Apologies for the slight inconsistency with posting lately, festive season etc.! Should be back to regular Friday or Saturday postings now
AMNE POV
As my strength returned, the next day we continued our travels. The road was long, twisting and of course had its own offerings of obstacles and issues. But we surpassed them all. Bit by bit, we carried on towards Baldur's Gate. Until finally, as we came to the top of another hill, we could see smoke rising from the city, from its industrious docks, the many homes within, from the city itself belching progress into the air. Finally, we had made it. And more importantly we had made it before the army of the Absolute.
But we were road-weary, and knew that as soon as we entered the town itself, we would no doubt have a target on our backs for one reason or another. The Absolute's Chosen in Gortash and Orin lingered there somewhere, hidden among the streets many shadows and dark corners. Then there was Cazador and whatever goons he had sent looking for Astarion. Gale's own past was always a present danger, that orb in his chest sated for now, but no doubt keen to still explode and take anything else it could with it. And of course Shadowheart. Her path with Shar and now Selune. For the past however many nights she had sat and talked with Aylin and Isobel, searched her own heart, and then come out the other side. She even changed her hair – a snowy white now, and as much as Astarion had objected to her taking the look, he admired the effect.
We all had our demons in the city waiting for us.
So first of all, we would rest, before entering that lion's den.
We made camp at the ridge of the hill, another hour or more walk from the outskirts of city limits still at least. But in that last little slice of wilderness, we made our camp. I accompanied Shadowheart to bathe in the nearby river, and as we washed, I considered this strange space we were in. Not wilderness. Not city. I don't think it was my usual space to inhabit, but the idea of city streets didn't sit right either. Where the hell was it that I came from? And why was it that it brought this horrible darkness with it? So many questions. And yet each day seemed to only bring more to the surface. At least our last day of travel to this point had been fairly uneventful – allowing for me to recover a bit more after my revival and for everyone to be a little more at ease. I assumed it wouldn't last, but still. I'd been grateful for the day.
"Still awake, Sweet?" Astarion's voice filtered through from outside, soft enough that I wouldn't have heard him at all had I been asleep.
I smiled, unable to stop it. Oh boy, I was getting it bad, wasn't I? "Yup. Come on in."
"Are you alright?" He asked as he stepped in, down to his loose white shirt and leather trousers, the sleeves rolled up in that way that made my eyes linger. What was it about his hands and forearms that I liked so damn much? Shit, get a grip, woman.
He sat by me, arm slung over his raised knee.
I nodded. "Of course. Was just thinking about the city being so close. It's still so quiet here though."
"Mm, a nice little slice of the inbetween, isn't it? Not the middle of nowhere, but not the stifling streets either."
I pursed my lips. "Not that I really recall what those streets feel like, or if I should."
"True."
"Did you just fancy a chat?"
He nodded. "Pretty much. Ones mind was getting a little loud on my lonesome. Being so close to the city limits, to being back in Cazador's back garden essentially…"
"Ah. Mixture of excitement to be rid of him but trepidation over being anywhere near the bastard?"
He nodded again, eyes dark as he swirled his wine and took a long sip. "I feel so free of him and his malice and yet… I guess it won't really be proven until I'm there, will it?"
"Proven? As in, you might fall back under his spell?"
"Mm, or be tempted to act in the way he expected. In the way he wanted."
The darkness swelling up within was something I could of course fully appreciate. I sat a little closer, our shoulders touching. He didn't recoil, in fact he leaned in slightly.
"I think it would be a good idea to keep in mind how much that stupid old bastard will have been underestimating you."
"You think so?"
"Arrogant bastards like him always do, don't they? Or is he not the arrogant type, and I've got it wrong?" I tilted my head and watched the smirk fall into place, only it was the cold sort, the cynical sort. It hadn't been my intention to pry, but clearly Astarion wanted to talk. At least a little.
"Arrogant would be underselling it vastly."
"Thought so. Well then, I guess you'll be able to show him just how entirely wrong he was to think so little of you. And of course, as much as you'll allow us, we'll all be there to help."
