glory) just glanced over disinterestedly and skydived off the monument.
Thus began a wild goose chase across the village, where the whole village went on lockdown and the entire ANBU (plus a bunch of Jounin) joined Jiraiya in desperately trying to contain the imminent Kyuubi attack. Hours passed, all the ninja got worn out (except Naruto, stupid enhanced stamina!), and no Kyuubi attack. Honestly, everyone was bouncing between confused and terrified.
Eventually Naruto toned down the chakra (just enough to give him the Kyuubi eyes, but not enough for the cloak. Probably plenty to talk to the Kyuubi though. Joy of joys.). He stopped just outside of his apartment, and just when Jiraiya was about to start trying to negotiate, Naruto just straight up went to bed. Still radiating Kyuubi chakra!
And of course, when Jiraiya tried to get in he was bombarded by plants exploding seeds at him. He promptly evaded straight into a very poisonous plant, and had to run off to the hospital. What kind of psychopath is this kid turning into?!
Either way, everyone was terrified, and no one could do anything about it. Naruto kept up radiating Kyuubi chakra with absolutely no signs of stopping. After the first week, everyone kind of just started to accept it. Naruto even had the audacity to show up to the Academy classes, still radiating Kyuubi chakra, once they started up again. Hiruzen didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so he settled for escapism in his beloved Icha Icha, only to discover Naruto replaced it with children's picture books.
This kid is going to be the death of everyone.
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A/N - yeah, a bit of a lore dump in the first half, but I kind of brought it back? Meh. I wanted to put that whole spiel in the last chapter but I wasn't sure how to transition into it so I kind of just made it its own chapter and dumped a joke in the second half.
