On a tranquil day in Liyue, Cherri and Angel were carrying a large treasure box, the result of one of their adventures.
« Can't really tell why the Imps hate commissions that much. So far the ones we've been having have been a blast! » Angel smirked.
« I think that's because' like, they have to deal with the Knights of Incompetence! » Cherri replied.
« Yeah, that makes sense…» Angel shrugged.
Suddenly, however, they were interrupted by a young man.
He had light blue hair reaching his ears, pale skin, and ice-blue cat slit eyes. He wore a symmetrical white hooded jacket with navy embroidery. Under this, he wore a blue shirt over white pants with gold cuffs, along with a dark navy undershirt. He had bandages around his right wrist and right ankle. He wore his Vision on the left side of his belt.
« Excuse me, have you perchance seen any "evil spirits"? » the boy asked.
« I mean, there's Alastor, but you don't wanna fuck with him. » Angel replied.
« …Yeah, fuck that. » the boy replied with a pale look on his face.
« Anyway, who the hell are you kid? » Cherri asked.
« And who the fuck starts a conversation like that! We just got here! » Angel added.
« Oh, right. Apologies, I'm Chongyun, a local exorcist from Liyue. Though do not fear, you are all citizens of Liyue, thus I shall do you no harm. » the boy, Chongyun, explained.
« Good fucking call! » Cherri replied.
« So what, you Xiao little squeeze or somethin'? » Angel asked.
« How did you know of the Vigilant Yaksha? » Chongyun asked. « I have great respect for the yakshas. For generations, yakshas and exorcists have been protecting Liyue together, one in plain sight and the other in secret. »
« Well that explains why he decided to punch Alastor in the face…» Angel commented.
« Judging from your response, it seems you aren't well-versed in the realm of evil spirits... But that's understandable. If I may ask, have you happened to come across anything strange recently? » Chongyun asked. « Sometimes even the most trivial matters prove helpful in my hunt for evil spirits. »
« I mean I guess there's the hundreds of Chilli Churros we sacrifice to the machine every week or so, other than that, nothing much…» Angel replied.
« Oh, I see. Well, fair enough... » Chongyun replied. « In that case, I guess I'll just have to try my luck with the clues I already have. »
Cherri and Angel looked at each other with devious looks, before turning to the boy. « A comment that cryptic always follows up with a story. So what clues do ya have? »
« Only some scattered reports, really. Nothing too significant yet... But if you're really interested, I can tell you about some of the more useful ones I've gathered so far. I read a flyer that said: "The Test of Courage is now being held on Wuwang Hill. Bring your best friend and test your courage together!" » Chongyun sighed. « Then: "Recently, the sounds of footsteps and shouting have been heard outside people's windows at night. The noises have frightened the children and they are unable to sleep." And: "A huge shadow has appeared in Guili Plains. It flies and swirls, summons down fireballs, and makes all sorts of strange noises." Cases such as these might actually be worth our attention. »
« Oh, ya sweet summer child…» Angel could barely hold his laughter.
« Sweet summer what? » Chongyun asked confused.
« Forget I said anything. Why don't we just head there? This might be your big moment, kiddo! » Angel exclaimed.
« So, what do we do now? » Cherri asked.
« Hmm... I think the clue about the Test of Courage is the most relevant one I have so far. » Chongyun replied. « If strange things have been happening at the event, then evil spirits may well be the cause. »
« In that case, let's go rip him a new one! » Angel smirked.
« But there's an unusual requirement for this event. You must be a team of two people in order to participate. » Chongyun sighed.
« Or you can man up and break the system, and do it with THREE guys! » Cherri exclaimed.
« I see…. If evil spirits do show up, then the three of us can take care of each other, I suppose.» Chongyun reasoned.
« Ya want us to join ya? » Angel asked.
« You seem to have a good eye for discerning these clues. With your adventuring experience, I'm sure we'll track down those evil spirits in no time. » Chongyun replied.
« Well we got to drop off this shit at the Hotel first. You head to the place, we'll met ya there. » Angel replied.
« Thank you! I was starting to worry that I wouldn't be able to find a partner. » Chongyun replied, as he headed off.
« This is gonna be fucking hilarious…» Angel smirked.
Xxxxxxx
After a while, the two reached Chongyun at Wuwang hill.