He watched me for a moment, staring so intently I wondered if he was searching for something. A look of satisfaction appeared in the next instant. Whatever it was he searched for, I think he found it. "I know. And it's rather invigorating, knowing I have such a dedicated team behind me. Watching my back without the intent of stabbing it."
I grinned. "I'll be too busy trying to stab him."
Seriousness flitted into place. "Do not forget how dangerous he is, Little One. That will not do."
My grin faded.
He turned to me more. "Sweet, please. Say you understand. He is dangerous, he is a mad fool, yes, but that doesn't make him easily dealt with. If anything, it makes him worse. So much worse. Please, I need to know you understand the danger. I need to know you're prepared. I can't–"
"Astarion." I sat up on my knees, interrupting as his words started bumping into each other, and I cupped his face. "I hear you. I do. I'm sorry, I was only having some fun."
He stared at me, once again searching. And I didn't look away.
I nodded. "Really. I understand, I won't underestimate him. Promise."
Find it. Rely on me. Believe in me.
And he did, his eyes warmed and that smile fell into place – so nearly a smirk, but the warmth kept it genuine, kept it loving and true.
"You really are something else."
"I try." My hands slipped down his throat and rested on his shoulders.
He swallowed. "You succeed."
His eyes lingered on the hollow of my throat, his hand slowly reaching there. He stopped. I stayed perfectly still. The air thickened. He looked to me for permission. I gave it in a small nod. He smiled and continued reaching, his fingertips tracing along my collarbone, to the collar of my shirt, up my throat, barely touching just a skimming caress that sent shivers along my spine and goosebumps along my skin. His smile broadened and his touch travelled along my jaw, thumb gently tracing along my bottom lip as his mind churned over something, his jewelled eyes sparkling with thought.
I leaned into his hold. His thumb stroked along my bottom lip again and I opened my mouth a little. He swallowed hard, thumb moving forwards ever so slightly, my tongue darting along to caress the very tip of it. Just a small touch. He shuddered. He frowned, holding me still and watching. Something burned in his gaze and I stayed still – partly to let him think his way through but also because part of me was simply enjoying being held, being in his power but in a weird way also very freed. I had no idea how he affected me that way, or why. But I liked it. A warmth spread through me at the smallest touch, and I wasn't inclined to deny it. If anything, I wanted more. But I also wanted to know what was causing that pause in him, what tightened his hold on my jaw as if to keep me at a distance and yet simmered that heat of want in his eyes.
His brows knitted together and he ran his thumb along my lip again, that little touch of my tongue now slicking my lip ever so slightly, it cooling on contact. Everything was so heightened.
He leaned closer, and I tried to do the same, but he held me in place, almost glaring now. "I don't understand this, you know? I don't understand it at all."
I questioned with my eyes, my hands landing on his knees, giving a questioning squeeze.
He shuddered again and clenched his teeth for a moment. "You… You confound me. In the best ways more often than not, but confounding all the same."
My brows lifted in the middle.
He shook his head. "It's not your fault, Little one. Far from it. This is something internal for me, something… Something rooted in him and his bullshit. You're the good part of this world for me, the bright and burning. But there's still this… thing in my head. I want this, I want you, but I also don't know how much I want anyone to look at me for that. At all. I want to be separate from that seedy use of me, of my body." He swallowed, looking pained. "But then there's you. How you look at me for it, but without that sick expectation. You just want me. Don't you? Not to own, control, or any of that shit. Just to be. To enjoy with me."
I nodded as much as I could, eyes growing warm as the pain in his voice resonated through me.
He smirked, tongue running along his sharp teeth. "It's maddening. Because as much as it makes me pause, or question it all, I still want to see it…" I shivered as he drew closer, voice barely a whisper. "To see you be undone. To watch those eyes roll back in submission, these lips gasping my name, getting so red and bruised from those desperate but so fucking delicious kisses… Am I allowed to want that as well as the former? Or is that me just being a controlling bastard too?"
