They couldn't say how long they had been standing there — Donna at the door of her apartment and Harvey in the hallway — but it felt like an eternity. She couldn't believe it, had he really just offered to be the father of her baby? It seemed impossible. As she realized he was waiting for an answer, Donna simply murmured.
«What did you just say?»
«I can be the donor»
«Harvey, that's out of the question»
«Can we at least talk about it?»
«There's nothing to say, Harvey. It's a no»
«But Donna —»
«Harvey. Go home, it's late. It's been a day full of news and emotions. You should go home and sleep»
«But we could talk about it tomorrow, right?»
«Harvey»
«Please. Just talk about it»
She wanted him to leave, because she was on the verge of giving in, but she also knew he wasn't in the right state of mind. Harvey had always gotten jealous when another man approached her, terrified she might leave him for someone else. But the idea of her having a baby with someone else — well, that should really upset him — and that was exactly why he had suggested it. But as he looked at her, so full of pain and hope, Donna knew she was going to give in. So she did, not because she wanted to, but because she needed him to leave.
«Alright. We'll talk about it»
«Yeah?»
«Yeah, alright. But you have to go, now»
«Sure. See you tomorrow, Donna»
«See you»
Quickly, Donna closed the door, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, the tears stinging her eyes as she stood there, completely lost and in shock. On the other side of the door, Harvey was equally stunned by what had just happened — he panicked, blurting out the first thing that came to his mind. It had been crazy, and he wasn't sure he was ready for it if she accepted, but somehow, he knew he would do it if she agreed. After standing in front of the door for a few seconds, he finally left and went home. That night, neither of them slept — both of them consumed by Harvey's proposition and Donna's response. The weight of it hung over them, a decision that could change their lives forever. So the next morning, Harvey was there at seven, waiting firmly for Donna, while the redhead dragged her feet, knowing she had to face her boss and have a conversation that could destroy both of them. She couldn't accept Harvey's proposal, but she also knew that when she rejected him, he'd take it personally, thinking it was because of him, not because the situation was too complicated. So, when the elevator doors opened on the sixtieth floor, she took a deep breath before stepping out and heading toward his office. When Harvey saw her from a distance, he quickly stood up, but seeing her offer only a small nod as she made her way to her desk, he froze, raising his hand in a half-hearted greeting, perplexed. It was clear — he wasn't supposed to talk to her right now. So the rest of the day passed in silence, they worked separately, neither speaking to the other. And while they both waited for the other to make a move, it wasn't until six o'clock that Donna packed up her things and decided to head home. As she opened the door to signal Harvey and wish him a good evening, he quickly stood, approaching her to murmur something.
«Hey, Donna. Can we talk now?»
«Harvey, this isn't a good idea, I —»
«Please. You told me last night we could talk about it»
«I don't know what to say to you, Harvey»
«I thought a lot about it last night and —»
«And you realized it was a mistake, huh?» snorted Dona.
«I was serious about what I proposed»
«Harvey, do you understand how ridiculous what you're proposing is?»
«It's not ridiculous, and you know it»
«Because having a baby with my boss isn't ridiculous?»
«You know very well that it's not at all like that»
«Oh really? Then what is it, exactly?»
«Let me start from the beginning. You want a baby, and you need a donor. You're looking for someone who's not ugly, in good health, with amazing genetics, and while I'm sure there are a ton of perfect guys out there, you said it yourself — it's unsettling not to have spoken to them, not knowing what they're really like. But me? You talk to me every day. You know who I am, you're actually the only person who really knows me, and if we're still this close after more than five years, it's because you like me for who I am. And, just to be clear, I don't have the psychopath gene»
As Harvey gave her a reassuring smile, Donna didn't really feel like laughing, so after a deep sigh, she murmured again.
«It's not going to work»
«Why not?»
«Because if you and I have a child, it would complicate things so much between us»
«That's what you don't understand. We're not going to have a child together, Donna. You're going to have a child, I don't want one, and I never will. If you had used a donor, he wouldn't have been the father of your child, right? Well, it's the same for me. I won't be its father, or its creator, or its paternal figure, or whatever you want to call it. I'll just be a donor — nothing more, nothing less. On top of that, I have a reputation that affects both my personal life and my career. I don't want to lose that, knowing people might think I have a child»
«This is insane, Harvey»
«Maybe. But you and I are friends, and I really want you to be happy, and if I can help, I will»
For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, and as everything was tangled in Donna's mind, the redhead couldn't help but rub her temples while murmuring.
