-Tsunade-
.
If there is one thing Tsunade will be remembered for (other than medical ability), it'll be that she was petty as shit. It's been two years, and she's been staying in this village full of trauma and pain for the sole purpose of revenge. And while Tsunade is usually quite proud of her kunoichi abilities, it's actually getting to be quite the sore spot that she just can't get one over on the stupid blonde brat! She's tried everything; messing with his pranks (somehow they always still work), trapping his house (already trapped. A very unpleasant experience), and even outright chasing down the brat to just give him a good beating (he has an uncanny ability to disappear the moment he needs to. That kid's gonna be a terrifying ninja someday). And the kid knows how frustrating he is, too! He taunts her, always hanging around with that stupid, smug grin! Appearing in random spots in the hospital! Sneaking instant ramen to the patients! Tsunade has had enough!
There is one chance. One spot of hope. One terrible, desperate measure which Tsunade has refrained from taking up until this point.
Tsunade purses her lips and turns to find Naruto's medical records. Let it not be said that Tsunade values her medical integrity more than petty revenge, and at this point she needs any and all information and/or blackmail material she can get.
Of course, Tsunade is less than prepared for the actual medical chart. It is concerningly small, as if he's never had more than a handful of medical checkups in his life. Tsunade pages through it. Actually, that's exactly what it is. This brat hasn't had a checkup since he was four, and had only a small handful of them before they stopped altogether.
Hold on a second.
Tsunade pages through again. She scans the chart over and over. Eventually, she is forced to come to an unfortunate conclusion.
This kid hasn't had a single vaccination in his life. Screw revenge, Tsunade needs to make sure the brat doesn't die before she gets even!
.
-Naruto-
.
Naruto was minding his own business, having a peaceful grooming day for his foxes in a nice forest clearing, when a storm of rage and determination practically crushed him to the ground as his summons fled. Unfortunately, Naruto was just a second too slow to react and found himself double-crushed under a very angry granny with a needle. Naruto squirmed in terror and pulled out Fuzzy's chakra to scare her away, but she healed herself just as fast as Fuzzy burned her. Absolutely terrified, Naruto threw all caution to the wind and transformed into a little beetle to fly away. Granny continued her pursuit, completely unfazed by Naruto's super-cool secret Transformation Jutsu (let's be real here, it's not a secret in the slightest). He tried flying higher, only to find out that Granny is ridiculously strong and could easily launch herself up to the clouds in one jump. He tried transforming into a worm so he could hide underground, but Granny punched a crack in the earth that almost crushed him!
"What the heck did I do?!"
Granny just narrowed her eyes and let her needle glint in the light.
"Shut up. I'm righting a wrong."
"What's wrong, then?!"
"You need freaking vaccinations, brat."
Naruto frantically begged Fuzzy to tell him what the hell a vaccination is, only for Minato to pipe up.
"How long has it been since you had a vaccination?"
"How should I know?! I don't even know what the hell that is!"
"It's a way of training your immune system so you don't get some deadly diseases. They give you a weaker form of the disease through a needle so your body learns to fight it, and then it'll kill the real sickness before it can do any damage. You should get them at your regular doctor appointments."
"Doctor appointments? I thought you just go to the doctor when you get hurt or something!"
Not good. Minato doesn't seem happy. Naruto frantically tries to backpedal (still trying to avoid the raging Granny), but Fuzzy has his back.
"I've already got that covered, idiot. I get rid of all his sicknesses as soon as they get in. I even let him get sick a while ago to let his immune system train in case we're ever separated or cut off!"
Minato radiated utter bafflement.
"You mean you let him get sick, knowing that his immune system couldn't handle it? What if it was smallpox! Or measles! Did you not at least get him to a medical professional?! Surely you realized that he would get sick the moment you let up your protection, and that it would be far worse than it would be for any other person! Naruto, let Tsunade catch you! And Kurama, let the vaccines do their job!"
"Hell no! I can protect the brat just fine!"
"Swallow your pride and let Tsunade help my son!"
"Why should I do that?! I've kept him safe just fine!"
"Why are you so reasonable sometimes and so awful the rest of the time?!"
"Says the guy who martyred himself when the threat would've just run away if he'd left it alone!"
Naruto was not having a fun time right now. He was still running from Granny, and now he could barely hear himself over the headache his dad and mentor were giving him. He screamed and shoved both their voices down as far as possible (ignoring the indignant shriek from Fuzzy and the surprised noise from Minato) and made as many clones as he could. The moment Granny got caught up in the army of Narutos, he tore off toward the Hokage Tower to tell Jiji that he was going on a trip. It's been a while since he spent some quality time with his foxes, and smuggling stuff to the Foxbux in Wave sounded like a great bonding activity. Actually, there's a ton of potential for further financial expansion in Wave. He could finally start setting up schools! And maybe he could expand his bakery? Oh! Or set up a division of the Kyuubi Cult there? They could totally help business! Not like a ton of brainwashed ex-child soldiers would be particularly intimidated by those thugs!
Naruto yelps as Tsunade closes in on him. This is decidedly not the time for daydreaming. Naruto makes a shit ton more clones and continues his escape.
.
.
.
.
A/N - figures that as soon as school lets out I get sick. It's not the worst, just a really annoying headache that makes writing and thinking in general really hard. So sorry I'm slowing down right now, but I'll probably pick back up (at least a little) once I'm less headachey
