By the Bonfire: An old hatchet.
She smiled and put out the next serving.
Greeted with a smile and a nod of the head back, she moved onto the next person who approached with a dish in hand.
One after another, they came and she sent them off with full bowls.
It was nice.
It was simple.
It made her feel-
"It won't work."
Boudica barely suppressed a twitch when Archer spoke up.
Rather, she had been anticipating him saying something since he showed up and gave her a look which just promised he would open his mouth at some point.
But he had been quiet, up until now.
Maybe it had been too much to hope that he would keep his silence.
He did most other times.
Though if she made it clear she did not want to speak about it, then perhaps he would get the hint.
Hmph.
As if he would do something like that.
Putting on a smile, she hummed as she scooped out the next serving of stew and handed it out. Waiting until the Servant - Edward Teach - walked off with his curious friend by his side. Though she did give him a somewhat pointed look when his eyes wandered just a bit too far.
But the moment he moved off, she called back over her shoulder.
"What won't? Edward? He just needs a firm slap to get his mind back on track and to keep his eyes to himself. But I doubt even a God could achieve a miracle such as that."
Archer let out a faint hum behind her.
"On that we would have to agree, but we can't pretend that you don't know what I am talking about."
"Maybe I do and am just choosing to ignore you."
"If it were just me," Archer replied with an even tone. "then there would be no issue, but it is not just me you are ignoring. It is the problem itself."
Boudica felt her smile slip away.
This was not a conversation she wanted to have at all, especially not now.
At the worst possible times.
Even if she was interested in this particular discussion, did he really think she would drop everything and entertain him now?
"Then it sounds like a problem for me and me alone, doesn't it?"
Her words were injected with more force this time, only just stopping herself from shooting a glare over her shoulder.
If he were smart, then he might call it an end.
She thought it was the end.
But apparently Archer liked to test his luck.
"Problems that will eventually branch over, whether you believe so or not. That makes it-"
"None of your business."
Her words were colder now, turning and levelling him with a hard eye.
There was only the simple and unbroken gaze of the silver haired man, utterly unfazed by her response. It was as though he was treating her as somehow an unruly child throwing a tantrum.
It bothered her a little.
It was her business he was trying to intrude in, that made it her problem as well.
"If there is a problem, then perhaps myself and Master can discuss it. Until that arises-"
Archer let out a faint but clear scoff.
Her eyes narrowed immediately.
"...Is there something more you want to say, Archer?"
Seconds passed.
Then he did speak.
"You cannot pretend to be unbothered about this, Boudica. Burying this and refusing to face it will not end well. For you or for anyone else."
He stepped up, arms folded over his chest.
"I would rather save Master the trouble of dealing with the aftermath."
Did…did he just phrase it like a chore?
Boudica clenched her jaw and fought very hard to keep herself civil.
"...I am glad to see that you are showing such care for my personal wellbeing, Archer, but as you can see…I have the matter well in hand."
The nerve of him.
Turning back around, she went for the ladle.
"And what are you going to do the next time this happens?"
Her fingers barely skimmed across the handle of the cookware.
His words all but struck her in the back of the head and she found herself freezing up for a split second.
A split second long enough for him to continue.
"Will you put on a smile and say that all is well and right? Hiding away your troubles until a time comes when they burst to the surface once again? Will you threaten Master as you did before?"
Her nostrils flared and she whipped around.
"How dare-"
Archer stood there, eyes cold and lips thin.
"Can you tell me I am wrong then? Can you say with certainty that you are truly past this?"
She balled her hands into fists, clenching her jaw hard enough that she could break teeth.
Archer remained unmoved.
"As you say, it is your business."
Then his eyes narrowed into daggers.
"But it becomes my business when it threatens the safety of Master. Perhaps you can consider it an act of kindness on my part or something else, but I would rather he not suffer through watching his allies be put down because she lost control of her anger."
A loud slapping sound rang out, like someone clapped.
Boudica blinked and looked around for where the noise came from.
It sounded close as well.
Very close-
Wait.
Why was her hand raised…
…A sinking feeling started to bubble up inside her as she turned her head very slowly towards the direction of the cafeteria itself, noting the eerie silence that had fallen.
The eyes of the room had settled on her.
On her, and behind her.
"Yes."
Archery's voice remained dry, her gaze turned back towards him.
She hasn't…
…Had she?
He was rubbing the underside of his nose and pulling his head back from the side, as if he had been struck.
"I can see your rage is well controlled."
Her outstretched hand tingled.
Her fingers curled into a fist and then her gaze hardened into a glare.
…She didn't want to deal with this right now.
Tearing the apron off, she thrust it into his arms and turned on her heel, stomping out of the kitchen and right past anyone who might have been in her way.
Really, she didn't want to look at them at the moment.
Past her anger?
Past her anger?!
If there was something burning her eyes, she didn't care for it.
She just kept on walking.
That was certainly not quite what he expected.
But he did anticipate she would get upset, though getting physical with him was certainly something.
Getting slapped by upset women?
Wasn't that nostalgic for him?
He rubbed the underside of his nose again and glanced to the waiting line of hungry faces, their eyes looking from him and then to the door that Boudica had just stomped out of.
Unspoken questions littering their faces.
"Rough morning."
He grunted by way of explanation and made it clear he would provide nothing more than that.
Being known as someone who pushed buttons made that an easy excuse to accept.
For most.
Certainly not for some.
Especially the man who likely just clamped a hand down on his upper arm and yanked it back as if he was trying to dislocate it.
