(One day at the Mystery shack Stan, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos are in the front of the Mystery Shack, than Wendy show up to work late. Stan , who doesn't look happy)
Stan: Oh, look who decided to show up.
Wendy: Sorry, Stan.
(Wendy sit in the porch )
Stan: (annoyed)As I was saying,I crunchhed the numbers and the shack has extra money this year. Mabel and Wendy, you can take this hunk of junk to the dump.
Mabel and Wendy: What?
Stan: Cause I bought us this.
(Shows them the Smarten Karten as the screen cuts to it)
Stan: Say guten tag to the Smarten Karten.
Smarten Karten: Guten tag.
(Everyone jeers and heads to the new cart, much to Mabel and Wendy's disappointment)
Stan: Modern, sophisticated, powerful. These are three adjectives used to describe this miracle of German engineering.
Dipper: Whoa! This thing has 100 horsepower!
Soos: A device that holds beverages. (Gasps)No way Dude! A butt warmer!
(Soos Presses the 'seat warmer' button and relaxes.)
Mabel: Who needs all that stuff?
(She and Wendy rush over to the old cart)
Mabel (continued):Here are a few words to describe the cart. Reliable, uh, classic...
(Mabel sniffs it and immediately becomes grossed out)
Mabel: Won't smell like manure later.
Wendy: These seats are vintage simulated vinyl.
Mabel: And look at these classic details.
Stan: Those are stickers.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, the cart's been at the park forever. It's like a member of the family. (Mabel put another sticker on the cart.)
Wendy:It's the sixth worker of the shack.
Stan:That cart's engine is on its last legs. It's releasing noxious gas fumes into the air. Look girls. I know you've had a lot of good times in that cart. But it's not cost effective. Who's gonna pay the bills for it?
Wendy: I'm pay 'em.
Stan:So, you'll pay the gas bill.
Wendy: Done.
Stan: And the repair bills. Not to mention insurance, tags, and the occasional tetanus shot.
Wendy: Pfff!
Stan: Okay.
Wendy: Uh...
(Stan hands them lots of paper, and one of them has a total of 2,000 dollars)
Wendy:$2,000?!
Stan:That's right. Paid in full every month for the rest of your life.
Wendy:(Dejectedly)You've made your point.
Stan:Now take the cart to the dump by the end of the day!
(Mabel and Wendy are parked up at the Gravity Falls airport drinking pitt soda. They see an airplane come in. Wendy sighs.')
Wendy:We'd better get going to the dump.
Mabel:It's not fair, Wendy. It's not fair to the cart! I know that cart every since me and Dipper first arrive at, Gravity Falls.
Wendy:Dude, I love the cart too. But we can't afford to keep it. Now let's pour one out on the hood, for old cart's sake.
Mabel:Word.
(They shed tears and pour soda on the cart. it goes through the engine, causing it to electrocute.)
Mabel and Wendy: Huh?
(They jump out and back away as the cart appears to come to life.)
Cart:Woah.
(It moves around a little.)
Cart (continued):Is this what it's like to be conscious?
(Mabel and Wendy are stunned.)
Wendy:How is this possible?
(Mabel looks at the soda. It is called "Thunder Pitt Jolt X: 10x the Caffeine".)
Mabel: Woah. I wish Dipper was here to see this!
(They walk up to Cart.)
Wendy:This is awesome.
Cart:I am happy also, entity Wendy and entity Mabel.
Wendy:Dude, you know us. Call us Wendy and Mabel.
Mabel:Don't you have a name?
Cart:Well, according to the writing on my insides, it's Hecho. Hech en Mexico.
Mabel:We'll just call you Cart.
Cart:Wow, my first nickname! A lotta good that'll do me now that you have to take me to the dump.
(He turns away from them.)
Cart:I've only been alive for 30 seconds and I already know that life is cruel. And to think, I've still never felt a delicate touch of a lady cart.
Mabel:I can't stand it!
(Cart turns back to the girls.)
Wendy:Cart, you deserve better than this.
Mabel:Before you go to the dump, we'll take you to experience all the thing you never got to do.
(They go into Cart.)
Cart:Wow, you'd do that? For old cart's sake?
Wendy:Yeah, dude. For old cart's sake. So what do you wanna do first, Cart?
Cart:Well...
