Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.

Previously: Radek and company were caught offworld in a dangerous place with bombs and bullets (Chapter 120), but (in Chapter 125) they were rescued even though not everyone made it out okay. Radek's convinced going back to Earth is the thing to do, since Anna would be alone in the world without him; but he's forgotten one thing that Rodney never did (from Chapter 80). Also retrieving a weird update to a throwaway line from Chapter 106.

Chapter 128. It's Everything.

Lorne spread his hand on the coffin's top. "Sorry, Chris."

Radek cleared his throat so Evan would notice he was there, a good ten minutes before he expected just about everyone else to show up. Even Coughlin wasn't here, yet, but he wasn't the most punctual out of the four of them… And, for the first and last time, if Reed wasn't there then everyone else was just early.

"Hey, Doc," Evan said with a smile. "Nice to be out of lockup?"

Radek smiled, might have chuckled except for the stitches still keeping something inside his abdomen inside reminded him he should still be careful. It felt a bit inappropriate standing next to Chris's body like this, anyway. Or maybe it wasn't, since remembering Chris with dancing and alcohol and a few rounds of poker sounded right. "I was granted special release. Though I think Carson is by now assured that I'm not in any danger."

"Good, well… take it easy. That's an order." There wasn't any time for Radek to respond. "Coughlin," Evan said in greeting.

"Major. Doctor." Coughlin nodded to each of them as he stepped up to the coffin and knocked it with his knuckles, like seeing if anyone was home, if anyone would answer. He said something in German, but Radek didn't catch it. He glanced at Evan, and then Radek. "This is the last time we'll all be together, so I brought a little something."

Coughlin produced four bottles of German beer, giving one to Radek and to Evan, placing the third on the coffin, and taking one for himself. He broke off the cap on one of the coffin's metal handles. Lorne and Radek followed suit and raised their bottles when Coughlin did. He gave a toast to Chris in German, so Radek followed in Czech, and Evan in English. They drank.

Coughlin sighed. "Bastard."

Radek wasn't sure why he'd chosen to insult their fallen comrade in English, but Radek had no doubt these two would handle grief in a much different way than he did. Evan apparently drank a lot. Coughlin was angry, though he wouldn't put excessive drinking past him either. Radek was confused, probably somewhere between denial and bargaining. There were a lot of if onlys today. Things like if only he had been like McKay—just for a minute. All of them were probably to be understood.

After what felt like prescribed moment of silence, Evan looked up at Coughlin. "How's Mikana?"

"She's fine." Coughlin shrugged. "Sad to hear, of course."

"Chris introduced you two, right?"

Coughlin nodded thoughtfully. "He did."

Radek searched his brain for someone named Mikana—it certainly wasn't a last name among the scientists, and not a first name he could immediately call to mind. He didn't think it was any of the military members, either, since there were very few female military members and he probably could have come up with their names if he tried.

"I'm sorry, but who…?"

"Sorry, Radar," Coughlin said, giving a gesture like waving him off. "It's not a secret or something; she's just an Athosian that I, uh…" He clicked his teeth together. He finally shrugged like it didn't matter what he said even if he had no idea what that was. "I've been seeing her since about April last year."

Radek blinked. "Really?" It never occurred to him such a thing was possible, though he had no idea why he thought that. After all, his daughter was, for all intents and purposes, also dating an Athosian. But from the way Coughlin spoke, it sounded like they were doing more than dating at this point.

"Yeah. Reed hit on her first, but she was too smart for him." He tapped the bottom of his bottle against Reed's unopened bottle. "Thanks for that, by the way." He looked at Evan. "She wanted to be here today, but her sister is actually expecting a little one. Maybe even today. I don't blame her for wanting to be there. I'd rather go to a birth than a funeral."

Radek was somewhat surprised he'd never met this woman, but if he thought about it… he'd at least seen her. She'd come to a celebration once, at least once, and Radek didn't notice at the time Coughlin wandered around with the same Athosian woman, paid her more attention and talked to her more than anyone else there. She was a little taller than Teyla, broader, but with hair so black it looked blue in the sun. Younger than Coughlin by perhaps five years.

"And you have been together for a year?" Radek wondered.

