Sorry for the delay.
Life, work and family commitments kept getting in the way. And then i wrote this when trying to write the chapter and it got out of hand.
This started as a series of emails that was meant to be a short piece at the begining of the chapter. But I didnt like them and ended up rewriting them twice. Then I had this stupid idea about a drunk interview and well... this happened. At the point i realised it was a mistake, i was already too deep in and suddenly it was four thousand words when it should have been only one thousand.
NOTE: Someone mentione that the font was hard to read.
It's supposed to look like a typed document.
Reguardless. I've posted this Interlude again in "Extras" with regular font for those who are having dificulties.
MI7 – INTERNAL COMMUNICATION
[AURTHORISED EYES ONLY]
COPY OF ELECTRONIC RECORD OF INTOXICATED INTERVIEW POST MAGICAL EXPOSURE REPORT
E.R.I.I.P.M.E.R. INTERVIEW NO: NH381872
NAME OF INTERVIEWEE: Agent Amy Pond
NAME OF INTERVIEWING AGENT: Agent Dotair Arzt
INTERVIEW LOCATION: MI7 Central, London, England.
INTERVIEW DATE: 9 August 1994
SUBJECT: HOLYHEAD MANOR INCIDENT
I have reviewed this E.R.I.P.M.E.R. transcription and compared the transcript with the MI7 Master Recording. I am of the opinion that the transcript is an accurate record of the electronically recorded interview.
Name: Dotair Arzt Signed: Dotair Arzt
[Agent D. Arzt]
... It's recording now. This is, ah, the recording of the post magical interview between Agent Dotair Arzt and Agent Amy Pond. Agent Pond's blood alcohol concentration measures at 0.07 as per standard procedure. We will now conduct the interview in relation to the Hollyhead Manor investigation of the fifth and the Incident that occurred on the seventh of August, nineteen-ninety-four.
[Agent A. Pond]
I 'ate these things. I 'ate drinking. This whole thing is r-ridiculous. I just want to go 'ome, a'right?
[Agent D. Arzt]
Your dislike for the Intoxication interview has been noted and ignored.
[Agent A. Pond]
Ah, don't be like that, Doc. I geth why it's nescess- nessiss- …important. You gotta remove the filters, don't'cha? Gets underneath the stupid mind-whammy spells like the confundus, imperius and the oblivioususes… wait… no, the obliviate, yeah that's right.
[Agent D. Arzt]
*sigh* Yes, that is correct. Responses induced by mind affecting spells are in eighty-seven percent of cases lacking in tone and inflection typical of the common human response. These aberrant responses are more easily noted with the victim is speaking candidly and intoxication has been found to be the best method of lubricating the tongue so to speak.
[Agent A. Pond]
*Snort* ha, I know some better ways to lubricate the tongue, iffin ya know what I mean, Doc.
[Agent D. Arzt]
I doubt those will be necessary. Also, please remember that I am Agent Dotair Arzt, not Doc.
[Agent A. Pond]
Yeh, Doctor-Doctor. Your folks really had it all planned out for ya, huh? That's why yeh the Doc, Doc.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Could you please describe the investigation that began on the eleventh of the Holyhead Manor.
[Agent A. Pond]
I don' know why you're in-ssisting onna recap, it's all in the formal report, Doc. But whatever…
*Deep breath*
So, Agent Williams, Rory, an' I go' to the bloody manor at, like, four inna afternoon. We'd been up an' driving since five in the bloody mornin' when the explosion that caused all this finally creeped up the chain o' command, ya know? Seriously, five days to get in contact with MI7? Bloody stupid tha' is.
[Agent D. Arzt]
We've made note of it. Supposedly the muggle repelling charms, while compromised, were still having an effect which hampered initial investigations.
[Agent A. Pond]
Guess, that makes sense. Anyway, as per wha' we was told, Rory and I arrived at the manor, which was somethin' like five 'undred metres from the bloody outskirts of Holyhead by the way, and in the middle of a bloody field is where it bloody was.
