Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.

Previously: Radek has a thing, I guess (since chapter 83, anyway)? And Anna's playing around with a crazy idea about DIY ZPMS.

Chapter 86. You Have One.

Meetings always took forever. Rodney seemed to view them as his one chance in the day to make sure he doled out his quota of insults to everyone, just in case he didn't see them for the rest of the day. Radek managed to avoid most of that simply by being quiet and not disagreeing with anything that Rodney had to say.

Radek didn't know why anybody ever tried to reason with Rodney to give them a different assignment than the one they'd been given. So what if Paul was claustrophobic? Somebody had to map and check the maintenance conduits beneath the central tower. Rodney said that somebody was Paul. Radek was sure they all realized sometime last year that what Rodney said was the essential rule of law around here. He stopped arguing about it a long time ago. The only good thing to hope for after being given a terrible assignment was that the meeting be cut short.

Radek only gave about a quarter of his attention to the assignments that Rodney rattled off one at a time to the other scientists. Mostly boring housekeeping things. Something about lighting in the lower levels of the control tower… whatever.

Jumper Six was about halfway to full repair. The first half was always the most tedious and difficult. Anna had been a big help, though, flagging the ruptured pathways for him to repair or replace. He figured her couple of hours working on the drive pod while he was busy with Sheppard's time differential problem had saved him comparable time. The knowledge that he wouldn't have to do that bit of work on the Jumper probably saved him from putting it off for several days. He even ended up being a day ahead of schedule.

Rodney didn't seem all that impressed when Radek relayed that information, though.

"And that leaves us with M7G-677 with Major Ivanov's team for Zelenka next Thursday."

Radek should have paid attention. M7G-677? Why? When? How long? "Rodney," he said as everyone cleared out at Rodney's behest.

Rodney gave him half a hum to continue without saying anything.

"Rodney, I can't go to M7G."

"Why, you allergic to kids or something?" Rodney paused, then gave him a glare. "You have one."

What was Radek supposed to say to that? He had limited experience with children: his own daughter, and his sister's son. Josef was a terror, and besides…

It was entirely not the point. If he had to go offworld next Thursday… "Next Thursday?"

"Yeah," Rodney said, and then held up a hand to halt any further objections. "Look, I've already handed out all the other assignments. And it has to be Thursday; Thursday is the day Major Ivanov is going to M7G. You might be a member of an offword recon team, but you still need escorts to go offworld."

"Thursday is the fourteenth…"

"Um. Yes."

Rodney walked away to his computer and started tapping.

Weighing the consequences, Radek didn't know whether to tell Rodney exactly why he didn't want to leave Atlantis on the fourteenth of April. In all likelihood, Rodney wouldn't care the slightest. Which meant that telling Rodney wouldn't make a bit of difference.

"Rodney."

"Zelenka." Rodney scooped up a tablet, a few wires, and assorted other gadgets as he walked toward the door. "Look, if you'd said something sooner, I could have kept you off M7G. But you didn't. Now, I've got a meeting with Elizabeth, training with Ronon, and I have to eat first because my blood sugar is already way off…"

Rodney walked down the hall, and Radek couldn't hear his words even though his voice really carried.

Anna would be fine, wouldn't she?

It was the anniversary of her mother's death.

Yeah. Right. Radek wanted to keep himself busy that day, regardless of whether he was sent offworld on a mission or not. Being sent offworld was not to plan, if only for Anna's sake. He should be there for her? He couldn't just skip out on the city on the day Anna would probably need somebody to talk to. Or maybe not to talk to. Someone to just be there.

And to think, earlier this morning the only thing he was concerned about was how to tell Anna about his relationship with Elizabeth. He knew he'd let it go too far already, and now it was getting ridiculous. He sensed it would be a bad move to tell Anna without Elizabeth's permission. It was unlikely that Anna would spread the information around, but… that wasn't really the point, was it?

Radek realized he needed a meeting with Elizabeth, too.

He touched the radio in his ear and said, in his most professional tone, "Doctor Zelenka to Doctor Weir."

She answered almost immediately, also sounding very professional. "Yes, Doctor Zelenka." He was about to speak when she ordered him to wait. "I'm sorry, hold on just a second."

He listened to Elizabeth berate Rodney to wait for just a moment.

Rodney responded with the complaint that Radek was probably just trying to waste his time because Radek knew Rodney would be talking to her right now—and what the hell did he want to talk to Elizabeth about anyway?

Wouldn't Rodney like to know…?

"I'm sorry, Doctor, what is it?" Elizabeth asked when Rodney stopped talking.

