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"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Host talking"
'Host thinking'
Episode 7
"The big fight is about to begin!" Issei cheered.
"I know!" Irina cheered right next to him.
"Soon, my rival and I shall have our glorious first encounter." Vali grinned.
"Of course that's what you focus on." Azazel laughed along with a few others. However, the laughter died down as music started to play.
"What's going on?" Saji.
"Hey this sounds familiar...Isn't this that song from that Disney movie Mulan?" asked Bikou.
"Of course, you would know that song and movie Monkey boy" said Kuroka with a snicker.
"Now now." Miki spoke up. "This is a classic. One of the first Disney things to come to this side of the world. And it's actually good."
"You quoted that song a few times in the bedroom, didn't you honey." Gorou chuckled, wrapping his arm around his wife in a hug.
"Aaaand Disney has now been ruined for me." Issei groaned.
"Isn't it already in shambles?" Kiba spoke up. "And by human hands alone no less."
"Don't remind us about that last part." Sirzechs moaned. "There are some factions, that actually think some devils interfered with their business, but nope. It's all them."
"At least we have the classics." Yasaka sighed.
"But that begs the question. Why is a Disney song playing in a Dragon Ball themed series" asked Irina.
That was when the singing began.
(Sirzechs) Let's get down to business, to control the world
(Millicas) But I don't think I'm ready. (Sirzechs) Shut up, you nerd
"Wait those aren't the real-" Bikuou began.
"Zip it. This is good." Azazel shushed him.
(Sirzechs) You're the saddest runt I've ever met
But you can bet before we're through
Millicas I'll make a man out of you. (But I'm only four.) DODGE! (throws Millicas) (AUGH!)
(King Kai) Raise your hands to the sky to collect the ki
(Issei) Hey, I think I've got it. Ooh look a monkey
(Miss Ophis) You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man out of you
(Kiba) Oh my god, this is worse than death
(Motohama) Hope Toriyama doesn't screw me
(Gasper) Man I really hope Kiba will be okay (Motohama: Gay! Gasper: Hey!)
(Miss Ophis) What's wrong, maggots? Out of breath?
(Saji) I don't wanna die a virgin
(Miss Ophis) Boy you really need to watch just what you say
(Be a man) (Sirzechs)You must be swift as a coursing river (AAH!)
(Be a man) With all the force of a great typhoon (Mr. Sirzechs, help!)
(Be a man) With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon (Millicas: You blew that up, Mr. Sirzechs. I know.)
(Riser) Time is racing forward until we arrive
(Vali) Shut the hell up Riser and you might survive
(Riser) Vali are we there yet? (Vali) No Riser, no we're not
(Riser) How about now? (Vali) No, goddamn it Riser!
(Be a man) (Miss Ophis) You must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man)With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon
Seeing Ophis's face take over the moon, everyone in the audience could not hope themselves from shivering a bit at the thought of that actually happening. What if she really tried to-
"Boo." Came from behind them, making everyone jump out of their seat. They slowly turned to find Ophis casually munching away at her infinite snacks. Yet a few of them could see the subtle way the corner of her lips was turned up.
(Be a man) (Issei) I must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man) With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man) With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon
Issei: Hey King Kai I did it!
King Kai: Awesome.
A small round of applause went through the audience.
[DISCLAIMER]
KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
"It's getting started now!" Issei said gleefully.
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (slightly annoyed) No.
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (more annoyed) No.
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (really annoyed) No!
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (now irritated) NO!
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (relieved) Yes.
"Finally!" Vali cried out, raising his hands in victory which inadvertently revealed that he had been clenching the arms of his chair very very tightly.
(Space Pods crash through a building and land in the middle of the road, forming two huge craters)
RISER: Yaaay!
Ravel could only hang her head in shame at the actions of her on screen brother.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to Vali and Riser landing on the street, in front of a group of shocked citizens)
RISER: Hey look, Vali, more locals.
(citizens are shown to be completely scared with most of them whimpering)
CITIZEN: ...So, are you guys alien-
(Riser destroys the entire city, leaving nothing but a gigantic crater)
RISER: Ahhh, I hate awkward silences.
"Ah, right." Issei said nervously. "There actually are a lot of deaths."
"This is gonna get brutal." Rias agreed in concern as she patted Asia's head, knowing how sensitive the former nun was.
VALI: Dammit, Riser, think before you act! What if you'd have blown up one of the Dragon Balls?
RISER: The what now, Vali?
VALI: The Dragon Balls, Riser. Don't you remember our wish?
(flashback of Issei talking to Raynare about the DragonBalls)
ISSEI: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
OOLONG: Or Sona's panties!
"Why must that pig bring that up!" Sona shreiked.
(back to present)
RISER: Yeah, pandas...