"A little more, actually. It started when the Athosians lived here, but I guess it got serious about six months after that. I expect you to be there for the wedding, sir," Coughlin said suddenly looking at Evan, "assuming it's approved. Seeing as I'm out a best man." Coughlin cast another glance toward the coffin as if there was something Reed was supposed to do about it. Or as if he might hear that Evan was taking his place and be offended enough to rise again.

If only…

Evan smiled. "You know, that might be one thing I just can't miss."

"Please," Radek added, even if he didn't believe a word of what he was about to say. "If you don't, I fear he'd be stuck with me." There was no other way to tell Evan he had to come back in company like this.

Coughlin laughed, shook his head, and took another drink. "He's not wrong."

They all paused when the first indications of Reed's near-universal popularity trickled in. Military members, including Sheppard, members of the science team, including Rodney's whole lab (except for Rodney himself), came in looking somber. A few of them started talking, even a few that had nothing in common except a funny story about Lieutenant Christopher Reed. Evan took a deep breath, his eyes going over the tops of all the heads in what would soon be his audience, since he was giving the eulogy.

"Wish me luck."

Coughlin gave a slack salute. "Viel Glück." Coughlin took a step as if he was about to go join the crowd, but stopped. He tapped the coffin and gave Reed the same words as a sendoff. Then he looked at Evan again, seriously. "I'm serious, sir, three months and you're on the mainland drinking Ruus and breaking dishware with us."

Evan didn't respond except a nod.

Coughlin ducked into the crowd anyway.

Radek turned his attention back to Evan. He looked much brighter than he had a few days ago, under the dark cloud of Reed's death sitting on his couch. It had been odd seeing him still there yesterday morning chatting with Anna over tea. She seemed to be enjoying herself, and, while Radek didn't like to have too many social contacts himself, he actually liked to have people around even if he didn't necessarily want to talk to them. It was why he always read in their quarters' main room… just in case Anna should like to be there, too. Evan had left later that morning and neither had spoken of it since.

And no one ever would.

"Good luck," Radek said.

Evan nodded, but didn't take his eyes off his paper. "Having second thoughts about leaving?" he asked.

A displaced guilt knocked around for a moment as Radek shrugged. "Aren't you?"

Finally looking up from the paper, he grinned. "We'll see. Let me know what you decide. I've got money on this."

Radek didn't know whether he should laugh before he actually was anyway. "You do? On what?"

Evan shook his head. "That would be cheating, Doc." With that, he looked up at Chuck sitting in his usual place. With a nod, the beginning of the memorial was signaled by the 'gate dialing. The brilliant pool of blue to Earth crashed open behind Evan and the coffin he stood beside.

Radek joined Anna at the far side of the 'gate room. He could stand on his own very well—though not for very long—but he still appreciated her holding onto his arm. It seemed wrong to sit at a military funeral. Not that he'd ever really been to one.

Evan folded the paper he'd been holding back into his jacket pocket and looked up at the crowd. It was a very nice eulogy, speaking mostly about Chris as a friend, though his career accomplishments were about what one would expect from any member of the expedition. He invited anyone who wanted to come up and say a few words, and Radek wasn't surprised when a queue formed. Reed was an easy person to like, apparently. He wished he had something to say, but everyone else seemed to have it covered.

Before the pall-bearers picked up the coffin to go home, Evan took Coughlin's last beer for Reed and tapped the coffin with it. He set it on the floor and left it there when he and the others going back to Earth went through.

The 'gate closed.

The crowd dispersed, everyone going back to their work, until only Radek, Anna, and Coughlin stood in the shadow of the Stargate.

"Think he'll come back?" Coughlin asked.

Radek shrugged. "Yes. I think so." It was more a hope at this point, albeit a selfish one.

Coughlin smiled, nodded, and picked up Reed's last bottle of beer. "Prost, Radek."

"Bis später."

Radek didn't realize he'd been standing in silence for quite some time until Anna sighed next to him. Coughlin had moved off, Elizabeth was sitting at her desk upstairs, the 'gate techs were going about their work. There was a solemn quiet, like there always was when there was a memorial. Virtually everyone knew Reed, just about no one knew Collins. It was different, but it was the same.

"You okay?" Anna asked, taking his arm in hers.