"Excuse us for a moment, friend. I shall see to it you have an extra serving for the delay."
Archer noted the friendly nature of the voice did not quite line up with the death grip around him, especially as he was being pulled further into the depths of the kitchen with such force that he might as well have been in the paws of a Berserker.
Well.
At least he was finding out that it was quite possible for Siegward to get upset.
The brisk walk ended as Siegward yanked him about and spun him so he faced the Saber, raising a brow as he was met with a rather stern visage.
It was not angry.
Merely disapproving.
"I should like an explanation, Archer." The voice was demanding but still controlled, almost polite as well.
Novel.
Archer glanced down at his upper arm and rolled it ever so slightly. "I am coming to a realisation that I might not be the strongest cook in the kitchen."
Siegward gave nothing to the words, he did not even look as if he heard them.
Just kept up the stoic expression and waited.
Archer folded his arms and cocked his neck to the side. "Did you not hear that it was her business? I believe she spoke loud enough and made her point rather clear for how she treated those who pressed too hard."
Siegward rumbled and pursed his lips. "Then I shall expect a very strongly worded complaint from either. From words or fist, but I shall know all the same. Hmmm."
Quite.
"You are a troublesome fellow, Archer, but a miscreant who provokes anger for fun? I should hardly think that is the sort of person you might be. A time for innocent jabs between friends and a time for cruel words? What brought this on."
Well, well.
"Oh?"
Archer kept up his innocent expression and leaned back, hands raised.
"How can you be so sure that I was not merely making an effort to tease her at the wrong time?"
Ah, now Siegward looked very unimpressed.
"I dare say that you are a rather poor liar, Archer. Let us speak honestly with one another on this matter…I believe that while our approaches may differ, our aims are aligned? We both walk the same path, I should say."
"And how did you come to this conclusion?"
It was a strange thing for the Servant to come out and say.
Or perhaps it was not strange for Siegward to believe such a thing, a man with a curious optimism about him.
Perhaps he had inferred that Archer's words were some strange effort to bring peace to Boudica, or perhaps he saw something else which eluded him.
"Even supposing they did, she made it clear."
"I might repeat my answer again, Archer."
Indeed, perhaps he would.
He sighed and figured that he would be pestered by this until…well.
The man gave the impression of being dogged and if there was one thing that he discerned from these undead, it was that when they put their mind to a task, they were rather zealous in pursuing it until the end.
"Her anger is a liability and she won't deal with it."
Archer raised a finger and pointed at him.
"And you were not addressing it either. Both she and Master content to be blaming themselves will only make the next time this happens more damaging. It is a problem easily avoided that cannot be ignored."
Siegward was silent for a short time.
A very short time.
Then he sighed - one that sounded ancient - and stepped back, running a hand through his hair.
"I…fear you are quite right. Boudica remains…ashamed of her anger."
"Ashamed of it or not, it was wielded as a weapon against her contracted Master. Only by the grace of quick thinking was she stopped but that might not always be the case."
He grunted, shaking his head.
Quite frankly, he had no interest in watching someone rip themselves apart over grief.
He did not expect Boudica to just get over her anger, that would be impossible and he knew the problems of getting over…things that left deep issues.
But putting it aside - accepting it, even - would ultimately be for the good of everyone.
"And you thought to barb her with words until she realised her folly?"
It was…odd.
Definitely odd.
Siegward was alarmingly perceptive for a man who seemed to spend most of his time laughing, drinking or napping.
Archer only shrugged. "I merely said what came to mind after seeing what she was doing. If she acts after that? Well, that is her business."
It was unhealthy and a little sickening to see, if he was being honest.
Depressing as well.
It was a problem that she could at least solve about herself before it turned into something ugly.
Even if it perhaps wouldn't matter at her next summoning, it would help with this one.
Especially with Chaldea retaining memories.
…Hmph.
He thought he was past that sort of thing.
What a nuisance he could be sometimes.
Siegward's now grinning face didn't much help matters, soon finding himself frowning at the man and shaking his head.
"So long as the problem gets solved before it causes more issues for Master, I don't much care what happens."
Annoyingly, Siegward was still grinning at him as if he could see something.
He was probably using that optimism again.
"Did you know she would strike you?"
"I'm glad she did not punch me."
"She might well do, the next time she sees you."
Archer scoffed and walked past him, assuming they were done.
Given he wasn't prevented from leaving, he took that as a yes.
Really, it sounded like it would be up to Siegward now and whatever that man could cook up as a solution.
Well.
He seemed closer to Boudica and had been witness to that little incident.
And if there was one thing about these undead, they were dogged indeed.
Perhaps it was convenient sometimes.
Siegward was quite unsure what he was going to do about this.
He hadn't been sure what he could do.
But seeing Boudica do something like that spurred him into action.
Oh, and that Archer, he could be quite shy with his feelings, it seemed.
But Siegward could see he was worried in his own way without actually coming out and saying it.
Perhaps it was effective, but he wasn't sure how much he approved.
There were alternatives to dragging up someone's trauma as well as setting themselves up for a slap in the face, but perhaps he did get off rather lightly.
That being said, Siegward was…quite unsure how he would help.
Boudica was ashamed of her anger, that much he knew.
But he had seen her trying to get better, she was perhaps not amicable by with the Roman Emperor, but she wasn't trying to slice her head off when they walked past one another.
He called that a great success.
Oh, how he wished he could be there to have some words with this Avenge fellow.