« Please be careful, everyone. Pay close attention to your surroundings and stay vigilant once you enter. » a man warned a group of people. « And most importantly, don't get separated from your partner and wander off on your own. You'll most certainly be in for a scare if you go alone. »
« Did you hear that? He's warning the event participants. Maybe something strange really did happen here... » Chongyun pointed out. « Let's investigate. »
« Oh god, he's such a sweet, innocent soul… » Angel smirked.
« Hehe, welcome to the Test of Courage! You…three….must be very close friends. » the man noted.
« Actually, we just met... » Chongyun replied.
« And fuck the system! » Cherri added.
« Hah, no problem at all. Don't be shy, just enjoy yourselves! But please drink this before you enter the Test of Courage. » the man replied. « This drink will boost the yang energy inside your body and lift your courage. Not only that, but this drink will also allow you to see things which are usually hidden from the naked eye... Pretty exciting, huh? »
« Y—Yang energy? » Chongyun asked surprised.
« That's right. Ghosts are said to be full of "yin energy," so more "yang energy" will surely deter them. » the man explained.
« Whoa, I've never heard of such a drink. Is it a secret recipe, or maybe some kind of potion? » Chongyun asked.
« Well, it's something along the lines of snake oil, kiddo. » Angel smirked.
« But if this drink really does boost yang energy, then it's potentially dangerous for me. » Chongyun said.
« Wait, da fuck's that supposed ta mean? » Angel asked.
« You see, I have a very rare constitution called a "pure-yang spirit." » Chongyun sighed. « Such a constitution allows me to scare away evil spirits, but also makes me prone to emotional impulses. »
« And yet ya look less emotional than friggin' grass muncher back at the Hotel…» Angel commented.
« I am constantly focusing to keep my mind and body in a normal state, which usually works until I suffer from some external stress...» Chongyun replied.
« Come now, what's with that serious expression on your face, lad? You aren't worried about the drink, are you? » the man asked. « It's delicious and quite effective if I do say so myself! There's nothing to worry about. »
« Let's just drink this shit together. That way, if ya start ta act up, we can handle yer shit. » Angel replied.
« I hope I won't be a problem for you… » Chongyun replied.
« Bitch, we handled Shenhe on coke, we can handle you! » Cherri shot back.
« Oh, oka-what, YOU GAVE AUNT SHENHE COCAINE!? » Chongyun exclaimed.
« We didn't "give" her cocaine, she just ate my fucking coke toast! As to what happened next….well… » was Angel response.
Xxxxxxx
Flashback.
In the Hotel, Shenhe noticed a piece of toast laying on a plate. With curiosity getting the better of her, she decided to give it a bite, only for the woman to widen her pupils a few seconds later.
Xxxxxxx
« The future….is in the past….ONWARD, KHANSHALUNG! » an hallucinating Shenhe exclaimed, as she was riding a flying scientifically accurate Tarbosaurus with Tiger tanks for hands and friggin laser beans attached to its head.
Xxxxxxx
« When we finally got her to calm down we found nine Futa corpses. She laughed when we said nine. » Angel shuddered at the memory. « Anyway, let's just drink this shit. »
And with that, the trio drank the potion.
« I'm starting to feel something after that drink... » Chongyun noted. « Uh — no, no, I'll be fine... Let's go investigate the area. »
However, as he turned towards the two demons, he realized that they were having an Acid Trip.
Xxxxxxx
Meanwhile, on Angel and Cherri's acid trip….
« This trip is fucking awesome! » Cherri exclaimed.
« Acid trip? Nah, this is an Acid Adventure! » Angel shot back.
« Egabrag gnikcuf si noitcifnaF siht. » a giant Calico cat mixed with cocaine appeared. « Would you like to eat my candy cock? »
« Sure thing, Cocainaco…» the two demons replied, as they begun to consume the candy cock.
Xxxxxxx
Back in the real world, the two were just chewing at nothing, before Chongyun froze their heads, causing them to come back to reality, as they fell to the ground, breaking the ice. « Wait, the fuck do ya mean "Aunt Shenhe"? »
Xxxxxxx
And so, our three hereoes reached the site of the Test of Courage.
« So, this is the Test of Courage! Hmm, there are more people here than I imagined. They could all be in grave danger if there really is an evil spirit here. We must get to the bottom of this! » Chongyun exclaimed. « I'm not too sure where we should start, but I know we'll find something once we start looking. These innocent participants are completely oblivious to the potential danger here. We'll need to protect them. »
« Oh, honey…these fuckers are just havin' fun, that's all. » Angel replied.
« You mean, being scared is like "entertainment" to them? » Chongyun asked.
