Dreams of the Past

by badadder1

Blasted by the alien goddess, Kakashi and Sakura find themselves twenty-five years in the past. A familiar war is brewing and the village is filled with ghosts. Is it real or some strange version of the Infinite Tsukuyomi? With no way to know for sure, their options are limited. They should probably leave things alone, but familiar silver hair proves too great a temptation.

4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Getting Reacquainted

Kakashi carried the food Ume had packed for them, making sure they had plenty to feed 'a growing little shinobi.' He'd decided he liked Sakura's family. The man that would be her father was friendly and sensible, and her grandmother was kind and generous, if a bit overly trusting.

He distinctly remembered Sakura occasionally complaining about her parents. Something about how controlling they tried to be over her life. He had always found it a little childish. Then again, he had no experience with overbearing parents. Listening to her furiously scold his father the night before, he decided she at least understood how precious they were, even if they irritated her.

"When does your father meet your mother?"

She folded her hands behind her back as she walked along beside him. "He's going to do some repairs on her family's home in about four years. She was fascinated by his pink hair, and as he told it to me, he tripped and fell into the deep green forest in her eyes and never recovered." A small, wistful smile lit her whole face. It was rather romantic, Kakashi supposed. From the little that he knew of the man, it seemed to fit.

"It's so strange seeing him now, decades younger than I remember him. He's not my dad anymore… well, yet" The smile fell and she looked sad for a few steps before forcing it back in place. "They're alive, but it still feels like I've lost them." She laughed, but it sounded hollow. "Guess I finally fit in with the rest of Team Seven."

Kakashi frowned at her rather dark take. "Sakura…"

"But hey, if this is real I guess this version of you won't be an orphan. And maybe we can stop Naruto's parents dying too. I'm not sure about Sasuke…" She turned to him suddenly. "What about Captain Yamato?"

"Not Sai?"

She scoffed. "I don't care about Sai."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Sakura, he only calls you ugly because it gets a reaction. You know you're perfectly acceptable looking, he just enjoys leaning into the ROOT social conditioning to get away with being a dick. You're uncommonly easy to rile."

He could practically see the smoke coming from her ears on either side of a scathing glare. "I am not!"

He dipped his head towards her slightly, arching a brow. Oh no?

Her lips pursed and she turned away, nose in the air and a faint blush tinting her cheeks. She grumbled under her breath and swore. "Perfectly acceptable. Tch." A scoff, another muttered swear, and a put-upon sigh. "We're worried about Yamato right now, Kakashi. Sai's not even born yet."

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi considered. "Well, I'm fairly certain Orochimaru kidnapped him as a baby like most of the rest of his child test subjects so he'll already have him. That being said, honestly I'm not sure interfering with him would be a good idea."

She balked. "He was performing horrific experiments on those children!"

"Yes, and I would be lying if I said that leaving him there, as well as all of those children, knowing what is happening to them sits well. But without the wood release we would have really been screwed with Naruto more than once. We need him to be a capable wood release user. Going in now might mean he doesn't fully absorb Hashirama's cells and gain that ability. I could be wrong, but I'm hesitant to interfere yet."

"Well…" She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, grumbling in frustration. "What about his time in ROOT?"

Puzzling through her question, it dawned on Kakashi how complicated this was becoming. He stopped in his tracks, shoulders slumping more than usual, and let out a dejected sigh. Did everything have to happen exactly as it had to work out in the end? Did he really have to have such a painful childhood, do all the things he did so all the pieces would fall in the right places? Fuck. They could have already lost them the Fourth War decades before it would happen.

"Kakashi?"

"Maybe… We shouldn't have saved my father."

She looked at him like he was an especially stupid, blonde teammate. "Are you kidding me?"

He swallowed thickly. "I never told you about how much we interacted in ANBU. My experiences, the most painful ones, made me the kid I was that befriended and ultimately saved Tenzō from Danzō. What if now, this Kakashi has a happy childhood? What if we save his Genin team? If he doesn't join ANBU at thirteen, who knows what will happen to Tenzō. And without him to help train Naruto…"

Her lips parted in shock at his outburst but she looked thoughtful. "Tenzō? Was that what he was called when you knew him in ANBU?"

He nodded, belatedly realizing she wouldn't have known that name. "It was the one he chose…"

She mirrored him, nodded too. "Well… Let's assume we can save his parents and not worry about Naruto for now. How does Tenzō go from Orochimaru's lab rat to Danzo's child soldier?"