«I'm not having a baby with my boss, Harvey»
«I'm not just your boss»
«To others, you are, and there's no way I'm going to be seen as the secretary who had an accident with her boss just because she slept with him just to keep her job»
«You know very well that's not the case»
«I know, you know, but others don't. They wouldn't understand»
«They won't know»
«Are you telling me you'll be able to pretend everything is normal, that you don't have a baby with me?»
«I've told you, Donna, I don't want to be a father. So there won't be any pretending everything's normal — because it will be normal. You'll have your baby, thanks to your donor, who's not so anonymous after all, you'll keep living your life with your child, and we'll continue ours here at the office. Two separate things. I have no reason to see this child, to consider it mine, because I'll just be another donor — nothing more. Do you understand?»
How could she? The man she was deeply in love with — the one who had constantly pushed her away from the very beginning — was now offering to help her have a baby. She knew he didn't want children, didn't want to commit, didn't want to put anyone through the pain he had experienced as a child, but was he really ready to act like nothing had happened? She wasn't sure. But as she looked at him, seeing the hope in his eyes, she simply sighed.
«Give me some time to think about it»
«Of course. As much time as you need, Donna»
After a simple nod, Donna left Harvey's office and hurried out, desperate for some fresh air to clear her mind after the crazy conversation they had just had. Fortunately, the weekend followed, and neither of them reached out to the other, and by Monday, Donna silently thanked the heavens for not having run into Harvey that morning and for having managed to get to her appointment before he returned. Barely settled in the waiting room of the clinic, she impatiently bounced her knee, the restless motion stopping only when the doctor called her name.
«Miss Paulsen. Please, come on in»
After shaking the woman's hand, Donna stood facing her, a mix of excitement and apprehension stirring within her as the doctor began to speak. For a few minutes, even though Donna already knew everything was fine biologically, the doctor reviewed the results of all the tests conducted during the first appointment, briefly explaining the key points Donna needed to understand. Once she finished, the doctor got to the heart of the matter — discussing the possible treatment options.
«Alright, since everything looks good for both you and the donor, we'll proceed with intrauterine insemination. However, for that, we'll need to do ovarian stimulation to encourage the production of multiple eggs, which will optimize your chances of success. To do that, I'll prescribe hormones that you'll need to administer through injections over a period of ten to fourteen days. I know it's not the most pleasant process, but it's important, alright?»
«Of course, I'm ready for anything»
«Perfect. So, the first check-up will be three to five days after starting the stimulation to evaluate your initial response. After that, there will be regular check-ups every two to three days, depending on how your body responds. Finally, there will be a last check-up just before the ovulation trigger shot. In total, you'll have about three to five ultrasounds during the stimulation process, and then you'll come to the clinic at the time of ovulation for the intrauterine insemination with the prepared sperm»
«Alright»
«About the donor, did you chose?»
«About that... I wanted to discuss a certain point with you»
«Of course»
«Is it better to choose an anonymous donor or someone we know?»
«Well, that's a complex question, and it depends on many factors. A lot of people today choose to use someone they don't know for assisted reproduction, for various reasons. But if you ask for my opinion, I'd lean towards a known donor — there are fewer surprises, and it's more… familiar? Of course, it also depends on the person. Our donors are thoroughly tested, so when it comes to family history or genetic issues, you don't need to worry. But with a known donor, you'll need to make sure everything checks out on their end. But why all these questions?»
«How can I explain this... Do you remember me telling you about my close friend, who also happens to be my boss?»
«The silent person in your relationships?»
«Exactly. Well, I told him I was going to have a baby on my own because I know that, during the procedure, I'll need to take time off often, and life with a child will be different — it'll affect my job. I won't be able to be at the office all the time like I was before, and I wanted to give him a heads-up before I put him in a situation where he'd find out later. After that, we talked for a long time, and when he asked me how I was dealing with it, I shared my concerns about not knowing what the donors are really like since I don't know them personally. So, after that, he offered to be the donor himself, because, deep down, we know each other like no one else»
«And why do I have the feeling this is a problem?»