*Slurp* *thunk of glass on table*
I would jus' like to say that whoevah picked Agent Williams and I for this one can go suck a bag o' dicks. My shoes were completely ruined an' I'll be adding the cost of replacements the final expenses report… loved them shoes.
[Agent D. Arzt]
The cost of the shoes has already been noted.
[Agent A. Pond]
Well… good. Anyway, l-local police were 'elpful and non-obtruve non-obtruve, the local bobby's didn' get in the way, ya know. Seriously. Whoevah is in charge down there must be in the know, ya know? Is there an Ex-Templar down there I should've known abou'? Cos that would have been bloody good to know what when it all went to shite.
[Agent D. Arzt]
There are no Templars or Ex-Templars in Holyhead to the best of our knowledge. But it did turn out that Sergeant Oscar Blaketon who headed the Holyhead Police Department had a muggleborn sister who went missing in nineteen-seventy-nine.
[Agent A. Pond]
And e' remembers her?
[Agent D. Arzt]
She was never recorded as a casualty and so the Ministry never sent out an obliviator squad.
[Agent A. Pond]
… huh, don' know iffin that's lucky or no. Anyway, the hand over was stupidly smooth. Much better than that case in the states back in march, yeh know. Mr Swan was and still is a dick. Like we had anything to do with his necro-creep of a daughter.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Please keep on topic about the current case and not Cullen Vampires.
[Agent A. Pond]
More like glam-pires, am I right? *snort* *giggle* Cos they sparkle, get it?
[Agent D. Arzt]
Yes, thank you. The vampires use of glitter to infiltrate the local high school was a prominent part of that case, I get it. Please continue.
[Agent A. Pond]
Anyone evah tell's yeh, yeh got no sense of humour Doc? *sigh* Whatever, so, when we arrived, we had the bobby's stay at the suggested perimeter Rory and me'self performed our prelimininary investigation.
[Agent D. Arzt]
And what did your preliminary investigation uncover?
[Agent A. Pond]
That something magical fucking blew the place up.
*Slurp* *thunk of glass on wood*
M readings congruent — heh, I said that right —with magical habitation an' an abnormally high M reading in both the basement levels of the Manor as well as what appeared to 'ave been the centre of the blast.
[Agent D. Arzt]
What did you and Agent Williams do after that finding?
[Agent A. Pond]
Upon confirmation of magical involvement, we asked the local bobbies ta bugger off, though more nicely like, yeh know? When they were gone, I went an put R-Stones one through seven along the perimeter of the property at equidistant points while Rory got Smiggles from the trunk… I then painted R-Stone Zero to secure the location.
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'm, ah, sorry, what is 'Smiggles?'
[Agent A. Pond]
Tha' damn bunny! It had a little name tag an everythin'. Whoevah at central keeps naming the damn rabbits really needs ta stop. Rory bonded with this one, again, and I end up looking the bad guy when I have to sacrifice the damn thing!
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'll pass that along to resources.
[Agent A. Pond]
Good… now… where was I?
[Agent D. Arzt]
You had just activated Runestone zero.
[Agent A. Pond]
Ah, tha's right.
*Gulp* *thunk of glass on table*
So, with some magical protections in place an' the sun going down quick like; Rory and I left to a nearby inn for the day. Then we 'ad copious amounts of loud and sweaty sex. Expect a noise complaint fee in the expense reports. No regrats.
[Agent D. Arzt]
*Inhale* *exhale*
Noted. Did anything else happen that night?
[Agent A. Pond]
Do you count pulling a muscle in me leg tryin' ta have shower sex in a shower tha's too small?
[Agent D. Arzt]
No, we do not.
[Agent A. Pond]
Then nothing else 'appened.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Thank God for that. Please continue were the investigation resumed on the twelfth.
[Agent A. Pond]
Heh, you're too easy to tease, Doc.
*Screw being undone* *liquid being poured* *thunk of bottle on table*
Right. So we didn' get much sleep, what with the drive and the sex and what'not, so we didn't get to the manor until something like oh-nine-hundred tha mornin', ya know. Tha's after we stopped for breaky and coffee and such… oh! An' the coffee there sucks arse. Holyhead should feel ashamed for tha'. You'd think you could get a good coffee jus' abou' anywhere, but that's a lie.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Ahem, please continue from where you actually returned to the manor.