My tears spilled. He loosened his hold immediately, leaning back a few inches, his suddenly worried gaze following those falling droplets. I shook my head. He narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips as I pressed a kiss to his thumb before leaning back into his hold. Submitting. Agreeing. Consenting. There was no power imbalance here. Not only could I handle myself in a fight, we both knew I was willing to hurt him if need be. This was a game of equals.
"Is that a yes, Little One? I'm allowed to want it both ways? You'll give me that freedom? That indulgence?"
I blinked and a couple more tears escaped as I nodded again. Not only would I give it, it was also him giving something to me. A want I didn't even fully understand. But wanted all the same.
He swallowed hard and his thumb ran along my lip again, pressing harder this time. "What did I do in this wretched world to deserve you? My Sweet One."
I whimpered. Because I didn't understand how I could be something to be deserved, instead of endured. Oh shit. That's it, isn't it? Why I struggled so much with his lingering looks, why I couldn't understand it. Because I saw myself as a burden. As something to be dealt with, not someone to be enjoyed. D-Damn. That hit me like a sledgehammer, my eyes warming all over again. I didn't know much of my past. I couldn't recall what scars led me to that path of feeling; but it was there. How could he, someone so beautiful, who had been treated so badly and yet deserved the world, how could he look at me like I was the first break of dawn? But the words wouldn't come. I was choked by that feeling, and that simple hollowness longing to be held by him again. Chase it away Astarion. Drown me in sensation, make me forget this lonely self-loathing with your stunning light. Make me feel that want in your eyes. Let me believe it.
And somehow he knew that, didn't he?
It was that understanding that sparked in his dark eyes as he leaned in and kissed the tears that had fallen. "Now, now, let us leave no more room for tears. But if you want to stop, or need me to stop you just say so, Little One. Please. It's all a mess. I know that. But it isn't just about me, alright? Never just about me."
I breathed heavy and nodded, licking his thumb again, ever so gently.
He huffed a laugh and leaned so close the end of his nose just brushed mine. "Safeword, Sweet. We should decide on a safeword."
"Tadpole." I whispered with a small laugh to follow.
He grinned and nodded. "Perfection, as always."
And he pulled me into a kiss at long last, hold slipping from my jaw to my throat, holding with enough pressure to not break that sense of control but not hard enough for any flicker of alarm. I was being held, not caged. And I wanted it. I trusted it. I needed it. The warmth of the kiss thrilled my nerves, pleasure flickering as we delved into each other. He pushed slightly, angling me back until I was laying under him, pressed to the floor of the tent, unable to move except my lips against his, my tongue with his, my voice whispering out already in soft moans of submission.
Fuck. Don't stop.
He hummed and braced on his free arm by my head, raising himself enough to look down at me, his thumb running along my throat, pressing deliciously hard as I swallowed and watched his expression flicker through his emotions. Safety. Belonging. Calm. Confusion. Uncertainty. Trust. And then landing on want. And then how it burned, in his smirk, in his eyes, in how that pressure tightened ever so slightly and brought another thin whine to my lips.
"You will stay perfectly still." He spoke hushedly, raggedly. A secret between just us and our bodies, but also a command. So low, the notes rumbling right to my core where I was already aching for him. "You will remain as quiet as you have already. No more than those thin little mewls, Sweet. Do you understand?"
I nodded. I panted.
He slipped his hold from my throat to start undoing my shirt, the buttons falling open at his dexterous will. The night air in the tent was cool but not cold. Pleasant as it coasted over my warm skin, the blush no doubt reaching down past my collarbones by this point. My shirt fell open. He hummed and his touch skimmed down, loosening my chest bindings, tracing the lines of my stomach, loosening the ties on my trousers. My hips rolled.
He stopped.
He glared, all fire, but I trusted that it was part of the game. Still, the thrill ran along my spine. I'd disobeyed.
His lips warped round a snarl. "What did I say? Perfectly still. Or didn't you hear me?"
I bit my lip.
