-Mikoto-
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Mikoto wasn't exactly sure what to think. She had taken Sasuke out to the market with her, and she had decided to stop by Naruto's coffee shop in a show of support. That child doesn't get enough affection as-is, she's not going to let him go unpraised for such a brave showing in becoming an entrepreneur at his tender age. But when they got there, a huge crowd was already crowding the shop and making it more than a little difficult to get in. Is this really the right place?
Mikoto sighed in relief when she spotted Shisui heading toward her. She nodded toward him in greeting, only to freeze in confusion when he spoke.
"Ah, Mikoto-sama! Are you here to participate in our pilgrimage?"
Mikoto was completely at a loss for words. Luckily, her son was not.
"Who the hell would go on a pilgrimage to the idiot's coffee shop?"
Or maybe not. The entire crowd turned to glare at Sasuke, who somehow managed to stare defiantly back. Luckily, Shisui stepped in before the situation got worse.
"Ah, it's alright! This child is a friend of the Prophet, and has been given permission to speak such things. It is part of their dynamic as friends, you see."
Sasuke spluttered, obviously struggling to process what nonsense Shisui was spewing. Mikoto was rather inclined to feel the same, but at least the crowd released some of its tension. Mikoto wasn't sure she wanted to know the story behind this. Perhaps it's not too late to simply politely take their leave? Unfortunately, Shisui had a different idea.
"Come in! It would be wrong to leave friends of the Prophet outside when we could be treating them to our sacred beverage! Come, participate in our pilgrimage! I'm sure the Prophet would be delighted to see you!"
So somehow Mikoto and Sasuke found themselves being pulled mercilessly into the crowd of obviously insane cultists, to see Naruto and a few of his clones serving the surprisingly orderly line at the counter. One of the clones spotted them and beckoned them over with a grin.
"Hey! Mikoto-san, Sasuke, come over here! I can get you free coffee!"
Despite the odd situation, it would be rather rude to turn down the offer, so Mikoto allowed herself to be pulled over to the clone.
"What the hell is happening, you idiot?!"
So much for being polite. Mikoto sighed as Naruto enthusiastically explained the cult and how that happened, and how he ended up accidentally making Fuzzy (Lord Fuzzy) a deity. Apparently coffee was now their sacred beverage and a pilgrimage to drink their "Prophet's sacred coffee" is now a requirement for at least one in every cultist's life. And, being fanatical cultists, they were more than eager to make the pilgrimage immediately, and most likely more than once.
Mikoto was pulled out of her thoughts when she noticed Naruto continuing to speak.
"It is kinda bad for business, though. Not that I'm not getting business! I'm totally overloaded here! But I'm charging less for the sacred coffee 'cause it's a requirement, and I still feel kinda weird about the whole cult thing in general, and my shop was really popular with foreigners before this but now none of them can get in. Not a lot of them wanna wait in line for days just to get some slightly better than average coffee, you know?"
"Just stop making them come in for coffee, idiot!"
"No way! Do you have any idea how hilarious this is?!"
"I thought you just said you still feel weird about this! How can you mess with people's belief systems just because it's funny, you corrupt moron?!"
"Sasuke!" Mikoto barked. Sasuke flinched. Mikoto sighed and turned to Naruto.
"If it's a problem, perhaps you should consider opening more shops. A chain restaurant, if you will. You can hire others to run coffee shops in other towns. That way, your... followers... can still have their pilgrimage here, and you can still serve coffee to foreigners who enjoy it."
Naruto looked at her with stars in his eyes. He coughed to calm himself, then looked her dead in the eyes and said...
"I give you permission to refer to Our Lord as Lord Kyuubi."
And the cultists immediately fell to the ground in reverence. Mikoto had no clue what happened, but they parted like the Red Sea when she needed to get out, so she supposed it was probably better to just not think about it.
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-Naruto-
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Ok, first off, if Naruto's gonna turn his restaurant into a chain restaurant, he's gonna need a name and a logo. Gotta identify it somehow, right?
"The Coffee of Our Lord? Foxes of Salvation? The Temple of the Followers?"
Naruto gave Fuzzy a mental smack.
"Sacrilege!"
"Shut it. You gave me divine permission to sin."
Fuzzy grumbled very unhappily as he settled down for a nap.
Naruto hummed to himself. Maybe he should work on the logo first. Fuzzy probably wouldn't let him hear the end of it if there wasn't a fox, so he started with that. He probably shouldn't draw Fuzzy (Fuzzy would want to look cool, but that doesn't make for a very welcoming sign). A scary fox is a no-go, so maybe a cute fox? Oh! A cute fox curled around a cup of coffee!
Naruto smiled happily and started drawing.
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-Hiruzen-
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Every time. Every time Hiruzen starts to think he's made peace with Naruto's craziness, something new and terrifying happens. Honestly, Hiruzen is starting to scold himself for his hubris. Maybe he should join that cult... most times it seems that Naruto creates chaos on par with a god.
Regardless, Hiruzen has an appointment with a very concerned Fire Daimyo, to speak about this new "Foxbux" chain. The idea of a child profiting so much on the back of a cult dedicated to a Bijuu seems to be rather worrying to the Daimyo. Hiruzen supposes that is fair. He would've been extremely concerned only a year ago. But Hiruzen has become older, wiser, and more callous. He understands that the only way to deal with this... is to bury your head in the sand and pray Naruto doesn't decide you've somehow offended him. So, to avoid national calamity, Hiruzen does his best to assure the Daimyo that everything is fine, and this is not a revolutionary group. After all, if the Daimyo tries to stamp down on them, they might actually become a revolutionary group and that would suck for national stability.
At least Naruto didn't start a bar or something. The cultists are scary enough (even without considering that Naruto might actually make enough money for world domination), they don't need drunk cultists.
Actually, cultists on a caffeine high might be more terrifying than drunk cultists... Hiruzen needs a drink.
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A/N - A YouTuber has asked for permission to put this story up on their channel. I've checked it out, and they do credit the authors and provide a link back to the original story. But I'm pretty new to this, so I don't know if it's another thing like all the bots trying to get me to pay them to make AI art or something. What do you guys think?
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Also, does anyone have any clue what Hinata's mom's name is? I've looked all over the place, but it seems like she doesn't really have a canon name so there are a few different names fanfiction writers use. Do you guys care which one I use?
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And credit to sandmanwake for the idea! Naruto with a chain restaurant means the chaos can go global!