-Naruto-

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"Fuzzy!"

"Shut it, brat. I'm trying to sleep."

"But I need to ask you something!"

"It can wait until after naptime!"

Naruto huffed.

"I figured you'd want to help writing your own doctrines. I guess not."

"The doctrines? Why do we need doctrines?"

"What's the point of having people worship you if you don't get to tell them what to do? What if they start doing something stupid like hunting down the other Bijuu because you're the coolest one and they need to prove your dominance or something like that? We gotta make doctrines!"

"...Perhaps we should start with a list. We can make it into a sacred text later."

"Good enough for me! What should we start with?"

Kurama hummed in thought. Perhaps a ban on taxes? Or declaring foxes sacred animals? No, they should start by putting in ground rules.

"Start with explaining the role of the Prophet."

"Me? I thought I was supposed to be your messenger or something like that?"

"Which means everyone will go to you all the time for every answer when they're not sure about things."

Naruto cringed. That sounded really annoying. He's got better stuff to do, like raiding Jiji's fridge and replacing everything in there with cool whip. Actually, maybe he should do the whole council. It's always fun to make them mad.

"Focus, brat."

"Right!"

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-The Sacred Word of the Lord Kyuubi-.

Our Lord Kyuubi, in his infinite wisdom and power, hath deigned to grace us with his presence through his chosen vessel, the Prophet. Through the Prophet, our Lord Kyuubi hath chosen to share a small portion of his unbounded understanding and infinitely wise teachings. Through these doctrines shall our lives be governed, and through our lives shall we offer our thanks to our Lord Kyuubi.

The following are the basic doctrines, which the Great Lord Kyuubi hath revealed to us through his Prophet. These doctrines shall be maintained by the Priests, chosen by the Prophet. Any sin may be forgiven by a Priest, but sacrilege must be judged and punished or forgiven by the Prophet or by Lord Kyuubi himself. Through these teachings shall we please our magnificent Lord Kyuubi.

1. The Lord Kyuubi's name and title are sacred. Permission to speak the title must be given by the Prophet, only to those whom the Lord Kyuubi has chosen. All others must address him as "Our Lord" or "Lord Fuzzy". To those whom the Prophet reveals Our Lord's name, the greatest honor must be given.

2. The Bijuu are all deities, of which our Lord Kyuubi is highest. To treat them with anything less than the greatest reverence is sacrilege.

3. Naptime is sacred. To disturb another's nap without permission for anything but an emergency is a sin, and must be forgiven by a priest. To disturb the sleep of the Prophet or Our Lord without permission or outside of an emergency is sacrilege.

4. Coffee is the sacred drink, as willed by Our Lord. It shall be consumed as a purifier, as a show of dedication to Our Lord, in the initiation ceremony as led by a Priest. A pilgrimage to cleanse oneself with the Prophet's holy coffee is required by every Follower at least once in their life.

5. Foxes are sacred creatures, as the chosen race of Our Lord's visible form. All demands of cuddles and/or food from foxes must be heeded. To do otherwise is sin. To be chosen by a fox as their caretaker is a high honor, and to be chosen by a summon fox is one of the highest honors.

6. To tax the Prophet is sacrilege, and shall be judged by the Prophet or Our Lord.

7. October shall be a Holy Month, dedicated to celebrating the Prophet and Our Lord. Halloween shall be a day of joyous celebration, in which all forms of chaos (short of disregarding the teachings of Our Lord) shall be enjoyed by Our Lord.

8. Any and all perverts, crazy fangirls, and door-to-door salesmen shall be banned and shunned as thoroughly as possible by the Followers. In addition, those deemed unworthy by the Prophet shall be judged according to Our Lord's will. Some shall be avoided, others shall be shunned as publicly as possible.

9. Innovation and creativity are pleasing to Our Lord. To follow a closed mindset regarding chakra is disgraceful to nature, and will lead to stagnation in Stupid Human Ideas. To become stuck in Stupid Human Ideas is displeasing to Our Lord.

10. Do As is Deserved. It is pointless to do wrong to those who have not wronged you first, as they will seek revenge and revenge is a hassle. But if you are wronged first, then pettiness is deserved on their part and is thus the correct answer. Pettiness on behalf of Our Lord or the Prophet is encouraged and pleasing to Our Lord.

Do as these doctrines command, as is pleasing to Our Lord. His goals are beyond our understanding, only communicated to us as we can best understand through the Prophet. The Prophet is exempt from all rules, as he has the blessing of Our Lord in all that he does. Listen to Our Lord, through his Prophet, and he shall be pleased with you.

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A/N - I couldn't not. The cult is inspiring me very much.