A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

203. Chapter 205

Many hours had passed them by, an entire day's worth of hours if one wanted to be technical, since their group had left behind the memorial rock. And if the young prince, Prince Arthur, did say so himself, the trip hadn't taken a turn for the worst quite yet. The group had talked amongst themselves for many hours as they traveled, though they seemed to be sticking to pairs for a majority of that time. Markus and Christian stuck to themselves at the back of the group, keeping an eye on their backside should any trouble come their way. And they had Dorian and Tristian riding on the left side of the group, often nudging each other and pointing out funny looking shapes in the tree leaves or boulders that they just happened to pass by. Derrick and Leon were situated on the right of the group, but it appeared Leon was more focused on scanning the trees for a threat that might never come, while Derrick kept drawing Merlin into speaking with him about one topic or another, just whatever struck his fancy, the prince had to guess from what little he's been able to overheard, since there seemed to be no rhythm or rhyme to the topics he's been choosing. Many times, Arthur had found himself straining his ears to be able to overhear them, or to listen in on whatever topic Merlin would speak to Gaius with.

Perhaps it was wrong for Arthur to spend hours of his life trying to spy on what his consort was doing, but there was only so many things Arthur could do on a trip where he was virtually alone. Arthur was the only person that didn't have a pair like the others, so it sort of felt like he was the odd man out, which wasn't exactly something Arthur was used to being. Perhaps he could have jumped in whatever conversation happened to be bouncing across the group, but… what little he heard from Merlin was far more interesting. Even the little bits that he had to piece together in order to try and understand what the conversation is about seemed to be fascinating to Arthur. It was a little insight to Merlin he has never been allowed to see before, a peek behind the vault Merlin had built up around them. He memorized whatever topic starters he could… the weather, or how funny that plant shaped like a mongoose had looked like, or what Merlin was hoping to see whenever they got to his estate. These were topics that the prince could use in order to start his own conversation with Merlin! Something that might abate the tension that still stayed between them, at least for a little bit. If Arthur didn't think it would make him look like a fool, he probably would have been taking notes. If Merlin could giggle because Derrick showed him a funny looking knot in a tree, then surely he could at least crack a grin if Arthur showed him an… awkwardly positioned stick on the ground…

Fuck.

Arthur was not going to be able to get a proper conversation going with Merlin if he couldn't even breach a simple topic without it sounding so stupid inside his own head. But other than Arthur sweating like a pig as they stopped once or twice on the road to stretch their legs or relieve themselves or to grab just a small snack to tide them over during the journey, the mood of their trip looked to be good. Merlin had gotten his fill of the memorial rock after almost a whole hour of tracing through the letters on the stone, and seemed to be relaxed and that was all Arthur could really hope for. It appeared he had chosen quite well with the knights who accompanied them, and other than Arthur's own personal hang-ups… things honestly could have started going to much worse. Which is why he shouldn't have been surprised when it inevitably did, and it seemed to have started when Arthur started looking for them a camping spot that would shelter them for the night. They were close enough to the estate now, but the trip would still take a few more hours to complete, and with the sun starting to set in the sky, it was best for them to settle down before it got to dark. They'd reach the estate come morning's light, but for now… Arthur tugged at the reins of his horse gentle, easing their group into a stop as the rest followed suit just behind him.

"Alright, men. I know that we were planning on getting to the estate before the moon rose, but the detours we took put us a bit behind schedule. So we'll just have to make do in the woods for tonight, and continue on our trip whenever it is daybreak again. Nobody wants us to start tripping over ourselves whenever it gets too dark to see what's in front of us." Arthur spoke out crisply towards the eight other men, carefully choosing his words to make sure it didn't sound as if he was pointing fingers. Arthur didn't want Merlin to feel singled out since his little stop at the memorial rock was really the only actual detour that they'd taken that caused any shifting in their timetable. He kept his gaze on his men… focused so intensely on not meeting Merlin's eyes for fear it would lead to him stumbling over his words in front of the group expecting him to get them all to that estate unharmed. "I know that it's not exactly what we had planned, but I think this spot will be a fine place for us to rest for a few hours. Now, let's get settled. We need to get our belongings off the horses so they can rest as well, and then we need to split up on jobs. We need to have a fire built, and we need dinner being prepared. We'll need a few men doing a perimeter check to make sure there's nothing out there. And we'll figure out what shifts should be taken during the night. I want at least two men awake and on guard watching so that there aren't any surprises during the night."

Everybody seemed to find Arthur's instructions to be sound, because he didn't even hear a complaint coming from Merlin's direction as his men started to get off their horses one by one. Arthur was one of the first to feel the dirt beneath his feet, his horse whining as Arthur herded her a few steps back by the reins, and without his control, Arthur finally landed his eyes on Merlin. Arthur kept a steady eye on him as the consort wobbled a bit, swinging one of his legs over to join the other while he still sat in the saddle. Perhaps it was stupid, but the prince couldn't help but feel pleased when he saw Merlin landing awkwardly at his feet beside the horse, before taking the reins and running a hand through its mane. There was just something about watching Merlin interacting with the horse so gently that did something to his insides that the prince was unable to understand. Perhaps he was just so insanely happy about seeing Merlin taking a gift from him and actually keeping it. The horse had only been a gift that was born out of necessity, but it was a gift that now got to live with Merlin's hands touching and caressing it whenever Merlin pleased.

But there always comes a time in which Arthur had to admit to himself that he could not spend hours upon hours just staring at Merlin to see what he would do next. The group was scattering amongst themselves, dividing up the work that needed to be done before the sun sunk below the horizon too much. The prince could see Dorian and Tristian setting out to do a sweep of the area just to make sure everything was secure, and Derrick and Leon were leaving to try and catch something suitable for dinner. Usually, Arthur would be the first one to volunteer for hunting duty, simply because it was the best job when getting a campsite prepared, in Arthur's humble opinion. But he didn't protest after he saw the two departing into the woods with the crossbows they had thought to bring with them on this trip. He didn't like the idea of being too far away from Merlin before knowing whether or not they were secure enough to relax. Which was why he kept Merlin in the corner of his eye as he watched Christian pulling out a few metal pots that would aid them in cooking whatever meat their other fellow knights were about to bring to them. And with limited job that needed to be done, it left Arthur working with Markus to get a fire set up. Not only would a fire be needed to cook their meal, but it would be beneficial as a light source throughout the night, as well as keeping them warm depending on who closely one slept to the flames, as well as warding away any wild animals that may not like the smoke flooding their usually calm forest. So, essentially, a fire was the most important part when one was sleeping outdoors, and yet, Arthur found it to be a struggle as he tried to rearrange the large fist size stones Markus had found hidden amongst the tree line into an acceptable circle.

"Arthur, I know I've already asked you this at least five different times this past hour, but are you sure that you are going to make it through this trip? Because I am pretty sure you can't make those stones into a more perfect circle than it already." Markus said bluntly, from the place where he had sat in the dirt, with a hand pressed under his chin in order to keep his head up, after realizing that he couldn't collect wood for the kindling when Arthur was still messing around with the stones. It wasn't as if the stones needed to be perfectly symmetrical, it simply needed to be kept close enough together in order to keep the flames better contained so they wouldn't accidentally start a forest fire that would've ended up taking half the forest with it. "There's only so many times that you're able to rearrange them before you should just call it quits. By the time Derrick and Leon return with the meat, we still won't have a fire started and Christian won't be able to roast nothing. And I don't know about you, but I am more than ready to eat something more than just the nuts we had to snack on earlier."

