Right guys...
I'm back. I don't know about any of you but the reunion gave me a new Potter surge and I decided to try and have a go at this once again.
I can't make promises of how long this will last, but I'm going to try my best to keep it going as I can.
I've updated the second chapter slightly, so it might be worth a read again.
Anyway, this sets up a bit more of the story so hopefully you'll enjoy it!
Okay, keep safe with everything going on,
Buckle up and enjoy the ride,
Writey x
James POV
There wasn't much that didn't make me smile, but staring at the lifeless body of my son, well, that can put a dampener on things.
It had all gone so fast, one minute he was there, the next gone…
And then before I knew it, I was sat in the critical care unit of St Mungo's, watching my son battle for his life…
What else was knew…
It wasn't like he hadn't battled before, a basilisk, dementors, an ogre, dragons, merpeople, hell, he'd battled Voldemort for crying out loud, each time being victorious.
But this was different, this time, he was losing, or so that's what I'd been told.
"James…"
I didn't know how many times Lily had said my name, heck…
I didn't even really know the day. Light passed into darkness and that was about all I could register.
All I could tell was that it was late, early morning in fact, and I hadn't slept at all.
Lily and I had spent the few weeks here, occasionally returning home to grab any clothing or other essential items that we may need. We weren't allowed in at first, too many patients, some never made it home, others walked free. But eventually they let us in after a month to sit and wait.
Sit and wait, I'd had just about enough...
The death and destruction that the war had caused, the havoc it had created, had left its mark that was for sure.
I felt Lily's hand place itself onto my right shoulder, but I didn't flinch, I was lost within the realm of my own thoughts which had happened frequently from the cold, hard seat next to the bed of my motionless son.
The hospital had been so good to us, allowing us to see him whenever we pleased, even providing an area in which we could sleep in if we so wished but usually sleep didn't find us.
Well, it didn't find me.
It wasn't just us that had solely visited, everyone who was anyone had come and gone, Sirius had been there for a large part as always, but he'd inherited other responsibilities from the war. I knew he was struggling with the loss of Remus, trying to cope with the new responsibilities but he still managed to put that to one side to support us.
I tried to stop the thoughts of my lost, old friend. I hadn't even had time to mourn the loss of Remus.
Remus…
I couldn't even imagine what life was like without him, I didn't want to imagine, there was so much going on that I didn't want to think about that because I just got confused with what to think about.
As if she knew, I was met with the bright green orbs that I'd get lost in year after year.
She'd been my rock, not just now, but for as long as I could remember. Yes, I had Sirius and Remus, but this was different, we had a connection unlike anything I could explain. Ever since the moment I saw her I'd felt it and I knew we would have each other until our last breaths.
Lily had now positioned herself directly in front of me, so much so that I could see every worry line, every little freckle, everything that I'd grown to love over so many years.
I knew the look she was giving me, it was concern, mixed with love and sadness. The same look that her face had held for many weeks, whether looking at me or at Harry, it was always the same.
I knew she was waiting for an answer, but I was so exhausted that I almost didn't know what to say in reply, but it was as if she knew what to say without even asking.
"Hey there," she said, taking the look and making it much softer, easier to understand, "why don't you try to get some sleep. We've got a… got…"
She choked. I knew what she was going to say, why she couldn't say it. Really, I didn't want her to say it. I just wanted it to be over, to have my boy back.
I felt a tear roll down my face and then a hand wiped it away within an instant.
"Come on," she said, grasping the underside of my arm to try and maneuver me into a standing position.
I pulled my arm back…
"Lil…"
She grasped again this time a bit harder, but once more I pulled away…
"Lily please, stop…"
For the third time she put her hand under my arm and attempted to pull me out of the chair but this time I ripped my arm from her grasp…
"LILY JUST STOP GOD DAM IT; I WANT TO STAY HER…"
I didn't get a chance to finish…
Lily vaulted backwards, nose curled, eyes raging, wand in hand…
"NO JAMES POTTER, NO…" she screamed, moving the wand closer to towards me, "YOU LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW, I NEED YOU… I.. I…"
She stuttered, shifting backwards, and spinning to face away from me.
I slowly moved to my feet, removing the aches and pains that had formed within the night before stepping closer to my wife, placing one hand carefully on her hip.
"Lil's…"
"NO JAMES," she turned to realise I'd moved closer and it visibly seemed to calm her, "no, I need you tomorrow, I need you to function and like this, without sleep, you can't do that."
I dropped my head. She was right, I knew she was right. She needed me just as much as I needed her. I knew better than to argue it, I was tired, emotionally, physically, sleep would become of me eventually, I just didn't want to face what was to come once I had fallen asleep.
I paused for a minute before responding, "alright, I'll go."
On the face, it looked like an argument, heck, if I saw it in public I'd call it an argument, but it wasn't, not to us. I was venting, the frustration, the sadness, letting it all go. We needed a lot of that, we needed to do it otherwise we wouldn't cope at all.