« Suuure…let's go with that theory….» Angel smirked.
« I see... Maybe you're right. I'm certainly a stranger to entertainment, after all. I mostly spend my time purging evil spirits and practicing thaumaturgy. » Chongyun sighed. « Besides training, I also need to constantly focus on my own emotions to avoid losing control. So I rarely have any time for leisure activities. I'm completely unfamiliar with what others would consider entertainment. »
« …Oh this is fucking sad…» Cherri commented.
« Hm... Well, either way, let's check the area for any evil spirits, just in case. Where should we start? » Chongyun asked.
Xxxxxxx
As the group continued their investigation, Chongyun begun to feel unwell.
« ...Sorry... Sorry, I feel... unwell. » Chongyun said. « ...I think the drink we had earlier stirred the yang energy inside my body. »
« Is it serious, kiddo? » Angel asked concerned.
« If there's too much yang energy, I'm afraid that I won't be able to control myself. Even though you were willing to accompany me this far, I don't want to cause you any further trouble. » Chongyun replied.
« Oh, yer not getting rid of us that easily, kiddo. » Angel shot back.
« If I lose control, I fear that I'll be the one endangering everyone here, not evil spirits. ...We'd better find somewhere to rest. » Chongyun replied.
« I think that log will do. » Cherri replied, as she picked the boy up and laid him on said log.
« Ugh... sorry to trouble you again... » Chongyun apologized.
« There anything we can do? » Angel asked.
« The feeling... it's becoming more intense... Usually, I can manage by simply eating a popsicle... but that's only under normal circumstances...» Chongyun replied. « I may need something... a bit more potent in this case... Like Cryo Slime Condensate, or Cryo Whopperflower Nectar, for example...»
« Cherri, you stay here. Someone tries to fuck with him, you bomb him. » Angel turned towards Cherri. « As for me, I have some shit to collect. »
Xxxxxxx
After a while, Angel came back with some Cryo Whopperflower Nectar, and he begun to forcefeeding it to Chongyun. « Feed! FEED! CONSUME! »
« Thanks for finding these ingredients for me. I feel much better now. » Chongyun replied. « Although I still feel the yang energy stirring, at least I won't need to worry about it getting out of control. »
« Meh. Think nothing of it kiddo. » Angel shrugged.
« So, did you find any new leads when you were out looking for ingredients? » Chongyun asked.
« Okay kiddo…even I think this has gone for long enough…» Angel sighed defeated.
« What do you mean? » Chongyun asked.
« This whole expedition was just a silly prank! Ya know, we go to a Spooky House, ya make think it's haunted, we all have a good laugh. What we didn't want was having ya having a panic attack! » Angel explained.
« Huh...? So that's what's going on here!? » Chongyun exclaimed. « Does that mean that all the strange things here are just a hoax? »
« Yeah…that was a low one. Even for us! » Angel commented.
« Man, we're a bunch of fucking assholes, ain't we? » Cherri commented.
« But…why do I still feel a malevolent aura? » Chongyun asked.
« …Come to think of it, I feel it too! » Cherri added.
« Cherri, we've fucked with him long enough. » Angel replied. « Seriously, I'm starting to sound like Vaggie… »
« No seriously! I'm feeling some really bad energies around here! » Chongyun protested.
« Kid, there's no ghost here-» Angel shot back, before he noticed Cherri turning pale, as she pointed several horrifying creatures.
One was a man dressed as a mobster with an anaconda-like head. Another possessed incredible muscles, dark shoulder-length hair and a youthful face with 88 exaggerated upper and lower canines, giving him a 'fanged' appearance, and his nails resembled claws. Another man had the top of his head unusually large and flat. Another was a grey and white anthropomorphic domestic short haired tuxedo British cat. Another was a man dressed in a man costume. Another was a humanoid creature that was twelve feet tall. He had well-developed muscles, two pairs of four-fingered arms, and red skin. A black stripe went from his chin to his lower lip, and he had four eyes: a main pair and a smaller pair below them, while he lacked ears or nose. He had whisker-like spikes on each forearm and black pants with a strap on each foot that revealed his two toes and the back of each foot. Another was a very large, bipedal dinosaur characterized by its uniform forest green coloration and muscular upper body. Its thick hide was littered with short, jagged spines that reached a maximum height along the back and tail. It had a narrow snout with a large lower jaw, covered in multiple rows of teeth spreading outwards from the mouth. It had massive, powerful hind legs, but tiny, poorly developed forelegs. Then there was a man in a purple suit with a pumkin head, a glowing noodle, a man with a Jukebox for a head, and finally, a man with a cartoonish wolf head.
