Hello, and welcome to the anics of beacon which is literally just a collection of brief RWBY-inspired one shots that I hope come off either comedic or hijink-y. Not much to say besides that, so we're just going to jump right in.
Team RWBY vs. The Vending Machine
Beacon Academy was famous for many things: it's elite hunstmen training program, it's state-of-the-art facilities, and, of course, its giant, reinforced, sentient vending machines. Okay, that last part wasn't in the brochures. But it was a well-known fact amongst Beacon's students that the vending machines were alive, and they were far more stubborn than Nora when it came to insisting that she and Ren were together, but not together together.
Ruby Rose, team leader, weapon fanatic, and self-proclaimed cookie expert, had just finished a grueling twenty-seven minute study session with Weiss and found she desperately needed a chocolate chip cookie. And it was through this that team RWBY found themselves in the main hallway, clad in their pajamas, and staring down a vending machine.
"Just one chocolate chip cookie," the reaper mumbled.
"Ruby, this is a terrible idea." Blake muttered back, peeping from the safety of their dorm's door.
Yang grinned, pulling the bookworm out into the hallway proper as she slung an arm around her. "Oh c'mon Bella-drama. What's the worst that could happen?"
Weiss sighed, pincing the bridge of her nose. "I don't know, Yang. Ruby's most recent attempt ended up forming a spagetthi tornado that exploded half the cafeteria."
"Eh, that was ages ago."
"THIS WAS YESTERDAY!"
Ruby looked back at her teamates, and her silver eyes shone with resolve. "Exactly Weiss, yesterday, the past, before, some other words that sound right for this moment. This time I'm better prepared, and I've got you guys as backup!"
Blake tried to slink back into the room.
Yang grabbed her by the arm, pulling Blake until the girls were joined at the hip. "Alright!" she said, firing a fingergun towards her sister. "How can WBY help out our Lead-R. Eh?" The girls shared a communal groan at Yang's horrible attempt at a pun. Ruby finished first, so used to brief silence to carry on.
She turned around, rubbing her hands deviously together. "Alright! My plan has four phases." She held up four fingers as if the rest of her teammates could not count. "We're going to work together, and each of us has a special job. Weiss, you're not needed until phase four, so until then you're on lookout. If any teachers come close, let us know. I really don't want them questioning why we're attacking school property."
Weiss looked horrified. "Attacking?!"
"Okay, so phase one is pretty simple."
"Ruby Rose, don't for a second think I'm going to let you disregard my perfectly reasonable objections to this absu-"
Phase One of Operation: Snack Retrieval began.
Yang cracked her knuckles, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. "Alright, it's time to dispense some justice." She turned to waggle her eyebrows at her teammates, and all she received was an eyeroll, a facepalm, and a groan. Yang marched up to the vending machine, and she sized it up like an opponent in the ring. Weiss's voice echoed in the background, still ranting about something or another, but Yang was already in motion.
She grabbed the vending machine by the sides and began to shake it with all her might. The machine rattled, but it refused to move an inch. Yang grunted again, redoubling her efforts, her muscles straining as she gave it another shake. "Come... on! Move! Don't make me break you!" Her eyes briefly flashed red as she yanked at the snack-filled machine again.
But nothing happened. The machine didn't budge.
Yang blinked, furrowing her brow in disbelief. "Wait... what?" She tried again, and still the machine moved not an inch. "Is this machine... immune to my awesomeness?" She muttered, clearly rattled, as her famous strength had failed her for the first time. Ruby, clearly unphased by the entire situation, walked up and nudged Yang.
"Maybe the machine is more durable than you are strong." The brawler's eyes narrowed, and they flickered red for another brief moment. Ruby's eyes widened as she took a step back. "Uh, Yang, maybe you should—"
Before she could finish, Yang growled, "I'm done with this thing!" She drew her fist back.
A cane intercepted her fist. Said cane belonged to Professor Ozpin, who tilted his head before taking a long drawl of his coffee mug. Only RBY was present, with Weiss nowhere to be seen. Ruby coughed and then began to explain the situation as clearly and eloquently as she could.