Arthur grunted under his breath, glancing up to where he could see Merlin and Gaius standing on the other side of the clearing. The two were chatting among themselves quietly as they knelt on the ground to pull their sleeping bags from where they had been tied to the top of their packs. The prince turned back just so he could fidget with the stones some more, even when he knew the man he sat beside was right. The important part was them getting a fire started, but… a fire still bothered Arthur more than it should. It wasn't as if any of them had brought tents, since they had been expecting to be at the estate already. But at least with a tent, Arthur could have packed more pillows and blankets than he would have bothered with on a normal trip, things that were nice to look at and soft to the touch, and thick enough to keep Merlin warm at night. Already, the temperature was starting to drop as the sun sunk further down into the sky and Arthur was already worrying himself half to death over whether or not the other boy would be kept warm with the thin peasant made sleeping bag he had brought with him. He really hoped Merlin wasn't planning on sleeping where he was now, on the edge of the small clearing they've managed to find, because it was NOT a secure place for him. Too far away from the main group, and too far away to feel the warmth of the flames, and too far away from where Arthur was planning to sleep. But apparently, Arthur's look wasn't as discreet as he had it planned to be, because Markus followed his gaze right to the dark haired boy on the other side of the clearing.

"You know, when you asked me to come along with you on this mission, it did not occur to me that we would be bringing him along with us. I suppose I just figured it would be like it was in the old days, before you got married, where a bunch of us guys would go on a hunting trip. But I suppose it's as they say… a married man doesn't have time to do much else when they've got a spouse to be around." Markus said, irritation coating every word in a way that surprised even Arthur, making the prince turn around to look at him with a raised brow of confusion. It wasn't as if Arthur hadn't told Markus exactly where they would be going and what they were doing, so why the other knight thought this was going to be anything like one of their old hunting parties… confused him. And Markus clearly read the expression on his face, before he quickly hurried just to correct himself. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Arthur. I know that we would be going to this new estate of his and everything, and I know what I agreed to before we left the city. But I suppose I just figured the group of us would go to this estate and take notes on what's his and get a docket from the people who are still there on what everything is worth and then just give it to him and then he can decide what to do from there. But maybe it was wrong for me to think it would go like that. It's just… been a while since we've done anything that your consort wasn't involved in."

Arthur winced, he knew that it HAD been a while since he'd had anything to do with Markus, or any of the old people he used to hang out with before his time had been overtaken by Merlin. It had probably been months… probably the day he'd gotten married was the last time he had really hung out with the man. But it's not as if Arthur could have left Merlin behind in the city while he was gone for days at a time. With how much of a trouble magnet his consort was, he was liable to be dead by the time Arthur returned. And it wasn't as if Arthur could have gone and seen Merlin's property without Merlin being there to see it with them! Arthur took this moment to spare a glance in the direction he had seen Merlin last, and he saw him and Gaius tying the reins of their horses to one of the nearby trees to keep them from wondering off during the night. Merlin was smiling… Arthur had never seen Merlin smile so much! Even if it wasn't due to Arthur, he was still smiling, and that meant Merlin was happy! Happy with this one little thing that Arthur had managed to do for him… he was happy getting out of the city. And that was something Arthur wouldn't have traded even if he had the whole world up for grabs. Somethings just weren't worth the trade like Merlin's smile. That smile alone felt like it was worth a million worlds.

"Don't worry, Markus. I know that my life has been far busier than it was when I wasn't married, but things are so different now. I have to manage the duties I have as a prince for my people's sake, and to make sure my father entrust me to take the throne when it's time, so that's a full-time job right there. And I do have the duties I was given when I became somebody's husband… Merlin has become part of my family and I need to make sure he's comfortable. It's been tricky balancing those two aspects of my life, and my relationship with Merlin is… more complicated than you would ever know. I'm still working on trying to earn his forgiveness for… many things I've done, some I'm sure even you have heard about." Arthur said, his heart feeling heavy in his chest as he released a heavy sigh, his eyes tracing every wild tuft of Merlin's hair, every little mark or blemish on his pale skin as he waved a wild hand at whatever he was trying to describe to his uncle. But those little imperfections only made Merlin look far more ethereal than an actual angel would look. Arthur was only brought back to attention when he saw this disbelieving expression Markus was shooting in his direction, and he quickly cleared his throat to get back on track. "But now I'll try to make more of an effort to put some balance into my life, alright. I can split things up so that my duties as prince are thriving, and my duties towards keeping Merlin happy, and making sure to spend time with my friends. But it'll probably take a minute before I can get everything on track. I mean, I've even gotten Merlin's uncle upset with me, so I'm still working on gaining forgiveness from him as well, you know. So there won't be any friction from the head of his family and the Pendragon's…"

Markus was staring at him, almost as if he didn't recognize the Arthur sitting in front of him now, and it made Arthur shit uncomfortable. It wasn't as if he had changed that much in five months! Well… he has changed a lot, actually, ever since he had decided to devote himself to becoming a better person. A person that deserved to have somebody like Merlin haunting their every waking hour and sleeping thought. But Markus was looking at him as if he thought Arthur's some strange creature that had came down from the stars to plant egg sacks into people's skulls or something fantastical like that. But it wasn't as if Arthur was lying to him, he was just warning Markus that it would take him some time before he got everything worked out. He wanted Merlin to be happy with what life Arthur was able to give him, and he wanted Gaius to be pleased that Arthur was his beloved nephew's husband, and he wanted his father to be proud over how Arthur had handled all the challenges that had come his way to make that happen. These goals hardly left him with any time for friends or activities that took him away from working towards those goals, and to be honest… he hadn't even noticed how little time he had seen Markus until the other man brought it up. Markus, his only actual friend, could have disappeared at some time during these last few months, and Arthur wouldn't have even noticed as long as there was Merlin standing in front of him. That sounded like something he should've been concerned about, but… he still didn't really care? He'd known Markus for half his life, so… shouldn't he have been more upset about the lack of time he had to hang out with him these days?

"Arthur, do you even hear yourself talking right now? You don't even sound as you did before you married him. The Arthur I knew back then would have never put so much pressure on pleasing somebody that wasn't your own father? You talk about wanting to 'gain forgiveness' from Gaius? When Gaius wouldn't have ever tell you he was upset with something you did. He's always so calm about things like that, and yet, you act as if you insulted him or something! And I am sure if Merlin was really his nephew, some of the things I've been hearing has been the sort of stuff people would get upset about. But isn't it funny that his whole 'identity as a noble' suddenly came out then? When he needed to gain some kind of leverage over Bryon and Julian in order to make his charges stick in order to have them punished? Isn't that something you should question just a bit more before you start believing it blindly?"

Arthur's mouth fell open wordlessly, turning his full and undivided attention to the other knight, staring at him in disbelief at the words being uttered. Did his friend think Merlin had… orchestrated some kind of lie, claiming nobility, so he could win his trial last month? Merlin wouldn't have had to do that! It was quite a tricky process, especially since Merlin was an adult and married, but there's certain channels Gaius could have gone through to make Merlin legally a ward of his if he wanted to. Similar to how Morgana was his father's ward. It would give Merlin every right to claim the Whytt family name as his own, and use it to benefit him, especially since he was currently denying any claim ship towards the Pendragon family name that was rightfully his through marriage. And that wasn't even mentioning how… Arthur had already known about Merlin's actual heritage weeks before Merlin's assault had even happened. He had been right in Gaius' chambers, hearing each and every word like a knife being stabbed in his gut as Gaius screamed about what a failure he was, while his nephew laid dying on a poor cot after attempting suicide by drinking that goblet that had been meant for Arthur. There were no lies like Markus was insinuating, there was no deceptions being held between the three of them… Merlin was Gaius' flesh and blood, and that was just undeniable. There had even been moments where Merlin would raise a brow at Arthur and give him a look that made him chastise, but never failed to remind him of Gaius. But these were things that Markus obviously wouldn't know, things that had remained private between all three of them… plus Gwen. But before Arthur had the chance to make sure his old friend knew Merlin's heritage wasn't some ploy or hoax, the knight kept on talking.