« Snake eyes! Gah! 88 Teeth! Hammerhead! Oh no! Pussycat! Pussycat puss! BATMAN! Double Hitter! P-p-p-p-pickle Joe! P-p-p-p-pumpkin head! NEON NOODLE! Jukebox jaw! Ruff man. » Angel listed in pure horror, as Ruff man howled and ruffed in response.
As the demonic creatures prepared to pounce, Chongyun exclaimed « Heart be pure, evil be erased, mind be purged, world be-»
Before he could finish that sentence, the demonic beasts roared at the trio, their cries of terror drowned out by their screams. And so, without thinking twice, the trio ran for their lives, as they were chased by the beasts.
Unfortunately, however, they were cornered, and were faced with a horrifying creature. It resembled a young man of average height with shaggy black hair, round black eyes, and a slim muscular build. He had a straw hat, a red vest, light blue denim shorts cuffed just above his knees, tan sandals, and a scar with two stitches underneath his left eye.
« Rubber man! » Cherri exclaimed in a panic.
« I'm going to rrrrrrrub ya out, see? RRRRRRRRRRRRUB YA OUT! » Rubber man exclaimed, as he begun to punch the group several times which, whilst not hurt, was slowly being erased.
« Fantastic! And furthermore, he's unbelieva-» Chongyun commented, before he, Cherri and Angel were completely erased from existence.
Fortunately, however, they appeared from a hatch nearby. « -ble. »
It was then that Pumpkin head begun to take shots at the group with his twin Thompson machine guns, before Cherri tossed a bomb on his head, causing it to explode, with several Pumpkin pies materializing as a result.
Then, the group barely dodged the rest of the monsters charging at them, piling up on the small hatch. In response, Angel closed it, and begun firing several rounds of his Thompson machine gun. After a minute, he opened the hatch, only for the various monsters to fall down in front of them, one by one.
But just as it looked like it was all over, something touched the trio's shoulders. « Guess who? »
« Neon noodle? » the trio replied, before turning back in pure horror. « NEON NOODLE! »
Before they could counterattack, Neon Noodle begun to strangle both Cherri and Angel. Thankfully, using his exorcist arts, Chongyun was there to save them from the demonic creature.
« So much for the place not being fucking haunted! » Angel cried out.
Suddenly, however, something else appeared from the mist. It was the ghost of a little girl, clearly terrified.
« P-please! Just leave me alone! » the girl exclaimed.
« …Ya wouldn't happen to know the freaks of nature we just killed, wouldn't ya? » Angel asked.
« No! T-that big tall jerk just released them one day, and they've been bullying me ever since! » the little girl replied. « They're even worse than that blue haired exorcist! »
« Wait…you're talking about me? » Chongyun asked.
« Your energy….it's horrible! I don't want to disappear, but I also don't want to deal with those meanies anymore! » the girl shot back.
« All right. As long as you don't harm anyone, no harm shall be placed on you. » Chongyun replied.
« So those freaks we just killed weren't ya pals…So where the hell did they come from? » Angel asked.
« I do believe I know the answer! » a voice came from out of nowhere, belonging to Alastor.
« YOU! You're the big meanie that summoned those jerks! » the little girl cried out.
« Hohoho, come now! I had no intention to harm you, little juvenile! I merely intended to "spice up" this façade of a haunted location, that's all! » Alastor justified himself.
« So it WAS a fucking hoax! » Chongyun exclaimed.
« Who the hell where those freaks of nature? » Angel asked.
« Oh, some of the Chilli Churros I performed horrible experiments on for fun. Have to say, really creative in naming them, my dear! » Alastor explained.
« They did give those kid of vibes… » Angel noted.
« Well, it was good until it lasted! They may have not caused as much psychological damage as I was hoping, but at the very least several individuals working here scamming the good people of Liyue are now hospitalized for the nightmares they'll have until the sweet release of death! » Alastor proclaimed.
« Dude, you're fucking terrifying! » Cherri exclaimed.
« Oh, who isn't these days! » Alastor replied, as he disappeared in a portal.
After that, the trio were just left contemplating their life choices.
« …Wanna have an Acid Adventure with that shit they gave us at the entrance? » Angel proposed.
« You go. I have to lay on the ground for a few minutes….» Chongyun replied.
« …We're so fucking sorry….»
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!