"SCATTER!"
Phase Two of Operation: Snack Retrieval began... after they got interrogated by the Headmaster for fifteen minutes. Phase Two was Blake's territory; she was quiet and stealthy, and her Semblance made it easy for her to disract her enemies for brief periods. She was perfect for the stealth section for the mission, and she also needed to be alone. So RWY (or Ruby and Yang since Weiss went back to studying) waited inside to not put the machine on alert.
Blake walked up to the machine and then stopped several steps away, going totally still. The vending machine hummed quietly, the lights on the front flickering as it scanned for motion, unaware that the real Blake was right beside it. The cookies were on the bottom row, within perfect reaching distance. So, she crouched down, slowly and carefully reaching her hand inside, inching her fingers closer and closer, until they eventually brushed against the packet of chocolat-
WHIRRR-CLUNK!
From inside the RWBY dorm, there was the faint sound of frantic rattling followed by a brief, startled scream from Blake. Ruby and Yang rushed out with a "Blake!", and found that the girl was nowhere in sight.
"Where did she—" Yang began, but then her eyes caught something. Ruby followed her gaze, and her silver eyes widened. There, perched on the top shelf of the vending machine, were several plushies. Plushies that did not belong in a vending machine for snacks. Plushies that had amber eyes, black clothing, raven hair, and... were those cat ears?
"Wait..." Ruby leaned closer, squinting at the Lien value below A3. It boasted a hefty price of 3,000 Lien. Ruby nodded sagely, her face a mix of somberness and acceptance. "She was a brave soldier. Tragically, some battles... they cost too much." A dramatic sigh left her lips, her hands clasped over her heart as she took a step back. "Sadly, the cost of some missions is plushiefication."
Yang scratched her head. "I... I'm not even sure what to say here. This is... new." The outermost Blake plushy shook in place, and Ruby and Yang leaned in slowly, trying to figure out what was happening. With a burst of force, the vending machine shot a very real, very much alive Blake from the retrieval slot, sending her crashing into her teammates in a pile of red, black, and yellow.
Ruby was at the bottom of the pile, and despite being crushed under the weight of the two other girls, she managed to groan out words. "Ph-Phase... Three." Her hand slumped to the side as the oxygen depravation finally started to kick in.
Phase Three of Operation: Snack Retrieval began with Ruby coaxing Weiss outside (read: getting Yang to drag the kicking and screaming heiress out). 'Safety in numbers' was how she justified it. With the entire team RWBY present, she disappeared into petals as she used her Semblance to superspeed her hand into the retrieval slot. The machine, of course, was too fast for the reaper and slammed on her hand before she could get it anywhere.
"Ow! Stupid machine…" She muttured, sucking on her red thumb as she glared hatefully at the metal contraption.
Blake, still traumatized from the plushiefication, clung to the wall. "Ruby..." she whispered, barely concealing a shudder as the machine clicked. "Maybe we should just... call it a night?"
Ruby ignored her, her eyes flashing with determination. "Oh, it's on," she whispered, reaching into her pagjama pockets and pulling out two screwdrivers. "Let's see how you like getting a little adjustment."
Weiss blinked. "Wait—why do you even have screwdrivers in your pajamas? Wait, no!" The heiress' eyes suddenly went wide as Ruby crouched in front of the machine. "That's tampering! You're going to get us expelled!" She looked towards Yang and Blake for help, but Yang was currently waving a little 'Team RWBY' flag and Blake was watching, supprotively, from behind the brawler. Ruby was too far gone to care, her nose practically touching the machine's circuitry as she worked.
And then, with a loud whirr, the machine spit out a packet of chocolate chip cookies. Ruby let out a delighted squeal as she snatched the packet from the retrieval slot, only pausing to briefly stick her tongue out at the machine. "See Weiss, all according to plan." She pulled open the packet and was not greeted by cookies. Instead, a sad, crumbly pile of cookie dust exploded in Ruby's face, coating her cheeks, nose, and forehead.