Radek nodded, but didn't say anything. He was exhausted. Carson would probably scold him for overdoing it. He had to take it easy, not be surprised when he couldn't climb the stairs without needing to pause and catch his breath. He wasn't even forty years old yet, and he'd never felt older than these past couple of days.

"Let's go home..." Anna said, and walked slowly beside him down the hall toward the transporter, away from the Stargate.

#

Rodney looked up from his computer, then around like he missed seeing something he should have. "Uh, should you be here? Weren't you shot?"

"Only once."

"Um, right…" Rodney mumbled. "Because frequency is a consideration. I'm calling Beckett."

"Wait, don't!" Radek winced at the pull on his ribs when he raised his voice maybe half a decibel. "I'm cleared to be out of the infirmary, but I'm supposed to be in my quarters."

Rodney slowly lowered his hand from the radio in his ear. "Why aren't you there?"

"I am so bored," Radek whispered, as if it was somehow shameful to be bored after two days locked up in his quarters with nothing to do. Of course, the day before that, the memorial—that could hardly be called "something to do." But he was that desperate, so it counted.

Most people got two days off. Every week. And they didn't have to be shot to get those days.

Radek apparently wasn't cut out for that. "I'm losing the will to live."

Rodney considered that, and Radek had hopes that he'd actually get what he wanted. Then Rodney asked, "So, not working is worse to you than a bullet."

"No… not precisely."

Rodney shrugged. "Okay, well, since you're here…" He tapped a few times on his tablet and then looked up. "I sent you some proposals for flow regulators. You can read through them and…"

"I could do that in my quarters, Rodney."

"Yeah, and I could call Beckett. Your point?"

Radek slowly sat in the nearest chair and pouted. The point was that he wasn't in his quarters. He almost didn't care what he did, except he had been reading for the past three days. He'd get over it.

"I don't want you ripping your stitches or something and bleeding everywhere," Rodney said.

"Your concern is appreciated." Radek didn't want to start bleeding everywhere, either, but he might have considered it a pleasant change of pace from the boredom of the past days. "But I don't think that will be a problem."

"Fine, fine." Rodney went back to whatever it was he was doing before Radek came in.

Radek tried to focus on the proposals, but it wasn't really interesting enough to keep his attention. Rodney started clacking on his keyboard, humming in indecision every now and again, and checking reference texts at his elbow. A huge binder of Ancient coding and the corresponding code for their interface. Radek couldn't imagine that Rodney would be doing something so tedious.

Maybe everyone was bored.

Anxious.

"Hey, Rodney?"

Rodney gave an overly-audible sigh. "God forbid you should work while you're here."

Radek didn't know why he even opened his mouth sometimes. "I thought you should know… I will be going back to Earth. Soon, maybe in a few weeks, but—"

"Yeah, I know; I was gonna give you a few days to come back to your senses," Rodney snapped, rounding his desk to stand directly in front of him, with only Radek's monitor between them. "First I have to replace you because you've got Anna, but then I don't because you're bringing her here." Radek wanted to say something there, but Rodney just kept right on talking. "Then I have to replace you because you're dead, but then you're not, so I don't, and now I have to replace you again, because…?"

"Because I can't do this to her," Radek answered simply.

"Do what?"

Rodney really was an idiot, wasn't he? Radek knew that, but somehow it was a surprise every time he discovered it. "If I die, she's alone in the universe. I can't do that to her; she's sixteen years old. I am all she has."

"No, you're not."

Radek would have responded if he knew what in the world Rodney was talking about. So, instead, he stared. Felt his brow furrow on confused reflex.

"Look…" Rodney looked down for a moment. Sighed. "You remember, a few months ago… you know, when I was still on Wraith enzyme and you and Lorne went to save Sheppard, Ronon, and Teyla?"

Radek nodded. That was a while ago, but it was an exciting time. He thought that even if he made it back to Atlantis alive, Rodney was going to kill him. But it turned out okay. Better than it had any reason to, actually.

There was silence as Rodney rapped his knuckles against the edge of his desk. "You… you told me to take care of her while you were gone."

Now that he said it, Radek did have a vague recollection of saying that to a distraught and angry Rodney that would have given anything to be on the next spaceship headed toward his team. It was more for Rodney than it was for him. It certainly wasn't for Anna, but…

"I want you to know, I take that seriously." Clearing his throat, Rodney went to clacking away on his keyboard again. "You asked me to take care of her and I would. I'd take care of her. That's all." Rodney turned back to his computer and didn't say anything else.