He hummed and waited, but I stayed put, my hips aching to move again as I felt the pressure of his hand at the ties, so close to where I was throbbing for him, where my nerves already sparked in anticipation. But I was like stone otherwise. Watching. Pleading with my eyes. But otherwise not a muscle moved beyond my quickened but quiet breaths. He hummed and continued, slower than before, watching me so closely. He leaned in, nose skimming along my throat as he worked my trousers down over my hips, free from the curve of my ass and down my thighs. His teeth. They grazed teasingly along my skin, sending shivers and goosebumps alike in every direction. He laughed quietly and kissed there instead. Finally my underwear came away and I was entirely bare beneath him. I'd never felt so exposed and yet so utterly safe.
"What a good girl you're being."
I shuddered, my eyes rolling back a fraction, the reaction catching me off guard but undeniable all the same. Fuck that felt good.
He chuckled again, darkly, like the finest red wine being poured into a crystal glass. "Ah, she likes such things, does she? Hm. Words of affirmation, of tender care maybe? Who knows. I guess I can find out, can't I? Bit by bit. Whimper by whimper. Taste by taste…"
His mouth found mine again and I gasped into it, having not even seen him move, only feeling him return to me, breaths caught with his, tongue desperately lapping up into his mouth, back arching as his hold scooped under my middle to crush me closer to him. He was kneeling over me now, my legs either side of his, his arm wrapped possessively around my waist, hand clasping at my exposed skin as he held tighter and tighter. I keened. Yes. Hold me tighter. Make it so I can't escape this, I don't want to. Claim me. He kissed deeper, a growl rumbling in his throat. My arms remained limp, lying against the soft flooring, tingling with the sensation of not moving at all. Still he said. So still, I was. His other hand skimmed up my leg, tracing along from my knee, to the inside of my now quivering thigh. Closer. Closer. And he broke the kiss, hovering above my lips as we panted, watching with those dangerous eyes as that touch traced my core.
I whimpered. He grinned.
His touch curled into me and I let myself simply fall into it, every tightening of nerve, every shiver running through my veins. My eyes rolled back. My breaths caught on another thin moan, while I did my best to keep it quiet as I had been ordered to. My hands trembled. My skin tingled. Everything was alight and dulled at the same time, on fire yet numb with the complete surrender.
"Look at me."
I did. I dragged my eyes to his and stared as his touch reached deeper, his caresses skilled as he played my nerves as if a fine instrument. I swallowed hard. I keened. I blushed as my breaths quickened again and my hips ached so deeply to move, to follow his lead and find that rhythm. My fingers itched to reach up and grab at him, to thread into his silver locks and pull him close. Into another kiss perhaps. Or to drag his attention to my chest, to make those teeth graze me in that perfect way. To have him suck. Bite. Claim. Yes. All of it. My greed pulsed with every drag and flutter of his touch within me, stoked like a perfectly maintained fire.
"Gods you're beautiful." He breathed, brows pinched in the middle like it hurt to witness, like he couldn't believe the sight. And I didn't either. But I knew what he said was true. To him, in this moment, under his whims and control, I was beautiful.
My nerves tightened. I whined and bit my lip, breathing harder as he stroked me closer and closer to that moment. Coaxing me towards that edge. Staring all the while. He wanted to see all of it, every moment of pleasure, every second of that warring submission and fear of losing control. But I had no control. That was the point, wasn't it? He hated knowing how people looked at him only for sex, only for pleasure, but he had seen something more in me. More in my looks and touches. Good. Thank the gods. Because there was more, so much more. Yes he was handsome, and yes he knew how to play a body like a bard knew how to work any instrument. But what made this all so damned intoxicating was the rest. The quiet lines of his speech, the way his lips moved around words of sincerity or curled past those aloof defences. His eyes, so deep and dark, yet so able to sparkle with mischief and honesty too. And as this all fluttered past my mind, my body thrumming with the oncoming release, he looked amazed. He looked hungry. Ravenous even. And I knew it wasn't my blood, it was me.
Damn it…
I'm really falling for him, aren't I?
