A/N: Everyday we stray further away from a crack fic. Also checkout Pretend Grail War, it did what I wanted to do with this story way better.

Chapter 4: First Blood

I walked outside the church; I saw Saber standing right outside.

"I take it your business with Kotomine is done?" Saber said solemnly. My eyebrow slightly raised because of Saber's statement, but I chose to ignore it.

"It is," I announced before I put gave out my hand for a handshake, "are you willing to be my servant, Saber?"

"Of course, I am Shirou. You might be quite a crummy mage, but that is what makes you worthy of being my master. Together I am sure we will be victorious in this Holy Grail War, and claim the Holy Grail," Saber said with such determination. The determination that only great leaders possess, "and that I promise to be your sword, and to protect you." Saber reached out for my hand and shook on it.

"Now that you forged your pact. I guess this means there is no room for me to be Saber's master," Tohsaka interrupted sighing, "Be warned Emiya. Next time we meet we will be enemies on the battlefield."

Equally I can see the determination in Tohsaka's face. It was like her entire life's purpose was for this crummy war. She is a good person, and that gives me even more reason as to why I want this war to have as little casualties as possible. She deserves to have an actual purpose in life beyond this crooked fight.

"Come on, Saber. Let's head out," I said as we moved under the veil of moonlight.

The church was about an hour walk from where I lived, and the night was already dragging along. I wouldn't be surprised if it was already three in the morning by now. What a crummy time not to bring a watch. Oh well, many people have had less sleep going to school before.

"So, Saber what heroic spirit are you?" I asked. Mostly out of curiosity, and to start a conversation during this long walk.

"I feel like it's best if I don't answer that, Shirou. Giving away vital information like a True Name is a horrible idea," Saber pointed out.

"But aren't I your master?"

"Yes, but as I said earlier, you're a crummy mage. You are only a little above an average human, which means you are still susceptible to having your mind be read. Without consent, might I add," Saber explained, "Every servant has a weakness, and that weakness is the same one they had in life."

"So, a True Name would just give away everything about a servant."

"Precisely, and it is for that reason why I didn't unveil my sword during my battle with Lancer," Saber before further adding, "name a famous figure, or a myth from history?"

"Sengo Muramasa."

"Ah, Muramasa. He reminds me a lot about you, Shirou. Someone who takes pride in what he does for a living and has all the bark of an old man. Last I heard he was in the middle of trying to forge a blade that cuts through fate itself!"

"Wow! That is super cool!" I said gushing over how much of a badass blacksmith Muramasa was.

"I know right? Either way, there are two weaknesses for Muramasa. Weakness number one, he goes all out offensively, but his defense is worse than the 2003 Yokohama BayStars. The other weakness for him would be to endanger his friends and family. You might be looking at a death sentence, but he might take himself out trying to kill you if you are a powerful enough foe. Doesn't stop him from owing me $20 though, but I am willing to bet that old man has forgotten about the money he owes me."

"I expect nothing less from the legendary blacksmith Muramasa. Though his legend never made him out to be the type of guy to gamble, and Saber, you don't strike me as the gambling type either?" I said all excitedly yet confused as to why Saber and Muramasa would've met each other and gambled.

"We were drunk in Vegas what else would you expect? He needed money because he thought he was one spin away from winning the jackpot. As it turns out, I was left $20 short."

"How in the world would you end up in the United States with Muramasa?"

"Vacation time. I got to admit it was a fun experience."

"Heroic Spirits get vacation time?"

"There is so much you don't know," Saber chuckled, "like that Caster servant far above us."

"What?"

"Oh, looks like she isn't the only servant here," Saber said as he quickly pulled off his yellow rain jacket. He promptly put his arm in front of me before saying, "Be wary, Shirou."

"Who knew, I would stumble upon another servant during this first night," the figure Saber warned me about said as he walked into view. Like Saber he seemed to be a Heroic Spirit of foreign origin. He was a well-built man with scars all over the place, and tattoos lining his arms. With that being said he was shirtless as well, but he at least had pants on. I couldn't make out his eye color, but his blond hair swayed in the moonlight. Finally, he was carrying two swords that seemed to be attached to each other. Though one of those swords seems to be closer to a club.

"If you don't mind us, we are just walking home," Saber said with a smirk.

"I do mind, Saber," The figure said with a smirk, "my master wants me to clear away his filthy competition as soon as possible, and personally I am itching for a fight."

