A/N:

I hope all of you are having a fantastic time with your precious ones.

May this time be superb for us all!

Android in the Land of Snow: IV

Puppeteer VS Doll

Naruto stood atop a snow-covered hill, arms crossed and a stiff scowl etched across her pale, doll-like face. She was supposed to be "guarding" Yukie from afar while the actress shot her scene down below on a picturesque frozen lake. The crew bustled around with cameras and props, their excited chatter echoing across the frosty expanse. The snow sparkled under the bright sunlight, but Naruto's sapphire eyes remained fixated on Yukie with something akin to robotic resentment.

"Tch," Naruto huffed, the sound as mechanical as her posture. "Why does she get to prance around like a majestic crane while I'm stuck here, freezing my circuits off? Dattebayo."

From her vantage point, Yukie, dressed in an elaborate snow-princess outfit, looked radiant. She was delivering her lines with grace, her voice carrying across the ice as the cameras captured every angle. Naruto squinted. "She's not even that good," she muttered to herself. "I could do better. Way better. Dattebayo."

Sakura, stationed a little further down the hill, overheard her. "Naruto, you're supposed to be watching for danger, not sulking because you're not the star of the movie."

Naruto turned her head stiffly toward Sakura, her glowing eyes narrowing. "Sulking? Hah! As if! I am merely assessing the tactical weaknesses of this… performance. And let me tell you, Sakura, it's riddled with flaws. If I were the star—"

"You're not," Sakura cut her off, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Focus."

Naruto ignored her, tilting her head dramatically as she watched Yukie deliver another line. "Her movements lack elegance. No finesse. And that sobbing? Tch. A joke." She struck her signature pose, raising one hand theatrically to the sky. "If I were down there, the audience would weep rivers of tears! Oceans! They'd call it the greatest cinematic moment of all time. Dattebayo."

Lee, who was stationed nearby and always ready to encourage Naruto's eccentricities, gave her a thumbs-up. "Naruto, your youthful passion is inspiring! Perhaps after this mission, you can pursue a career in acting!"

"See? Even Bushy Brows gets it!" Naruto said triumphantly, pointing a stiff finger at Lee. "I deserve to be down there, stealing the show and the hearts of the audience. Dattebayo."

Sasuke, leaning casually against a tree, sighed. "You can't steal something you don't have."

Naruto's robotic head swiveled toward him like an offended owl. "Excuse me? Are you implying I don't have—"

"Talent. Charisma. Acting skills. A basic grasp of how movies work. Take your pick," Sasuke replied, his voice dripping with disinterest.

Naruto stiffened, her glowing eyes narrowing. "Hn. You're just jealous of my star power, Sasuke."

"Sure," Sasuke deadpanned, looking away.

Suddenly, Yukie let out an ear-piercing shriek, snapping everyone's attention back to the set. One of the crew members hurried over, shouting something about a malfunctioning prop. Yukie had dropped her fake crystal, and it skittered across the ice, coming to rest dangerously close to a thin patch near the lake's edge.

Naruto tensed. "Finally. Action! Dattebayo." Without waiting for orders, she bolted down the hill, her movements as stiff and mechanical as always but somehow still fast.

"Wait, Naruto!" Kakashi called from his spot on a nearby boulder, casually flipping a page of his book. "Stay in formation."

Naruto didn't listen. She slid onto the frozen lake with the grace of a malfunctioning marionette, her boots screeching against the ice. She stopped beside Yukie, standing stiffly in front of her like an overly dramatic bodyguard.

"Fear not, Princess," Naruto declared, striking another over-the-top pose. "The White Flash of the Leaf is here to save the day. Dattebayo."

Yukie blinked at her, bewildered. "I don't need saving. It's just a prop."

Naruto didn't hear her—or perhaps chose not to. She stomped toward the crystal, muttering to herself. "If this were my movie, they'd use a real crystal. None of this cheap prop nonsense. Tch. Amateurs."

As she bent down to pick it up, the ice beneath her groaned ominously. Sakura and Sasuke, watching from the hill, facepalmed in unison.

"Naruto, get off the ice!" Sakura shouted.

But Naruto, ever oblivious, straightened with the crystal in hand, holding it aloft like a trophy. "Victory! Dattebayo."

The ice cracked.