"And just before you were talking about… wanting to keep Merlin happy? And how he's a member of your family now? Don't you hear how irrational that can sound to somebody who's known you for years! That you won't even spare one minute of your time with me because you want HIM to be happy? The Arthur of before wouldn't have given two wits if Merlin was happy or not! You were more likely to.. toss money at somebody if you were forced to make nice so they can buy themselves something pretty. But you actually want to… do stuff… like this while taking him out to his estate business! You can't tell me it wasn't a pain to rearrange your schedule and find people to cover for your training sessions for you to come out this way personally. Instead of just sending him off with a few guards to deal with whatever needs to be dealt with."

Arthur had the good graces to blush, because Markus wasn't wrong about one single thing he had said. How many times had Arthur decided to just throw the consort a sack of gold in some ill-conceived effort to shut him up? How many times had Arthur tried buying Merlin something, not because he thought that it would make him happy, but simply because it was the easiest way to force him to comply with whatever Arthur wanted from him at the time. But Arthur found himself almost grateful that it hadn't worked. Yes, it would have been easier if it had, but… Arthur had needed to learn that sometimes throwing money at his problems wasn't going to fix anything. Sometimes, if something was worth the pain, Arthur actually needed to roll up his sleeves and get himself dirty to get the results that he wanted. Which was why, despite the headache it had given him, Arthur didn't regret the constant hours he had put into moving things just to free himself to come on this trip. He wanted to be there when Merlin saw his estate for the first time, and he wanted to be there as he watched the consort study it with that keen eye of his, and he wanted to watch Merlin breathing his life into whatever he would decide to do with the place. Even if it meant… he'd lose him for quite some time. Arthur's hands involuntarily clenched into fists at his sides, before he forced them to relax. He had spent quite some time trying to avoid thinking about such matters for a reason…

"You just need to be reminded about how much he was irritating you when you were first married! I mean, I heard talks about how you argued with your father just last month because of what that boy got you involved in! Arthur… you have never argued with your father in your damn life. And then you marry Merlin and that's exactly what you do?" Markus, who had been privy to many rants Arthur had made over the years about what he could do to be the son his father could be proud of, exclaimed. And Arthur's heart clenched tightly in his chest… sure, it was true that Arthur's entire life had always revolved around what his father thought of him. But… why did that have to mean Arthur shouldn't care how his consort saw him? Couldn't there be a balance between his father and his own husband? Couldn't he make a decision, like arguing against his father, without it being seen as Merlin's fault? Maybe Merlin's place in the situation influenced him to go as far as he did, but… Arthur had been the one that made the choice to do so. "And why? Why did you fight against your own father?! Because your consort brought a peasant man into your home and tried passing him off as if he was a nobleman! That Lancelot might have done ONE good thing while he was running around pretending to be one of us, when he decided to face the beast in your place, but it was only luck that he survived! If you had been one of the men that died, if your name had been on that stone that we passed by earlier, then it would have been Merlin's fault! Because Lancelot would have distracted you and caused you to make a mistake that you otherwise wouldn't have, and Merlin was the one that brought Lancelot to you."

Arthur felt indignation clawing at his chest as he straightened up his spine, his heart starting to pound a little faster, setting him on edge. It felt as if he had a ringing in his ears, was Markus really trying to place blame on Merlin? Was he really going to sit there and act as if the deaths of those ten other men on the memorial stone was somehow on Merlin's head? Lancelot hadn't been on the field when those men had perished, and Merlin had never been there at all. He even knew Markus hadn't been there to see the chaos and blood that haunted Arthur's dreams during his darkest nights! How could Markus even talk about such events when he had no connection to what had happened to him on that night? Yes, Arthur had argued against his father after everything was said and done, but that was only because Merlin and Lancelot BOTH had opened up his eyes on how… wrong… his father's law was. How wrong it was to deny a lower class man a chance to prove himself worthy enough of carrying a sword. And Merlin had only opened that door for Arthur! It was Lancelot, somebody Arthur had every reason to hate simply because of how easy his relationship seemed to be with Merlin, that had blown past Arthur's expectations. If Lancelot wasn't good enough that he could even beat Arthur in a fight, then Arthur would have never opened his mouth against his father. Arthur… owed his life to that stupid man! And his consort's life! So why did Markus act as if Arthur was the one in the wrong just for standing up for something that had been right?

"And to be honest, Arthur, I thought you just needed time to adjust to being a married man. I would've thought after five months you would have returned to normal, but the whole Lancelot issue isn't the only thing that's made me worry about you and what influence Merlin has over you. I mean, I think I first really noticed how fucked up your relationship with him actually is when you ran off to find a stupid flower just to wake him up that one time." Markus continued to speak as if he didn't see the tension brewing in every muscle the prince had in his body, blinded to the spark of rage that grew in the prince's eye the second he heart Markus so callously bring up that horrifying incident. "One minute you were there, and then the next thing I heard was that you had taken off! Do you not realize how furious your father was when he found out about you taking off in the dead of night? He was looking for blood! Surely you remember that after you returned? Hell, Arthur, you even fought your own men when they had been simply wanting to escort you to your father, as per his orders. I simply want to know what happened to the Arthur that was my friend? Because the man I see in front of me… looks like a stranger."

Perhaps Markus was right, and Arthur really was becoming a stranger to the people who knew him before Merlin had come into his life. But Arthur did not feel as if he was a stranger, he didn't feel as if there was anything wrong with how he was behaving nowadays. He wasn't the same guy that pushed Merlin around until the other boy had tried to kill himself just so he could get as far away from Arthur as he could possibly be. And there was nothing that's more permanent than death. That was the kind of event that changed a man, it was the kind of event that forced Arthur to evolve into something better than he's been before, and he was bloody grateful for it! Arthur had needed to change if he didn't want to do something irreparable to Merlin—RAPERAPERAPE—and he was only going to change if something as major as what Merlin had tried to do was seen in front of his very own eyes. Arthur would fight a thousand of men—his own men—if he had to. Because while those soldiers at the time had been acting on the orders of his father, they had been keeping Arthur away from the one person that had affected him so greatly!

"He's dead."

Markus had been preparing to start another tirade about another event that'd prove to Arthur how different he's been behaving since he had gotten married to Merlin, but the words died off as soon as Arthur uttered those words. Arthur had his head bowed forward, so that his bangs caused a dark shadow to fall in his eyes, giving him an ominous appearance as Markus stuttered helplessly for several long minutes. But—and Arthur didn't know exactly when he realized he was different now compared to how he had been before—the prince felt like he had been reborn the second that poison in his goblet had slid past his Merlin's pale pink lips. From that second on, even when Arthur hadn't yet realized that moment was the beginning of his end, Merlin had murdered Arthur and who he had been before. Merlin had drunk that cup, and simultaneously hacked away at Arthur's soul, as if he was cutting off the dead roots of a tree that stopped it from growing properly. That was something Arthur didn't think Markus would ever be able to understand. Markus still wasn't married, he had never looked in another person's eyes and realized they were relying on HIM. Not the him who was a prince, but the him who was a man. And that he had failed him. In ways he never would again.

"Markus, you are my best friend, and you have been my best friend ever since your family sent you to Camelot to train as a knight when we were twelve years of age. And I have always walked with you by my side, but things are just very different from when we were children pretending to be men. We ARE men now, and I've got to take care of things I didn't have to worry about when the two of us were just kids." Arthur said bluntly, raising his head so that his bangs would fall out of his eyes so that he could meet gazes with Markus. He wanted to be sure that Markus was hearing him, and understood exactly what he was saying to him now, because he didn't think he could have this type of conversation all over again. "And one of those things that I have to take care of is Merlin. And I suppose that doesn't make sense to you, but there are… things that you don't know about me and Merlin, and they are things that I cannot tell you so do not bother asking me about them. But I will tell you that… I wasn't lying about how complicated my relationship with Merlin is. We're on the outs, and I have spent the last couple of months trying to mend that, and before you start, it was MY fault we are the way that we are right now. So do not try and blame Merlin for that one. Maybe I've had to fight my men on his behalf, and maybe I've fought my father on his behalf as well, but… this is the way that things are. And I am not going to stop doing these things until… until Merlin can look at me like he looked at me when we were first married."