"If you do wish," Saber said, "but be warned I am afraid your master is going to be quite empty handed by the end of this. Though do you mind if we move this duel away from a residential area?"

"Agreed, unlike my master I do not wish to harm innocents," the figure said as I shivered. We moved to a more vacant area, Fuyuki Park.

"Given how we've met Archer, and Lancer," Saber said, "Along with the fact you don't seem very brutish, sneaky, or magicy. I am going with my gut, and saying your Rider, aren't you?"

"Sure, kid, let's go with that!" The figure roared as he advanced without a care in the world.

"I take that back you're Berserker," Saber hollered as he parried the first blade, "Shirou, run!"

I can't leave Saber alone. What sort of master would I be if I left my servant to fend for himself.

"I have no interest in your master. All I care about is defeating YOU!" the figure now classified as Berserker said as he flung his club towards Saber. Fortunately, Saber was able to dodge, albeit barely.

"I am lucky that brutes like you are my specialty," Saber smirked as he dashed around Berserker. Though Berserker was keen about Saber's placement and quickly swung around to meet him.

"And fighting strong foes is my specialty," as Berserker effortlessly hit Saber with his sword. Saber's armor may have been pierced but he is far from being down for the count. He retaliated by using his invisible sword to hit Berserker. The two proceeded to trade blows, though Saber was hit several more times by Berserker's sword. He hasn't been hit been hit by the club yet.

"So, you possess Hrunting," Saber deduced as he blocked the now blazing red sword.

"Indeed, I do Saber," Berserker said as he continued his endless onslaught against Saber. Man, I am really wanting to help Saber out, but I would only be a liability if I jump in now.

"Then I presume the club is Naegling, Beowulf." Saber announced.

"It wasn't like I was trying to hide my identity, Saber," Berserker Beowulf asserted, "Doesn't matter when you're about to die." It seemed like an opening to use Naegling was about to open up. Talk can make all the difference in battle, and Saber knows that. Quickly Saber managed to get himself out of the way of the oncoming Naegling.

"I guess you were saving Naegling for the finale?" Saber questioned as he took a few more hits towards Beowulf.

Beowulf, not taking the bait quickly used Hrunting to injure Saber further. I don't know what Saber is thinking but I don't think he can take many more hits from Hrunting.

"It senses my blood to find the optimal line of attack doesn't it," Saber sputtered, "if this keeps up, I might have to use it. Though the question remains if there would be enough seals to invoke it."

Saber, and Beowulf continued to trade blows with each other, but it was not looking good for Saber. The only things that are keeping him afloat are his speed, and endurance, but even those wear out over time. To make matters worse, Hrunting can track the optimal route for damage. It seems like Beowulf is just working off instinct.

"It's over Saber," Beowulf proclaimed as Saber was wounded further by Hrunting, "Naegling!"

Saber might have usually been fast enough to avoid Naegling, but between the battles throughout the night, and my shoddy mana. Beowulf was wearing him thin, and sooner or later Naegling was going to hit. Probably sooner, and I doubt Saber would be able to make it out of that one.

"SABER!" I yelled as I acted out of instinct. I ran out of hiding, and shoved Saber out of the way taking Naegling for him, "ARGGGHHHHH!"

I could feel my ribs and internal organs collapse underneath the pressure of Naegling. I don't know but I am pretty sure I was flung at least 45 meters like a baseball who was just hit by a batter. Not that I was able to tell or anything since getting flung that fast meant the force, I experienced was a lot, and so was the pain. I ain't that good at physics, but even I know force equals mass times acceleration.

"SHIROU!" Saber exclaimed with concern, and that was basically all I was able to make out before I hit the ground like a speeding baseball.

Miyu was watching all of this from afar. At first, she was sure that she would have to face off against Saber, but those fears vanished the moment that Berserker appeared. Berserker was strange for a Berserker given the fact that his Madness Enhancement seemed to be non-existent. Madness Enhancement is the class skill that defines the Berserker class. It exchanges sanity for power.

Regardless, with Saber distracted, this allowed her a chance to run away. However, she didn't, against all logical thinking she followed Saber, Saber's master, and Berserker to where Saber and Berserker were going to fight.

She had a special interest in Saber's master. He was a version of her beloved older brother. Not to mention he was her master's older brother as well.

It is times like these that she was glad that her master couldn't see what she could see. Because there is no way of telling how her master or her master's father would react to the news that he was a master.

Given the way that her master talks about her brother. He is a lot more reckless in this world than the other versions of him she knows. Surely, he wouldn't be crazy enough to jump into the middle of a battle between servants, right?