He'd have to give them a jolly good talking to when it came to doing something like this to a person, but that was another matter.
Boudica came first.
And…perhaps there was only one thing for it.
Something he was sure that the woman had never gotten when she lived.
But sorely needed.
First and foremost though…
The knocking of his fist resounded rather loudly as he waited for a response, and he waited longer still.
The time was growing indeed, as was his frown.
He hoped she was not shaken too deeply by this.
The door opened up, his relief fell on him for a brief moment before it departed as the doors opened and Boudica revealed herself.
…If there was evidence of tears down her cheeks, then he would say nothing at all about it.
She watched him for a moment, saying nothing, then wet her lips and gave a depreciative laugh.
"I must have made quite a scene."
"Hardly worse than the time poor Beatrice ran afoul of Havel. Or just the other day when Morded and the Heroine got into a nasty brawl with one another. I can't say I shall soon forget the sight of a sandwich being used as a weapon like that."
Results.
Boudica's smile lost some of its sadness and turned a little more joyful, amused as she rumbled a chuckle and leaned back slightly.
"I suppose that was something else but…I probably should have kept a better lid on it."
Siegward shrugged. "I doubt Archer's words have net him many a friend, some of the things he and the Chulainn say to one another…"
Exaggerating a shudder, he was met with another faint chuckle.
But the amusement could not last and when it did fade, the aura of the conversation turned a touch sour.
"Do you wish to speak about it?"
Boudica made a rather pained face.
One of great reluctance.
Yes, he expected that answer.
"Boudica."
He kept his words gentle.
"...How you feel cannot be helped."
And just like that, her face turned cold.
Vacant.
Like a worn down castle in the snow, barely a memory of life left.
Seeing that hurt him deeply.
"That doesn't make it anyone's problem but my own."
Her hand was waved, as if to brush aside whatever feelings she felt.
"It's all…all in the past now."
Siegward struggled to keep his face even. Her words and her expression did not match with one another.
Rather, it was clear she was forcing herself to say it.
"Thank you for checking on me."
She was turning away.
"I'll be around la-"
His hand caught her wrist before she could leave.
In all honesty, he was surprised by how swift he had been.
Now he wasn't sure what to do.
Boudica made no immediate move to shake off his hand, nor did she do much of anything.
She stiffened at the contact, then went utterly still.
Whether it was permission to speak or not, he couldn't help himself.
"You are allowed to be upset-"
"Allowed."
Siegward had known immediately that he used the wrong words.
Her single word response, like steel across stone, had him flinch.
Most definitely the wrong thing to say.
"That was not what I meant-"
"Oh, good."
Boudica's words were flat.
"So what did you mean then? That I had permission to be upset? That it was perfectly fine and normal for me to be a touch miffed about something?"
She turned her head and looked right at him.
Siegward released her hand as if it had been set aflame, or rather, that her chilly tone was turning him to ice merely by being close to her.
"No, not at all! I misspoke there for a moment-"
"Because that would be something, wouldn't it." Boudica gave no heed to his defence, eyes unblinking. "I'm sure what you meant was that everything was right and proper if I was angry about something…yes?"
Ah.
He really had gone and put his foot in his mouth.
Probably the whole leg.
"No, wait, please…let me explain. Hmmm."
He needed to find the right words before she slammed the door in his face.
"What I meant to say was that it…it's natural for you to be upset about…you can express your anger-"
"Can I?"
Boudica inclined her head, then pinched her brows.
"Can I really?"
He snapped his jaw shut before he could dig a hole any deeper for himself.
But it was probably much too late for it now.
"Can I really be allowed to go off and just let my anger loose? Is that…"
She did not finish the sentence, she just huffed out a disbelieving laugh and rubbed her face with her hands.
Siegward kept his silence through it, but found the strong urge to let the ground consume him from head to toe.
That would be rather appealing.
"...You would say that after…"
Shaking her head from side to side, she turned and started to walk back into her room, hand reaching out for the control panel on the other side.
"No one blames you-"
"I don't care if they blame me or not!"
It was a shout that drowned out silence, her back to him and with her shoulders raised high, her head hunched forwards.
"I don't care if they say it wasn't my fault! It was! My anger! My problems! So no, Siegward, I can't just let myself be angry and even if I was allowed, even if that were the case, what good would it do!?"
He stepped back as she whirled around, glaring right into his eyes.
"What good would it truly do!? What can I do with all that anger?! There are bigger things at stake here than my anger! I nearly…"
Something in her voice cracked, her eyes glistened as she stepped backwards.
Her jaw clenched and her lips were sealed shut.
"...Just go."
She whispered.
"Please."
Siegward nodded his head and stepped back, letting her shut the door without any further words from himself.
He didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing.
Yhorm always did say that he had a nasty habit of being a little too careless sometimes.
He just thought it related solely to adventuring.
Well.
It seemed that was not quite the case at all times.
Turning about, he started to walk back off and through the hallways once more, his next destination already in mind.
Imagining Yhorm's comments would have been easy.
'Let the matter settle, Siegward. You're meddling too much.'
A cautious warning that he would have not heeded.
He could only guess as to what Yhorm would say as well.
"Sorry, old friend."
Rumbling to himself under his breath, he slid his hand over the door and opened it up.
"You're not here to warn me against this one."
Metal slid away and revealed the interior, a place he had not much frequented since his other works, but he spied the target of his interest immediately. Currently engaged in a conversation with another.
Siegward took in a breath and strode across the room, making right for the table and noticing how only one flicked their eyes his way while the other had yet to see him.