She nodded, a small smile creeping across her lips.
I turned to head towards the small room off to the side of the ward that the nurses had prepared for us.
"James…" she said, waiting for my acknowledgment.
I turned slowly back around, not speaking, just waiting.
"I'll be here to get you… when it's time… just try to sleep for me."
I nodded and tried to produce what I thought was a smile but probably looked more like a wonky grin, "okay."
I waited for the nod and smile in response before I headed for bed. I trudge slowly over to the room, opening and shutting the door behind me. It was good, they put a spell on it to make it feel like a bedroom without any noise from the ward so we could sleep, big enough for the both of us, but it wasn't home.
I didn't want to be there either...
I slowly removed the clothing I had on, placing it carefully on the armchair in the corner of the room before locating the bed attire Sirius had bought earlier in the week. I wouldn't usually wear items like this, but here, in the hospital, Lily had made it clear I had to do so.
Once I had finally put on the bed-wear, I clambered slowly into the bed, my aching limbs feeling some relief. It took a while to drift off as I had expected. I'd gotten lost in my thoughts, but I don't really remember when it happened, when I fell asleep, I don't think anyone does when they sleep, I just know that it brought dreams that weren't pleasant.
Lily POV
I waited until the light went out in the bedroom before relief came over me. He hadn't slept in days, or at least for a sustained period of time. I'd managed to briefly, but really, I wasn't going to sleep again until the evening.
I looked at the clock on the wall opposite Harry's bed.
5:30 am, not that long…
Not that long until others would arrive. In truth it was long but for me, the time would fly and I didn't want it too.
People, friends, family, they would arrive to nothing, no news, no more signs, or they would arrive to say goodbye. They would come to save what little time they had left with him, just like I had been doing for weeks.
I tried to move my mind as I could feel the emotion building up within me…
I tried to think of happy things, but they all turned sour…
Teddy…
But his parents…
The Weasley's...
But they've lost so much…
James…
He was suffering...
Everything I'd thought of as calming had gone sour. Everything that made me feel happy had gone sour. The one I could depend on, thinking about my son, was the one thing over the years that made me feel good, but right at this moment I had absolutely no power over the outcome of.
How had it come to this?
That night in Godric's Hollow, our home, I'd thought we had moved past the pain, the fear. Once we'd worked out Pettigrew, we'd made the trap, we'd finished it once and for all. Then he came back, in the Tri Wizard Tournament, we'd never known, but Harry still overcame it, still beat him, only for this…
I felt the tears roll down my cheek and I dropped my head into my hands, allowing everything I had in me just to flow out.
After what felt like forever I stopped crying, but dared not lift my head.
I left it there, until…
"Blah, blah, bloop…"
"Yes, little man, Auntie Lily is blah, blah bloop…"
I smiled into my palm before lifting my head carefully, slowly…
That's what I need...
"Ahh look there's my blah, blah bloop…" said the tall man with a large smirk crossing his face in the process.
"Ha.. Ha.. Ha.. very funny Sirius Black." I grunted and tried to look annoyed but for any amount of trying, I had no success.
I couldn't help but smile. Sirius had this way to make me laugh, make me smile, even in the toughest of times. Times like right now.
I stood up, smile covering my face.
"See, I knew you'd smile at it, no one can resist me," he said making his over to where I had been sat next to Harry's bed.
I stood to greet him. It was true, Sirius was certainly a good-looking man. His long lean posture was encompassed by a very sturdy, muscly frame. His face looked old and bruised, but still resembled that of a young man. His long curly hair dropped behind the dirty, dark cloak, that even with an abundance of washing was still the same dingy brown colour.
"Well, everyone except every woman in existence," I said with a smirk. He pretended to recoil and create a hurt expression but soon after another smile broke out onto his face.
I greeted him with a hug before he pulled up a chair just off to my left. Facing Harry's bed and we both sat down and he handed me the little bundle of joy he was holding before stretching out in the chair.
He basically used me as a day care service, but I didn't mind, I enjoyed having little Teddy, he helped keep my mind at ease.
Well until you think about...
No, I wasn't going to let it ruin this moment...
Teddy Lupin…
Or Teddy Black now…
However you wanted to call him, he was dealt a cruel hand…
The way in which everything had fallen, everything to do with Teddy was heart-breaking. He was a baby, and he wouldn't even get to grow up with his parents. It was something that was close to my heart, something that could have so easily happened to Harry. But something we managed to avoid.
I looked at the little one and smiled. Sirius had taken him in as his own the minute he knew, the minute he knew that one of his best friends was going never going to come back to his child.
We'd offered, but Sirius had taken it upon himself, it was his Niece's child, but deep down we knew it was his guilt, guilt of the death of his friend, guilt that he shouldn't have, but one that he carried with him anyway and will always carry with him.
He'd seemed to be coping well or well as you can be after being thrown into parenthood in a matter of months, things had barely settled down for him, for anyone and now he had all of this to deal with on top of it all.