Blowing out a harsh breath, Kakashi thought about what she was proposing. Kushina never had any problems containing Kurama as a full-blood Uzumaki, so far as he knew. The nine-tails was only freed because someone—Obito, he was almost certain—attacked her shortly after giving birth and released him. If they could prevent Obito's 'death' and keep him in Konoha, it was entirely likely Madara wouldn't have been able to make any moves against her. Kurama was perhaps less useful ultimately in Kushina, but definitely more secure. Assuming they could accomplish all of that, Tenzō would potentially be less important. Still, he wasn't ready to risk taking him off the table.

As for her question: "He found him sometime after Hiruzen runs Orochimaru out of his lab, in approximately three and a half years."

She nodded once, coming to some decision and started walking again. He followed. "Well then we'll just have to keep an eye on Orochimaru and beat Danzō there. We're already pretending to be married, why not throw a kid in the mix?"

"Sakura…" He scoffed.

"What? You don't think I could handle a kid?"

He tipped his head back and sighed, the conversation with Kizashi from earlier coming back to him. Regardless of who their father would be, no child of Sakura's would be taken advantage of, he was certain of that. If she took in a little Tenzō, she'd protect him from Danzō with her life. "I'm quite sure you'll make a fine mother someday. I'm more concerned with teaching him wood release. I've seen him do it enough that I have the general idea, but that wouldn't be enough to really teach him. And like I said, we need him." Was he actually considering this? Raising his friend with her? It would tie them together in their fake relationship for probably years. Did that bother him? Would it bother her if she thought it through?

"Obviously we'll steal any relevant information. It's not like Danzō knows wood release. How hard can that be?"

Shifting the packed meal to one hand, Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. This plan of hers would require more consideration than he was certain she'd thought. "Sakura…"

She relented, holding up her hands in surrender. "Fine. We have a couple of years to think of something. Let's not worry about it right now, okay?"

He watched her sidelong. "You won't try anything on your own?"

The look she gave him would have caused weaker men to cower. "Do you think I'm stupid? I thought you trusted me more than that."

That stung a lot more than he would have thought. "You're right, forgive me, Sakura."

She huffed, only pouting a little, her face turned away from him. "Besides, you're the one that was in ANBU forever. Who do you think would be doing the breaking and entering in this plan of mine?"

"Naturally." He nudged her side with his elbow, getting her to look at him again. "I do trust you… with my life. This is just…" Terrifying. "If we aren't dreaming, we have the fate of the world in our hands, Ayame. Saving my father was a rash, emotional decision, and we have no idea how much we've changed in doing so. Maybe nothing, maybe everything. It's nice to imagine saving everyone we care about from suffering and death, but the consequences may be further reaching than we could ever imagine. Everything we do from here on out will have to be considered carefully."

She nudged him back, a small, fond smile replacing the hurt pout. "Well, it's a good thing you're with me then. If anyone can work out the right plan, it's you."

Her confidence in him was only mildly reassuring. As they were almost to their destination, he let the line of conversation drop. They could worry about it later. "Do you remember the changes to our story, Ayame?"

"Yes."

"Hm." This time when he knocked, the door still hanging wrong in the frame, Pakkun came racing out to greet them, his younger self following close behind. Crouching, he scratched the little pug behind his ears how he knew he liked. "Hey there, boy."

The five-year-old version of himself watched the interaction and Kakashi closely. "His name is Pakkun. He's my ninken."

Kakashi had to grit his teeth to hold back the swell of emotion. He knew who the eager little pup was. He had already raised him, taught him to speak, and worked with him for almost three decades. Pakkun had been the only one beside him when his father died, he comforted him when he'd come home with Obito's eye and Rin's blood on his hands. Every time life got to be too much, when he couldn't take it anymore, when he just wanted to die, Pakkun was there to curl up on his chest, lick his tears away and tell him it would be okay. His whole pack had been there for him, but Pakkun was the first.

He'd realized when they had been there the night before that he'd lost them too. All day he had been ignoring it, pretending that they were just in their realm, being the best boys and waiting for him to call them again once they got their own place. But they weren't. They couldn't be summoned if they weren't even born yet. And this Pakkun belonged to his younger self. This loss hurt every bit as much as his father. His human friends, Gai, Tenzō, Tsunade, Naruto… they were precious and his heart ached if he thought about them—so he didn't. But this… without his pack he was truly alone. And worst of all, he couldn't let himself break down over it, he didn't even know how to process it. They still had no idea what they were doing in the past, it was dangerous and any wrong move could have catastrophic consequences. He didn't have time to fall apart.