[Agent A. Pond]
Oh, righ' ah, le's see… So, as per procedure, I measured the R-Stone integrity once I got there and nearly fell over. The bloody stone showed excessive degra- degradation that didn' match the M levels which was bloody annoying.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Why was it annoying?
[Agent A. Pond]
Cos it meant I'd have ta repaint the stone the next day and it took half of the night before to stop Rory being all mopey abou' the bunny and there I was, going ta need to go out an' find someone willin' ta give up a family pet or somethin'.
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'll make a note that maybe all teams should be provided with two sacrificial animals as a standard load out in the future.
[Agent A. Pond]
NO! don' do that! E'll just fall in love with two o' the little blighters instead of one and then e'll get all sad that we had to kill their friend and e'll… well, not cry… bu' do that really, really sad face that I 'ate.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Alright. I'll not make the note.
[Agent A. Pond]
Good… Good.
[Agent D. Arzt]
So, you continued your investigation.
[Agent A. Pond]
Oh, yeah. In our investigation of the manor, we found five points of interest… ah, les' see. There was the scary bloody M reading at the epicentre of explosion in what appeared to 'ave been a smoking parlour.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Could you elaborate on why made it scary?
[Agent A. Pond]
Cos' M-Levels exceed the M-Geiger's maximum range of 2000 Merls is what it was! We could bloody well feel it in the air! S'was like standing in the middle o' a thunderstorm while someone's dancin' a merry gig on you blood grave!
[Agent D. Arzt]
So, the magic levels were high enough that even regular people could feel it? What could cause something like that?
[Agent A. Pond]
Tha's right, though we don' know what caused it yet. But that wasn't the scary thing, what was bloody scary was tha' wha'ever caused the blast ha' also taken out all the manor's wards and lemme tell you, I'm bloody good at wards. I aced them at central during training and went on ta get a certificate in it from the bloody Director em'self!
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'm sorry, I've only passed mandatory identification and handling of Runes. I focused on spell identification and effects, myself. Why would knowing Runes scare you?
[Agent A. Pond]
Cos' the amount of energy needed to overcome the Wards that would have been up at a pureblood manor o' that size? We're talking about enough energy to blow up a few streets at least. Only reason there was a manor at all an' not a smoking crater in the ground is the strength of them wards.
*Gulp* *glug-glug* *thunk of bottle on wood*
[Agent D. Arzt]
So, whatever overcame the wards was powerful and dangerous.
[Agent A. Pond]
*snort* Ain't tha' a redundant thing to say, power is dangerous, ya know?
[Agent D. Arzt]
What else did you uncover in your investigation?
[Agent A. Pond]
The remains for one.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Remains? Why weren't they already noted and removed by the police?
[Agent A. Pond]
Prob's because they were found at the epicentre of the blast and in the Manor's secret sub levels. Wards migh'ave been down but magic that that strong will push most regular folk away an' the muggle repelling charms might've been able ta keep goin' on the residual magic for a bit.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Could you please describe the remains?
[Agent A. Pond]
Not much to describe with the first lot. There really wasn't much to left ta bag an' tag, ya know? Jus' charred bits an' pieces among the rubble of the room. Rory figured tha' there were at least three people in the room when the blast 'appened, on account o' there being three left feet an' all. We bagged everythin' and called in collection.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Were the remains those of magicals or normal people?
[Agent A. Pond]
Magicals…. Or at least we thought so. The background M levels made it m'possible to get a readin' on the remains but s'not many regular folks that wear dragon'ide boots.
*slurp*
Tha's not to say I don' think no regular folk died in tha' blasted place… heh, blasted place.
[Agent D. Arzt]
What do you mean by that? The comment on regular people dying, that is.
[Agent A. Pond]
The sublevels. Missed 'em at firs'. The stairs were 'idden behin' a wall in one o' tha hallways. Only found it onna second sweep with the M-Geigers. Whoevah lived there was a sick bastard, le'me tell you.
