Life 3:11 Q
It was another bright morning in Riverclan. The weather was fair and clear with only a light breeze sweeping in from the west. Snakepaw was in the medicine den making another batch of herbs to help alleviate Silverstream's cramps. Silverstream rested nearby waiting for the medicine to be finished. Another dull aching cramp was hitting her, and she did not want to risk aggravating it further without her meds.
Meanwhile at the leader's den Leopardfur was in a deep conversation with Crookedstar about her coming responsibilities when she became the clan leader. It still terribly frightened her, the aspect of dying and coming back. Crookedstar was trying to alleviate her worries. He couldn't refute that dying was a traumatizing process. He still remembered his first lost life. He also knew that in hindsight, it was honestly one of his more tame deaths. Now death number two was a real messy and painful one, but it was one he also strangely remembered fondly. It was the one that solidified his convictions. He knew that near every leader had a similar story relating to their second death., but Leopardfur needed perspective, to understand that death is a natural thing that, while painful, is just as important as life. Thus, he proposed a solution. The pair would go to Snakepaw to get his perspective on the idea.
By sheer timing, Mudfur had just dipped into the medicine den to check up on Snakepaw while the apprentice treated Silverstream. It filled Mudfur with pride to see his apprentice working so diligently and effectively, even if he really never needed to teach Snakepaw a thing. Silverstream had just choked down the herbs Snakepaw had prepared and was waiting for them to take effect. That's when Crookedstar and Leopardfur trotted in.
Crookedstar had assumed the medicine den was mostly empty, speaking his request without checking who all was present. "Snakepaw, if you wouldn't mind, could you answer some Leopardfur's questions. I believe it'll help her with her coming role."
By the time Crookedstar noticed how much company was in the den, Leopardfur had already ducked in. He tried to briefly backpedal on his request. "Oh. It looks like you're busy. We can come back later."
Snakepaw flicked his tail dismissively. "Nah. It's fine. Every cat in here already 'knows' about me. I'm sure the rest of you have some questions as well. Might as well hold a little question session now. Funnily enough, my past two lives had me hosting one as well. It's starting to become something of a trend."
"I've got my fair share of questions as well." Mudfur added, padding over to join the group.
"Might as well join. I'm not too keen on moving until those herbs kick in." Silverstream commented.
"Crookedstar, why don't you start us off?" Snakepaw mewed, gesturing towards the elderly tom.
Crookedstar let out a gruff chuckle at being voluntold to ask a question. He decided to start things off with something that could help his deputy. "Alright. How did you come to accept death as a part of your existence?"
"Hitting me with the hard ones straight away, huh?" Snakepaw joked. "I'll tell you. Despite how well I play it off, dying never really gets easier. It's always painful. If you come back like a leader or myself, you just get better at recovering from it. At least leader cats come back where they died in their own bodies. Me, I'm not so lucky. I always get a brief taste of the afterlife before being dragged right back to life somewhere where I lose all my recently built friends and relations. Don't even get me started on finding my own bodies. Scared the fur off me the first time I found one. Fun fact, my skull is a bit different than most cats. Probably because I've still got the body of one of your ancestors." Snakepaw joked before he realized he'd gotten off topic. "Sorry. Sometimes I ramble. Anyways, one of the things I do to accept my own deaths is to poke fun at them. Yes, getting crushed by a monster is awful, but now I can make a joke at past Snakepaw's expense. I know it upsets cats, but it's my way of remembering my own pain and sacrifices in a way that doesn't leave a lasting hurt at the mere mention of it. I've met other leaders who deal with their deaths in other ways. Some are like me and make it something mirthful to remember. Others treat them as valuable lessons to be analyzed and recalled. Others, like Crookedstar, balance their pain with good memories. The one you don't want to end up like are the ones who either treat it as an unapproachable subject or outright deny and suppress the memories." Snakepaw explained.
"You really make those jokes to hide your pain?" Mudfur gently pressed.
Snakepaw scoffed at Mudfur's question. "I also do it because it is hilarious how badly it scares the mortally bound. Fun fact, I have in fact laughed myself to death. Admittedly, it was because I accidentally fell off something while laughing, but it counts."
Mudfur couldn't help shaking his head at the apprentice's antics. It was so morbid of humor, but it was certainly Snakepaw's sense of humor.
Silverstream grumbled at the gloomy air to the den. "Alright. Enough moping. How about something more interesting? Tell us about your love life." Silverstream mewed.