"It isn't urgent, but I have something in the lab I think you'd like to see," he said. Miraculously, it wasn't a lie, either. Not exactly. "It's some information on that machine accompanying the texts on ascension."

"Oh." Elizabeth sounded pleased, and Radek could almost see her nod in her peculiar way when she was interested or impressed. The way her eyebrows would lift just a little. She'd tilt her head slightly and look out the corner of her eyes. "Thank you. I will be interested to see that. In a… ah, I'm not sure. A few hours?"

"It's no rush," Radek said quietly. Though he was beginning to feel as though it were.

Elizabeth said something equally obligatory, and the radio between them snapped off.

Radek went to his lab and sank into the chair. He turned the framed photo of Anna toward him and said, "I have good news, dear… The new menu has trout on Thursdays. Space trout." He hesitated.

He couldn't even tell Anna's photograph that he was involved in a romantic relationship and—this was ridiculous. He was an adult.

No guesses as to Anna's reaction presented themselves. He had no idea what she would think of it. If she would think of it.

"Also," he continued to the photo. Anna wasn't even looking directly at the camera when the picture was taken. And the picture was taken maybe a year or two ago. Obviously in Prague. Radek figured he'd know those streets anywhere, no matter how long it had been since he'd seen them. He picked up the frame and said, "Also, I don't know, what are you supposed to tell your daughter when you are dating?"

He was talking to inanimate objects again. Great. At least his conversations with Puddle Jumpers seemed… reasonable. "Would you even care?"

She was a teenager… she probably wouldn't want to know. Radek tried to imagine what he would have thought if his parents had divorced and then started dating when he was a teenager. He didn't even get that far. There were too many ifs in his scenario to process. He couldn't imagine anyone but his mother putting up with his father. Even though he'd watched his mother go through the grieving process after his father died, he didn't know if she ever saw anybody else. That was quite different, anyway… Radek was an adult then and…

He was overthinking it and decided just to abandon the whole track before it got disturbing.

It was possible Anna already suspected something. After all, some nights he wouldn't return until late. And if she looked for him, she wouldn't find him in the lab. Between Elizabeth, Anna, and all the time between his lab and Rodney's and the Jumper Bay… it was unsustainable.

That had nothing to do with Anna. Elizabeth had to choose when she was comfortable with strange looks from everyone on Atlantis. Elizabeth wasn't comfortable with everyone knowing that she was comfortable with him. Shouldn't that be a bit insulting?

Well, maybe.

Elizabeth was a very reserved person. He could certainly see her put extreme separation between her personal and professional lives on Earth. Simple on a planet of six-and-a-half billion people. Nobody cared what one of those six-and-a-half billion people were doing with their spare time. Or even what two of them were doing.

Atlantis was unlike that in every way.

As much as he understood her hesitancy, he couldn't help but be annoyed. They were both adults and professionals… and Elizabeth lived in a world of secrets kept, cards played close. Radek's world revolved around discovery of secrets to test and share with everyone just as soon as he could support them.

There really was a fundamental philosophical disconnect between their two worlds, wasn't there?

Maybe he should just break it off now. It would be easier for everyone.

No, no, no, don't do that.

Couldn't do that.

This was infuriating.

Radek sighed and decided just to wait. He didn't have to worry about this right now. Better to get back to work. Just work.

Radek put the picture back on the desk. He felt the slightest bit guilty whenever he looked at it. Turning it away, he turned back to the open file on his screen.

Just work.

#

"Anna?"

Anna snapped up from her homework the moment she heard her name. Much closer than she expected, like Elizabeth had crept up on her on purpose. Anna pressed her glasses farther up her nose and said, "I'm sorry, yes?"

Elizabeth stood across the table from her, a plastic plate in her hand as though she intended to eat elsewhere. That happened sometimes when people wanted to get back to whatever it was they were working on. "I didn't mean to interrupt. You must be concentrating very hard."

Anna looked at her tablet. Stupid ZPM again. "I'm mapping points of commonality between a, um…" Suddenly, she appreciated a little bit of how Rodney or Radek must feel sometimes. Explaining something interesting to people who hadn't the slightest clue what he was talking about. "Uh, yeah, you could say that," she finished weakly.

Elizabeth smiled. "Science, I guess?"

What a guess, Anna thought with a half-grin. Nothing else really held her attention. "Yeah. What else?" she wondered playfully.

Elizabeth looked from side to side briefly, as if looking for anyone watching her. She sat across from Anna, on the edge of her seat, almost like she was just waiting to stand and leave. "How many other subjects do you study that aren't science-related?" Elizabeth didn't seem to take to her playful tone.