"…Oops," Naruto said flatly.

Yukie screamed again.

Û~Û

Back on the ship, the atmosphere was tense. The director, a stout man with a booming voice and a temper to match, paced back and forth in the cramped meeting room. His face was red, his hands flailing wildly as he scolded Kakashi, who stood there with his usual relaxed demeanor, flipping through his book.

"Do you realise what that crazy subordinate of yours almost did out there?" the director bellowed, his voice echoing off the wooden walls. "She nearly sank the entire set! If that ice had broken, our equipment, our crew, everything would've been ruined! And for what? A fake crystal prop? I swear, I've worked with divas before, but this… this is madness!"

Kakashi turned a page in his book, not even looking up. "I understand your concerns, Director-san. But Naruto meant well."

"Meant well?" The director's voice cracked. "She's a walking disaster! How is someone like that a ninja? Aren't they supposed to be stealthy? Professional? Sane?"

Kakashi closed his book and finally looked at the director, his visible eye curving into a calm smile. "Naruto… is an acquired taste."

"She's unhinged!" the director shot back. "She was waving that prop around like it was some kind of trophy, shouting 'Victory!' while the ice was cracking beneath her! And don't even get me started on that absurd speech about saving the princess. She scared the entire crew half to death!"

Sandayu, Yukie's assistant, cleared his throat nervously from the corner. "To be fair, she did retrieve the crystal before it fell into the lake…"

The director whirled on him. "That's not the point! What if the ice had broken? What if the princess had fallen in? What if—"

"Dattebayo!" a familiar voice rang out, interrupting the tirade.

The door slammed open, and Naruto strode in, her posture stiff and robotic as always. She had swapped her winter coat for her usual frilly black dress, though her boots were still caked in snow from the earlier escapade. Her glowing sapphire eyes scanned the room, completely oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked, her monotone voice somehow managing to sound both curious and bored. "Is this a meeting? Why wasn't I invited? Dattebayo."

The director's face turned an alarming shade of purple. "You!"

Naruto tilted her head mechanically, her beauty mark catching the dim light. "Me?"

"Do you have any idea the trouble you caused today?" he roared, jabbing a finger in her direction. "You almost ruined everything! The equipment! The set! The entire production!"

Naruto blinked slowly, her expression unreadable. "Tch. It's just a movie. Dattebayo."

The director looked like he was about to explode. Kakashi stepped in, placing a hand on the man's shoulder. "Easy there, Director-san. Let's not have a heart attack."

"Just a movie?" the director sputtered, ignoring Kakashi. "Do you know how much money is on the line here? How many people are depending on this production?"

Naruto crossed her arms, looking as unimpressed as ever. "Money? Pfft. I'm here to protect the princess, not your wallets. Dattebayo."

Sandayu tried to intervene again, his tone placating. "Naruto-san, while we appreciate your enthusiasm, the crew and equipment are vital to keeping the princess safe. Without them, we can't complete the mission."

Naruto blinked at him. "So… you're saying I should've let the fake crystal fall?"

"Yes!" the director shouted.

"Oh." Naruto paused, her head tilting to the other side. "Well, I saved it anyway. Dattebayo."

Sasuke, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, muttered under his breath, "Loser."

Naruto's glowing eyes snapped to him. "What was that, Duckbutt?"

"Enough!" Kakashi clapped his hands, his voice firm yet calm. "Let's all take a deep breath, shall we? Director-san, I assure you, I'll have a word with Naruto about her… methods. Naruto, next time, think before you act. We're here to protect the princess and ensure the mission goes smoothly. Understood?"

Naruto huffed, her arms still crossed. "Fine. But next time, I'm doing it my way. Dattebayo."

The director threw his hands in the air, muttering something about "insane ninja" as he stormed out of the room. Sandayu followed, murmuring apologies.

Once they were gone, Naruto turned to Kakashi. "Was I really that bad?"

Kakashi gave her a lazy eye-smile. "Let's just say… you left an impression."

Û~Û

Naruto sat on a lone iceberg, her legs swinging idly back and forth as she watched the commotion below. The shooting set bustled with activity, the crew members shouting directions and adjusting equipment, while the actors rehearsed their lines under the frosty sunlight. Somewhere amidst the chaos, Yukie, the pampered actress-slash-princess, was preparing for her next scene. Kakashi, Lee, Sakura, and Sasuke were stationed around her, their postures tense as they scanned the snowy expanse for potential threats.