Little Pakkun licked his fingers and his eyes burned, his vision blurred and his chest constricted painfully. Hadn't he lost enough family, enough loved ones? His life had never been fair, but when would it be enough? Now he was alone again and facing all the rest of his years that way.

Fuck. Get it together.

Suddenly Sakura was crouching beside him, her hand firm on his back. It was warm through his shirt, familiar… grounding. No. I'm not alone. Her sad smile was back. He looked for pity in her eyes but found only sympathy. Sakura understood. They had both lost everything if this was all real. But they had lost it together. They would survive together.

He forced a smile into his eyes and looked up at the kid that looked like him. "Ah. A ninja hound." Voice shaking, he sniffed hard and cleared his throat. "Very impressive. I used to have several ninken myself."

"Used to? What happened to them?"

Slow, heavy footsteps came up behind the boy before Kakashi could think of an answer. "It's impolite to ask about something so painful, Kakashi. Losing one's pack is like losing one's family."

Kakashi gave the pup a final scratch before standing. "It's alright." He looked his father in the eyes. "The last war was especially devastating for our family."

Sakumo looked mildly surprised for a moment before recovering. "I don't know you. You're from Kumo, I assume?"

"Yes, although I haven't been home since the war ended. My name is Hatake Karasu." He gestured to Sakura. "My wife, Ayame." As she bowed politely, he wondered at the strangeness of introducing her that way. Before he could say the rest, Sakumo gasped softly, his eyes filling with shame.

"You are the one that saved my life."

Sakura frowned, nodding. "Yes, I am. Should I be worried all my work was for nothing, or was one attempt to abandon your son enough?"

Sakumo flinched as if she'd struck him. It occurred to Kakashi then that he should have considered her short temper when dealing with idiots when planning out this visit. His father was not an idiot, but in light of his actions, it was clear she considered him one.

"I…" He only hesitated a moment, glancing down at his son who was staring hard at something just past them. His eyes squeezed shut, against the shame and regret. Then he fell to his knees in front of her, his forehead pressing into the floor. "Thank you, Ayame-san, for saving my life and… for what you said. I made a grave mistake. If you hadn't been here my son would have found me… dead. He would have been alone. It is unforgivable. I am sorry that my actions inconvenienced you as well."

Kakashi had to look away, unwilling to see his father like this, but Sakura only scoffed. "Inconvenienced…" She shook her head. "Get up." He obeyed, but his shoulders sagged and he would not meet her eyes. Sighing, frustrated, Sakura put her hands on his shoulders and pushed, forcing him to stand up straight. "We are staying with my family. My cousin told me what people are saying. Is it true that you failed to complete a mission to save your team's lives?"

Sakumo nodded, still looking at the floor. Kakashi wondered if he should say something. He was his father, it was his trauma. Why was he allowing her to be the one to talk sense into Sakumo, not once but twice? Then again, what would he even say? How many times had he told his father that he shouldn't listen to the people talking about him, that he loved him anyway? In the end it hadn't been enough. And if she hadn't been there last night, he would have watched him die all over again. Maybe being shouted at by a short angry woman who cared too much was what he needed.

"Why?"

Finally, Sakumo looked at her, confused as if her question made no sense. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters."

He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at both Kakashi's before answering. "I judged their lives to be more valuable than the mission objective."

"And were they? Where are they now? Have they turned against you too?"

"They… Do not believe I made the correct decision. It's not true what they're saying, it's not the reason we're going to war."

Kakashi finally thought of something to say. "It's easier to blame one man than many."

Beside him, Sakura harrumphed, taking the food from his arms. "You should have let them die, then. They don't deserve what this has cost you. Now, invite us in. My aunt was kind enough to send us with dinner and it's getting cold."

Sakumo's brows twitched with something that might have been admiration as he stepped back to allow them in. Pakkun followed her into the house so the kid did too, eyeing her with interest.

"I am sorry that we met this way." Sakumo frowned, his gaze following them in but not really seeing. "But thank you, cousin, for coming to me when you did."

Watching his profile, it struck Kakashi how alike they looked. He had almost forgotten. "Just stay alive. She's right. Your son needs you."