VALI: You know what, Riser? One of these days you're going to die. Then you'll be out of my hair forever. (caption appears at the bottom of the screen saying "Epic Foreshadowing") Now let's just go. (Vali and Riser fly off towards the Z-Fighters)
Around of chuckles went through some members of the audience, mainly those who remembered the original events. Meaning they know the fate of the poor Phenex. Ravel was one of those who just looked confused at why they were chuckling.
(scene changes to a barren wasteland)
SIRZECHS: (senses the Saiyans' ki) Millicas, on your guard! They're coming right towards us.
MILLICAS: But, why would they be headed our way?
SIRZECHS: They're probably seeking to eliminate the strongest power level.
MILLICAS: (not catching on) But... my dad's dead.
SIRZECHS: (getting irate) I was referring to me!
MILLICAS: Oh, well by that logic, I suppose you would have the strongest power level on Earth.
"Oh, right in my pride" Sirzechs said holding his chest in mock pain.
Miss. OPHIS: (appears as a tiny speck on top of a faraway plateau) Hah!
That made Issei, Vali, and Saji jump in their seats a bit.
(Saji arrives at the battlefield)
SAJI: Hey, guys, Saji's here!
SIRZECHS: Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you've increased your power since we last met.
SAJI: I know! Isn't it great? I-
SIRZECHS: You're almost as strong as Millicas now.
SAJI: I- Wait, b-but he's only five...
MILLICAS: It's because I'm a Saiyan!
"And it's crazy how the real thing actually has that much potential as well." Saji grumbled.
SAJI: Well, at least there's only two of you.
"Ohhh how wrong you are." Issei and Irina chuckle.
SAJI: So, uh, how bad was the training with Sirzechs?
MILLICAS: Well, the training wasn't that bad. Mr. Sirzechs's actually really nice after you get to know him.
(flashback of Millicas training with Sirzechs)
SIRZECHS: Millicas, I've brought you a sparring partner for today.
MILLICAS: Really? Who?
(scene cuts to Millicas getting chased by a dinosaur)
"Oh. Father, can I have a pet dinosaur!"
"Absolute-" Sirzechs started...
"No." only for Grayfia cut him off.
(back to present)
MILLICAS: So how was your training, Saji?
(Saji begins whimpering while Miss. Ophis can be heard laughing and his eyes comes up behind Saji.)
SAJI: (breaking down crying) First rule of Ophis's training: Do not talk about Ophis's training!
MILLICAS: (puzzled) Saji, why are you crying?
SAJI: (voice starts breaking down) Second rule of Ophis's training...
"Sounds about right." Ddraig said with a bit of a sweat drop.
SIRZECHS: Aw man, he's already crying- and the Saiyans aren't even here ye-
RISER: Yeah we are!
(Vali and Riser has arrived at the battlefield as Mars: The bringer of War by Gustav Holst plays in the background)
RISER: Hi.
"It's strange how this one is dumber, yet more polite than the Riser we know." Rias somments out loud.
(Vali and Riser land in front of the group)
SIRZECHS: So, you guys are the Saiyans?
RISER: No.
VALI: Don't be rude, Riser.
SAJI: And you're here for the Dragon Balls?
RISER: No.
VALI: ...We are. And I am the prince of all Saiyans!
SIRZECHS: You're a prince?
RISER: No.
VALI: ...F*k you, Riser.
"It's like dealing with Bikuou except he's actually dumb." Vali groaned.
"Right here." Interjected said monkey king descendant.
"I know. Unfortunately."
SIRZECHS: So what do we call you?
RISER: I am Riser, and this is Vali. He was a prison...
VALI: (interrupting) Shut up, Riser!
RISER: (whispering) ...bitch.
VALI: (Through clenched teeth) Dammit, Riser.
"Hah!" Azazel laughed. "Imagine that was how you were introduced to someone you just met!" the silver haired youth just grit his teeth.
RISER: (notices Sirzechs) Oh look, Vali, it's a Namekian.
"Oh, cool we're getting to that plot point!" Issei grinned.
SAJI: Hey, I take offense to that.
SIRZECHS: He's referring to me, you idiot. And it's not an insult; the Namekians are a fine, proud race of-
RISER: That means he doesn't have a penis, right Vali.
(Sirzechs stands gaping his mouth in shock as snickering from Saji can be heard off-screen trying not to laugh)
VALI: (Amused) Eunuchs.
Looks of shock went through the audience, soon followed by laughter.
"I-I never thought of it like that!" Gorou managed to choke out. "But he's not wrong!"
"Th-they don't reproduce like we do!" Miki agreed through her laughs.
MILLICAS: So what exactly does that make you, Mr. Sirzechs? You survive mostly on water- Does that make you a slug or a plant?
SIRZECHS: (trying to restrain his anger) Millicas, not now!
MILLICAS: And do you also conduct photosynthesis or do you-
SIRZECHS & RISER: NEEEEEERD!
MILLICAS: Wait, what?
"Will you stop calling my son a nerd for just stating common sense you knuckledraging neanderthals" Grayfia said through gritted teeth.