[Agent D. Arzt]
What did you find in the sublevels?
[Agent A. Pond]
Bloody fucking torture chamber come sex dungeon is what!
*Clunk* *clatter* *scrape*
Shit! Fuck! Sorry, sorry…
(Note that interviewee knocked over her wine glass and left her chair to clean. There is a two-minute period were the interviewer left and returned with paper towel)
Fuck, sorry 'bout that. M'not usually that clumsy, ya know.
[Agent D. Arzt]
That's all right, these things happen. It's part of the job.
[Agent A. Pond]
*snorts* S'like a bartender, you gotta listen to drunks and clean up messeses.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Now, you mentioned that there was a torture chamber and a… sex dungeon in the sublevels?
[Agent A. Pond]
S'right, an not the fun kind either. Fucking place was spotless though, 'cept for the cell with the dead wizard o'course.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Dead wizard?
[Agent A. Pond]
Mhmm, already startin' ta bloat an' 'is head was completely gone… well not gone, just splattered over the cell walls. Pretty sure tha's wha' killed him but I ain't no coroner.
[Agent D. Arzt]
An' you're sure he was a wizard?
[Agent A. Pond]
Pretty sure. Had a fancy family ring an' the same boots as the others an' was wearing them stupid robes tha' lot likes. The body had a 'igh M reading o' abou' five hundred, no wand though, but we though' that someone might've already taken it; given tha' it looked like someone 'ad already riffled through the blokes' pockets. We took all the right photos and tagged everythin' an' then bagged the body and threw it in the fancy stasis box tha' the director made along with tha other remains.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Did you find anything else in the sublevels?
[Agent A. Pond]
Nadda, zilch, not a thing! *snorts* Fucking wizards are the worst when it comes to evidence, their bloody cleanin' spells usually wipe everythin' but the trace amounts. Luminol testing showed lots an' lots of blood had been spilled in jus' 'bout all the cells and on all the equipment though. We collected swabs from jus' 'bout everythin' for tha boys at the lab. They'll solve a few missing persons cases from the DNA testin', maybe.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Did you find anything else of interest that day?
[Agent A. Pond]
Jus' the floor-safe in the library. It was filled with all sorts of nasty cursed junk. Fucking indigo on the Kirlian Quartz slides is wha' they were.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Indigo! That's bad. Those could have done some real damage if they got out.
[Agent A. Pond]
You tellin' me, bloody things ate through three pairs of indigo rated gloves when we were storin' them in the C.R. cases. Rory nearly lost a finger to a teacup!
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'm sure the boys at the lab will make sure that they're handled correctly. Did you find anything new after that?
[Agent A. Pond]
Nothin' much… Or at leas' nothing of interest. Rory and I set up a Quartz Kirlain-Rubic array around the epicentre of the explosion ta measure the M decay over the next eighteen hours and then we packed up and go' out of there before sundown, ain't going to make that mistake again.
(Note: Agent Pond rubbed a faint scar on her neck)
[Agent D. Arzt]
That's understandable. And the next day?
[Agent A. Pond]
*Sigh* We should have pulled out then.
[Agent D. Arzt]
What happened?
[Agent A. Pond]
So, we go' to the manor the next morning and… fuck, the bloody Runic array was down to only six percent integrity. Six bloody percent! We knew then tha' someone must've had been tryin' to get in the night before and 'ad ta' given up just before they would've breached the wards.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Who do you think it was?
[Agent A. Pond]
Rory thought it was tha MoM but I doubted that. For all their 'sposed incompetence, they do have tha numbers and tha power t' throw at some basic wards, blood enhanced or no. Nah, I reckon it was some friends of the blokes that we found dead in the manor come lookin' for their pals. An' given what we saw in there, I doubt those friends were o' the upright sort.
*Glug-glug-glug* *thunk of bottle on wood* *gulp* *thunk of glass on wood*
So we walked the perimeter and foun' some skid marks where some bastard bounced of the wards, an' we found some scorched grass where they then must've tried to breech 'em… I made the wrong discission then. I assumed either we would 'ave the MoM on our arses in the next day or two or that tha bastard would return at night. Thought we would've 'ad time to gather our things, do a bit more investigatin' an' bugger off, right?