It was a short thing.
"Siegward!"
Nudd raised his hand in greeting, a smile on his lips as he waved.
"Come, join us."
"Umu?"
Nero turned about, emerald eyes shining with interest as she released a noise of surprise and then flashed a hand in a welcoming manner.
"Ah! One of the cooks! Yes, I have sampled your work in the past and have the chance to offer my praise. For a man without the benefit of the senses, you are certainly a fellow of good craft."
Well, they were certainly welcome words indeed.
Smiling, he nodded back his thanks. "To hear such earnest praise is reward enough, Emperor. I am pleased that my idle hobby's have managed to garner such vaunted attention from those of a higher class."
As he set himself down beside Nudd, he shuffled and thinned his lips.
"But I fear that, though I would very much like to share in revelry, there is another matter which requires my attention."
"Oh?"
Nero blinked slowly, chalice halfway to her lips, and quirked a brow. "Is that so? Umu. You do have much the expression of a man with a thought most dour. I dare say it would be best for you to have it sorted swiftly before you spoil the moods, either of those who pass you by or even yourself."
She frowned.
"Revelry can hardly be enjoyed if one has a frown so deep."
Wise words indeed.
He glanced the way of Nudd, then rolled his lips and moved his eyes back to Nero.
"I…am afraid the matter would concern you rather personally."
There was a short moment of silence.
Then a small thud as Nero set down her silver chalice and pulled back her hands, face going deceptively blank as she spoke a few words.
"You are here on the matter of Boudica, I should think."
A few, but very accurate, words.
"...I am."
He was a bit puzzled as to how she would know.
Nero exhaled. "Umu. Perhaps I should have foreseen this coming long before today. I have found myself blessed with borrowed time but it might be idle hands which have set about this lack of words…"
Her lips pulled into a tight and uncomfortable frown.
"...I had thought to greet her before matters came to ahead in that ghastly tower but…"
She trailed off, he understood well.
There was no need to say much else.
"I…confess that I am of the impression it is my fault for abandoning my duty as Emperor. A coward, I say, that I shirked away from her gaze for as long as I did."
Siegward shook his head. "I know little of your responsibilities, but so few would often find themselves willing to stand face to face with the parent of dead children. I…I fear I was perhaps as content as you were, thinking that no action at all was the best path forwards."
"As Emperor, my responsibility-"
"As her friend, I should have-"
Nudd coughed.
Loudly at that.
Both he and Nero were interrupted, turning on the man as he lowered a silver fist.
"Before we craft a cycle of assuming blame, perhaps it would be more productive if we were to come to the heart of the matter."
He lowered the hand onto the table, his eyes becoming more focused.
"...Though I am somewhat of a stranger here, Boudica is of the isles and I have some small feeling of responsibility for her as well. That and…"
Siegward felt something very odd here.
Something colder than before, an almost hollow gaze in the face of the man as he brought his mug to his lips.
"...And I know all too well what holding onto a grudge can do. More so if it can never be brought forth to the light, the way it…"
Nudd was quiet, if only for a moment.
"...I would like to see Boudica avoid such a dark path. If there is any aid I can offer to see her heal, then you can call upon me."
That was a relief to hear.
Certainly a balm upon his soul that there were so many who could aid Boudica, who wished her well.
His eyes flicked back to Nero.
The features of the Emperor held tight for but a moment longer, then went slack. "Indeed. I shall not leave it to others to fix this mess, or rather, I shall not rely on the hands of outsiders alone to take responsibility for Rome. As an Emperor, former or otherwise, I shall render my aid unto you."
Nero seemed a bit uneasy though, despite her words.
"It is the very least I can do."
Ordinarily, he would say something about her forcing herself, but it might not just be Boudica who needed this confrontation.
It could be the two of them.
"I fear we would need the permission of Master to proceed further. Especially at a time such as this."
Nods of the head went around the table.
Nero drummed her fingers, shifting forwards.
"Umu. You speak sense in this matter. I shall consult with Master post-haste-"
Siegward waved a hand.
She didn't need to be the one to go out of her way for something like that. "Nay, I shall speak with him on the matter and you might spend your time thinking about what you wish to say, I dare assume you also have something to get off your chest, hmmmmm?"
There was no need to wait for a reply, her expression made it clear that he would not be getting one in a hurry.
"I wish you both well."
That said, he returned to his feet and strode for the door with only a final wave of the hand as a form of parting for the duo.
Nudd waited until Siegward left before speaking.
"He is right, you're talented at hiding it-"
"Hiding what?" Nero quickly cut in, voice forced. "You would accuse me of concealing something? Preposterous-"
"Nero."
It was only a soft use of her name, but it had her end the pretense of it all.
He had eyes and they did work.
Of all the people she could afford to be brazen with, a fellow ruler - a God as well - marked him as likely one of the few.
Especially as he was privy to some worse things such as these.
"I know that you have had a struggle on approaching Boudica, it is not something I need witness personally to know of. Merely common sense would guide my hand into believing that."
Nero pulled her lips thin. "As was said…not many would approach her on the subject."
"Because you are ashamed of the matter?"
It was a silence that met him.
A troubled one as well.
"...We shall not pretend that building an Empire does not grant one enemies, to believe otherwise would make one a fool."
Nudd gave a curt nod of the head. "True as that might be, I doubt you hold Boudica in the same regard as I would hold…say…Balor and his fomorian armies. A ferocious bunch that they were and scarcely an ounce of love between any of us."
