-Hiruzen-

.

Well, there's no getting around it. Hiruzen needs Tsunade back.

He turned down her proposal for the medical program during the war due to a lack of resources, but they've been in relative peace for years now. Hiruzen feels confident that the investment will pay off, and now that he has the resources for it, he'd be a fool not to at least make the attempt. The problem is, Tsunade's the one who had the whole thing planned out. Yes, Hiruzen could have another medic, or even a team, create a new plan for the program, but Tsunade is easily the best healer they have. Plus, she already has the plan and the drive, if they can convince her to come back and give it a shot.

Still, Hiruzen would have a difficult time with it. He could certainly just order Tsunade back to the village, but that runs the risk of her outright refusing. Then Hiruzen would be forced to label her a missing nin, which would just be a waste. Hiruzen could send Jiraiya. It would probably be one of his best bets; but Jiraiya's chances of convincing Tsunade to come back on his own are slim to none. Most of Hiruzen's options would fail, so he feels the need to choose the nuclear option.

Ergo, Naruto's in his office.

Usually, Hiruzen would avoid this option, but Naruto and the Kyuubi seem to have an odd appreciation for facts and logic (when it suits them), despite their tendency toward general chaos. So long as he presents a convincing argument (and appeals to Naruto's developing hero complex by bringing up Tsunade's loss of faith in her dreams because of her grief), he's confident he can get Naruto to cooperate. And there is no better motivator than a Naruto on a warpath. Hiruzen looks Naruto dead in the eye and readies his speech.

"You've heard of my students, the Sannin, yes?"

Naruto makes a particularly screwed up face.

"Yeah, the perv is one right? They can't be all that awesome if he's one."

Hiruzen grimaced.

"Jiraiya's... less desirable tendencies aside, he is an excellent ninja when properly motivated. But I would like to speak about Tsunade."

Naruto cocked his head questioningly. Hiruzen took that as his signal to continue.

"She's the greatest medical ninja in our forces, but became too wracked with grief during the war to continue as a medic. She's been wandering outside the village for years now, but I need her back in the village."

"So she ditched the village? And why do you want her back?"

"She had a plan for a new program for medical ninja. You see, having a medical ninja on a squad greatly increases both survival and success rates. Tsunade wanted to see fewer casualties of war, and thus proposed a program to have one medical ninja on every squad. Unfortunately, we lacked the resources to implement the program in the middle of the war. And when Tsunade left the village, she took her plans and knowledge with her, which greatly hinders our ability to put her ideas to use now that we do have the resources. She may be hampered as a medical ninja now, but her sheer amount of knowledge is still an incredible asset and could be put to great use in training new medics."

"So you want to get her back to help teach new doctors."

"Essentially, yes."

"And you can't just order her back?"

"She's bitter enough that she might outright refuse, in which case I'd have to label her a missing nin. It'd be a waste of potential."

Naruto hummed thoughtfully.

"So you want me to get her back?"

"I've set aside Kakashi and Itachi to accompany you outside of the village so you can search for her."

Naruto perked up at that. Of course, he sneaks out of the village all the time to go camping or hunting or other things, but the opportunity to go out with a friend and to not have someone hounding him for disappearing when he gets back is certainly a good opportunity.

"So what's this lady like? I gotta know about her if I'm gonna find her, right?"

This is actually probably the riskiest part. Hopefully the Kyuubi doesn't deem Tsunade a lost cause and convince Naruto she isn't worth the effort.

"She'll look like a young woman, because she uses a jutsu to change her appearance. Blonde, with golden eyes. She loves drinking, and gambling. She's hungover or drunk more often than not, and is constantly in a state of practically catastrophic debt. And her luck while gambling is awful, to the point where she's become known as "The Legendary Sucker". She travels with a young black-haired and black-eyed woman named Shizune, and a pig named Tonton. She often changes her appearance to escape debt collectors."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, visibly weighing his options. They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Naruto piped up.

"Why the heck do you think I need to leave the village to get her here then?"

Hiruzen tried not to visibly gape. As it was, he just stared in confusion for a few seconds. Seeing Hiruzen's disbelief, Naruto sighed and elaborated.

"I actually make pretty decent money from Foxbux and donations that I definitely never asked for from the cult. And there are a few people who literally pay me not to sing outside their stores. And aside from setting up new stores and schools now, I actually don't really use the money for much. I could totally set up a lottery. If she's as big a sucker as you said, she'll come for the chance to lose her debt, trauma be damned."

How the heck did Hiruzen not think of that? And it'd be simple to have Naruto get her to stay once she was here!

Decision made (really, there wasn't much of a decision at all), Hiruzen set about helping Naruto set up his lottery and advertise it heavily in some of Tsunade's favorite spots.

.

-Tsunade-

.

Tsunade should've known better. Really, it should've just been in and out. Show up, buy a ticket, lose the lottery (like usual), and get the hell out before Sensei could try to bribe her into staying. What she didn't expect was to actually win, and then get cornered by a whole full-on cult when she showed up at the strange coffee shop to collect her winnings. Of course, Tsunade got out relatively easily, but she found that she couldn't get anywhere without a crazy blonde psychopath appearing out of nowhere!

And of course, she ran into Jiraiya once or twice while trying to hide, which only added to the struggle because Jiraiya's a damn good tracker when he wants to be because of his stupid toads everywhere! And that crazy kid keeps finding her, even when the ANBU can't! What the hell are they teaching kids and why weren't they teaching it during the war?!

Tsunade ducks into an alley to change her appearance in the hopes of escape (she split from Shizune a half hour ago, since the pursuers didn't seem too interested in her). But, of course, the blonde brat is waiting, grinning sadistically.

Tsunade's had enough. She snaps viciously at the kid.

"What the hell are you doing, you little runt?! Go home to your crazy parents! There's gotta be something wrong in their heads if you're this screwed up!"

The brat just grinned more, entirely unaffected.

"Aw, thanks! I think the crazy runs in the family, although I kinda can't check 'cause they're just a little too dead for that. The big fox in my head is a great influence though!"

Big fox? Dead parents? Decidedly blonde with a striking resemblance to Minato? Hell no. Tsunade's too sober for this. She tries to escape. But of course, the crazy brat whines something about how can a granny be this fast, and Tsunade just has to put the baby in his place. She's not a granny, dammit!

And of course, it only escalated from there. Tsunade ended up staying in the village out of sheer spite, starting up her program mostly as an excuse to hang around on the off chance that she'll be able to exact revenge on the brat one day.

Mission successful.