Radek stared at the floor for a few seconds. He didn't know if he was more shocked or ashamed for his assumption of a completely heartless Rodney. Not an unjustified assumption, of course. Completely justified. And it would be justified again tomorrow, because people never changed. And, right now, he'd never been so glad to think that Rodney would never change.

"Thank you." He didn't know what else to say. Didn't know if he could say anything else.

Rodney kept his eyes low and shrugged. Nodded a little. "It's nothing."

"She's my daughter. It's not nothing."

Rodney looked back toward his computer and they were quiet for what felt like ages. "I know you want what's best for Anna, okay?"

Rodney waited long enough for Radek to nod and think that, maybe, Rodney understood why that meant they had to go back to Earth.

No such luck.

"Then you know you have to stay here. Because that's best for her."

Radek chuckled and shook his head. "You're crazy." It was insane, plain and simple. To think that Atlantis was the best place for Anna…?

"It's not safest. But it's best."

That was crazy, too. It made no sense, but at the same time it did make a lot of sense.

"Name me one place on Earth she could get the education she'd get here." Rodney paused, not for long because he knew Radek knew there was no answer. "Now name me anyone on Earth that could understand what she'd be facing if anything happened to you."

Again, Radek knew there was no answer. He frowned, though, looking down at the desk before him. "Her family is on Earth. My sister…"

"Doesn't know about this," Rodney interrupted. "Anna is in on the biggest secret since Trinity. And if the worst happened regardless of where you were, your sister wouldn't know any of that. We do."

That was true… and a very good point. Radek wasn't sure who we was, but…

"Maybe I didn't say it in so many words, and I know I'm not exactly the poster child for this kind of sentiment, but…" He looked at Radek, kind of squinting as if figuring out what it was he was trying to say. Trying to figure out what sentiment even was, since he wasn't the poster child for any kind of sentiment that Radek knew of… "But I would," he finished, as if that was all that needed to be said.

And it almost was.

Perhaps Radek had misjudged him. "Well, what do you think I should do, then?"

"You should stay. But you already know that. Also update your instructions for Anna in the event of your death…" Rodney muttered.

"To what?" Radek scoffed, but regretted it almost the same second. Rodney was probably right. How in hell he'd come to that conclusion in just this short conversation with Rodney of all people, he had no idea. And was he seriously thinking of asking Rodney to formalize an off-hand request he'd given months ago that he didn't even remember? Much less whether he actually meant it at the time he said it…

But it didn't matter so much if he meant it at the time if Rodney did…

"Did you mean it?" he found himself asking anyway. "About taking care of her, I mean."

"Of course, I did." Rodney answered quickly, but then cut off more words Radek didn't get to hear the beginning of. He looked at the far wall and was quiet, maybe giving the question some serious second thought. Which was a good sign in itself. Finally, Rodney nodded. "I do. I'm not saying I'd be any good at it, but you know."

Radek wasn't any good at it either. He was often stuck just doing his best and hoping it turned out okay. Wanting things to turn out okay somehow covered for a lot of unpleasantness. "I'm being very serious right now, Rodney. I think you're right about the situation on Earth with my sister, but I just don't know that here…"

"She has family here, too, okay? You and your sister and whoever else—you aren't all she has."

Was Rodney saying what Radek thought he was? Anna would have Rodney?

"Okay." If he'd told himself last year he would be seriously considering nominating Doctor M. Rodney McKay for guardianship of his daughter in the event of his death, he would have had himself committed. "If you're okay with it. Think you can handle it. I'll want to talk to Anna first…"

Rodney looked surprised, even though Radek thought he'd been clear he was very serious. "Really? You think I wouldn't be awful?"

"You're a step up from a ward of the state."

"Oh…" Rodney looked back at his screen.

Rodney actually looked hurt, and Radek hadn't meant to do that. He sighed. "No, of course, I don't think you would be awful." And, despite any preconception Radek had, Rodney cared. That was more than he could say for any random person out there, certainly. "You'd at least try. And since that's all I ever do, I think…" He shrugged. Nodded. "You'd do fine." Good, even, but there was only so much encouragement he could stand to give Rodney.