Also there was that matter of his head getting cut off.
That was a thing as well.
It was a little hard to move past all that, really.
Even if the experience was a bit detached.
…Heh.
Detached.
He concealed a smile at his own joke behind his mug as he took another sip, patiently awaiting the reply of Nero.
Though her face was a curious one, as if she was fighting between indignation and insult.
"...I would not so readily compare the actions of Boudica to those of your old foes, nor of the great demon Balor."
"Most assuredly not."
At least, not in part.
"But she butchered hundreds of innocents in her quest for revenge, they were your citizens. Mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters all. Sons and daughters, just as she lost her own. There is little shame in admitting that you hold some grief over the matter on your side as well."
Nero thinned her lips, sliding her chalice away from her.
"...Moments of grief. A convenience of blame and an enemy responsible for her anguish. I will not lie. She is due her rage against me and I shall say that it is earned…however…"
Nudd thinned his lips. "Does it sadden you to see her like this? To know that she suffers all the more?"
A quick nod of the head.
"Perhaps I am Emperor and am afforded my chance to move past such things, the sadness of life, and look to the past. I am not weighed down by my troubles, even if they might linger in some dark corner of my mind."
A twitch, she glanced off with a strained expression.
"Migraines bother me still."
Nudd shrugged. "I am a God of healing as well, if you should wish for a remedy, I might find some way of aiding you. It is not just Gwynevere who might bless water to bring about a great healing."
He beamed.
"My grandson had that talent as well."
"Umu. You sound proud indeed."
"Yes, I am."
But this was no time for him to be lost in the praise of his extended family.
"...What do you wish to come of this, Nero? Truly?"
He had an inkling of what it might be, but to hear her intentions were for the best.
Nero thinned her lips.
"...I would like for us to begin anew, she and I."
Green eyes closed.
"Indeed, to make an Empire is to invite enemies but when all is done and the battles have ended, the people who have been conquered should learn to accept it. They should be taught to see that they were wrong for opposing you…yet for Boudica and her people? They accepted us, made us allies…and then the mockery that befell them was an insult."
Her hands tightened to fists and her head sunk lower.
"...I was named a co-heir to his kingdom, you know? Boudica's husband did that."
Nero made a strained face.
"An odd custom, I admit, and one I never gave much thought of before. Yet he all but legitimised my being in line with that of his own daughters. A strange thing and…when one considers it all."
Nudd rubbed his brow.
"It becomes a tragedy through and through. Intentions and actions differ at times. Any man can have great intentions, but it is through their actions that we learn whether those intentions are realised."
"Umu."
It was a sadder hum of acknowledgement.
"...But as I have said, I am Emperor. I have my pride and to grovel before her would change nothing of the matter now, nor would she ever be inclined to offer forgiveness of her own."
Nero looked out, eyes opening.
"...Yet I can see there is a strength in her that is not often seen. More so as a fellow ruler, even though the scale differs…"
"The principle remains."
"Umu." Nero nodded her head. "I think that I would like for her to see that Rome is not composed of thugs and fools, those who vie for power and use any means to get it."
She had her work cut out for her then.
Even if Boudica ever saw such a thing, the fact remained that she was the one who was on the receiving end of those thugs and fools, as was put forth.
Well.
He was fine with this as it were.
"Then I shall wish you luck in your endeavour."
Nero nodded her head, then placed her hands down and launched herself to her feet.
"Umu!" A voice rich with confidence. "An Emperor shall excel in all things they put their mind to! Even if it shall take the duration of my summoning, I will see this task through to the end and closure for the both of us!"
It was nice to see her in such high spirits.
He waved a hand.
"Off you go then. I'm here if you need advice."
"Though I doubt it shall come to such a thing, the offer is appreciated nonetheless."
And with that, Nero went strutting past him and out of the room.
He sat there for a short moment, bringing the mug to his lips another time.
"That went well."
Then he lowered it down, turning his head ever so slightly.
Who else was it that might need some help from him and…
Mmmm.
His lips drew thin as the thoughts came to him.
He probably had his work cut out for him a bit.
Boudica was feeling rather drained.
Exceedingly drained.
Since coming back she had hardly had a moment of rest for herself.
Not even when she tried to have such a thing, did she find that there was any comfort to be had.
Just continued memories.
Archer was probably right, no matter what she wanted to say.
Burying it hadn't worked the first time around and it certainly wouldn't work the next time around either.
Yet what was there to-
A thudding knock at the door turned her eyes, she raised a brow and started to stand up, moving across towards it and waving her hand over the panel.
When it opened, she was in for a small surprise.
"Mash?"
"Ah, hello, Boudica-san."
It was a rather hasty but still earnest reply, the girl stood a little straighter and looked a little brighter.
It was hard to keep her own smile away at the guest, not even the troubles she felt at the moment could spoil this.
"Not that I'm not grateful for you stopping around, but is there something the matter?"
She only asked because of the fact that Mash was dressed in a plugsuit meant for Rayshifting.
Which meant there might be a small problem.
"There is a…little Singularity…Senpai wants to go and investigate it and wanted to bring you along as well."
Boudica nodded her head, that was…
…
"...He does?"
That was…definitely…something.
"Yes."
"...I'll…be there shortly."
Mash looked like she wanted to say more, but then apparently decided against it and nodded her head, turning around and walking off back the way she had come.
Heading to a Singularity, even if only small, and taking her along as well?
Boudica felt her lips pull into a tight grimace.
There was a lot she could say.
A lot that she was thinking about as well.