Snakepaw seemed dumbstruck by the question for a moment. "Honestly, I haven't thought of anything like that for a long time. I think the last time I even slightly contemplated it was two Shadowclans ago. Even then, it was a fleeting crush. It didn't matter in the end. The one I cared for got to grow up while I did not. Friendship is about the best I can get without hurting someone." Snakepaw answered before tilting his head in thought for a moment. "You know, I might have an interesting story for you. I'm not sure I've explained it to you all, but I'm not perfectly the same each time I come back. Sometimes I come back with a slightly different fur pattern. Sometimes I come in with a preexisting injury or physical deformity. The most odd of all for me is the times I come back as a molly. Anyways, the story I wanted to tell happened ages ago. I'd come back as a molly and was given a medicine cat position. It went fairly well until I admitted my state of being to my mentor, and things went downhill from there. He got some 'bright' idea to impregnate me to create a generation of immortals." Snakepaw mewed.
"But you'd have been just an apprentice! That's just wrong.! Silverstream protested.
Snakepaw chuffed at her response. "Not back then. Age was hardly a considerable factor when it came to intimacy. I obviously wasn't on board with the idea, but I didn't have much of a choice. Admittedly, I could have terminated the pregnancy at any time. I knew what herbs to use. I just didn't. Call it curiosity or a faint hope. I wanted to see what'd become of my kits. Unfortunately, it turned out my body simply couldn't handle the strain given my size and the size of my litter. Yeah. Eight kits in an apprentice's body just doesn't work. I ended up miscarrying and died due to complications involving it. It was awful. I honestly wanted to hate my previous mentor, but my death seemed to have traumatized him as well. He made it his life's mission to ensure no cat of such a young age would ever be forced or even suggested to bear kits. He honestly turned his life around. I don't know what I hate more about that. I can't just hate him as a cat of pure evil, but I also can't forgive him for what he did to me. In the end, I know he got into Starclan, but I've never seen him there since most cats that know me there do everything in their power to ensure we never meet again."
Leopardfur, almost pleadingly, asked a question. "Can you tell us something not awful?"
Snakepaw tilted his head once more before giving a nod. "How about a more upbeat story? This was actually one of my previous Riverclan lives. I was a warrior apprentice to a cat named Snowfall. I'm honestly sad that Snowfall never made it into any Riverclan legends. Anyways, Riverclan was facing a flood season like we'd never seen before. Even Sunning Rocks was underwater. Thankfully, despite the flooding, the current was mostly slow. We of Riverclan could still swim in it. The other clans weren't so lucky. Shadowclan's bogs became all encompassing swamps. Every thing that looked like a puddle could actually be deep enough for a full grown warrior to get submerged in. Thunderclan and Skyclan were forced to make their nests in trees. It was crazy. It was then that Snowfall proposed an idea at the Gathering. Some of Riverclan would act as a rescue group, fording and swimming the many flood zones to rescue every cat we could. The other clans would pay us back with food from the remainder of their dry territory. We saved so many lives. I still remember the brave look on her snow white face as we took turns diving into the Thunderclan camp when one of the barriers caved in flooding the camp. I personally saved two kits who had managed to float on a piece of driftwood. If only you could have seen her. Snowdrift put everything into her rescue efforts and then some. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. The flood eventually died down. Clans were starting to be able to handle their own affairs. It was on one of the last rescue missions that I got unlucky. It was at Sunningrocks. Some elder got stuck on one of them when the river turned rapid. I got to him with Snowfall and helped load her up with him. When I went to swim back, the rock suddenly shifted and trapped one of my back paws. There wasn't time to free me. Snowdrift had to rescue the elder. I know she made it back to me, but I was unconscious by that point. I know I drowned there, but Snowfall recovered my body. Even before that mission, we knew my end was coming soon. At least I got a heroic end. Snowfall, she wasn't the same after my death. She was more subdued. Her desire to play the hero lessened. She instead moved to politics, attempting to save more lives through her words now that she knew we aren't immortal. We can't always trust that every one of us will come back. This is one of my fondest life stories. I got to, for once, act to benefit all the clans. It reminds me that at the end of the day, no matter what clan we are in, we are all of the forest."
"Why didn't she ever get a legend about this?" Mudfur gently pressed.
"Because she wanted to go unnamed like the apprentice that was at her side through it all. I am fine being forgotten. It is in my nature. Finding out no one remembered her barely a generation later made me grieve just as badly as when I heard she died." Snakepaw answered in a soft voice.
Tears streamed down Snakepaw's face. He'd become unresponsive, lost in the memories of his old beloved mentor. Quietly and respectfully, Leopardfur and Crookedstar made their departure. Meanwhile Mudfur, with his previous parenting experience, and Silverstream, with her emerging maternal instinct, curled up with the emotional apprentice, knowing he'd need the comfort.