Right?

The two versions of Shirou Emiya that Miyu knows are from outlier timelines. One from a world that is doomed to be pruned, and the other from arguably one of the more peaceful timelines. Both of whom, surely, are indictive of what Shirou would do in this situation. If you haven't noticed I said the term, outlier. Even in those timelines if either Shirou was presented with similar events they would absolutely jump into the middle of a battle between two Heroic Spirits. Unfortunately for Miyu, she only really knew her older brother after he got rid of his dream to be a Hero of Justice, and her Illya's brother was never in a dangerous situation to warrant this.

"SHRIOU!" She was absolutely caught off guard by Shirou taking Berserker's Naegling for Saber.

Dropping any pretense of trying to stay hidden, Miyu quickly rushed to the unconscious Shirou's side.

"Sapphire, can you run an analysis to see where his injuries are?" Miyu frantically asked.

"I sure can," Sapphire said as she did a quick scan of Shirou's injuries, "I don't think you would like the answer."

"What is it, Sapphire?" Miyu asked incredibly concerned.

"Most of his internal injuries were crushed alongside his ribs. I fear the injuries are fatal…"

Miyu could only look in horror as Sapphire blurted out that statement.

"Which is what I would say if this Shirou was normal. He seems to have a regenerative ability. So, he should make a full recovery. We could probably further his healing process," Sapphire concluded.

"You should've said he had regenerating abilities, first," Miyu said a little annoyed at Sapphire. Well, it could've been Magical Ruby she was stuck with. Miyu held Sapphire above Shirou's body, as little sparkles came down from the wand-shaped Mystic Code.

Unfortunately, Saber managed to get out of his battle with Berserker at the exact same time. It seems like Berserker's master thought that Shirou was dead and ordered him to retreat before Saber could do more damage. Not like Saber could've done more damage, he wasn't doing too hot himself.

"Caster!" Saber said as he wielded his mighty invisible sword in front of the young girl.

"Saber!" Miyu exclaimed with surprise.

"What are you doing to my master?" Saber said with a little less then killing intent. Only holding himself back because of the fact that this servant was a little girl. The way he could tell she was a little girl was because of her outfit. No self-respecting Caster would be caught dead in the thing.

"Relax, Saber; We are only helping him recover faster," Sapphire spoke up.

"Why should I believe you?" Saber said not all too convinced by the floating stick.

"Does the name Illyasviel Von Einzbern mean anything to you?" Sapphire questioned Saber.

Saber froze for a second. Illya was her daughter. The daughter of the person he promised to protect but couldn't. The person he had to ultimately slay at the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War. To think that little Illya was involved in this war sent shivers down his spine.

"And so, what if it does?" Saber questioned slowly, but still questioned, nonetheless.

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Sapphire said as she flew towards Saber's ear, and whispered something into his ear.

"Fine, I'll believe you for now," Saber said as he put away his invisible sword, "but I am taking him back home. Anyways shouldn't you get back to your master? She must be getting worried."

"I would, but I am under orders from the master's father to scout through this portion of Fuyuki."

"By master's father, you wouldn't mean," Saber said with extreme concern.

"Yes, I do," Miyu sighed.

"He's wronged you too?"

"Another version of him tried to use me as a tool to save the world."

"Ah, I wonder if he blew up a hotel in that world?"

"He did what?!"

"I guess he didn't. That or he never told you about it. Probably the latter. Stay safe, Caster," Saber smiled as Miyu disappeared before looking at the unconscious boy, "now what to do with you Shirou."

Saber has got to admit the boy has guts, but by Saber's experience on the battlefield. That trait can prove to be lethal. Though it seems like the boy has regenerative abilities. Saber can probably take an educated guess as to where he got them from. He was summoned to him for a reason after all.

"Something tells me, you're just going to engage with the enemy every chance you get," Saber said as he squatted the side of the unconscious Shirou, "I am sorry you were brought into this. Let's get you out of here."

Carrying the injured boy bridal style. Saber used his Mana Burst to jump away into the moonlight. With luck that would be the last servant encounter they would have on this long night, and fortunately that statement holds true.

Elsewhere in the distance, Rin and Archer were keeping tabs on the city from a skyscraper.

"I can't believe Emiya would jump in front of a servant's attack like that," Rin said absolutely dumbfounded at his actions.

"You say that like know the boy," Archer noticed.

"And you do?" Rin retorted.