But…
Well.
Right now she was a Servant who needed to obey the words of her Master, so if it was a minute or major singularity, she would be down there to help.
Even if her mind wasn't in the best place right now.
Master was there waiting for her when she arrived, and Mash as well.
With one notable exception.
But that alone wasn't what had her raise a brow, it was also the way that the young man looked as if he was fighting to stay on his feet. Bags under his eyes more prevalent than she had noticed before and it was far enough that her frown grew deeply.
He shouldn't have been out of bed in that state.
Let alone leading excursions into Singularities.
"Yeah, I know what you want to…to…"
His words failed him and he broke off into a yawn, eyes rolling back and leaning away.
Boudica turned her eyes on Mash, seeing the same troubled feelings she doubtless felt about this.
"...I think we might be able to put this off for a couple of hours until you-"
"No…no…"
Master waved a hand, jerking his head forwards and blinking, rubbing his face and seemingly going through all the motions that a person would in order to stay away.
All he was missing was throwing a glass of cold water on his face.
"...How did you even get past Ash?"
If there was one thing she was certain of, it was that he would have taken one look at the young man and probably said he was being reckless and then been really obstinate about it as well.
Ash's own health? That he could give or take, but his Masters? No.
Master rubbed his brows for a moment.
"He's away doing one of his own little things. I told him to do a hobby and let me handle this…it's only a small singularity and we can deal with it."
Uh-huh.
She raised a brow very slowly at the almost flippant way he spoke, much like a child brushing off an assignment until the last second.
Even if she knew absolutely nothing about the context of that, it was an example provided to her.
"...Who else is coming-"
"I have arrived!"
Her body went stiff.
Her eyes narrowed to slits and her breath hitched.
She knew that voice.
Knew that arrogant and pompous tone of voice.
And like everything in her body turned to ice, she felt an indescribable cold wash over her.
"I see we are all prepared to leave? Umu, umu! Then let us make efforts to depart post-haste! The sooner we might slay whatever dastardly fiend interrupts my rest, the sooner I might return to my entertainment!"
Boudica had no words.
She needed no words.
She just turned and looked right at Master and that was enough.
He looked apologetic, but that was all.
He just looked it.
Then she glanced at Mash, who was not meeting her eyes and staring right down at the ground.
Boudica didn't dare turn her head as the red dress sauntered past her.
…She didn't even look at her.
Neither of them did.
Could she turn around and walk off?
Just leave?
It felt like something she could do - something she wanted to do - but the alternative was just…
"Let's go."
Her voice came out like cold steel.
Yes, she wanted this over and done with too.
If he wanted to know if she could work, then fine.
She could work.
But she would absolutely be nowhere near Nero when she did it.
"Where are we going?"
Master glanced at her and looked away a fraction of a second later.
"...Britain."
Ah.
Of course.
Because that made so much sense.
"...When?"
"...I think it was…"
He turned off and towards Mash, a hint of pleading in his gaze for an answer.
Mash sensed it, her head snapped up swiftly. "One-oh-seven AD, Senpai."
…Close but not too close.
Fine.
And it was Britain - her home - so she could…stomach going back.
Her eyes slipped away and towards a certain someone.
…Even if this was what she had for help, but if she kept her head down and just avoided talking to them, then it would probably all work out in the end.
Hopefully.
Yet a treacherous part of her mind could already whisper to her that it was never going to happen.
Being here again was…
…It was something.
A swirl of emotions surged through her quickly as she found herself in the midst of a forest, not one she immediately recognised, but the feeling and scent of it all was known to her.
She took in a breath and then exhaled.
…She was home.
It might have been of another time, it might have been in another place entirely from the place she lived in, but it was home all the same.
Some forty years after she was gone.
Her daughters would have been-
Her eyes were clenched shut and she turned sharply to the side, biting her inner cheek until she could taste copper.
No.
She was not going to think about it.
Because if she started, then she was never going to stop.
And with Nero being here…
Boudica opened her eyes and turned her head about, sweeping a discerning look over their surroundings and searching for anything in particular that might have been out of place, or perhaps worth looking into.
The woods were the same though.
As was the familiar chirping in the trees of birds.
It shouldn't have really gotten to her like it did.
It was a woodland, that was it.
When a person had stood in the midst of one forest, they had stood in them all but…
"Alright then."
Master spoke from somewhere off to the left of her, she turned towards him as he spoke.
"We've determined it is somewhere in this general area, not sure what the problem actually is, but it's something that's bringing a minor fluctuation. Might be a monster out of time or just a little blip."
He turned towards Mash.
"So I think our best bet might be to widen out some search parties to get things going-"
"A stupendous idea!"
Nero loudly supported with a shout, finger raised upwards and a beaming grin on her face.
Boudica fought the urge to roll her eyes and instead looked away from her quickly, the nostalgia of coming home was being spoiled.
"With as many eyes as we have, our capacity for finding the troublemakers shall rise greatly. Thus we shall partner off!"
Partner off?
…Absolutely not.
"And if we were to run into trouble?"
It fell to her to be the voice of reason in this.
"With our forces cut in half, it might take time for someone to meet up with us. More so if they found themselves outnumbered."
Shaking her head, she faced Master directly.
"We should stay as a group and search around. It might take longer, but it is far safer."
Master looked back at her for a moment, placing his hands on his hips and humming.
She was just confused by his face.
Why did he look so pensive and thoughtful about it?
The decision should have been-
"I'm inclined to agree with Nero on this."