Naruto, however, was excluded from the protective formation.

"Stay back, Naruto," Kakashi had said earlier with a calm yet firm tone. "Unless it's a world-ending threat or Yukie is in immediate danger, there's no need for you to intervene."

"World-ending threat?" Naruto had tilted her head, her glowing sapphire eyes narrowing slightly. "I thought the mission was about guarding a spoiled actress, not stopping the apocalypse. Dattebayo."

"You're suited for high-level threats," Kakashi replied, his tone dismissive. "These smaller, everyday dangers? Leave those to us. You're overqualified."

The words had left her with a strange mix of irritation and amusement. Overqualified? She wasn't even the team leader. Sure, she had a sleek, near-indestructible android body crafted from Hashirama's Sage Wood, but that didn't mean she wanted to sit on the sidelines like some ornamental doll. Still, she obeyed the order—more out of boredom than respect.

Now, perched on the iceberg, she rested her chin in her palm, her synthetic gaze fixed on the scene below with detached interest. The crisp winter air whistled around her, tugging at the frilly hem of her black dress beneath the bulky white winter coat she wore. She sighed, watching as Kakashi instructed Sakura to adjust her positioning while Lee jogged around the perimeter with his usual enthusiasm.

"I've become invincible," she muttered to herself, her voice soft and robotic. It wasn't arrogance—it was simply a fact. A year ago, during her fight against Lee in the Chūnin Exams, she'd been helpless, her movements sluggish and imprecise thanks to the early version of her AI assistant, Bitch. But now, after Tobirama's upgrades, Bitch only spoke when absolutely necessary, allowing her combat instincts to shine.

"Dattebayo," she mused with a faint smile. Being an android had its perks—enhanced strength, agility, and resilience. But she missed being human. She missed ramen most of all. Sure, she could still eat, but it wasn't the same. Flavours were muted, textures dull. Food had become a chore rather than a pleasure. She also missed the simplicity of being a boy—everything from roughhousing with her friends to the sheer convenience of peeing.

She snickered softly, her laughter devoid of warmth. These days, even her emotions felt synthetic. Her relationships were changing too. She didn't like Sakura the way she used to, and boys… well, they made her feel strange. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made her circuits hum in confusion.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she noticed movement on the horizon. Four cloaked figures were approaching the set, their dark silhouettes stark against the snowy backdrop.

Naruto tilted her head, her mechanical gaze sharpening as she zoomed in on the group. Their movements were deliberate, coordinated, as if they had a specific target in mind.

"Interesting," she muttered, her legs ceasing their rhythmic swing. She tapped her fingers on the icy surface of the berg, debating whether to alert the others.

Before she could decide, Kakashi and Sakura moved to intercept the newcomers. Naruto's glowing eyes tracked their interaction, though she couldn't hear their conversation over the howling wind. The tension was palpable, however, and it wasn't long before two of the cloaked figures lunged forward, attacking with precision.

Naruto's gaze narrowed. It was the trio from earlier—the snow ninja who had caused trouble before. Their movements were fast and aggressive, forcing Kakashi and Sakura to dodge and counter immediately.

The third cloaked figure broke off from the group, targeting Sasuke while keeping Yukie firmly in his sights. Sasuke met the attack head-on, his Sharingan flaring to life as he parried a barrage of kunai. Lee, ever the loyal protector, positioned himself in front of the set, shielding Yukie and the crew from potential harm.

Naruto's synthetic mind processed the scene with mechanical efficiency. Three attackers accounted for, but what about the fourth?

Her question was answered when the last figure stepped forward, separating themselves from the chaos. Unlike their allies, they didn't attack immediately, instead observing the battle with a calm, calculated air.

Naruto pushed off the iceberg, landing gracefully in the snow. Her dress and coat fluttered around her as she walked toward the set, her steps deliberate and measured.

"Need any assistance, Sasuke?" she called out as she approached.

"No!" Sasuke snapped, his tone laced with irritation as he dodged another strike from his opponent.

"Fine," Naruto replied flatly, turning her attention to Kakashi and Sakura. "What about you two?"

"We've got it!" Sakura shouted, her voice strained as she deflected a shuriken.