«Because he doesn't want to be involved, and I believe him, sincerely. He's not ready to have a child, and he doesn't want one, not after everything he went through as a child. He's doing it only for me, and he assured me that he'd be like any other donor — the only difference is that I'd know who the other half of the baby's DNA actually is. But we see each other every day, we work just a few feet apart, and he's my boss — people wouldn't understand, and things would get so complicated, right?»
«Well, I don't know you intimately, nor your relationship with your boss, but it's you who has to feel it and decide if he would be a good genetic match or not. And besides, your personal and professional lives don't have to cross, right?»
«Yeah, that's what he says too — urgh, everything is so confusing in my head»
«I understand. But just out of curiosity... Is this boss of yours dark blonde with chocolate brown eyes, Caucasian, athletic, six feet tall with a chiseled jaw?»
Upon seeing Donna grimace, the doctor chuckled, realizing that the situation was more complicated than expected as the redhead murmured.
«It's... weird, right?» sighed redhead.
«No, it's human. From what little you've told me, I can tell you both care about each other. You, because you're choosing to remain his friend despite your feelings, just so you don't abandon him. And him, because he's willing to give you the greatest gift — helping you become a mother and easing some of your fears about the donor. Your situation is complicated, but honestly, I see hundreds of these cases every year, so nothing surprises me anymore. And at least you're sure your child will look like what you imagine — and probably hope for?»
«Yeah» giggled Donna, a bit embarrassed.
«Look, if you're considering your best friend as a donor, you'll need to coordinate because we perform quality checks that can take a few days before the sperm is frozen»
«Of course. Well, I'll have to hurry then»
«Talking it over with him is the best advice I can give you. In any case, we'll see each other again in a few days for the first ultrasound, and you can let me know what you decide, alright?»
«Alright. Thank you, doctor»
«No problem. See you soon, then»
After one last smile, Donna left with her prescription and walked to the nearest pharmacy to pick up the gonadotropins she'd need to inject herself with for the next ten days. Seeing the time, she decided not to go back to the firm — especially not to run into Harvey, who would probably ask if she'd made a decision. Instead, she went home, poured herself a glass of white wine for the last time in a while, and fell asleep, her dreams filled with the image of a strawberry-blonde baby with an arrogant smile. The next day, Donna was sitting at her desk, waiting for Harvey to arrive, while the lawyer felt his heart race at the sight of her shimmering red hair, which had once made his head spin. As the door creaked open, she looked up immediately.
«Hey»
«Hey»
«Have you been waiting long?»
«A few minutes»
«Oh, alright»
«Do we have time to talk?»
«Of course, you know I always have time for you»
«I wanted to discuss your... proposal»
«You've thought about it? What are you going to do?» asked Harvey.
«Well, I have to admit it's pretty tempting, and it would reassure me to know I'm familiar with the other genetic half of my child»
«But?»
«But I'm afraid it will tear us apart»
«It won't be the case. I've told you, Donna, I don't want to be a father, and I don't want to be involved in anything regarding your child. It will be yours and no one else's»
«Harv…»
«You know what? Let's make a deal. I don't want to know anything, alright? I'll do what I need to do, aiming the cup or whatever, and you decide if you want me to be the donor or not. I don't want to know if you choose me or an anonymous donor, or if it works, or even the name, birthdate, or anything. I've told you, I don't want to be involved. You're my best friend, sure, but this child? I'll consider it the child of my secretary and best friend — nothing more. We don't have to talk about it, and knowing you, you won't mix work and private life. Do whatever you want, and I don't want to know. I'm giving you the choice»
Faced with Harvey's insinuations, referring to the fact that Donna never got involved with men she worked with, the redhead began to consider the situation. Harvey seemed to have thought of everything, and with his arguments, it was as if he planned to pretend none of this had ever happened. This meant she could use his donation without him ever knowing — or even seeing the child. He wouldn't try to find out, he'd just want to help her. So, seeing that he was waiting for an answer, Donna simply nodded and murmured.
«Deal»
Like a silent agreement, Donna left the office, and Harvey exhaled as if relieved. But underneath that, his heart raced. He knew exactly what he had done — he had given Donna an out, sealing a secret agreement for life, with or without him. And even though he would never admit it aloud, deep down, he was praying that this baby would be his and choose him instead of the anonymous donor.