Perhaps the wording Arthur had used at the end there had a romantic tinge to it, something he was sure would make his father very happy if he heard, since he was the one constantly pushing the illusion of their happy married on other unsuspecting people. But Arthur didn't mean it in a romantic way at all. Arthur WANTED to see the Merlin he had met at the beginning of all of this. The one that was cocky and self-assured of himself, who smiled brightly even when he shot teasing remarks to Arthur that were borderline insulting. The one who had grinned, proud of himself whenever he accomplished some small feat, the one who fought a prince in the middle of the marketplace with nothing more than a mace Arthur had given him and with no training, without flinching. He wanted to have that relationship with Merlin back. The one that allowed Arthur to talk to him without Merlin shutting down the second he saw him, the relationship that allowed Arthur to get close to Merlin without the consort thinking he was about to jump him again. Arthur wanted to show Merlin that he could be quite a gentle man when he wanted to be, and he could touch Merlin without trying to cause him harm. He wanted to be able to stand beside him, and give his as many kisses as he wanted simply because it would make him happy. Arthur did not have to be gay just to give Merlin what he wanted—like the first kiss Arthur had denied him—in order to make him happy. And while Markus would always be his friend… Merlin was more important to him these days.

Arthur decided he didn't need to give Markus any more of an explanation than what he had just given him. Yes, perhaps Markus deserved to have a bit more information on everything that's happened between the scenes simply due to the fact that he was Arthur's best friend. But Merlin's right to privacy, and the fact that Merlin would be furious if he knew Arthur was spewing private facts to someone he didn't consent to knowing about then, was what stopped him. It wasn't as if Markus could give him any advice anyway. The other man never had been known for thinking about others, hell, Arthur had never been known for thinking about others. Not like he thought about his consort. And speaking of Merlin, Arthur rose to his feet and turned to look towards where he last saw his wayward consort. Only to see…

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Perhaps this was an exaggeration, because Gaius was still standing near that spot in the tree lines where he had last seen Merlin, and he didn't seem to be distressed, like one would be if they had just seen their nephew getting taken by some creep that had come out of the woods. He seemed to be looking into the medical bag he had brought with him, something he always brought when he had to leave the city for one reason or another. And while Merlin's bag and horse were still right where they had been left at, Merlin himself seemed to be gone. Vanished. Disappeared in the few minutes Arthur had taken his eyes off of him because he had been stupid enough to allow Markus to distract him. He had only looked away for a few short minutes, but… but… Arthur's heart leaped into his throat. His brain flooded with mind blowing panic, and before he could think things through, he was abandoning Markus by the unfinished fire in order to sprint at full speed towards Gaius.

"WHERE'S MERLIN?!"

Gaius whipped his head up, startled with surprise as Arthur came barreling at him like a bat out of hell, but Arthur hardly noticed because of the roaring that was in his ears. His head was flying back and forth across the clearing to try to see everywhere that he could, but everything looked so exceedingly normal to him, that Arthur actually found it maddening. Markus and Gaius both looked at him as if he had lost his ever-loving mind, but Arthur couldn't understand why nobody was as panicked as he was. Merlin was GONE! Just gone, as if he had never existed to begin with. But Arthur knew he had, he knew that he did, and somebody must have taken him. Just like everybody was trying to take Merlin from him in one way or another. Like Markus trying to drive a wedge between the two of them that was already there, like his father and all those attempts at the beginning to kill Merlin off without people questioning him, like Gaius who kept giving him a steely eyed gaze whenever he thought Arthur was talking to Merlin for too long, like Valiant who wanted Merlin just because Arthur was the one that had him, like the witch in the caves that wanted Merlin because he's 'special', like Lancelot pulling Merlin away with offers of friendship and loyalty. Everybody was trying to take Merlin away from him, and now somebody's gone and actually done it, and this was all his fault! For allowing Markus to talk with him, for allowing himself to take his eyes off of Merlin for two bloody minutes when he already knew they were away from the safety of Camelot's walls. The prince was probably going to find Merlin weeks from now, his body eaten away by the wolves after the bandits who had snagged him did whatever they would want to do with him.

Arthur's lost him…

Arthur's lost him…

Arthur's lost him…

Arthur felt as if he was breathing through a small tube, his chest so tight that it felt as if his lungs weren't expanding properly. He could hear Gaius talking but it was unclear what exactly he was saying, the words muddled to his ears but his eyes kept shooting around the place frantically. But everywhere he looked had a disturbing lack of evidence that Merlin had once stood where he was, that he had once breathed the very same air Arthur was breathing now. The only things Arthur could see was trees, more and more trees and dirt and plants and not a single thing that would help bring Merlin back into sight. That would give him a peace of mind that could only come once Merlin was once again standing right in front of him, where Arthur could see with his very own eyes that Merlin was okay. That he was alive. That his pulse still beat, and his eyes still had vivid life within those orbs, and his tongue still flapped even if he refused to say more than a few words to Arthur himself. But how could Arthur have allowed such a thing to happen! How could he have been so stupid as to think this trip would actually go off without a hitch? How could he be so stupid as to not think what dangers could be out here! Just because they stopped at what had felt as a reasonably safe spot to rest, didn't mean there's not certain dangers that Arthur's unaware of. That was why the other men had gone in the woods! To find out if there was dangers that would cause them to move before they got settled. But he hadn't waited for the report, and because of him being negligence, Merlin was gone.

He was gone and Arthur was never going to see him again…

"What's going on?"

The voice—sounding so bored, as if he couldn't care less whether or not what was happening to the prince—was the only thing that made everything come back into focus for Arthur. It felt as if he had just been snapped back into his body, his body feeling cold and sticky, and clarity returning to his eyes. Merlin was standing in front of him, whatever smile he had been wearing when he had been talking to Gaius was gone, as if it had never been there to begin with. His eyes roamed up and down Merlin's form, drinking him in as if he was this ghost that had emerged from the grave right before his eyes, making note of strange markings that would indicate Merlin had just escaped from some horrible and tragic fate. But Merlin didn't even have a single twig in his air that would have proved he was rolling around in the grass in his attempt to escape. Arthur felt his heart as it started slowing down, his breathing becoming easier now that it was so easy to touch Merlin. Now that he was in close range.

"What… what happened?"

Arthur's voice felt as if it was croaking like a frog, almost unable to believe his consort was standing right in front of him. His conversation with Markus felt as if it had been wiped from his mind completely, and all that Arthur really wanted to do was stand here and breathe Merlin in for the rest of his life if the consort would allow him to. He never wanted to look away from Merlin, wanting to take comfort in the way his consort's chest was subtly moving up and down at each breath of air he took. He wanted to see the healthy flush that proved to Arthur that his consort lived. But just as desperately did he want to know what Merlin had been drawn away from the clearing for. With how much Merlin's presence drew him in, Arthur knew he hadn't somehow missed him standing there. That meant something had happened, that meant something had drawn Merlin away from the clearing… Merlin had a means of seeing things that others missed, so had he seen something in the woods? Where were his other soldiers looking if his consort had been left to check out something potentially dangerous all by himself? Why had he left when Arthur and Markus had been standing in front of him?! All he had to do was call out to them, and Arthur would have left his conversation with Markus in a heartbeat just to hear Merlin voluntarily talking to him for once.

"…What does it look like I was doing?"