…What?
"...Pardon?"
He quickly raised his hands, "We don't know how far we might be from a civilisation centre, and if there is a chimera and we're walking in the opposite direction, it could run right into some people and kill them and we'd be none the wiser."
Boudica…admitted that he had a point there.
Reluctant as she might have been to accept it for one specific reason.
"It might be safer for us to be a group, but the people around here are the ones in bigger danger…So I think we should break away into groups."
If he was so set on it, then fine.
"I shall accompany-"
"Umu! Then myself and Boudica shall search the north while you take to the south!"
Boudica was bulldozed over, her eyes widened immediately as she realised what happened and who was speaking.
Her neck whipped around with a sharp crack and she stared, dumbfounded and with rising fury, at the petite blonde.
Who did not even so much as look at her as they were under her glare.
What was this?!
What game was she playing here?!
"Master, this is-"
She was already turning to him when he was nodding his head.
"Alright, we'll stay in contact with one another. Make sure you call back if there's any trouble."
He looked at her directly.
"Take care."
T-take care?!
That was it?!
This was just…
Standing there and watching as he just turned around and walked through the bushes just didn't feel real.
Like this was some sort of bad dream as she was now trapped, alone, with only Nero as company.
Was she speaking another language?
Had no one heard her?
"Come then, Boudica! We shall-"
Her body twisted about and she moved close, leaning down with a glare and silencing the blonde who at last reacted with a clear flinch when she was right into their personal space.
"Do not use my name like we're friends."
If they were going to do this, then she wasn't going to speak.
Master wanted them to split off?
Fine.
Great.
She would split off.
With another sharp turn, she stomped away in the opposite direction to him and batted aside whatever happened to be in her path.
In this particular instance, it was a tree trunk.
The loud snapping and low groaning as it toppled over didn't register at all to her ears.
Hours.
It felt like hours of searching.
Boudica was starting to think there was something else going on here.
A small singularity in Britain of all places in the middle of seemingly nowhere and with only herself and Nero sent off as a pair?
Boudica felt her eyes narrow further.
Pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
And she was frustrated at how long it took her to put them together.
She stopped walking at the edge of the forest overlooking a field, and stared out across the distant horizon.
Ash was busy doing something personal?
…Sure he was.
He was probably very busy.
Maintaining this tiny singularity as he had done with Christmas as well.
That was what it was, wasn't it?
They…they tricked her into coming here and for what purpose?
Was this a test?
It had to be.
Oh, yes.
Put her alone in the woods with a person she hated and see if she would snap and just kill them?
Yes, that had to be it.
Boudica rolled her jaw.
Unsure of what to feel about it.
…Was it more controlled?
Were they waiting somewhere in the wings again for it and…and…
…and could she even blame them…?
The last time Nero hadn't even been there and she had been…
…If Ash hadn't run her through then she might have…
Her fingers danced over her chest, right above her heart, where she knew the blade had pierced her.
She took in a sharp breath at the sound of foliage moving around behind her.
Nero had been mercifully quiet.
But now she wanted answers.
"Whose idea was this?"
She could feel them stiffen, but did not turn around to confirm it.
"Yours? No…I can't imagine you'd do something to put yourself in harm's way. As if you would let yourself be served up as bait."
Her hand dropped down.
"Masters then? How far did he really go? Will I pull aside the bushes and find Ash crouched with sword in hand?"
More silence.
Her jaw clenched as she turned.
"Well?"
Nero met her look without turning and without faltering.
"It is only you and I."
Only the two of them?
As if.
"Forgive me if I don't believe you." She scoffed.
Nero looked on with thin lips. "You are free to believe what you will, but by my word, it is only the two of us here…It took some convincing for Master to even allow a situation as dangerous as this."
Dangerous?
"For me, you mean?" Boudica chuckled emptily. "What danger are you in?"
Nero reacted by…dropping her sword to the ground?
It was a move that brought her brows together as the scarlet blade thudded into the dirt, the Emperor stood there, disarmed and with her hands open to show her palms.
…What was this?
What was this supposed to be?
Boudica curled her lip in disgust.
"Is…is that what you think of me? That I have just been waiting for the chance to gut you? That throwing down your sword, now I shall…what? Leap the distance and tear into your throat like a Berserker?"
Nero shook her head.
"...This is my honesty as Emperor. What stands before you is all there is. There are no tricks. No deceits. We, you and I, are alone. Not even the eyes and ears of Chaldea themselves are upon us this far."
She eyed the red sword on the ground once again.
Oh yes, a very flashy show of good faith.
A show.
Because that was all Nero was, wasn't she?
A stage performer.
"...So it was faked then."
Ah, now Nero flinched. "The…There were thoughts of having this done in the simulator, but I wished it to be done here and made my plea to Ash. He agreed to my words and created this place…I wanted to come back to the site of one of my greatest failures as Emperor."
Boudica blinked very slowly.
Were they really going to do this?
Now?
Her chest thundered as she waited for Nero to say anything more.
Apparently she took the silence as a cue to continue.
"...The defilement of your daughters and the ruin of your people falls onto my shoulders as Emperor. You may blame me, denounce me, without fear of persecution. I shall freely admit to you that it is my fault."
"So what?"
Nero blinked at her. "I…pardon?"
Boudica cocked a brow. "So what? You're sorry? Is that what you came here to tell me? No, not even that. You said that I'm being given permission to blame you for everything that happened. How grateful I am for that."
She winced at the barbs. "That is…if I had the power I would have done it-"
"Had the power?"