(Cart plays his radio and straps Mordecai and Rigby in. They scream as he spins a donut and they drive off. As the music plays, a montage begins. At a concert, Cart appears on the stage and Wendy and Mabel cheer him on with the crowd. He then gets crowd surfed all the way to the end of the crowd, to which Wendy and Mabel hi five. At a bridge, Cart is connected to a cord and he bungee jumps off it. At a tattoo shop, Cart gets a tattoo with a US Flag, eagle and his name. Later, Wendy and Mabel hook him up to a red Volkswagon New Beetle. They then take him to Yumberjack, where they decide to order in. Cart goes inside after them, dismantling the door. They are now seen enjoying Yumberjack together while the door is being repaired.)
Wendy:I gotta say, Cart, you're a pretty cool guy.
Cart:Heh. Right back at ya.
Stan:(via walkie talkie) Wendy, Mabel, are you there?
(Cart snickers.)
Cart: Dude, dude! Answer in a French accent.
Wendy:What? No way. (Wendy answer in her walkie-talkie taking to Stan) Hey, Stan.
Cart: Wa-wa-wait. Tell him we just picked up his mama!
(He snickers again, and Mabel joins him.)
Wendy: Mabel!
Stan:(via walkie talkie) You two were due back hours ago.
Wendy:Sorry, we-
Stan:(via walkie talkie) I don't care! Get back here now!
(Wendy sighs.)
Wendy: Alright. We better head to the dump.
(Cart is no longer with them.)
Mabel:Where's Cart?
Wendy:Ah, what?! Did he ditch us?!
Mabel:Oh no! This is just like that time me and Dipper had to take care of the neighbors dog, then we took the dog to get some ice cream and then the dog ran away!
(Cart is seen near the trash can.)
Wendy:Wait. There he is.
(They walk over to him.)
Wendy (continued):Cart, what are you doing?
Cart:Sorry, guys. I was just throwing away our trash. Kinda like how you're gonna throw me away. You know, at the dump?
Wendy:Come on, Cart, it's not like that.
Cart:Is that all I am? Just a...used up old taco wrapper?
(Wendy sighs. Cart turns to the guys.)
Cart (continued):You know what'd make me feel better?
Wendy:What?
Cart:If I could get a view of the sunset.
(Mabel points at the sunset.)
Mabel:Yeah! That sunset is prime send-off material. Let's goooooooooooo.
Wendy: I don't know.
Cart:Come on buddy, just one more drive. For old cart's sake?
(Wendy sighs.)
Wendy:I can't say no to that face.
(Cut to the three watching the sunset on a rooftop.)
Cart:Wow, it's...magnificent. Just seeing such beauty gives meaning to me short life, an even shorter life as a sentient being. I really feel at peace.
Wendy:That's great, dude. Alright, let's get going.
(They try to get into Cart but he drives away from them.)
Cart:Y-You know, I've never been to a..a, a car wash. Yeah.
Wendy:But we washed you all the time!
Cart:No, I mean a real car wash. Look, I know you wouldn't understand because you aren't a golf cart, but, I don't wanna go without experiencing this.
Mabel:But we'll get soaked! And I don't want my sweater to be shrunk.
Cart:Yeah, well I'm getting crushed. Seems like the least you could do, with me being crushed and all.
(Wendy and Mabel feel guilty. Scene cuts to the Gravity Falls Car Wash, where Cart is passing through while Wendy and Mabel are soaped, soaked and dried. They exit the car wash.)
Cart (continued):Thanks so much, guys. It really means a lot to me.
(Mabel and Wendy come out of Cart.)
Cart (continued):And now that I'm clean, I'm ready for my final wish.
Mabel:Aw, what? You said the "last thing" was the last thing!
Cart:I promise this is it. One last wish, for old cart's sake.
Wendy:Okay, fine. But that's it.
(Cart spins a donut.)
Cart:Nice! Let's gooooooooo!
(Wendy and Mabel go back in.)
Mabel:Where to, exactly?
Cart:You'll see.
(They drive off. Cut to a restaurant where bikes are parked.)
Cart (continued):Seriously, you girls are gonna love this.
Wendy:Family Restaurant?
Mabel:Why is everything in quotes?
(The three enter the restaurant. Wendy and Mabel look around in shock)
Hooligan 1:Hey! I asked for the dressing separate! Separate!
