REVELATIONS

The Count hosted a massive pizza party. The surviving 1-A students gawked at towers of steaming Italian perfection.

"Before you dig in," the Count said, "You might be wondering why I organized this, or where your female classmates have gone."

"Please let them be in skimpy cheerleader outfits," Kaminari prayed.

"The truth is, I killed them."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Pizza, now!"

Shoji swatted Kaminari. "Ow! Hey, I was just joking! A little…"

"But why?" Iida asked. "How could you do that to your fellow classmates?"

"Why? Because they did it to me first!"

The Count tore off his cloak, letting it dramatically fall to the ground. No one gasped, but Kaminari did shout, "Yes! I'm not the horny one anymore!"

"Mineta? Aren't you dead?"

"Despite the girls' best efforts, I was not. In the dark of night, I got smacked over the head. Repeatedly. Then they forced poison down my throat. Next thing I knew, I was tied up in a sack and thrown into the sea. If it wasn't for how awesome I was, I would never have made it to that island, uncovered a fortune, and gotten everything I needed to have my revenge."

"All six of them tried to kill you?" Sero shook his head. "Thought for sure Jiro would strangle you herself first. And you think you know a girl."

Mineta hesitated. "Well, I don't know exactly what happened. But I know they did it! They've had it out for me ever since school started!"

"Yeah, because you were creeping on us."

Mineta turned around. Jiro, arms crossed, stood with the other girls.

"But how?" Mineta screeched. "I watched you die! I did the maniacal laugh and everything!"

Nezu hit the intercom. "I'm afraid the ones you dispatched were cleverly designed robotic doppelgangers."

"Robots? How? Why?"

"I was aware of who you were the moment you set foot into the school. I had you all chipped like dogs. Except Kaminari. He came that way."

Kaminari sheepishly rubbed his neck. "I keep getting lost."

"How could you possibly know what I was planning?"

"You looked up 'how to kill my classmates' on a school computer."

"Well, doesn't matter! I'll just kill them right now!"

"We didn't kill you, gero."

"What?" Mineta shouted. "Impossible! It had to be you! I was in the women's locker room at the time!"

"Ew. But also, we were still at the pool. Midnight can vouch for us."

"And me," Nezu chipped in. "I also know who really did it."

"Who?"

Bakugo pressed his gauntlet against the back of Mineta's head. "You were a valued comrade, once. A warrior raging against the machine. But then I saw your search history. To think, a trusted brother, fornicating with the enemy. I knew then that I had to let you die a martyr, instead of a traitor."

"Wait, just because I looked up-"

Bakugo pulled the trigger. Nuts and bolts flew everywhere. Bakugo glowered at the fallen machine and growled, "I knew it."

498

The world's a better place not knowing Mineta's browser history. Also, Nezu totally didn't clone the dead students and pretend the originals were robot stunt doubles. Honest.