"Uh honey you know thats not 'Me Me' saying that right?" asked Sirzechs with a worried tone.
"It doesn't matter, that's still you" Grayfia said in an uncaring tone
(a couple of news helicopters arrive at the battlefield)
MR. KENT: These are them, folks- the terrible monsters who destroyed West City! Jimmy, hurry up and get a shot of the blonde one.
JIMMY: (looks at Riser and Saji) Um, Which one, Mr. Kent?
RISER: Look, Vali, the Paparazzi. I have to protect my image! (destroys a cargo robot)
JIMMY: Oh, my God, he blew up the cargo robot! And the cargo was people! (the rest of the news helicopters leave)
"Was that a Superman Reference?" asked Saji.
"I think so." Bikou replied
RISER: Good, now I'm gonna read their power levels, Vali.
(Riser uses his scouter to read Millicas, Sirzechs, and Saji's power levels, which reads 0.8 Raynare for Millicas, 1.1 Raynare for Sirzechs, and 0.9 Raynare for Saji)
VALI: (removes his scouter) Riser, don't you understand? They can hide their power levels- those readings are useless.
"Besides where's the fun in letting a machine tell you how strong they are when you can the evaluation yourself." Vali said with a smirk
RISER: (also removes his scouter) You mean like YouTube friends?
VALI: Yes, and I have a better way of testing their power levels. Plant the Saibamen.
RISER: (plants a seed at the ground) Yay!
(six Saibamen erupt from the ground)
RISER: Ta-da!
SIRZECHS: (shocked) Wha-what are those?
VALI: They're cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Raynare. That's right; he was so weak, we could actually grow Raynarees!
RISER: But, Vali, then you have to worry about the Fraggles.
VALI: Oh God dammit, Riser, nobody's going to get that.
"Did anyone get that?" Rias asks looking around, only to see nearly everyone shaking their heads no.
KIBA: (off-screen) As a matter of fact...
(Kiba and Gasper arrive at the battlefield)
KIBA: I did.
"Looks like we have arrived to the party." Kiba chuckled as he gave Gasper a reassuring smile.
VALI: (sarcastically) Oh, goody, more of them. Who the hell are you?
RISER: Vali, look, more blonde people, (looks at Saji) the small one, (looks at Kiba) the tall one, and- (looks at Gasper) Ah... Ah... Vali! Look, a Pokémon.
Another round of laughter echoed among the audience.
"Now that I get a better look, Gaspe/Chiaotzu does look like a little Mister Mime." said Issei between laughs.
GASPER: I'm not a Pokémon! I'm Gasper! Gasper!
RISER: Did you hear that, Vali? It's a Gasper. (holds a Poké Ball) I'm gonna catch it!
"Where the hell did he get that from!" Issei and Irina cried out with obvious jealousy in their voices.
GASPER: I told you, I'm not a Poké- (gets hit by a Poké Ball) OW!
RISER: Awwww, it didn't work, Vali.
VALI: That's because you have to damage it first.
"That's a good line." Vali said out loud, taking out a notebook and opening it up. "Might want to save it." Azazel could only look on and chuckle.
RISER: Alright, let's see if I can get a critical!
There was a moment of silence.
"Ok, I'm going to say it." Issei spoke up. "That line, is actually kind of hardcore."
(Gasper flinches in response; Motohama arrives at the battlefield)
MOTOHAMA: Hey, guys, I'm here now.
SAJI: (joyfully) It's Motohama!
There was a snarl from Sona and Saji, but Issei and Irina merely grinned, as well as the Hyoudou parents. They knew what was coming.
MOTOHAMA: That's right- don't worry, guys, we worked ourselves half to death with our training, so I know as long as we stick together, we'll take on these Saiyans, and WE WILL WI-
(Saibamen latches onto Motohama and self-destructs. All that's left after the explosion is Motohama's corpse.)
"Aaaand first casualty" said Issei in a monotone voice.
"I have to admit," Azazel spoke up. "Thanks to the way things have been so far, it's not that dark."
"Yeah." Issei agreed. "Even if it's a version of one of my friends, I'm not freaking out. Huh."
SAJI: (off-screen) Yeah...! Woooo...!
"In death as he was in life...All talk, No shock" Saji said with a grin.
"At least my alternate self is rid of that Dumpster fire of a relationship" Sona said with a sigh of relief.
"Amen(Ow) to that" Serafall added.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(Riser is naming the remaining five Saibamen, with an arrow pointing to the first four from right to left)
RISER: And that one's Snuggles, and that one's Foofoo, and that one's Cabbagehead, and that one's Other-Cabbagehead, (shows a Saibamen struggling to get up) and that one's Vali Jr.
[Vali kills Vali Jr.]
RISER: Vali Jr., Nooooo!
"Eh." Vali shrugged. "Story of my life."
Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. Rather than do a separate chapter for the song, we decided to just throw it in the beginning of the episode reaction.
That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!