Owner:Take it up with the complaints department! Right here!
Puppies Man:Puppies!
Kittens Man:Kittens!
Puppies Man:Puppies!
Kittens Man:Kittens!
(Kittens Man punches Puppies Man)
Owner:Hey! You gonna order something?
Cart:Engine oil. Black.
Wendy:Ooh, I get it! Oil's on me.
(The owner pours the cart a glass of engine oil)
Wendy:You should have just us you wanted to find an oil change!
Hooligan 2:Hey! Don't you know that grade of oil causes unnecessary wear and tear on your engine?
Cart:Well maybe I've got a deathwish, pal!
Hooligan 2:Jokers like you should be taken to the dump.
(Hooligan 2 takes a drink)
Hooligan 2:You make me wanna puke!
(He walks off.)
Cart:Pfft. Jerk.
Wendy:Okay, haha, you've had your last drink!
Mabel:Let's hurry to the dump, it's getting late!
Cart:Oh, this? This isn't the last thing.
Mabel:Huh? Then what is it?
Cart:Watch this.
(Cart drives off and runs over the hooligan)
Cart:I've always wanted to get into a fight!
(The Hooligan goes to punch the cart, but the cart dodges, causing the Hooligan to punch a random man)
Hooligan 3:Hence fighting words!
(The Hooligans start fighting, and Wendy and Mabel get grabbed by some hooligans)
Hooligan 4:Hate this music!
(He punches two more hooligans next to him. Everybody fights)
Cart:Who wants some?
(Everybody attempts to attack the Cart, but he beats everybody easily. Wendy punches a hooligan to free Mabel)
Mabel:Cart!
(Hooligan 2 throws a box onto Cart's roof and laughs)
Wendy:Hey!
(Wendy and Mabel punch the Hooligan. The owner comes along and tackles them as Cart drives off. Mabel and Wendy get thrown out the restaurant)
Owner:And stay out! This is a decent "Family Establishment!" Don't need you "low lives" messing things up!
(The owner heads back into the restaurant as Mabel and Wendy groan)
Wendy:Wait a minute, where's the Cart? I knew it! He ditched us! We should've taken him to the dump when we had the chance! We're so dead, dude!
Mabel:Wendy, look! An oil trail!
(Wendy and Mabel follow the oil trail to the edge of a cliff)
Wendy:There he is! Cart...what are you doing up here?
Cart:I - I'm so sorry, you guys. I - I just didn't want you to have to see me like this.
Wendy:It's alright, dude. Can we please just go to the dump now?
Cart:If I have to go, I'm gonna do it my way. I wanna be sent off this cliff, into the ocean, filled with fireworks from a third world country, to go out in a blaze of glory. That's my final - final wish.
Wendy:That's - the coolest thing I've ever heard.
(Cut to later, the Cart is now filled with fireworks as Mabel take a picture, for her scrapbook.)
Wendy:Alright. That's the last of them.
Cart:Thanks, you guys.
Wendy:Do you have any regrets?
Cart:Well I never did write that novel. But I've seen things other carts wouldn't believe. I've started an all-out brawl at a family restaurant. I've watched sunbeams shimmer over the city from the highest parking ramp. My only regret is that I couldn't hold more fireworks.
Wendy:Yeah, but it's still a lot.
Cart:Yea, it is! Let's get this show on the road.
(The Cart revs its engine, while Wendy prepares to light off the fireworks)
Wendy:Good luck, old friend.
(The Cart drives off the cliff as fireworks go off. The cart lands in the water, creating a huge splash)
Wendy:Coolest decommissioning ever.
Wendy:Totally cool.
(Benson rings in on the girls' walkie talkie)
Stan:Wendy! Mabel!
Wendy:Hello?
Stan:There's been an accounting error. I forgot to carry a zero and it turns out we can't afford the new cart, and the seat warmer gave Soos third degree burns on 70% of his butt.
(Soos is seen screaming and burning and he try to stop drop and roll to put the fire out while Dipper attempt to put, the fire extinguisher out of Soos butt.)
Stan:We need you to bring the old cart back. I bet you two are glad to hear that. You know, it wasn't such a bad old cart after all.
(The cart's engine is heard failing, as Wendy and Mabel watch over him. Wendy sighs)
Wendy:Let's go get him.