-Naruto-

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Perhaps Naruto should ponder his life choices. Meh. That's for lesser people. Naruto's just gonna keep absentmindedly outrunning a Sannin across the rooftops. He slips briefly, curses the fact that it just happens to be a rare day where it's cold enough to get snowy and icy in Konoha, and corrects his trajectory with a quick gust of wind before launching himself to another rooftop and promptly almost sliding off it. Seriously, how do those Lightning psychos deal with this?!

Naruto ducks out of the way of a very-definitely-about-to-chop-his-head-off kick from a pissed off Granny. He should probably be paying more attention, but he's a little more preoccupied with his failure to store a hidden stash of instant ramen in all the in-patient rooms at the hospital. Seriously, why would Fuzzy give him such a great idea and then go to sleep? Hello, he's supposed to be helpful!

"It's good to make mistakes occasionally, Naruto. This way you make the mistakes in a safe environment and learn from them so you don't make those same mistakes in a life-threatening scenario."

"I don't know if you've noticed Dad, but this is a life-threatening scenario!"

"You're avoiding the 'life-threatening danger' on icy rooftops while barely paying enough attention to catch your footing when you slip."

Tsunade roared something about coats and brats who're gonna die from a cold.

"What's she talking about?"

"It is rather strange that you don't wear a coat on a cold day like this. Especially since you're not used to cold weather."

"Dunno if you've noticed, but Fuzzy's chakra is burning hot. Not like I need a coat when I'm basically eternally sweating."

"I don't think she cares."

Naruto idly twisted out of the way of a punch that was not quite overkill enough to make him nervous, but froze in place when he sensed a familiar presence, sending Granny careening past him on the ice.

It couldn't be. But... it's been years since he was that stupid. Naruto should know, he's too immune to alcohol to get drunk and forget about whatever stupid shit he pulled (Fuzzy's still grieving that missed opportunity). There's no way he's done something to piss Crazy Snake Lady off!

Regardless of Naruto's complete innocence, Anko is on his sorry ass with a vengeance. Granny on her own isn't as horrifying as she was when she tried the vaccines, and Naruto's actually been getting along pretty well with Anko the last few years since he's avoided messing with the dango shops almost to the point of adding it to the doctrines, but together? Nightmare fuel. Naruto immediately yanks on Fuzzy (waking him up with an indignant shriek) and flings himself into the woods outside the village. Jiji knows not to panic every time Naruto leaves anyway, as long as he gets a clone to tell him why at the end of the day.

"What the heck was that, you stupid brat?!"

"Shut it! I wouldn't have been in that mess if you hadn't flaked out on me like a jerk!"

"What you expect a force of nature to care about such petty terms as 'jerk'? You should be grateful I bother to give advice!"

"Some advice! You're as helpful as a preschooler!"

There was much shrieking. And a mental fist-fight. Which honestly wasn't much of a fight because Fuzzy just sat on Naruto's mental fists. But Naruto learned irrational pride, competitiveness, and pettiness from the best, so he pulls his trump card.

"Aren't Jinchuuriki supposed to keep Bijuu out of trouble? I've been totally failing at my job! My dad even martyred himself so I could do it but I'm letting you encourage me to mess up the village I'm technically supposed to be protecting! Well, I'm gonna do a good job now! I'm gonna be the best freaking Bijuu babysitter there ever was!"

"I'm pretty sure that's not the goal of making a Jinchuuriki, brat."

"Um, Naruto, I'd appreciate if you didn't word it like I got you a job by suicide."

"Shut up. That's exactly what you did."

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-Minato-

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What followed was a solid... half hour of sparring with Kakashi (wow, he got tall) before Naruto hit a roadblock. He definitely had a good idea, maybe inspired indirectly by the Jyuuken (although a bit less permanent). Disrupting an opponent's chakra, even momentarily, is a good trump card to pull in battle. And in general, it's definitely not impossible, since it's a common strategy to break comrades out of genjutsu by disrupting their chakra if they can't do it themselves. But doing so usually required physical contact and/or decent chakra control, neither of which would be realistic for Naruto to consistently do in a fight with a resisting opponent.

Of course, Naruto was more than accustomed to listening to advice and eagerly soaked up any and all suggestions Minato offered. The problem was, Minato had never attempted a technique like this and thus would need some time and experimentation to get a solid idea of what to do. Really, Fuzzy would probably have more thoughts here, but they're having a bit of a spat right now. Meh. Nothing the tried-and-true teamwork talk can't fix.