My nerves gave way and my eyes rolled back despite how I didn't want them to, the sheer force dragging them back and making that thin whine rip from my bruised lips. He kissed me to quell it, and I felt his body shuddering as he did. Yes. Be with me in this. Be affected. Be dragged into it like me and let us swim in this ridiculous soup of an existence. And for fuck's sake… Don't stop.
He didn't. He worked me through that moment, then laid me flat, sitting back to admire his handiwork as the sweat dewed across my bare skin. I'd never seen him look so exhilarated. Was it the control? The freedom to simply ask and receive? I wasn't sure. I guess in that moment it didn't matter. What did was him; those eyes, pupils so big they almost looked entirely made of onyx, and his lips, parted as he panted, teeth just visible in the lantern light, his face a stunning portrait of a man freed.
And then he grinned. "Being so good for me, Sweet. So well behaved and following my commands. What a beautiful sight, what a good, girl."
I shivered.
"Do you want more?"
I bit my lip.
He smirked. "Speak, Sweet."
"Y-Yes."
"My name, Little One. Use it."
I swallowed hard. "Yes, Astarion."
His eyes closed and he breathed deep through his nose, his eyes so dark when they opened and his grin only widening as he leaned forward. He hooked my legs over his shoulders and pressed a kiss to the inside of my knee. Slowly he kissed and licked his way down my thigh, pausing to let his teeth graze the soft skin before he eyed me.
"May I taste you, Sweet? In every way?"
I shuddered and nodded, heartbeat picking up as I considered him drinking from me on the brink of climax and following me down into it.
He smirked. "Words, my dear. I need to hear it. Is this alright? May I taste you and drink from you?"
"Yes, Astarion." I whispered, his hold on my thigh tightening for a second. "Please."
His jaw flexed as my plea fell from my lips and he nodded, continuing his kisses, laying me flat and kneading my thighs further apart as he leaned forward again and his breath coasted over my aching core. Another chuckle. "Close your eyes, Sweet. Only think of the feeling, the touch, just… lose yourself to it."
I did as told, relaxing into his hold completely and letting the soft mewls leave me as his kisses traced along my core. His tongue gave one long swipe. I jolted. Another. I moaned. And then he delved deeply and I choked on a cry, biting it back to that volume I had been commanded to. And in the darkness behind my eyelids there was nothing else to do but imagine it all. How his jaw would work against me, how his fingers gripped my thighs, leaving little bruises to marvel at tomorrow. How the curls of his hair would fall in front of his eyes, his brow quirked in concentration. How–
He groaned. My nerves tightened. To hear him so overthrown by enjoyment was something else. Something so desperate. His tongue worked deeper still and his teeth caught along that pearl of nerves. I keened. My hips twitched, desperate to roll, to flow with that touch, to join the intoxicating dance. His hands kneaded my thighs, another long swipe preceding his breath coasting over me as he took a small breather. Good thing too, it let me breathe as well, every other exhale a small whine.
He hummed. "You may move those hips a little, if you must. I'm going to work you to the point of bliss, Beautiful, and then I'll drink from you. Be a dear and tell me when it's approaching? Let me know with that sweet voice?"
"Y-Yes, Astarion." I keened, eyes still closed, hips immediately rolling when allowed to, the ache slightly lessened by that alone.
He chuckled. "And here was me thinking you couldn't get any more sublime…" And he returned to his fine work, lapping into me, my nerves kneaded by his bite, a small suckle ripping a whine into the night air, my hips rolling eagerly as he coaxed the flames back to their height. He moaned again and his touch joined the fray, caressing into me, kneading at my walls while his tongue laved over my nerves. I panted. I groaned. I felt my body approaching that crux, every nerve going taught as he worked me over, and held me tight.
"Yes…" I choked out, panting harder as my heart raced, sweat rolling down my temples, my thighs, my whole body wrung out like an elastic band readying to snap. "So close… As-Astarion… Astarion!"