There was a moment of silence as Ruby just stood there, face covered in cookie dust, blinking in shock. Yang was the first to break, snickering under her breath, while Blake just covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Weiss gave an exasperated sigh. Yang walked over and patted her sister on the back, barely containing her laughter. "Look at the bright side, Rubes. You just got all the cookie crumbs you've ever wanted!"
Ruby glared at the machine one last time, her shoulders slumping. "I hate this thing."
Blake, managing to contain her laughter but not her amused smile, walked over and pulled her away from the hellish machine. "Come on, maybe next time we just buy snacks… from actual stores."
Yang gave a resigned shrug. "Yep." She popped the 'p'. "This thing's cursed. Let's cut our losses." They started to turn away when Weiss folded her arms, a huff escaping her.
"Um, excuse me, but I distinctly recall being assigned 'Phase Four,'" she said, her fingers making air quotes.
Ruby threw up her hands, scattering cookie dust onto the ground. "It's fine Weiss, you didn't even want anything to do with this machine!"
Weiss briefly blushed but covered it up by striding past them to face the machine directly. "Nonsense. Watch." With a graceful flourish, she pulled a Lien card from her pocket, inserted it into the machine, and pressed the appropriate slot for the cookies. The machine clattered and promptly dispensed a cookie packet. She reached into the retrieval slot and pulled it out. For added dramatic effect, she opened the packet and held out a cookie for them to see.
The rest of the team stared, wide-eyed and speechless.
Ruby stepped forward, arms reaching for the packet, but Weiss pulled back. "Weiss," Ruby licked her lips as she stared at the treat her partner had in her hands. "T-th-that's for me, right? That's for your beloved team leader? Your bestest bestie, Ruby Rose... right?"
Weiss raised an eyebrow, and then a devious smirk graced her features. "Well... You did get the crumbs, didn't you?" Before Ruby could respond, Weiss casually took a bite of the cookie, her eyes never leaving Ruby's face as she chewed slowly. "Mmm, chocolate chip." Her satisfaction was exaggerated, but it still had the same effect on Ruby.
Ruby collapsed to her knees, her hands stretched out toward Weiss. Yang erupted into laughter, the sound ringing through the hallway. She had a hand on her sister's shoulder, both to hold herself together and the younger girl back. Crocodile tears flowed from her cheeks. "Why, Weiss?! Why would you betray me like this?!"
Weiss popped the rest of the cookie in her mouth, utterly unfazed. "I wanted to study, and you dragged me out of the room twice. I'm the victim here."
Ruby sniffled. "I'll never forgive you... not even when we're old and gray... with... with... cookie crumbs in our hair..."
"Noted." She reached into the packet and pulled out the remaining three cookies. She tossed one to Yang, and the other to Blake. Yang caught hers mid-air, grinning widely as she realized what Weiss was doing. Without a second thought, she stuffed it into her mouth, chewing with exaggerated pleasure.
Blake was briefly confused and almost gave the cookie to Ruby. Almost. Her mind whispered that the plushiefication was the reaper's fault, and so, with a more composed look than Yang, took a bite of hers, nodding thoughtfully. "Not bad."
Ruby was horrified.
Weiss finally took the last cookie and held it before Ruby. "Well, since I'll never be forgiven, I may as well indulge." Ruby's eyes widened, but before she could protest, Weiss smirked and popped the cookie into her mouth, savoring it with a little too much satisfaction.
"Looks like you're the only one left without one," Weiss teased, her voice dripping with mock sweetness. "Goodnight, Ruby. Don't stay up too late. Wouldn't want you to collapse under the weight of your own tragic snack loss." Weiss paused before heading back into the dorm, hearing Ruby's final, dramatic cries.
Today's Conclusion: Weiss wins
So yeah, this'll be the general vibe length and vibe I'll be going for in this story. Fully intend to not just do Team RWBY, and even then I kinda wanna try to keep the characters to their Vol 1-3 personalities, but not gonna promise that because that will come shoot me in my foot later. Either way, thanks for reading!