Boudica almost laughed at the audacity of those words.
"You were the Emperor. What other power did you need?!"
Throwing up her hands, she stepped back.
"Power wasn't the problem. You just…didn't care. Apathy, that's what it was. My people, my family…my children…we just didn't actually matter all that much to you and I suppose that's what it's like to be an ant under the foot of a giant. You just get…"
Stamping her food down hard enough to crack the earth under her, Nero's eyes dropped down to it as her arms lowered back to her side.
"...But what good is it going to do me now?"
Boudica asked, perhaps Nero or perhaps herself.
There would be no good of this now.
"It's done. It can't be undone now because you're letting me blame you. Me hating you won't change what happened. Won't make it any better."
Boudica took a step back and shrugged.
"Don't you understand? It doesn't…it doesn't matter anymore because-"
Nero's eyes went alight with fury.
"Do not speak of that!"
She was…briefly put silent by that genuine rage in the voice of the Emperor.
"Do not do your daughters the disservice of saying what befell them did not matter! It matters! Of course it matters! Whether a decade, a century, or a thousand years have passed! It shall always matter!"
Boudica just…stared at her.
She wanted to get angry.
To accuse Nero of something, anything, but nothing sprung to mind.
She just…stared at her getting angry on her behalf.
"I…"
Nero wet her lips and looked down.
It was a silence that followed.
Then Nero looked up, eyes glistening.
"...I remember when Claudia was born. I was…at a loss. A true loss. Holding this infant child in my arms and staring down at her I could scarcely believe that I…no, I thought to myself that it was only natural that she would be so precious, she was my daughter."
Nero brought up her empty hands as if to cradle something.
A gesture lasting no more than an instant before they dropped down.
"I can think of few times when I was…truly alive. In those small moments with only my daughter in my arms, it…it compared to the great performances which earned the cheers of a thousand, thousand people."
Nero chuckled, it was a decidedly wet sound.
"This small pink thing made my heart flutter in a room of pure silence where it would take the thunderous applause of my people to earn that result."
Boudica…pursed her lips.
"...And then she was so cold."
It was in a flat voice.
Nero's eyes turned vacant.
"My gem vanished. I was blessed with her for but a few months before she went silent and…there was no one to blame. There was nothing I could destroy to lessen that hollow feeling in my heart where she had been."
Boudica…didn't expect to see her like this.
Not really.
Rather, it was hard to see her.
She didn't want to see her like this because if she did then…
…Then she'd probably never forget it.
"...Mere months I had her and it was not until she vanished that I could possibly understand how deeply she had buried herself in my heart. My sweet little Claudia."
Even now she sounded on the verge of tears, despite how forced her expression was.
"If…if my daughter had lived. If I had seen…"
It was almost a snarl, but just as quickly vanished.
"...The person, the animals, responsible would have never dared breath in the sight of my Empire again."
Nero started approaching her.
Boudica took a half step backwards and no further.
"So…yes."
Nero continued.
"You can blame me. I ask you to blame me. Denounce and hate me. I am, indeed, the monster who did nothing as savages and fiends destroyed your home and defiled your family."
Step after step.
And then Nero was just right in front of her.
Boudica looked down at her and just…stared.
Nero looked up.
And…oh…
That cold empty look.
Yes.
She knew it.
That loss and anger.
…Why did she have to go and say something like this?
Why did she have to go and be more…human?
"...You no longer need to pretend to be civil. I have not earned that. If you wish to spit upon me, then you may do so."
Nero took in a shallow breath.
"And you are right. I did not apologise…and as a former Emperor, my apologies would change little but as…as a mother I…cannot express enough my deepest condolences for what befell your daughters."
Boudica had one real thought for all of that.
One thing that she could see in that raw emotion.
"...You…really loved her…didn't you?"
Nero nodded her head stiffly.
Yes.
Because of course she loved her daughter.
Just as Boudica loved hers.
Nero, who became a mother, had it so quickly snatched away from her before she had the chance to truly enjoy it and even then…it left its mark.
As she would know.
Boudica raised her hands and reached out towards the Emperor.
Her eyes remained fixed on the smaller woman.
Nero remained still as her hands dropped onto her shoulders.
Boudica lowered herself a little bit.
Then just…
…gradually pulled the Emperor into a firm hug.
She wasn't sure which of them was more surprised.
Perhaps it didn't matter.
"...I can't forget it. What your people did to mine but…"
Boudica swallowed.
"...I am sorry about your daughter."
Before anything.
They were both mothers who lost their children.
Hers were defiled and then killed themselves.
Nero's perished before they even had a chance to live.
Pulling away from the Emperor, from Nero, Boudica slowly rose back up.
She was still upset.
Very much so.
But…
It was easier to see Nero as this person.
Not as an Emperor.
She let go of the smaller woman entirely and stepped away from her, drawing her lips thin.
Perhaps it would take a while, a long while, or perhaps it would never happen.
But…
Perhaps it would have all been different if they met like this.
It might have all worked out differently had it been Nero herself.
Maybe.
Boudica…wanted to believe that.
As long as she had that ambiguity to it, then she could believe it.
"...Come on then."
Boudica jerked her head back towards the forest.
"Let's return to the others."
"...They went along only with my wishes-"
Boudica rolled her eyes.
"Let's not start with that…I think…"
She paused for a moment, then sighed.
"...I think…this was long overdue."
Nero pursed her lips and said very little, only giving the faintest nod of the head.
Yes.
It was overdue.