He hummed and gave another long suckle on my nerves, before his teeth pierced my thigh and he drank like a man dying of thirst. Bliss. I toppled over as that small slice of pain caressed my consciousness and then I was tumbling deeper and deeper. More. I rolled still, his hand kneading my nerves through the moment while his lips sealed around the puncture, drinking, his breaths gusting almost panicked from his nose. Just like before, worries, floated away. Troubles, melted. Cares, trickled to nothing. And I lay there, caressed by him, held by him, groaning with him as we indulged in this madness. And then came that familiarity again. Recalling how someone had held me like this. Desperately. Strongly. As if being another inch away from me would be painful. Their voice husking against my skin, our pulses both raised, bodies seeking one another out. Beautiful. Familiar. But who had it been? In my life before all this, before the blankness, someone had truly wanted me, pleased me. I moaned. Bliss. Soft hair against my cheek as their strong hips slammed into me, hands clasping my skin, kneading at me, kisses branding me all over.
And just as numbness threatened, Astarion stopped drinking, and instead licked at the wound until it closed. At least, that was my assumption, after all, my eyes were still closed. What a good little fuck-buddy blood bag I am. Except the notion came with a small sting in the tail now. I had begun to feel far more deeply for Astarion than I thought I would. And for now, that could only worry me. We didn't know where our path would lead. And I couldn't be sure what he would want beyond the physical release, and a bit of companionship. He wouldn't be cruel. Of course not. But that didn't mean he had to love.
"Sweet?" He spoke, a slight edge to his voice. Presumably he had already asked me something and I'd failed to respond. His gentle strokes to where he had bitten and then healed hesitated as I tried to respond, feeling so heavy with my release and then draining. "Sweet, please, open those eyes for me. Now?"
I smiled and did so with a bit of struggle. He sighed and hung his head, resting it against my stomach for a moment, still stroking. Aftercare. What a gentleman. I hummed and he slowly kissed up my body to my throat where he lingered under my ear, before smiling down at me, hand skimming up from my thigh to cup my face.
He was flushed, the colour in his cheeks testament to his enjoyment and the meal he had enjoyed. "Still with me?"
"Mm, mostly." I bit my lip and rolled my hips again, the vague echoes of my climax still pulsing through my nerves every so often. "Think I almost went mad…"
"Not a bad way to go though, right?"
I chuckled and shook my head. "I'd highly recommend it."
He started wiping me down with a cloth, so gentle in every movement. Then he kissed the end of my nose. "Thank you."
"Oh you're welcome, such a trial for me." I snorted, but when I looked to him I found only an expression of sincerity shining back. I smiled. "You're welcome."
"You put a lot of trust in me, all so I could indulge myself… It was incredibly kind."
"Mm, can I ask something?" I propped myself up on my elbows, finding no dizziness. He hadn't drank that much at all, had he? Nowhere near draining me. He had come leaps and bounds since that first night of frenzy.
He nodded. "Of course."
I tilted my head. "Was it what you hoped? Did it… help? Balance that contradiction for you?"
He thought for a moment, eyes wandering down me, hands pulling the covers over me before
He leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead. "Yes. It really did."
"Alright then. I'm glad." I sighed, lying back again and humming. "You deserve it…"
"You need rest, Little One. Sleep now. I'll take your watch for the night."
"Too fucking right you will…" I chuckled into a mumble, sighing again when another kiss was pressed to my hair and a blanket was tucked around me.
Was it foolish to feel those twinges in my heart? Did he feel them too? Damn it. This would hurt a lot when it ended, wouldn't it? I had to consider how to prepare for that. For when I watched him walk away. Or the world took him too soon…
Thanks for reading! Shoutouts below!
Elkediane: Thanks so much for your kind words, glad you're enjoying! Plenty more story to come!
Sweelise: Thank you so much for your reviews, you really gave me a wee boost to get back to my regular updates. It's a story that is kind of flying under the radar I guess? I'm not sure. Thankfully reviews etc aren't why I'm writing it, I'm just having a lot of fun as someone who loves the game. You're very kind, and I'm glad you're enjoying the writing so much - I'm having a blast creating it. I hope you've continued to enjoy! And thank you again for chiming in, so many folks don't bother. You do good in this world!