"It was merely an observation I made when he used his command spell on Saber. Besides I am surprised you didn't ask me to snipe Saber, Berserker, and Caster in one fell swoop."

"Caster was there?"

"The boy isn't the only idiot here," Archer bemoaned much to the anger of Rin, "Caster was the little girl playing magical girl that was healing the boy."

"Magical Girl," Rin sweat dropped as memories of a certain stick appeared in her head.

Archer knew precisely what Rin was thinking and silently chuckled to himself. This amusement was minor as he was silently concerned about how this war had gone thus far. This was far from the average Fifth Holy Grail War, Archer is usually summoned into, for starters, the way this war's servants had turned out. First off, Saber wasn't the chick that she was in many of the timelines he was summoned in. That by itself really didn't mean anything. Expect the fact that the Grail might not be tainted by a certain Avenger class servant. Which might seem good on paper, if his replacement didn't make him seem like a joke. Second off, Hercules was nowhere in sight which meant that either she wasn't a master, or she just summoned a different servant. Archer was praying for the latter, but knowing his E-Rank luck it was most certainly the former after all an Einzbern always fights in the Holy Grail War. Though one thing is for certain, it was strange that she didn't try to outright mutilate the boy with Berserker, or should he say Beowulf. Finally, the Caster in question was a magical girl instead of Medea. Honestly that throws a wrench at his plans, but since everything else has gone so differently it doesn't mean much at this point.

"What are you laughing at, Archer?" Rin questioned as she noticed Archer's slight chuckle.

"Nothing, Rin, just a funny thought."

"In that case let's leave, I am starting to get tired."

"Tired of stalking that boy?" Archer instinctively asked.

"Surveying that boy's actions. Big difference. Besides Saber's taking him home," Rin blushed as she ran off and jumped into the night.

"Whatever you say, master," Archer said as he caught Rin in freefall and jumped from building to building.

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: Somehow I got a chapter around 3,000 words this time. I feel proud of myself for that. Anyways school is starting to pick up, Engineering is no joke, and I am midly surpised that most of this chapter was written over the span of 2 days with only the first four paragraphs being written in the aftermath of me writing Chapter 3.

Besides that I am doing about as ok, as I can for a guy who is searching for internships, and trying to thrive in school.

Beowulf was a last minute addtion, and was only here because I didn't want to use Hercules. Considering who his master is, I think it might be interesting dynamic. Espeically considering the Type-Moon Wikia states that Beowulf views himself as a battle hungry terrorist. So most of my roster is now filled out. Originally I was going to have Mitzsuzuri get mana sucked (like a vampire) by Shinji and his servant, but I realized why in the world would they both be up at like 3 in the morning. Makes no sense to me. Also I am pretty sure my Fate lore is getting all mixed up in the head.

Now I am left wondering how I am going to incorprate Dark Sakura, but that is a problem future me can worry about. Next chapter I am going to do something I should've done for Chapter 2, but I didn't because I wanted to get to the Saber summoning quick.

Review and Reply

Fb's worlds -

Hello, i wanna say 3 things:
1)It's not a bad story but it could be better, thanks for your work;
2)Did you just use a yo kay watch summon song!? (i know you did but i'm stupefied);

3)How about how about gudako gets sent here with koyanskaya of light as assassin, and sieg appears too with a berserker?

A/N: 1.) Thank you for your kind words, I really appperciate them.

2.) Finally someone caught onto the fact that I used the Yo-Kai Watch Summoning Songs. This fic was supposed to be a fun little crack fic, and one of the gags was that everytime someone was summoned, a summoning song gets played. Based off the servant's personailty of course. It was a struggle for me to determine if Saber was going to be Charming or Legendary, and if Miyu was going to be Heartful or Charming.

3.) I only started playing Fate/Grand Order (on and off) like a month ago, and as such I am still on the Fuyuki Singluarity. With absoutely no clue about what happens afterwards. All I know is something about more Singluarities, Soloman, and Lostbelts. That they are all wiped away in the end, and quite frankly I don't feel like pruning my own timeline. I may use either/both of the Ritsukas, but I ain't really sure how I would. I'll keep Koyanskaya in mind though for Assassin espeically if she is apart of the Hassan. Watching through Fate/Apocrypha, the most I say at this point is Darnic. or Jeanne might show their face. In fact I can say for certain that due to Sieg's backstory, he will not be here. As for Berserker, well I just found one!

NEXT TIME:

A Day In The Life of Shirou Emiya

Till Next Time!