I felt a pinch on my cheek and looked down into a pair of crystal blue eyes.
"Hello there little one," I said grabbing his nose. A little squeal came out and the little hairs on his head turned blue and he giggled.
"He' s started to do that more regularly you know."
I looked at Sirius, eyes shut, slouched in the chair.
"Got the fatherly sixth sense already," I said smirking. He didn't like when I teased but it was an easy way to get him at the moment.
He'd been so strong recently. Not just because of his own struggles with grief but carrying our struggles as well. He been here every day, religiously, without fail and that meant a lot not only to me, but to James as well.
James saw him as a brother and to have him here with him, when he needed him, was everything to him.
I looked down at Teddy once more, the boy had been through so much, but he now had a father figure who had been through so much as well and I knew Sirius was always going to be there for him, no matter what…
I smiled at the thought of how much Sirius had impacted Harry, how much he'd helped him grow and it made me think of how lucky Teddy was to have him help guide him and grow.
I turned to Sirius but noticed something odd, no… not odd…
It was different…
That look wasn't one that crossed the face of Sirius Black very often...
"How is he?" he said, his face serious as he turned to look towards the door.
I knew exactly who he was talking about…
"Lil's, how is he?" he said, springing back round to face me
I didn't know how to respond. How do I tell him he's eating up inside?
It was as if Sirius knew what I was thinking, just like James, because his emotion had now turned to anger…
"It's not FAIR," he shouted vaulting from his seat. He started to pace side to side, along the thin strip of walkway that separated the end of each bed.
"I know Siri."
I hadn't the energy nor the will to get worked up anymore, so I tried to focus on the bundle of joy that was out in front of me.
"It's not fair…" I could hear his voice break just as quickly as he regained composure, "it isn't fair, Jim doesn't deserve that, he's such a good dad…"
I could feel his pain, I could feel it coming to me. I tried to block it out once more, but it was too hard to ignore.
"Sirius please…"
"He can't go. He can't go, I won't let it…"
He knelt down in front of what appeared to be the frozen, cold carcass of my son...
"He can't go, Cub, you can't go..."
He kept on and on until I couldn't anymore…
"SIRIUS STOP… pplea... please"
Teddy stopped. Sirius stopped. I could feel myself shaking trying to hold back the tears...
I sat there shaking for a minute, trying not to cry and then I felt a presence shift and drop in front of me.
"Lil's, I'm sorry, he'll be alright, I know he will be, he'll wake up."
"But what if… what if he doesn't…"
It was the question that I'd been asking myself the whole time, since I hadn't seen his eyes, seen him move, since we put him on the life support spell…
What if I didn't get to speak to my son again…
"Lily," it was serious, Sirius never used my full name, "this is Harry James Potter we're talking about; he won't lose…"
I looked to meet Sirius's gaze and suddenly I felt at ease. I nodded slowly, a small smile creeping from tips of my lips.
He had that ability, ability to make out as if everything was okay, even though it wasn't and that's why we needed him, to convince us.
To be there when we had moments of pain and sadness.
For the next few hours, we sat. Sometimes in silence, sometimes talking, sometimes listening to Teddy play but it was easy, it was what I needed. We spoke about Teddy. He was still making Sirius get up early that was for sure. It was why he was here so much but really, he didn't mind.
Sirius had only really got to grips with the early mornings this week, it was why he was always here early. The feeding was next to come, usually he would come and get me to do it.
As we went on I felt my mind ease with conversation.
We spoke about anything, anything to take the mind away from the decision that I was about to be involved in..
As time passed, 6 am turned to 7 and 7 am turned into 8 until eventually it was 9…
9am won't be long...
Sirius saw the time and quickly summoned some food, handed me the sandwiches and baby food and I got to work. At least he was still trying to keep my mind clear.
After 20 minutes of trying to force Teddy to eat his food, Sirius cleared away what he didn't want and we sat once more…
I contemplated getting James, Sirius even tried to get him, but I thought against it...
He's going to need as much sleep as possible…
And then what felt like just minutes, I heard the creek of the entrance of the door go and I felt a lump in my throat start to form…
I couldn't look, I didn't want to look, it felt too soon…
I felt Sirius grasp my hand…
I felt like I couldn't breathe…
And then a voice of one of the doctors who'd entered spoke…
"Mrs Potter, it's time…"
Thanks for reading guys, I hope you enjoyed it.
I do enjoy writing things like this, and as I said I hope to be more consistent this time around.
As for reviews and follows please feel free, as I mentioned in chapter 1 I do use reviews to get ideas and they do motivate me to do more writing so if you have an opinion please share.
As for someone to go over my writing for me, I have yet to have any responses so if you know anyone or want to have a go yourself feel free.
The 'end credits' as I like to call them won't be this big for a while unless I have something to share, so until then look after yourselves.
Thank you for reading, and speak soon,
Writey x