And he cared, apparently. He apparently cared a lot.

Rodney nodded, didn't take his eyes off the screen and didn't stop clacking on the keyboard. "Yeah," he agreed.

And just like that, all professional boundaries had been smashed. He was staying on Atlantis, because of Rodney, again. But Rodney wasn't just his boss anymore, not just a colleague; he was something else, too. Radek didn't know what the equivalent in blood relative would be for what amounted to next-in-line parent-replacement for his child, and he didn't want to assign one. Step-brother, maybe, where the child was the one doing the adopting. Whatever it was, he and Rodney were now… that.

Two people that shared a deep concern for Anna. That was enough.

There was one lawyer on Atlantis, and she handled exactly this kind of thing. Wills and estates and such. Probably other monetary things. Radek didn't know if Rodney would need to be present for that update. He wondered if lawyers were as sworn to secrecy regardless of criminal proceeding, since this was something he didn't really want advertised…

"So you're gonna do it?" Rodney asked, his eyes bright. It was the only thing about him that was smiling at the moment, but nobody would have denied he was pleased. Proud.

Yeah. He'd be fine.

"Yes. Unless you changed your mind."

"No. Do I have to do something?"

Radek shrugged. Sighed. "I'm not a lawyer. I don't know." His sister didn't have to do anything. He should probably tell her, too. That would be an interesting conversation…

"Okay, well… let me know."

With a sigh, Radek leaned back in his chair. Assured Rodney he would know if something needed to be done. This was really unbelievable, but weirder things had happened. He needed to talk to Anna. He needed to talk to Heightmeyer, because he was going crazy.

Or maybe Rodney wasn't exactly the person he advertised. He was still a rude, obnoxious, insufferable child. But he was something else, too. For all the descriptions, flattering and insulting, perhaps everything was true.

#

Anna laid on her back on her bed, holding up the largest orange crystal up in her hands above her head. She rotated it, watching the sun flowing in the window filter through. It threw a warm rainbow on her wall, a stream of mysteries she'd never solve. At least, not anytime soon.

The only thing for it at this point was to plot how to get back here. If she went to college as soon as they got back, then she'd have her undergrad when she was twenty. She didn't know if a PhD was required here, but she already knew a lot about Ancient and Asgard power systems, things she couldn't learn even if she did get a PhD.

There was a chime at her door, and she pressed herself up to sit.

It opened, and Radek spoke. "It's me." Of course, she couldn't think how it would be anybody else.

"Come in," she said, and flopped back down to her back.

He stepped into the room, keeping the door open behind him. He looked around, probably noting the distinct lack of packed boxes. Meanwhile, she noticed the distinct protective slouch. He still had staples just above where his ribs started, and it couldn't feel great. He'd been out of breath, tired, and walking wasn't easy. It showed, and reminded her how close she'd been to leaving Atlantis without him. And, though she'd never say such a thing out loud, she'd much rather leave this way, with him, than without. Not that she'd rather leave, of course... just, if she had to, this was obviously the better way.

He walked to the window and said, "I've been thinking."

"Okay." Anna set the orange crystal rock down on her chest and tilted her head back and to the side to look at him.

Radek sighed and didn't say anything. Just rubbed his chin and looked out the window, like everything he was thinking was visible out there. Sortable. If he looked long enough he could find the thing he wanted to say. Anna didn't press for information, since she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he was going to say anyway.

"I talked to Rodney."

Interesting way to start. "About?"

He shrugged, like he didn't know exactly. "About… you, I guess. What would be best for you if I were not here."

Weird conversation to be having with Rodney, but it was fresh in the mind. "Did he tell you he tried to convince Elizabeth I should stay here?" For some reason, she doubted it. Rodney was smarter than that. Radek was immovable about this, at least to her.

"Not exactly," he said, and then spun to face her. "If it's alright with you, I think you would be best with him if something happened to me."

Her surprise could have been measured in lightyears, it went so far. "What?" Bolting upright, she whipped around to face him and stared. "You'd want Rodney to be my guardian?"

"If something happened to me, yes," Radek said. "But only if you think that's a good idea. You'd have a say in it anyway, since you are sixteen, but I'd rather to know we're on the same page before I… well. Before I don't know, I guess."