Anna almost blurted out sociology, but thought better. Elizabeth made no distinction between social and natural sciences. Anna's mind raced. She was sure she did other things, but not necessarily with the thought of learning. "I've been reading lots of history from Doctor Jackson's papers. Colonel Sheppard, um… film studies?"

Elizabeth smirked. "Any art?"

"Art."

"Yes. You know, drawing. Sculpting. Anything like that?" Elizabeth didn't seem very enthused at Anna's silence. "I know it might not seem very important… but I think you'd be surprised what you can gain from learning to draw or paint."

Anna would be surprised if she could learn anything at all from art. "I don't… Nobody's offered to teach me art and… I haven't thought to ask anybody."

"Hm…" Elizabeth nodded a little. "It might be a good idea." It didn't really sound like a suggestion.

"Chuck draws…" Anna said.

"That would be fun, wouldn't it? To learn how to draw? And, you know, I think engineers have to draw a lot, don't they?"

Anna frowned, because she didn't know. "Flowcharts and maps, I guess."

"I'll talk to Chuck." Elizabeth rose again. "I'll talk to him today." She hadn't touched her food. Too busy.

Anna sighed and nodded. What else was she supposed to say? She couldn't very say she was too busy, could she? Then she'd be forced to tell her surprise before it was even ready to be a surprise. She hadn't found a ZPM-making room. She hadn't even decided if she'd found the correct crystal.

"Okay. Let me know…" Anna said.

"I will. See you later, Anna."

#

"I had an interesting conversation with Anna today."

Radek could have thought of a half dozen better ways for Elizabeth to open up a conversation when he walked in the door. But, well, it was her quarters. She could talk about whatever she wanted. Even if it was his daughter. The daughter he wasn't exactly lying to at the moment, but also the one to which he wasn't exactly telling the truth, either.

"Did you?"

Radek glanced around the room as he shed his jacket. It was a single room, sort of like the one he used to occupy. His never looked quite this homey. Nor this anthropological. He didn't much care for the artifacts on the walls and decorating the desk and dresser. Athosian, Ancient, maybe Egyptian or ancient Norse or Native American. Radek had no idea what any of this stuff was. Not his purview.

Elizabeth took a few steps toward the little sitting area she had arranged between her bed and the door. A loveseat, a bench, and a strange armless chair shaped like an hourglass. "I think it would be beneficial if she were to take a little bit of time to study things outside of math or science. Studying culture, like art…"

He didn't mean to cough as he sat on the loveseat's armrest. "I'm sorry, art?"

"It isn't a bad idea." Elizabeth looked a bit hurt, maybe exasperated. Maybe she'd already gotten the same sort of response from Anna.

"She can explore arts and literature if it interests her," Radek said.

"How is she supposed to know if it interests her if she never has to try it?"

Radek shook his head while Elizabeth moved around the room. She was giving him advise on Anna's education now? Was that how things worked? It wasn't as if Radek was neglecting to give her a good education. If there was one thing he was sure he was doing well, it was Anna's education.

"You know she has been playing the violin since she was three, yes?"

Elizabeth giggled and shrugged on her dark red silky robe instead of her Atlantis jacket. "Yes, okay, good point. But you have to admit her education could use a little rounding out."

He didn't have to admit anything of the sort. Anna was doing brilliantly with her studies here. She shouldn't have to waste her time on extracurricular activities like that. He didn't say anything about it, since Elizabeth walked past him and put a glass in his hand before sitting in the chair across the Persian-style rug on her floor.

Wine for her, beer for him.

Arts for her, science for him?

Radek took a gulp before continuing his inquiry. Diplomacy was an art, wasn't it? No wonder he'd been unable to hold a marriage together. "What do you mean by that?"

"There's more to life than Rodney's science questions," Elizabeth said.

Radek sniffed in amused disdain. "You don't have to tell me that."

"Don't I?"

The next time he looked up at her, she was giving him that smirk he loved so much. That lopsided grin that put a squint in one eye and a glint in the other. He had to admit to some difficulty sitting on the opposite side of the room from her.

"Alright, I guess that's neither here nor there. Chuck can teach her how to draw the Stargate or something," Elizabeth said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

But Chuck was a good artist.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. In a way, it was to his benefit that she'd brought up Anna first. Radek found himself with precious little else to talk about these days… which was unusual for him. "Elizabeth…?"

She turned her eyes up to look at him directly. She didn't say anything except to hum a little in answer.

"I have to tell Anna about this soon, you know? Weeks, I mean—that's a long time to keep this from her."