[Agent D. Arzt]
But that isn't what happened, was it?
[Agent A. Pond]
I'd been able to get a local famer to sell me a piglet, no questions asked, right? Mean' I could top up tha wards… I somehow got R-stone integrity up to a 'undred and four point two percent, don' ask, magical math is weird like. Point is, I though' we were good.
*slurp*
Ano'er sweep through the manor didn't pick up anything much but for a Helf signature that Rory found on the portraits… guess that makes sense. 'Splains why they were all just staring judgin'-like at us and no', yeh know, yelling slurs and callin' in help.
[Agent D. Arzt]
I'm sorry… a Helf?
[Agent A. Pond]
House Elf… Helf. Much easier to say.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Ah, thank you for clarifying that.
[Agent A. Pond]
Sure, whatever. Anyway, I made a note ta put up some extra runes on the paintings the next day, just in case, ya know. And then we waited for the collections team to turn up as we 'ad put in the request over a day ago, yeh know?
[Agent D. Arzt]
Does it usually take that long for a collections team to turn up?
[Agent A. Pond]
Really depends on the where the incident is and wha' teams are free. This one 'ad to drive all the way down from Inverness, no idea why they were all the way up there but most of the other teams were stuck watching Dartmouth… som'thin' to do with quidditch or som'thin'.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Ah, right. Recoding human rights violations by the MoM as they were setting up for the Quidditch world cup.
[Agent A. Pond]
Tha'll 'splain it.
*slurp*
So the collations team didn' get there til' 'bout three tha' afternoon, 'ight. We were handing over the stasis containers and the cursed stuff and we were waitin' on the Quartz Kirlain-Rubic slides to finish curin', jus' trading stories, as you do…
Note: Interviewee paused for eleven seconds)
[Agent D. Arzt]
Amy?
[Agent A. Pond]
Sorry. Fuck… sorry. It… I didn' even like Dean. I gave 'im a black eye an' put a HR complaint in against him months back for slappin' my arse. Doubt they would've even sent 'im and 'is brother if they weren't understaffed.
[Agent D. Arzt]
What happened?
[Agent A. Pond]
There must've been eight of them… one on each runic anchor an' one to attack directly. I'd jus' slipped the Quartz Kirlain-Rubic slides into a gold lined folder when they stuck the wards together… they didn' last long, the wards tha' is. They're made for information control more than anythin', no magical signals in or out, supressin' muggle repelling charms an' repellin' some minor assaults; they're no' designed ta cope under attack from multiple fronts.
*sigh*
Sam and Dean were the first to react… s'reason why Central puts up with Dean bein' tha office bicycle, yeh know? They pushed both Rory and I to the floor as tha wards went down and the windows shattered. Then they tried to negotiate. Told 'em off for interrupting a federal investigation an' such.
[Agent D. Arzt]
And how did the attackers react to that?
[Agent A. Pond]
I… I don' think they were s'pecting us there in the house, or a' leas' not on the o'er side of the wards. Didn' matter any as they just started slinging curses at us. Auror's would've identified 'emselves an' would've been casting stunners… these weren't no stunners tha' they were throwing 'round though.
*inhale*
Sam an' Dean opened return fire. Got one right in the chest an' winged another but that pissed the others off right smart. So, they started throwing explosive spells at us. Thankfully the walls were thick stone and must've been resistant ta magic as they seemed to jus' shrug off the spells.
[Agent D. Arzt]
So, you were all trapped in the manor and under fire from hostile magicals.
[Agent A. Pond]
*slurp*
By this point they were close enough ta make out tha masks under their hoods. S'not like any of us were ever goin' to forget what those looked like. Me and Rory engaged as well by this point but by then they'd brought up shields. Still managed to get one o' the fuckers in the knee though Rory wasn't having any such luck. I've been telling the 'igher-ups that Silver and Lead Rune enhanced ammunition is worth the excess cost an' I bloody hope tha' they take me seriously after this.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Agents Winchester and Williams have all made similar notes in their report and the matter is being considered and will likely be implemented with the next budget.