Arthur blinked, taking in the way Merlin was now giving him this deadpan look, as if he thought Arthur couldn't have possibly grown stupider in his eyes. And the consort finally looked down, not to avert his eyes away from Arthur but to look down at what he was holding in his arms. Arthur followed his gaze down, his breath catching as he saw the multitude of long sticks gathered in Merlin's arms. Branches and twigs that Merlin must have picked up from the dirt after going into the woods on his own, a large pile of them that looked as if they had to be too heavy for Merlin and his scrawny arms to carry. But Arthur found that he couldn't stop staring at the firewood within Merlin's grasp…. had he taken it upon himself to go collect wood from the fire? For some reason, the sight of them made Arthur feel as if his heart was cracking in his chest.

"You… you got the firewood?"

But… that was supposed to be Arthur's job, the prince thought to himself. He's the one that was supposed to be making the fire so that Merlin would have the fire pit to sit himself beside and stay warm when the air started getting colder in the night. Arthur was supposed to build it up, and Merlin was meant to stay in the middle of the group where he could relax safely. Merlin wasn't supposed to be doing anymore work than what he needed to do. Arthur was planning on taking each and every burden so that Merlin wouldn't need to lift a single hand for as long as they were on this trip. And seeing that Merlin had decided on his own to do something that Arthur was supposed to do to make something with his consort's comfort in mind… upset him. How fucked up was Arthur in where he couldn't even make a single fire pit without making Merlin work for it? This consort of his had already done much more than Arthur would've ever thought to ask him to do, and here Merlin was… still working his ass off while all Arthur had done was build a poorly made circle out of stones. But Merlin apparently did not think the same as Arthur, because the consort made a big show out of rolling his eyes at the prince and trying to walk past him to the fire pit.

"W-wait!" The prince stuttered as a sudden surge of urgency shot through his body when he saw the consort trying to leave him, and he quickly hurried just so he could step in Merlin's way. The consort jolted back, before giving Arthur a scowling stare of disdain, clearly disgusted with the way Arthur was refusing to let him pass. Arthur cleared his throat, already feeling it starting to tighten up as the nerves erupted through his body. "Please, let me take those before you strain yourself. I don't want you to pull a muscle or anything. I know we've got Gaius here, and he can easily see to whatever injury that might befall you, but this trip is supposed to be about you and what you want to do once we get to your estate. So don't do anything crazy again like going into the woods and not telling any of the guards where you are going. We still don't know if we are safe staying here yet, and there's no telling what dangers you might be in after wondering away from the main group. So… please, stay near."

Arthur smiled as charmingly as he could, awkwardly balancing the long twigs in his arms as he watched Merlin's pale pink lips parting open in awe. It made Arthur's heart picked up as he shot a glance down at that soft skin he would be kissing the second Merlin gave his consort, and he quickly strode back to the fire pit, feeling the sweat coating his palms because he could feel Merlin's stare on the square of his back the entire way there. This… this was good, the prince thought over the pounding of his heart echoing in his eardrums while he got himself settled next to Markus to make the fire. He had succeeded getting Merlin's attention in a way that hadn't involved the consort screaming because he had done something to upset him. He had done GOOD showing Merlin that he cared about his safety because he didn't want him waltzing around in these woods without the proper escorts, and he had showed Merlin he paid attention to things when he took the branches from Merlin so he didn't have to struggle with carrying them any longer. It hadn't been Arthur's intentions to try getting Merlin to see him in a better light, but… this could work.

This trip could be the opportunity that Arthur needed to get somewhere with Merlin.

This trip could be what Arthur had been asking for all along.

A way to win Merlin's trust again.

Arthur was feeling so good about himself, that he started smiling as he went to placing the branches of wood on top of the circle of stone rocks, being gentle so he wouldn't break anything that his CONSORT had gotten for them. He had quite liked taking these sticks for Merlin, being able to show off how strong he was, being able to take care of Merlin in this small way so that he could take a breather and hang back. It made Arthur feel as if… Merlin needed him in some small way, even if it was just to carry the heavy stuff for him. In fact, the blond thought as he went looking for the spark rocks he knew Markus had brought in his pack, still fighting back a hopeful grin threatening to emerge, he wanted to do it some more. He wanted to be Merlin's muscle and his strength, somebody Merlin could look for when he needed something moved, just so Merlin would NEVER have to carry anything bigger than a scroll.

For the rest of his life.

It would be Arthur's greatest pleasure if he became his consort's pack mule.

X

"You are taking too long trying to get the fire lit. I have done told you at least five times that I could've done it by now. All you need is to hand me the stupid spark rocks so that I can get the job done. But you just can't let me be the one to do something, can you, Arthur?" Merlin barked from where he was sitting on the edge of the campfire's circle, his hands on his hips as he scowled towards the blonde haired prince that had refused to hand him the stupid rocks every time he had asked for them. Even Leon, and the rest of the men who had come back with clean reports on the area and three rabbits to be shared among the nine of them, were complaining for Arthur to hand over the rocks to somebody else. Christian had even started making jokes because apparently Arthur had never had so many issues starting a fire like today, which was why Merlin was unable to understand why Arthur was being so stubborn about this one! It was a stupid fire! And Arthur refused to let somebody else light it! Or maybe it was because he just didn't want Merlin to show him up whenever he got the fire to light. "I do hope that you know I don't plan on freezing tonight just because we have no fire. And I'm sure nobody else wants to freeze tonight just because of your stubbornness! We can't even eat dinner unless you hand those rocks off to somebody, anybody, else! I might have better luck finding berries to live off of, because those rabbits won't be good to eat by the time you're ready to get them cooked!"

Merlin was very much aware of how much he was complaining, and he's sure it was getting on the nerves of some of the other guys, like Markus and Christian had to be ready to kill him at this point. But this was becoming just borderline ridiculous! Arthur had been acting like such a weirdo ever since they met face-to-face for the first time in weeks this morning. Merlin just couldn't figure out what kind of freaky plot or plan Arthur was working on, but it had really started getting under his skin and freak him out. First, Arthur had given him an actual horse and claimed it was a gift for him to keep, but Merlin was still waiting for him to take it back when they returned to Camelot. And second, Arthur had let them hang out at the memorial stone for far too long just so Merlin could read the names over and over again until they were ingrained in his mind—without rushing him! Thirdly, Arthur hadn't bothered giving Merlin any job to do so the campsite could be prepared, though Merlin had contributed that to just Arthur wanting to keep him close like he always did. And fourth… the whole firewood thing was just disturbing! Merlin had never felt so much indignation as he had when he had Arthur taking the wood out of his hands, lecturing him about the dangers of running into the woods alone as if he was a child that would never be seen again. Merlin had one—ONE—incident in the woods that had brought him so close to being murdered, and now it was like Arthur was expecting him to die if he took a single step into those trees.

"No, no, no, it's going to be fine, Merlin. I just need a few more minutes and I'll be able to get this wood lit. It's really excellent wood that you've chosen, really good, so I'm sure that I'll get it lit in just a moment. Just a few more minutes if you please, and you'll be as warm as can be with this fire." Arthur said quickly, but it was clear he was getting more and more flustered the longer it took him to get a proper spark. And Merlin scowled at his back, clutching his fists in his lap with his agitation. There Arthur goes again, rambling like some kind of odd freaky person! And had he actually said please? Merlin was positive that it was what he had heard. Merlin hardly even knew Arthur understood what the word meant! And why did he keep repeating himself like a fool! "And please, Merlin, I'm just going to need a moment, so I'm begging you not to eat any berries you find just sitting around in the woods. I don't want you to eat anything that may end up being poisonous and cutting our trip short. Besides, I've been lighting fires like this for half my life, so I'm sure I'll get it in a moment. I don't want to see you burning your fingers if the spark catches on you."