Minato readies a speech (because Naruto has to get his weird charisma from somewhere, and Kushina was more the type to make fun of her problems mercilessly and punch them in the face instead of giving them life-altering sermons) and gets to work.

"Hey, Naruto, do you remember the first time you tried to work out basic sealing theory? You told me the story just a few weeks ago. You had trouble understanding the building blocks, but once Fuzzy figured those out for you, you were able to build those blocks into a seal. Teamwork's like that; you find the strengths of each individual in your team and put them together. Sometimes there will be fights and disagreements in the team, because everyone's different, with different mindsets and different struggles, but you'll always be stronger as a unit than as individual members. You have to remember that although working through your disagreements is hard, your team is more than worth the trouble."

Naruto seemed unconvinced. And Fuzzy's still sulking in a corner of the shared headspace. Oh well. Plan B never hurt anyone either.

"If it helps, try a bonding activity. I know you're annoyed at all the ice and snow, but imagine how shocking it is to have some of that shoved down your shirt?"

The effect was immediate. Naruto promptly abandoned Kakashi to gather up as many snowballs as he could carry with Fuzzy readily pouring chakra into Naruto's feet and legs to make the process faster.

Ok, Plan B might hurt some people. But it's in the name of teamwork so Minato can justify it. He has to be the adult in the room here, after all.

Naruto and Fuzzy proceeded to have a very productive day filled with many screams of shock and rage. Their snow-filled rampage came to a surprisingly abrupt stop when Naruto presented his problem to Fuzzy, who immediately launched into a rant about pulses and the effect of different natures disrupting each other and even something about influencing nature chakra outside your body. Minato isn't quite sure what to do with that last one. If absorbing nature chakra the standard way of sitting perfectly still can turn you into a stone statue when you do it wrong, what will nature chakra do when you try to manipulate it before you've even gathered it safely?

Following Minato's train of thought, Kurama huffed indignantly.

"Honestly, the way you idiots use nature chakra is appalling. Have you ever seen nature sit still? So what in the world about sitting like a lump of overcooked bread made you think that it'll make you 'one with nature'? Frankly, human Sages are idiots. That Senju imbecile was closer, but not quite right. What you're missing isn't lack of movement, but lack of thought. Not in the way that you turn off your brain or higher thought, but that you relax and put yourself in the mindset of an actual part of nature. Have you ever thoroughly studied Frog Kumite? Frog Sages jump, use indirect attacks, move with a sure-footed power that lends itself to leaps and agility without tumbling or twisting. They move like a frog. That's much closer to the correct way to 'become one with nature' than simply 'sit still like a rock until nature realizes that you're trying to be a rock and helping you fulfill your dreams'. Think like a rock, become a rock. Think like a toad, become a toad. Think like a fox, become a fox. Don't get any ideas brat. I'm saving Sage training for your next birthday present."

"Aren't you supposed to keep birthday presents a secret?"

"Secrets are overrated. This way your idiot father can mentally prepare himself for how much I'm going to grind whatever toad sage forgot how to be a freaking toad into the dirt with my common sense."

A successful day indeed. Naruto happily skipped home to review some fuuinjutsu theory before freezing the moment he entered his apartment.

"What's wrong, Naruto?"

"There's a box."

"A box? Did you leave it there?"

"Obviously not, or I wouldn't be freezing in the doorway!"

"Calm down, brat. Maybe a friend left it as a Christmas present. It's only the day after so maybe their order was finished later than expected."

"But there's no smell or tracks or anything? Usually they leave the apartment alone when I'm not here 'cause they know it's off-limits to be around here when I haven't hidden my plants and cleaned up first. Only Pervy Sage's stupid enough to come when I'm not here to make sure he doesn't poison himself. And he usually leaves dusty footprints all over 'cause he doesn't bother to take off his stupid impractical sandals."

"Why don't you try a clone? If it's dangerous, that would give you plenty of time to get out of the way."

Naruto brightened.

"Great idea, Dad!"

The sacrificial clone glumly made its way over to its possible death, took off the lid, blinked in bemusement, and held up the box for Naruto to see... a kunai set? Oh, and a note. Naruto's clone cautiously took out the note and read...

"Better luck next year! - Santa"

Fuzzy cackled, Minato pondered the implications, and Naruto vowed revenge next year before devolving into crazed internal screaming.

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A/N - Naruto's ten, as of last chapter. Zabuza technically guessed his age wrong, but he was literally one chapter away from being right so I'm gonna give him a pass.

And credit to freedomringer for the Santa ending. Screw sleep, I needed to write that shit the moment I read it. You are a beautiful genius, and thank you for the inspiration!