[Agent A. Pond]
Good… Now where… oh right. So, the now identified Death Eaters were a bit slow ta realise that me bullets were able to ge' through their shields an' I was able to put 'nother one down an' wing a third before they transfigured the ground in ta cover.
From tha' point the Death Eaters really had the upper hand despite having lost three of their number an' another three bein' injured.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Did any of the attackers manage to land any spells on any of you by this point?
[Agent A. Pond]
Nah, we'd been keepin' behind cover for the most part but we were screwed iffin tha fight dragged on. We only 'ad so much viable ammunition.
*Slurp*
We made a fightin' retreat up the stairs to tha first floor an' Rory got hit by a Cruciatus. Wasn't down for long, 'm sure it bloody well hurt but once we dragged 'im behind a corner he was 'right other than some shakes.
[Agent D. Arzt]
And then what happened?
[Agent A. Pond]
We were 'oping ta make it to tha east wing where we could escape through a window and get to the van but one of the arseholes found the Kirlain-Rubic Array and must've lost 'is mind 'cos the next thing we knew the whole manor was on fire.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Was it ordinary fire or magical?
[Agent A. Pond]
Magical… definitely magical. Yeh know, I thought Agent Dresden was joking abou' Fiendfire… remind me ta buy the tall wanker a pint. I didn't think we were goin' ta make it. Tha' fire was hungry. Alive. Evil-like. I don' know. Thankfully the R-Stone 0 chose tha' moment ta give up tha ghost an' implode. Prob'bly resonance within the residual matrix… Usually tha's bad, but it pulled tha flames back long enough for us ta get out though the window an' climb down to tha ground.
[Agent D. Arzt]
So you managed to escape the manor unharmed?
[Agent A. Pond]
S'right. Other than a bit o' bruisin' an' some minor Cruciatus exposure on Rory's part, we got ou' an' 'ad a clear path to tha van. But… I didn' see it, yet one of the fuckers must have seen us through a window or somethin' an' got off a cutting curse that took Dean's leg off at the knee. Me an Sam heard 'im cry out an' we turned back for 'im. Sam an I managed to drag him to tha van while Rory started the engine. We'd just managed to close the doors when tha Death Eaters got out of the manor and started throwing curses… I don' know what tha Winchesters 'ave done to their van but I want 'em to do it to all our cars. The panelling survived a direct Bombada to the side an' barely wobbled. Rory hit the gas at that point an' got us out o' there while Sam an' I made a torniquet for Dean's leg.
[Agent D. Arzt]
That must have been difficult.
[Agent A. Pond]
Damn right it was… bloody arse tried to get me to kiss him as a dying request, thankfully he fell unconscious while we were trying ta prevent 'im bleedin' out. We called central and requested a meet up at the nearest MI7 certified hospital… made for a tense three-hour drive.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Did the magicals not pursue?
[Agent A. Pond]
Iffin they did then we didn' see 'em. Not sure they understand how fast a car can go, even on the English country roads, an' s'not like we went to the nearest town. Holyhead's a known magical adjacent settlement so we bypassed it directly, even with Dean in such a bad way… we got him to the hospital in Liverpool.
*Gulp-gulp* *thunk of glass on wood*
Can I ask how he's doin'? We got pulled for debrief 'fore 'e was out o' surgery an' I haven' heard anything since.
[Agent D. Arzt]
Last I heard there was some close moments but Agent Dean Winchester was doing fine and has since been transferred to Medical at Central once his condition was stable.
[Agent A. Pond]
Good. Good. 'E's an arse but I didn' want 'im dead. Rory an' I would probably be dead or worse if 'im an' 'is brother weren't there.
[Agent D. Arzt]
That's understandable. Is there anything else you would like to add to the recording?
[Agent A. Pond]
Nah, that's everything… I think. Though… can I get another bottle of wine?
[Interview Concluded.]