It was fascinating watching both Kakashis eat. They had exactly the same mannerisms, obviously. They held their chopsticks the same way, between the two of them they had picked every piece of eggplant out of the stir fried vegetables and both managed to eat every bite without her seeing their faces. Five year-old Kakashi was not half as slick or fast as his older self with whatever jutsu he employed to do it, but she was still impressed.

She also noticed that their father did indeed have the same, dangerous looking wolf-like teeth as Kakashi. He seemed to have mastered the art of keeping them more or less hidden behind his lips when talking—lips that were just as perfect as his son's too, not that it mattered. But with every bite, they stretched back enough to see each devastating point fully. It was extremely difficult not to stare. Was it some kind of Kekkei Genkai? Did little Kakashi have extra sharp little puppy teeth? Sakura desperately hoped Sakumo hadn't noticed her watching him eat, like some kind of weirdo.

"The diamond seal on your forehead. I've seen one like it before. I wouldn't assume any connection but…" He shifted, glancing at his son before focusing on her again. "You're a talented healer. I wonder if we may have a mutual friend?"

Blinking slowly, trying to dislodge thoughts of teeth and how deep of a sleeper Kakashi was, Sakura tried to remember their rehearsed story. "Senju Tsunade came through my village a few years ago. She was injured and as she had been drinking heavily, she could not or, more likely would not do anything about it herself." She really wished she would have thought to use a henge, this better not come back to bite them in the ass. "I had some healing training then and took care of her. Not having anything better to do she stuck around for a couple of years. I picked up a thing or two from her."

He nodded, looking impressed and a little sad. "Was she well the last time you saw her? She is home so rarely, I haven't really seen her in years."

Sakura shrugged. "She was herself. Though the short time I knew her that meant a high functioning alcoholic. At least she still had the will to live, even if it was a little depressing."

He pushed his food around his plate, watching his son eat for a few moments before answering. "It would be nice if she was around more. She has her reasons for… well. I don't really blame her."

Sakura glanced at her Kakashi to find him frowning slightly at his father. When he felt her eyes on him he looked at her and shrugged. "Did you know her well?"

Sakumo seemed to shutter suddenly, a friendly smile that didn't reach his eyes hiding whatever he'd been thinking earlier. "Fairly well. So…" He focused his attention on older Kakashi. "What do you do if you're not a Kumo shinobi anymore?"

"Whatever pays, mostly day to day menial labor. Carpentry, at the moment."

"Not planning to join Konoha's forces now that you're here? I'm sure they could use a talented medic and another soldier." There was only a little bitterness in his voice.

Sakura wrinkled her nose, letting Kakashi answer. While they were both loyal to the Leaf, making themselves known to the Hokage and putting themselves under his control so directly would actively hamper any plans they may have for changing the future. He likely wouldn't allow them to alter anything with the world embroiled in another war—if he even believed their story. And at the moment, faced with how Sakumo had been treated, and seeing Kakashi so young and less than a year from active duty, Sakura was beginning to question her memory of the third Hokage.

"No. I gave all that up when the last war ended. I'm a civilian now. Her cousin has enough work for me."

Little Kakashi looked incredulous. "Why wouldn't you want to be a shinobi anymore? Were you not very good?"

Her Kakashi rested his cheek on his hand and looked thoughtfully across the table at his younger self. "I'm plenty good. I'm just not interested in pledging myself to another kage at the moment." A beat and then: "Especially one that cares so little for his shinobi."

That seemed to be enough for the five-year-old to think about. He frowned down at his plate, petting Pakkun who had climbed into his lap.

Sakura watched Kakashi for a moment, wishing she could read his thoughts. It had seemed like he'd had something on his mind when he'd returned with her father earlier in the evening, but she hadn't asked and he hadn't offered. Was this it? Was he questioning his lifetime of loyal service?

"Hiruzen isn't so bad. Not malicious, anyway. He has a lot on his plate at the moment."

Sakura scoffed but bit her lip when Kakashi opened his mouth first. "It seems like he's allowing you to take the blame for a war he wasn't able to avoid. There has been conflict in the smaller nations and on the borders for well over a year, and Iwa has been sending their forces into the Land of Fire for months. Anyone can see this has been coming long before your last mission. It would be nothing for him to clear your name." Sakura could see him realize this as he said it, the truth of the statement hitting him hard. "Isn't he going to need you?"

Sakumo folded his arms and stared hard at the table. "He has hundreds of shinobi to be worried about—"

"He will be more than happy to throw your son at the front lines before his voice has even changed, but he can't be bothered to stop you taking the blame for an entire war?" Sakura had heard enough. "How can you even think of defending him?"