Elizabeth nodded tentatively. "You're right. Of course, you're right." She fingered her wine glass with a sheepish smile. "I imagine you think this whole situation is silly."

Radek wanted to say no, but… yes. It was. It was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard of. At the same time… "I do understand your hesitation. People will talk." He shrugged as if that said just about everything. Elizabeth was a private person. She had a right to be that way if that was what she wanted. "But the more we try to keep it a secret, the more they will talk."

She sighed. "How true."

Yet another part of her that Radek didn't understand. Not completely. He imagined there were parts of her being, her personality, that not even she knew. Elizabeth was just that isolated. Radek wasn't like that. He wasn't one to disclose random trivia about himself to any doctor in the lab on a whim, but he didn't care what people knew about him. That was probably why everyone on Atlantis knew that he raced pigeons as a hobby.

Also, it was a bizarre hobby. Not even he could deny that.

"Elizabeth, if this is more trouble than it's worth…" He should have gone on, but his nerve wouldn't let him.

"That's not what this is about," Elizabeth said.

"Then what is it about?"

Elizabeth ran her finger around the rim of her glass. "The other members of the expedition. But not just them. There's the IOA, too. They are already questioning my judgement. Hell, Radek…" She paused to take more than what could be termed a sip of wine. "I question my own judgement."

"Then why don't we just call it off now?" Radek wondered. He swept his glasses off to rub the lenses on his sleeve, maybe just to keep from looking at her directly. "You know, say it was an idea worth exploring, and since we have?" He glanced up, hoping she would finish his sentence. She was too blurry to read, so he put his glasses back on.

"That was all you wanted?" Elizabeth asked quietly. She shifted in her chair uncomfortably.

He realized too late how bad that had sounded. "Oh, no; oh, no, no, no. Panebože, that is not l what I meant. Not at all." He set his beer on the small table between them and put his head in his hands instead. Radek couldn't imagine where he fell on the level of contemptible based on that suggestion. "You shouldn't feel cornered. It was—there is no obligation. That's all."

"I see…" Elizabeth didn't seem to know what to say to that.

And Radek didn't know quite how to dig himself out of that hole. So he didn't try.

Elizabeth took a small breath and put her wine glass down on the table next to his glass. "You know what it's like to make your work your whole life."

Radek nodded. "Too well." And now he couldn't help but think that he was rushing headlong in the other direction. The wrong direction.

"I love my work," she said. "And I've had very few loves beside my work. Sometimes I wonder if I was fooling myself into thinking I ever loved anyone quite as much. At least if I put that first, I could be assured that the only person I'd be hurting in the long run was myself. But it's not like that as leader of the expedition. And it's not like that in any relationship."

Radek nodded, slowly. He turned his eyes to the floor for a moment. He understood that, too. When he was young, he had no idea who he was or what he wanted. The gall of that child, thinking he could share a life he didn't understand. Thinking he could swear to love someone else more than anything else. Now that he was older, though, he recognized the benefit of the love, the time he'd been too selfish to give before.

It seemed simple at the time, but it turned out to be more complicated than he thought.

"I understand that." Their eyes met a moment later. "Every word, I understand."

"I guess we're more alike than we give credit for," Elizabeth said with a small chuckle.

He smiled at the sound of her laugh. "I won't pretend that we are very similar in interests, but I do think that we are alike in other ways." It had been a long time since he'd concerned himself with the compatibility of minds.

Fleeting relationships years ago, just after the divorce, were short and shallow. It seemed unfair to call them relationships. He didn't bother himself with those kinds of things… nobody else seemed bothered with them, either. But, then, he'd only seen physicists, engineers, and mathematicians before. And, to the best of Radek's knowledge at the time, none of those people would meet Anna until she was an adult. Maybe not even then…

"I think you know more than I do why it is important for me to be honest with Anna."

"Yes, it is important." Elizabeth sighed like she wasn't too convinced.

"Very important."

She stood and picked up her wine glass. She emptied it and deposited it on the counter. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm awfully selfish about this." She spun toward him, still steps away.

Radek didn't look at her. "Selfish." He shook his head, repeating her words in a laughing whisper. If only she knew. If he was to believe his years of analyzing what went wrong before, he could only arrive at that conclusion for himself. He liked to think people could change, though. Even if it took ten years. "No. Not really. Not really, at all."

Thank yous & etc.

PegasusPilot- Glad to see you again! I'm glad you're liking the Radek/Elizabeth angle. It's certainly been a bit of a thing for me. Beyond that, it's been fun to start putting some further relationship building into motion for Anna, especially Rodney. I have to admit... he's a fun character. Very fun. See you next time!

Next time: I knew it! I knew it!