Merlin's jaw dropped in upmost horror, unable to believe those words had left Arthur's lips. Why was Arthur treating Merlin as if… as if he was incapable of doing the simplest of tasks! Was Arthur making a snide comment by speaking of Merlin 'burning his fingers?' As if a little burn was something Merlin would even bother worrying himself about. Merlin looked past the prince and could see across the non-existent fire, where Markus and Christian were covering up their mouths in an attempt to stifle their laughter. Merlin could feel the heat as it built up on his cheeks, the indignation clawing at his chest… what was Arthur playing at! Was this what his new plan was all about? Instead of trying to hurt Merlin physically, he was just going to demean Merlin at every step of the way until Merlin started doing whatever he wanted without question? Merlin felt the shimmering of rage steadily increasing, and the only reason he didn't blow up at the prince was because Gaius was just now settling down beside him. Merlin shot another furious glare in the prince's direction before turning sideway just to hiss hurriedly under his breath to his uncle.

"What do you think Arthur's going to do next?"

Gaius eyed him with a raised eyebrow, and perhaps Merlin was sounding as if he was a bit paranoid, but Arthur had never given him a reason not to behave so paranoid. He was practically waiting for something to happen just so Merlin could spring up and announce how he KNEW Arthur was planning something with him. Arthur hadn't apologized to him ONCE since they had reunited just this morning, which was something he had done at least fifty thousand times just last month. Obviously, Arthur had finally realized all those fake sorry's that Merlin hadn't been falling for wasn't the way to go, so now he was trying to do …whatever the hell this demeaning behavior was! Merlin didn't understand the plot at all, though. It had to be something deeper and more planned out than Arthur just trying to push Merlin's buttons until he couldn't take hearing one more bloody word from him. Fuck, Merlin had KNOWN Arthur was going to end up ruining this bloody trip for him. And they hadn't even made it past the first night yet.

"Merlin, you and I both know that you are only on this trip because Arthur was the one that planned the whole thing out in order to allow you to come this far away from the city. Now, on that note, I don't want you to be stressing out over every little word that he says." Gaius said bluntly, giving Merlin this suspicious look, as if he already knew that was exactly what Merlin had been doing all this time. But Merlin couldn't help it, and the consort huffed before turning back to glare at Arthur's backside, watching the prince as he fumbled with the stones as if he could feel Merlin's eyes on him. How was he not suppose to stress out over every little thing Arthur said? Figuring out what Arthur was doing was the only defense he had to prepare himself if Arthur was finally starting to give up on his whole 'I'm sorry, won't you forgive me' act that he had going on just last month. "What I want you to do, Merlin, is ignore whatever Arthur says that will upset you, and to stay as far as you can get away from him. Just because he's on this trip as well doesn't mean he needs to be beside you at every moment we are here. And once we get back to Camelot, you can return to your lives by pretending the other doesn't exist, doesn't that sound like a good plan?"

Merlin huffed, wishing that he could say that was an excellent plan for them to follow through with. These last few weeks where he didn't have Arthur and his horrible behavior breathing down his neck every minute of the day really made him feel as if it was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. But if Merlin knew Arthur, and he knew that he did, he knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. Arthur had moved on with his 'sorry's' and had come up with this whole new weirdness in order to get Merlin to drop his guard around him, so it wouldn't be so easy to shake him off. Arthur was going to be waiting around at every opportunity he had in order to keep demeaning Merlin… was he trying to beat him back down into the ground like he had been during those first months of their marriage? Did Arthur realize Merlin has been so much happier without having him in his life, that he just couldn't help himself?

"But on that note, at least you managed to get yourself a horse out of all this, though I would have thought a Royal consort would have been given their own personal horse long before you've been married for five months. Such gifts are something, I would think, that would have been among the first things given to you." Gaius said, with a huff of air through his nose that said he was also being annoyed by Arthur's actions, even if they were different annoyances compared to the ones Merlin was facing. And Merlin glanced over his shoulder to look at the horse in question, watching as the beautiful beast grazed on a path of neat looking grass from where it was tied up. The consort scowled as he pulled his knees up closer in order to rest his elbows on them before turning back. It was going to do him no good getting attached to something that would be taken as soon as they returned to the city. It was probably the reason he hadn't tried to think of a name yet. A beast without a name meant that it couldn't truly be his. A beast with a name proved ownership, Merlin should know… he had the family name Pendragon, attached to his. "Seeing that having your own horse is seen as a sign of great wealth and signals your status among the rest. Perhaps you would not have spent nearly half a year of your life going through what you did if you had been given something that showed Arthur taking you as his husband proper."

Merlin knew that Gaius meant well, being on his side while freezing Arthur out, only speaking to him with the professionalism of someone who needed to work with somebody that had greatly wronged them and their family. But it was hard for Merlin to appreciate it when he kept thinking… almost half a year. This was a fact that had taken Merlin by surprise, something that startled him and made him look back in order to count out the months. And… Gaius wasn't wrong. He had been in Camelot for almost an entire half year of his life. He had ended up married off to Arthur FIVE months ago, and by this time in just a few weeks, he would have been here for exactly half a year. Where had the time gone? Merlin had felt like it had dragged by when he had been living those months, and it'd been worse when he was in his depressive state and had lost track of time for so long. But… it didn't feel as if Merlin had lived for those months. It didn't feel real that it had been almost six months since the last time he had been able to see his own mother, to embrace her, and let her know in person that he wasn't giving up, that he was still fighting the good fight. It had been five months that he would never get back, five months away from anything and everything he'd once known. Life in Camelot wasn't as horrible nowadays as it had once been in the past, but it still stumped him to imagine how he would feel once that six month marker passed him by. He had changed so much in the last five months of his life, how much would he change in the next few weeks? How much was Merlin going to change once he had been in Camelot for a whole year? For two or three years. Who would he meet during that time, what other adventures is he going to face, how many more attacks will Merlin evade, and how long was Arthur going to keep up with his act before reverting to the Arthur that Merlin knew was lingering just beneath the surface.

"I'VE GOT IT!"

Arthur exclaimed as loudly as he could, victory in his voice as he leaned back to allow air onto the fire that was starting to crackle beneath the branches in the dirt. Smoke was starting to rise from the creation, and a few of the other boys crowed with exclamation as they flooded around the fire, drawn by the heat and the warmth coming off of it. Derrick and Leon were already getting to work on taking the rabbits that had already been skinned while they waited for Arthur to get the fire started, and piercing them with sticks in order to get the food roasted. And Merlin watched all of the short burst of chaos and chatter of the people surrounding the fire, though his eyes rested mainly on Arthur, eyes on the prince as Arthur stood up and clapped his hands together as if he was getting the dirt brushed off of his palms. Merlin kept watching as he turned to face them, and he continued watching as a hopeful smile lit the prince's face up the second he saw Merlin. Merlin curled up tighter, his arms around his legs squeezing… there it was, more proof of Arthur doing nothing but deceiving him these last few weeks—or trying to, at least. Arthur only ever smiled at him if he wanted something, and that something was never usually something he felt his bloody husband needed to do. But Merlin didn't do anything as Arthur settled himself down in the dirt… barely two inches away from Merlin himself, and the prince almost immediately started talking. As if he was the one that had some kind of problem with never shutting up, when everybody knew it was him who liked to talk.

"Are you still cold, or do you think the fire is going to warm you up now that it's been lit? It shouldn't get too cold tonight because it's pretty warm this time of year, but you can sleep next to the fire if you want to be the warmest that you can be out here. Or perhaps you would like to move next to the fire now, I don't want you to be too cold sitting way over here." Arthur rambled, as if Merlin was sitting a dozen feet away from the fire instead of only a couple feet, just out of the way of everybody else milling around the fire's heat. But Merlin could only do one single thing as he noted the way Arthur was eying him with a studious frown on his face, and that was… looking at Arthur as if he had suddenly gain three heads or more. What the fuck was Arthur going on about? Rambling over Merlin being cold? Merlin had slept in colder nights than this back in Ealdor, as the air grew frosty on their side of the border when night fell. But Arthur acted as if they were sitting in the middle of the tundra, and Merlin was going to end up freezing to death in the night because he didn't take the proper precaution that he should have. "I think I can see goosebumps on your arms, so you must be cold, right? If you don't want to move from this spot, then perhaps you may like to wear my cloak? I promise, it's the warmest thing you would have used in all your life, probably far better than even your own sleeping sack."

