Chapter 1: Clarity

It feels like I've woken up from a dream, or am in a dream? A wave of emotion hit me as some subconscious barrier shattered. Something long suppressed or possibly forgotten was set free. I'd have probably taken the time to marvel at it if it weren't for the fact that some cat cracking my skull against a rock was that released this revelation. That filthy Riverclan rat! He'd pay for that!

Using my superior strength, I spun the tom with a swipe, leaving me east access to attack. I grabbed him by the scruff and tossed him into the nearby river. This was what Riverclan saw fit to send at us as an invasion force? Pathetic. Even a Thunderclan apprentice wouldn't have been caught in my counter. That's saying a lot given my own apprentice Ravenpaw. Thinking of that cat, I looked around briefly to look for him. It appeared that at some point Ravenpaw bolted. Sometimes I have to question if he's really related to Dustpaw.

I suddenly heard Redtail call for a duel between him and Oakheart. Perfect timing. It'd give me a chance to sort out this strange new clarity. A strange sense of DeJa'Vu hit me, like I'd heard of this before. Best explore it now before someone could sense weakness.

Ok. First thing that strikes me… My name is Tigerclaw. That's a simple one, but I feel like I've heard my name told of like the character from a legend. Why?... Something's there. I can feel it. I've heard someone refer to the name Tigerclaw… What was it? I feel like there's something slipping through my fingers. Fingers? I don't have fingers. I'm a cat… right?

The point where my head struck the rock begins to thrum with pain, but I can feel something breaking loose. I… wasn't a cat, but now I am. I was born Tigerkit, but I haven't always been Tigerclaw. What was my name?

The question was stonewalled, unable to be revealed, but I felt something else slip through. I'm… supposed to be a bad guy, a villain most foul. Yes. That sounds right. I can still feel my ambitions, my need to become leader and show them that I'm deserving of their respect and fear. Recalling even earlier today, I'd had a villainous scheme in the works. I was going to kill Redtail… but the plan seems so foolish now. I'd leave far too much evidence. I couldn't kill him by claw because my claws are fairly unique in size. I can't do it by fang either because one of my eyeteeth is chipped. What in the Darkforest made me think it'd possibly work? Even if he died, I wouldn't receive the deputy position. I've got a whole two cats who I can trust and a few super fans who treat me as if I was Thunderstar himself. Not really a power base from which I can pressure Bluestar into giving me power. No. I don't think I'll be killing Redtail today. I need a wider support base. Even then, it'd be better to politically maneuver my way into the position. Yes. That's what I'll do. After all, true evil is subtle, it's evil never seen in the public eye.

The sound of crashing rock interrupted my musing. Dust was kicked into the air as one of these ancient boulders finally slipped its rip from another propping boulder. Now that one had fallen, I couldn't help looking at the others. A fair few were just as precariously perched as the one that'd just fallen. This place was a death trap just waiting to happen. Speaking of deathtrap, Redtail clawed himself free from beneath the freshly fallen boulder, clearly having gotten lucky in a recess in the rock.

"You alright Redtail?" I called to the tom. He was still my rival and enemy, but as they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

"Yeah. I'm fine. It was a bit close. I was less than a claw's length from losing one of my back paws. Unfortunately, Oakheart wasn't so lucky. If he hadn't thrown me at the last moment, I'd probably have been crushed too." Redtail answered, his eyes misty with shock. Not that surprising given that it was a near death experience. I internally raged. If Redtail had accidentally offed himself, it would have put me one pawstep closer to the deputy position. Then I'd only really have to compete with Lionheart and Whitestorm.

"You ok Redtail?" came a younger yet familiar voice. It was my cowardly apprentice. I had a certain hatred for his timid tendencies, but given my newfound clarity, I realized cats like him were what I needed to build my new support base.

"Besides shock, he seems to be fine." I answered, gesturing for the two to follow me. Redtail followed mindlessly, but Ravenpaw couldn't help piping up a question.

"Um… What's shock?" He quietly asked, wincing as if I were going to strike him. That behavior just wouldn't do. He needed to grow a sense of confidence, and clearly my current methods were not yielding results.

"Shock is something like fear. When a cat experiences something extremely traumatic, they enter this state of almost apathy. It appears they are unresponsive. In actuality, their mind is trying to catch back up. It's processing the trauma. Redtail probably won't even remember the walk back. Heck, I bet a mouse that he'll say something like 'when did we get back to camp' when we get back." I answered in a level tone, not even looking at Ravenpaw, knowing my gaze unsettled him.

Silence hung between us before Ravenpaw chanced another question. "How weren't you afraid out there? I mean, a cat died, but you seem calm, a bit too calm."

I couldn't help letting out a chuff. "You think I didn't feel fear? Only a true fool never feels fear. I felt fear when my head cracked against a rock. I felt fear when I heard the boulder fall. I feel fear every time I enter battle. Do you want to know what the difference between my fear and yours is?" I mewed vehemently.

Ravenpaw shrunk at my aggressive words, but he did give a now.

"My fear does not control me. I let it be felt, but I do not allow it free rein. Fear is a useful feeling. It lets you know when to dodge, when to push. I have become in sync with mine. Yes, I feel fear just as often as you Ravenpaw, but I tamed mine. I enter battle with fear but also with anticipated joy. Battling is fun for me. It's proof that all my efforts and training paid off. Being the best is a goal every cat should strive for. I always have to improve, make that next battle easier, make myself stronger. So, if you must take any lesson to heart from me Ravenpaw, it's that you mustn't let fear rule you. You are its master, not the other way around." I lectured, noticing Ravenpaw start to nod along as I completed my rant.

Ravenpaw, seeming more confident, asked one more question. "What things are you scared of?"

Again I chuffed, but this time with a bit of amusement. "Plenty. Venomous snakes, a mother badger, Thistleclaw…" I answered, planning to continue my list.

"Who is Thistleclaw?" Ravenpaw butt in.

My eyes met his sharply. "Do not speak of Thistleclaw to me. You may pester Bluestar, Spottedleaf, or Whitestorm about him but never me." I growled, frightening the apprentice. Great. Guess I'm back to square one on him.