She could hardly parse any of that. She wasn't sure what had her stuck most: Rodney wanting to be her guardian or Radek agreeing to it. "I guess I don't know what to say."

He smiled and crossed the room. "That doesn't surprise me." He contemplated the quilt next to her before sitting down. He looked at her with a glint in his eye. "I think I must be going crazy."

With a grave nod, she looked around the room. Hard to decide without context—what she would have given to be under a desk in the lab for that talk. What in the world could Rodney have said to convince him to stay on Atlantis? She wanted to think it was a bribe of some kind, but she couldn't think who would object to Rodney's guardianship more between the two of them.

"You must be," she finally said, though the joking tone felt more put-on than sincere. Either way, only one thing mattered. "Does that mean we're staying?"

He smiled. Nodded. "We're staying."

She squealed, threw her arms around him, and kissed his cheek. "Thank you!" He seemed surprised, but not enough that he didn't return her hug. He didn't respond otherwise until she drew back, still nearly bouncing with excitement. "We should celebrate."

Radek chuckled and shrugged. "If you really think it's necessary."

"Of course, it's necessary! Aren't you happy?"

Maybe he really did think he was going crazy. Or perhaps just tired. Reed's funeral, getting shot, assorted pain medication, what Anna imagined was an intense shouting match with Rodney. Or something. Anna had no idea what to imagine. "Yes, I'm happy to be staying," he said finally.

Anna settled onto the edge of the bed against him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Maybe we can just have some hot chocolate together. And read."

Radek put a kiss on the hair on top of her head. "Not if you don't want to. I'll probably just fall asleep anyway." He sighed. "I have to go talk to the lawyer tomorrow morning about you and… Rodney. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"We won't need it, but, yes. It's better than going back to Earth."

Radek liked to say he hated Rodney, and here he was leaving Anna in his care should the worst happen. Because make no mistake, it would be the worst. But Anna knew for the past few days, since Reed's death, he'd been contemplating his apparently extensive failures as a member of the science team and a member of Evan's team. If only there was a way to tell him that McKay could never replace him, either…

"But only promise me you won't go anywhere," she added, hoping that communicated it enough. "There's a lot of things I have to do, like… like make a ZPM. And of course I want you to see it."

He coughed, but it sounded like it might have been a laugh somewhere else where he hadn't been shot. "I wouldn't miss it." Radek stood up, she thought, a bit in pain and a lot tired, and shuffled off toward the door. Anna hopped up and seized her tablet to go with him.

Just as predicted, he fell asleep in the chair while she worked on her tablet, stretched out on the couch. Before she knew it, the tablet was resting on her chest, and she was staring at the ceiling just listening. It was enough to wonder how something so little could feel so big. She always hoped she wouldn't be the kind of person that didn't appreciate what she had until it was gone—and she knew, on some level, she wasn't. She'd known for a long time now that she appreciated everything about this weird little family room, especially when they were both in it. It would be silly to say that the little things like this, like lying on the couch working on homework while Radek snoozed in the chair, was what she'd miss if he was gone. It wasn't, not really. There were a lot of bigger things to miss, and she probably wouldn't even think about moments like this.

But that was what made them so important. The things she'd never remember, the things she'd never think about, these little things that ended up being nothing in the long run, they still were more than just something. Right now, they felt like everything.

A/N: I don't know why, but for these types of stories I consider it a goal to only ever use vulgar language up to the extent that the show does? Just a bit of random trivia. The point being, I don't remember anyone on Atlantis using the word "bastard" (except, probably, Radek but not in English? I'm pretty sure he's using words the translation of which wouldn't be allowed on television at the time, anyway). I know it gets used in SG-1, though, so I'm calling this allowed.

Thank Yous

Ghost - Aw, thanks! I think a lot of the glossing over of stuff like this also has to do with the episodic nature of the show. Which, don't get me wrong, I miss episodic shows like this; but it does have a bit of a downfall in that it means a lot of the long-term consequences of anything are just shrugged off in forty-five minutes or less. And, of course, the fact that secondary characters are so very obviously secondary. Lorne's team gets sacrificed on the altar of Sheppard's team's looking awesome on a fairly regular basis. Same for Zelenka: he fails so we know how hard it was for Rodney to succeed. Anyways, thanks so much for sticking around, for reading and commenting!

Next time: There's something off about that guy.