Merlin's face flamed, his eyes shooting down to where he could see where his own skin on the back of his hand was starting to prickle. The goosebumps, as Arthur had called them when Merlin had always called them goose flesh, now coming to life under Arthur's keen observation. And Merlin could only continue watching as Arthur—the man he's been tied to for almost half a year-actually started to undo his cloak with clumsy and hurried figures. Merlin had thought the other man had been joking, because even he knew a knight offering up the cloak they owned for somebody else just… wasn't something that happened to anybody. A knight's cloak was almost sacred, unworn by all except for the one that it belonged to, and yet, Merlin found Arthur offering it to him, holding out the thick red fabric the second the clip holding it together came undone… just because he thought he was cold? What kind of elaborate scam was the prince really trying to pull here, Merlin asked himself as he looked up into the sky that was captured in the blue of Arthur's eyes. Merlin's frown only grew more dark, as he could only figure Arthur still thought him the same naive boy he was just months ago—FIVE MONTHS OF LIVING WITH ARTHUR—where he would have gleefully accepted the cloak and worn it around for everybody to see. Merlin's voice was as blank as it ever was when he needed to address Arthur for some reason or another.

"I think you need to go sit with your friends."

Merlin watched as Arthur's smile—who would ever believe Arthur was serious about simply wanting to keep the chill off of Merlin's skin—dropped. But Merlin felt nothing but emptiness towards the sight, turning back around so he could nod his head across the fire, where Markus and Christian were trying to wave Arthur over. But the prince was too busy with whatever step this was suppose to be in his great scheme to get Merlin to drop his guard, but no matter, Merlin thought as he leaned forward to rest his chin on his knees. Arthur was already acting so different compared to the weeks before, that he was sure this whole act would drop soon. Perhaps it would even drop before they returned back to Camelot, and Merlin could prove how right he had been to not open up during Arthur's first horrible apology to him.

He was nobody's fool.

Not any longer.

X

Arthur Pendragon dropped his cloak back into his lap when his offer ended up being turned down without a second thought, leaving him uncertain to what he should do now that it had failed. He glanced across the fire to see what Merlin had been looking at, but he felt as if he had already gotten his fill of the other knights during their day long travel to this clearing. The way Markus had been complaining about his behavior was annoying, and not something he wanted to hear about ever again. And he was sure Christian, usually considered to be the follower of the group, no matter which group he was in, would simply behave the same as Markus. So no, Arthur already knew that he would much rather be sitting here with Merlin, trying to figure out something that would allow him to creep past the harsh defenses Merlin had built up against him. It shouldn't be any different than the many times Arthur had to plan a strategy to get past his opponent's defenses whenever he was fighting in a match, but… fighting with his words in a way that wouldn't result in an actual fight between them was far harder than just being quicker than the other man. And Merlin's walls felt as if they were ten feet of solid cold steel, impenetrable no matter how much Arthur tried pushing it down and out of the way. So thick that Arthur couldn't even be NICE and offer Merlin something to keep warm without him turning it down.

Arthur glanced down at the cloak spread open on his lap, frowning deeply with the sting of rejection burning bright in his heart. He was far more worried than he should be, far more worried than he had ever been about any of his soldiers who might get cold in the night, but…Merlin was special. And he should simply take Merlin's word when he clearly said he didn't want it by ignoring him trying to hand it over. Merlin would know if he got cold, and would move closer to the fire if need be, but… what if he didn't? Merlin was the most stubborn creature on the entire planet, and Arthur already knew he would rather be turned into an ice sculpture than admit Arthur had been correct as the temperature went down whenever the sky started darkening. Hell, right now, the only thing that Arthur really wanted to do was rip his stupid bloody cloak, that had seen him through more battles than he could count, into shreds. He wanted to deface it like it deserved, because clearly it had done something that made it become so undesirable that Merlin wouldn't want to use it. Or… fuck… Arthur already knew it was HIM that was the reason Merlin had turned it down. It was just so much easier to blame something as stupid as this bloody cloak on his lap.

Arthur wanted to run a hand through his hair and grip at the blonde locks until he could feel strands being pulled out by the roots, just to feel a little pain, but he felt stupid and awkward. He really didn't know what he was doing, he never knew what he was doing when it came to Merlin. His leg was starting to jiggle up and down, because even though Arthur didn't know what the hell he could try next, he knew that he wasn't going to move from this spot until he at least got something from Merlin. Something that wasn't irritation or being dismissed or ignored… perhaps that was why Arthur had been throwing himself right into doing whatever Merlin said without question. He—to put it in the simplest term he could think of—wanted to treat Merlin as if he was a princess. He wanted to treat Merlin how he should have treated him the second they knew they would be married to the other. He wanted to behave with all the princely attention he would have given to Merlin if he had been some blushing princess that arrived at Camelot to become his bride. Apologizing a thousand times last month had done him no favors, so… Arthur was trying to do the whole gentle approach. It was something he probably would have done before, if he hadn't been messed up in the head after being consumed by Merlin's easy friendship with Lancelot, before he ultimately realized they were really simply only friends. But… Merlin deserved to have the proper attention, and… he simply wanted to know what it was that Merlin was consumed by. Because Arthur already knew he has been consumed by anything and everything that had to do with Merlin, and there's really no point back for him.

"…Do you think you will want to stay at your new estate after the next few days of our trip are over with?"

The dreaded question that has been haunting Arthur ever since it hit him what his consort having his own estate suddenly transferring into his name meant to the two of them, passed his lips almost without command. But it had been just so many weeks since Uther had made the decision to hand over the estate as a way of paying reparations for the trauma Merlin had to endure at the hands of the two knights that had attacked him. It was a question that would come to him in his dreams, and a question that had him jolting up in his bed dripping in a cold sweat, popping up in his head during the day enough times that it made him feel physically ill whenever it happened. But it was like no matter what the prince did or how much he had trained himself into the ground during the last few weeks, he just couldn't escape it. All it would take was one word from the consort, and… he would be gone. Somewhere Arthur wouldn't be able to walk to whenever he wanted to try something new that was designed to win Merlin over. Merlin would be a whole DAY'S worth of travel away from him, and Arthur would… have to let him go if he wanted it.

"What are you talking about… staying at the estate after our trip there is over and done with. Is that some kind of joke to you? Because I'm sure that you and I both know I would have packed my shit and moved out there if I could just so I can get away from you. Considering things are finally going right in my life for once these days, except for you, of course, I don't think you need me to say it was a really terrible joke for you to make." Merlin finally turned back around to face him, his tone sharp and lecturing and making Arthur feel as if he had fire burning beneath his skin. This was probably the longest that Merlin has talked to him, the most words that he had said to him, ever since the two of them got reunited just this morning. And Arthur hung onto each and every word spilling from those petal pink lips, that anybody else would've thought Arthur had just came face to face with his god. "I'm sure there are probably a thousand things I could do to keep myself occupied, projects that I could work on, if I had time that could only come from staying there. But you know that this trip is only so I can see what's there and what I would like to change. And once our time there is up, I will be right back on my horse and coming back to Camelot, so I would like you to not be an arse for once in your life, and not dangle something that I know isn't going to happen right in my face. Is that alright with you?"

Something inside of Arthur's chest constricted sharply, and he stared into the blue of Merlin's eyes—so blue they could swallow him whole like the crashing ocean and he wouldn't bother fighting it—and asked himself… was this Merlin playing with him. Surely he must know, but… no. Arthur realized the truth in an instant, as if he had just been hit upside the head with a sledgehammer and it had left the clearing spinning around. Merlin really didn't know… Merlin didn't realize the full extent of what having an estate meant. He didn't realize that, if he wanted to, he could very well choose to remain there for as long as he was wanting to, under the guise of 'fixing it up.' Arthur's heart started pounding in his chest as he realized two very distinct roads were suddenly being laid out in front of him. Two extremely different roads that would either keep Merlin near to him, or alienate him worse than he already was. Two different roads leading to two very different futures, one of which Arthur never wanted to go down. He didn't want to leave Merlin behind the second the allotted time that they were given for this trip ran out.