"Ayame…" The reprimand was gentle, almost sad. She could see how conflicted Kakashi was. Shouting at his father again would solve nothing.

Pursing her lips and breathing through her nose, she tried again. "I'm sorry." She laid her hands palms down on the table. "Please excuse me. I think I need some air." She pushed up from the table and left, brushing her fingers along Kakashi's shoulders as she went. That's something a supportive wife would do, right?

His younger counterpart must have been shooed from the table once she left because he joined her where she sat on the engawa. He sat beside her, Pakkun sniffing her hands eagerly between them. After a few minutes listening to her coo at his ninken, he sighed, his little shoulders heaving with the effort. "Thank you for saving my dad." Sensing he had more to say, she waited patiently. "I'm still mad at him for needing to be saved at all. I thought he…" She could see his lips twist and pout under his mask. "It was stupid."

Sakura nodded. "Yes. But… Your father loves you, you know that don't you, Kakashi-kun?" That felt weird to say.

"If he'd have just followed the rules. If he would have finished the mission, none of this would have happened…"

A little taken aback to hear what he was saying, Sakura clicked her tongue and recited the words her Kakashi had always lived by. Now, she wondered where he'd heard them, what had changed. "People who don't follow the rules are scum, but people that abandon their friends are worse than scum, Kakashi-kun. Your father did the right thing, the honorable thing." When his cheeks puffed up beneath his mask and a frown, she hesitantly put a hand on his small shoulder. "The only dishonorable thing your father did was try to take his own life, to abandon you."

His whole body shook with a sigh, his words mumbled and difficult to hear. "You're a civilian. What do you know about shinobi things?"

Unable to help herself, Sakura leaned over so her face was close to his. "As far as you know."

His eyes went wide before narrowing to a suspicious squint, whatever malcontent their conversation had brought on, gone in an instant. "Oh yeah?" When she only smiled, he scoffed and turned away. "I bet I could take you."

Sakura clapped a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth. So distracted, Sakura didn't notice older Kakashi until he spoke. "Maybe sometime she'll let you try. But not tonight."

Accepting his hand, she let him pull her to her feet. "Goodnight, Kakashi-kun."

"Goodnight, Ayame-san, goodnight Karasu-san."

Kakashi nodded. "See you later, kid."

He did not speak once the entire walk home. She had even more questions than the day before. She wanted to ask what had changed his mind about the shinobi rules. She wanted to ask about the Hokage. But she could see that now was not the time, so she held her tongue. It wasn't until they had made it back to her grandmother's home and she was trying to fall asleep that he finally spoke. His voice was a gruff whisper, as if he almost didn't want her to hear.

"It was Obito."

She sighed and rolled over to face him. In the dim light, she could just make out his profile. "Hm? What was Obito?"

He cleared his throat, his voice just barely louder. "He's the one that said that to me, about the rules and abandoning your friends." She heard him breathe in deeply through his nose. "Losing my father the way I did shaped my entire outlook before that mission." Another pregnant pause passed before he said, "I wonder what this Kakashi will be like."

Wishing she had more context for what he'd just shared, Sakura decided to ignore it for now. When he didn't say anything for several minutes, she thought he'd fallen asleep. Tired, she let her eyes flutter closed, too.

"The Hokage is letting my father take the blame for the war on purpose."

Only opening one eye, she watched him across the futon. "Like you said, it's easier than trying to justify it to his soldiers himself."

"I don't know how I never saw it before."

Resigned to stay awake longer but glad he was talking to her, Sakura rubbed sleepily at her eyes and propped her head up on one hand.

"Well, you were five. What happened after he died?"

He tucked his hands behind his head and was quiet for a few minutes again. "People stopped talking about him. The war lasted so long that by the time it ended, how it started didn't matter anymore."

"Hm." The anger she had felt earlier on his and his father's behalf stirred in her chest again. Her teeth ground. "What a waste then. Surely the White Fang would have been worth more than a few nine-year-old Chunin."

His voice was bitter. "You'd think."

She chewed on her lip. There was so much she wanted to ask, to say. Being wherever they were was painful, but so far at least, it seemed infinitely worse for him. Instead of pushing, she dropped her head back to her pillow and squeezed her eyes shut. She thought about telling him it would be alright, but she did not know if it would. She considered asking what he wanted to do next, but even he needed more than two emotionally catastrophic days to think.

"Goodnight, Kakashi."

"Goodnight, Sakura."