-Sasuke-

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The idiot is here. Unfortunately for Sasuke, this is not an uncommon occurrence. It's Saturday, and they'd spent the morning training together, so naturally Naruto decided to follow Sasuke home for brunch. Ugh. His mom's going to fuss over the both of them and Naruto's gonna soak up all the attention and affection like a sponge and they'll be stuck in the house for hours. Can't they just spend the day training? Sasuke wants to spar a few times!

No such luck. Sasuke's mom fussed over them, exactly as he predicted, and quickly started a conversation that Naruto eagerly buried himself in. As Sasuke wondered what crime he'd committed to have to deal with this, somehow the conversation wandered over to Naruto's plants.

"Yeah, I just got this really cool exotic plant! It's called a gympy gympy, and it hurts a lot if you touch it! See, it's 'cause it's got all these little needles or something that break off when you rub it, and the needles get stuck in your skin and dump a ton of painful poison in you! So it's just a little itchy to me, 'cause of all the needle things, but it doesn't really hurt because I'm immune to poison 'cause I'm awesome. But it'll be awesome for my home defense system!"

Sasuke grumbled to himself as his mother and Naruto continued to talk about plants. Honestly, what a waste. Naruto could be using those plants way better, if you ask Sasuke.

As if sensing Sasuke's annoyance, Naruto turned to him and asked what he was thinking about. Figuring he wouldn't get out of it unless he said something, Sasuke put in his two cents.

"You're not using those plants to their full potential, idiot."

Naruto tilted his head, inviting Sasuke to elaborate. So he did.

"They're poisonous, aren't they? And you're immune. But you just use them for home defense. Why don't you try making them into poisons? You could coat your kunai in them, or use senbon, or just douse yourself in a poison so anyone who touches you will get poisoned. Not like there'll be a ton of consequences if you do it wrong, anyway. You keep bragging about your immunity, so you'll be fine. Just don't experiment with those around me. I don't want to touch any of your stupid pain plants."

Sasuke could see the exact moment the idea clicked. It was like a light bulb went off over Naruto's head. Ugh. He definitely wasn't getting to continue training together today.

Naruto quickly thanked Sasuke's mom for feeding him and talking to him, sent a cursory "Thanks, jerk!" to Sasuke, and bounded out of the house like he was just promised a million ryo to cross the continent in a minute.

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-Naruto-

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"Fuzzy! Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Fuzzy! Wake up! WAKE UP!"

"I'M UP, BRAT! What the hell do you want?!"

"How do I make poisons?"

"Poisons? What makes you think I know anything about that? I don't need to poison humans to smush them into little pathetic pulps."

Great. Fuzzy was no help. Well, Naruto might as well raid the library. There's sure to be a few things in the higher-level ninja sections!

Naruto snuck into the restricted sections (he's been doing this for years. They should really look into getting better security) and began his search. And he was right! It took a little looking, but there was a whole treasure trove of books about poisons! Naruto eagerly tore through every poison book he could find, and even brought a few home with him. He quickly took a few leaves from one of his thornapple plants and realized he didn't have any tools to make the poisons with. Uh... maybe just making it into a tea would be enough? Thornapples are pretty poisonous. Even touching them can have major consequences, so drinking a thornapple tea is bound to suck. Actually, thornapple has hallucinogenic properties. That'd be awful to deal with in a fight! Perfect plant to start with!

Naruto started to make his tea with the thornapple leaves. It needed to take time to boil though, and then it'd need time to let the leaves soak into the boiled water... maybe Naruto could go back to the library for a minute or two and see if he can find more poison books? Yeah, that's probably fine. Most people know better than to go into Naruto's apartment without his permission (again, poisonous plant hazards), and people who don't ask for permission are exactly the kind of people the home defense system is for. Naruto quickly vaults through his window back to the library, not even bothering to lock the door.

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-Jiraiya-

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Jiraiya just finished his new masterpiece, so he doesn't have a deadline looming over his head anymore. With this in mind, he figures it's a perfect time to visit Naruto and see if he wants any fuuinjutsu instruction. Of course, he arrives at the apartment to find it empty, but he kind of expected that. He could hardly expect Naruto, the hyper, active, prankster king, to actually stay inside his apartment for the whole day. But this brings an opportunity: with no Naruto in the apartment, there'll be no consequences to snooping!

Jiraiya skillfully slips in through an unlocked window (really, the brat should try to pay attention to his home defense), and immediately notes the increase in plants as compared to last time he was here. Naruto had plants before (all poisonous, of course, since he was apparently immune to all poisons), but he's definitely stepped up his game recently. That's fine. Jiraiya's a skilled war veteran ninja, a member of the three Sannin. He can certainly maneuver around all these stationary health hazards.

He begins exploring the apartment more thoroughly than he could when Naruto was here, when he notices the tea. He looks at it curiously, before noticing the odd smell. It wasn't something that anyone would think to notice, but Jiraiya would be a pretty pathetic Sannin if he couldn't detect obvious poisons like this. Did the brat just make tea with poisonous leaves without even bothering to try to hide the poison? Oh, well. Jiraiya just won't touch it.

Jiraiya turns to inspect some of the thornapple plants nearby, when he notices something brush above his ankle and an intense pain immediately beginning to spread in his lower leg. He looks down to see...

A gympy gympy. Oops. Looks like Jiraiya's going to the hospital.

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A/N - thank you so much to freedomringer for the idea to use a gympy gympy! I've heard of them before, but I didn't know just how brutal those things are until researching them