On one path laid out in front of him, Arthur could keep this information close to the chest. He could spend the entire weekend running himself ragged while trying to prevent anybody from letting the truth out. He could get this trip over with by hopefully distracting Merlin with whatever state they found the estate in. And when it was time for them to go, Merlin would come with them, being none the wiser that he could have stayed. But… that would mean lying to the other boy. It would mean Arthur would have to dig into that dark part resting somewhere in his soul, the dark part inside of him that he had smothered all the way down to his core after everything had taken a turn between the two of them. Arthur would be risking that… monster version of himself resurfacing, the same monster that had slapped Merlin around and came so close to raping him and would laugh in the face of seeing blood sinking into the ground after he ruined him. The part of himself that he NEVER wanted Merlin to see again for as long as either of them should live.

But on the other hand, the other path included Arthur telling him what the real truth really was. It would mean confessing, admitting to Merlin that he had this place now, and nobody would think twice if he decided to stay for a while. And if that while turned into years and years, until nobody even remembered what his name was or what he looked like or what all he had done for Camelot within the short time he's been in the city. It would mean, when their trip was over, he would have to ride away from Merlin and return to Camelot without having him by his side. He would have to spend weeks and months and years floating like a ghost among the different areas of his castle, haunted for decades of all the memories his consort had left behind in his wake. Arthur would be living with a half-soul, doomed to being alone for the rest of his life because he knew he'd never allow himself to take a mistress into his home. Knowing he would rather haunt the halls of his home, instead of settling for somebody else who could never awaken his soul like Merlin does. Knowing he would never dare risk such a thing, not if there was even the slightest chance of Merlin deciding to return on his own someday, only to find a piss-poor replacement trying to take what was his place by Arthur's side.

What to do?

What to do?

What to do?

Arthur took the biggest breath that he possibly could, filling in his lungs until they felt as if they were nearly bursting. He clenched his hands on top of his knees so tightly, that he felt indentions starting to form beneath the chainmail covering him. And then he released the breath of air, keenly aware of how his consort was glaring at him, still under the impression that Arthur was simply trying to mess around with him again. And when Arthur opened his eyes back up—he hadn't even realized he had closed them to begin with—he was already sure of what he was going to do. Even if it felt like it was going to tear himself in two, he knew that this wasn't the time for him to be selfish. He knew, after everything he had done to this poor boy sitting beside him, he would deserve living life without somebody by his side. Without the man who was supposed to be his parter, as strange as that thought was, by his side.

"Merlin, I wasn't trying to mess with you. I know that this isn't exactly a topic that is discussed amongst polite society, but you would hardly be the first to retire to an estate that somebody goes to when they… want to get away from their marriage. Like I said, it's not exactly something that people talk about to be honest, but… nobody would say anything if you decide to stay there after it is time for us to go." Arthur croaked, feeling each word as if they were causing him a physical slash across his chest, and it ached so much when he saw the way Merlin's eyes slowly grew round as he took in what the prince was telling to him. Arthur had to swallow hard past the lump in his throat, his fingers were twitching as if wishing he could grab onto Merlin and never let him go. Arthur had to look away when he saw the hope starting to emerge within the eyes of his dark haired little angel. "All we need to do is tell people that you decided to stay because the estate needed more work than we thought it did. And it was best for you to see to things personally. And then you could just… live there for as long as you wish. The point of the matter… if you wanted to stay there… you wouldn't need to return to Camelot."

Arthur's entire body felt as if it was shaking after he forced those words out of his lips, he felt as if he was going to throw up all over the ground, just thinking of Merlin being so far out of his reach made him feel as if he was shattering on the inside. He was too scared to look at the consort, too scared to see what he knew would still be there if he dared to look up… the hope he had seen all over Merlin's face was killing him. Merlin wanted to get away from him so badly that he would choose a place he hadn't even seen yet just to do it. His dark haired angel wanted to get away from him so badly, that he would take living amongst complete strangers over living in the same city as Arthur. His consort wanted to get away from Arthur so BLOODY BADLY that he wouldn't hesitate to take the first opportunity that was given to him to do it. Arthur's life was falling into shambles all around him, and yet… it was a life that he would live because that meant Merlin would be… he would be safe from him. That was all Arthur really wanted him to be… safe. But why couldn't Arthur keep the monster inside him contained? He's been doing it for weeks now, but… it would only take one slip up for something to happen and for Merlin to get hurt again. Arthur would not risk that. Even if it meant… letting Merlin go.

"That's not going to happen."

Arthur's head whipped up faster than the speed of light, so fast that it felt as if his neck had cracked with the force. His eyes had grown as round and as large as Merlin's had been. For a second—just a second—he could have sworn that it meant what he thought it meant. That Merlin had already decided that he was going to return home, to Camelot, once their trip was over and done with. That Arthur had been worrying himself sick for nothing. Just because Merlin wanted to leave to get away from Arthur, didn't mean that there weren't other things in Camelot he might wish to stay near for. His uncle still lived in the city, and he's still best friends with Morgana and Gwen, and surely Merlin would want to stay around now that things were getting better for him among the people. But one look at Merlin, at the defensive way he had his head turned away from him and the way he was holding his knees against his chest as if somebody would have to pry them apart in order to get him to release them, told Arthur a story that's different from the one Arthur had in his head.

"You and I both know that you are simply dangling something like that directly in front of me, like one would when if they placed a carrot in front of a horse. I think all you want to do is see how high I would jump to get just a piece of that stuff you just said. And I think you'll keep up the facade for as long as you can just so you can see me getting happy. And the second we need to leave, you'll change your mind as if that hadn't been part of your plan all along. And then I will be forced right back beneath your thumb as I ride behind you straight back to Camelot City. Is this some sort of power play for you or something? It has to be a really sad existence that you have if something like THAT would make you pleased."

Arthur's pulse point rocketed, the little beating pulse resting on the side of his neck felt as if it was trying to beat its way through his skin. Panic etched itself onto every inch of his face, horror sinking into his bones as he realized what it was that Merlin assumed about him. And… Merlin wasn't wrong. That sounded just like something Arthur would have done in the months before everything in the world had changed for him. He would have—crudely enjoyed-watching the hope in Merlin's eyes, and the excitement that overtook him as he ran through his new estate, deciding on stupid things like what he wanted the curtains on the windows to look like and what kind of dinner plates he would be eating on every night since he would have to stare at them for years to come. And then when it was time to go… he would have crackled with laughter as he watched the other men load Merlin's stuff onto his horse, and told him that he needed to learn how to recognize a joke when he saw one. It wouldn't have been just a joke though. It would have been a trick, a cruel and ugly trick to rub in Merlin's nose how much power he had over his living situation.

Arthur had to do something to fix this, he had to do something to make Merlin see that this was honest and true and he wasn't trying to trick him. He needed to do something to make Merlin realize how serious Arthur was trying to be for him… hell. To be honest, Arthur just needed something that would make Merlin smile. He didn't care if he needed to do something that was stupid or silly or if it would humiliate him the second everybody else took notice of what he's over here doing. He simply needed… needed Merlin to smile at him for once in their marriage… Arthur's eyes landed on something in the dirt near his feet. And he was quick to bend over, grasping onto the small item half buried in the sand as if it would escape him if he took too long. He nearly hit Merlin in the nose after shoving the little thing in his face, but Arthur blurted out the question that was burning on his tongue as if he couldn't get it out fast enough.

"Does this shell look funny looking to you?"