"Focus on the perimeter, Naruto," Kakashi added without looking her way. His voice was calm, but there was a clear note of finality.

Naruto sighed. Humans were so predictable. Her glowing eyes shifted to the lone figure standing apart from the battle. They were still cloaked, their posture relaxed despite the chaos around them. She made her way over, her curiosity piqued.

"Do you surrender?" she asked when she was within earshot. Her tone was as stiff and robotic as ever. "Please surrender. I have a feeling that you are an useless, weak, incapable person. I would rather not waste my time on an useless, weak, incapable person."

The figure laughed—a low, youthful chuckle that sent a strange hum through her synthetic core. They pulled back their hood, revealing a sharp-featured young man with vibrant red hair and a sly smile.

Naruto's glowing sapphire eyes widened slightly. "Cool," she said, tilting her head. "You're better-looking than most."

The boy laughed again, his voice smooth yet chilling. "Fascinating," he said, his tone dripping with amusement. "Tobirama Senju crafted such a doll over a hundred years ago, and it's still leagues beyond anything Suna could create."

Naruto blinked. "I am a human. Dattebayo."

"Oh?" The boy's grin widened. "Do you have a heart?"

"I… I…" Naruto faltered, her processors whirring. 'My heart status?' she asked internally.

-Negative,- Bitch replied coldly. -There is no artificial cardiovascular organ in 2B.-

"You don't," the boy confirmed, his voice tinged with amusement. "A doll is a doll. A puppet without strings, thinking it's human."

"I am not an 'it.' I am a 'she,'" Naruto retorted, her tone stiff and robotic. "Dattebayo."

The boy's grin flattened into a thin line. "Do you have a reproductive system?"

Naruto froze, her synthetic mind racing for a response.

"Thought so," he said with a smirk, stepping closer and pulling out a scroll. "I am Sasori of the Red Sand, and I'll be taking that body."

Naruto tilted her head. "You mean… me?"

"This… 2B," Sasori clarified, gesturing toward her. "I suspect the Nine-Tails is sealed inside as well. A bonus for me and my organization."

"What—"

Before she could respond, Sasori unfurled the scroll with a fluid motion, an air of practiced precision in every movement. From the parchment erupted a tidal wave of puppets, their segmented wooden bodies spilling forth like an unstoppable surge. The sound of their joints clattering against the icy ground echoed ominously, a discordant symphony of wood and steel.

Naruto's sapphire eyes narrowed slightly, her stance steady as the swarm encircled her. The puppets moved with eerie synchronicity, their weapons gleaming menacingly in the pale winter sunlight.

"Now, doll," Sasori said, his voice calm and clinical, his sharp eyes fixed on her. "Tell me, do you leak?"

Naruto blinked, momentarily thrown by the question. "...No?" she replied, her tone laced with confusion.

"Good," Sasori responded, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. With a subtle flick of his fingers, the puppets responded instantly, their limbs moving in perfect harmony as they surged toward her.

Naruto's expression remained neutral, betraying neither fear nor concern. With a soft hum, a blade materialised in her hand—a sleek sword crackling with electric energy. The Ryjin. The blue lightning danced along the edges of the weapon, casting an otherworldly glow that reflected off the icy ground.

Her brows furrowed slightly, her sensors analysing Sasori's precise movements. There was something unsettling about him, a strange aura that put her on edge. His obsession with puppets, his calculated demeanor—everything about him felt off.

But she wouldn't lose. She couldn't lose. She was Naruto Uzumaki, invincible and unyielding.

"It's no use, doll," Sasori said with unwavering confidence. "You'll lose,"

With mechanical grace, she raised the Ryjin, the blade humming with power. In one fluid motion, she swung it, the crackling energy amplifying the force of her strike.

"Senju Slash," she declared, her monotone voice cutting through the icy air. The blade arced through the horde of puppets, the lightning-imbued edge slicing cleanly through their wooden frames. Sparks and splinters erupted in her wake as she carved a path through the advancing swarm.

She looked at the redhead boy with a small smirk. "Nah, I'll win. Dattebayo."

Û~Û

Author Note:

The taboo! The cliche! She said it! Don't you know what happened to your cousin Satoru Gojo, 2B?!

Let's hope for the best. Dattebayo.