(Scenes from Legends of Tomorrow Season 6, Episode 8)
The Legends have reappeared on the Waverider after the pyrotechnics display has abated. They didn't want to celebrate the captains' engagement in the exact spot Captain Lance was abducted. Therefore, I've fabricated a bottle of champagne—sparkling apple cider for the Tarazi siblings—and observed as they commemorate the occasion on the bridge. Mr. Rory is simultaneously acclaimed for his heroism; the pardoned Mr. Green is made an official Legend.
The next morning, Captain Sharpe and the other Legends want to ensure Captain Lance a proper "welcome back" mission. She decides to surprise her with breakfast in bed. The co-captain makes her fiancée's favorites by hand. She surveys if there's anything missing from the platter. "Okay, double espresso, bacon not too crispy, omelet, two slices of whole grain toast…"
"Hang on," Mr. Tarazi expresses, sprinkling something onto the food. "Greek finishing salt. Did a grocery run to the Agora in Ancient Greece."
"Nice."
Dr. Heywood rushes into the galley. "Just heard her alarm. It's go time."
"Okay." Captain Sharpe sighs and is about to carry the tray out when Mr. Tarazi stops her again.
"Can't skip the garnish." He adds it before he places the lid over the plate. "We eat with our eyes first."
"Is that all of it? Okay."
"Ava, wait," Miss Tarazi declares. She switches the double espresso on the tray with a beverage she has made herself. "Passion Dragon Ash enhances vitality and endurance."
"Sara doesn't really like smoothies, but—" Dr. Heywood swiftly augments the tray with a freshly cut rose. "Ooh, nice flourish, Nate."
The sound of Mr. Rory snoring at the table interrupts them. "We didn't forget about you, gorgeous."
"Seriously, Mick," Captain Sharpe addresses the awakened hero, "thank you so, so much for everything."
Miss Tarazi has concocted a smoothie for him as well. "Here, Recovery Dragon Ash. It's usually for hangovers, but it's also probably good if you've been lost in space."
"And A5 Kobe beef," her brother says, bestowing Mr. Rory a distinct platter. "I dry-aged it for 15 years this morning."
"Yeah, we seriously need to talk about your portal use," the co-captain tells Mr. Tarazi.
"So," Dr. Heywood informs her, "the rest of the team is hooking up the gizmo we jacked from Kayla's ship."
"Okay, once that's done, Gideon can help us pinpoint the rest of the alien pods."
"And we will find the perfect mish to welcome the captain back." Captain Sharpe smiles dubiously about this. "Ava, relax. I know we've been through a lot, but things are finally back to normal."
"Are they?" With this lot, things are anything but.
"Talk, talk, talk," Mr. Rory complains. "Can't a man just eat in peace?" Dr. Heywood considers this as validation. He and the co-captain leave Mr. Rory in the galley. After the latter finishes eating his slice of beef, he fabricates two six-packs of beer and carries it to his quarters. Mr. Rory only drinks two bottles due to having a headache. Instead of going to the medbay for a scan, he opts to sleep it off.
In addition to what I've previously disclosed, Mr. Green has moved into the Waverider. This decision is feasibly elicited after learning the full truth of Mr. Constantine's relationship with Miss Tarazi. The new alien consultant and Miss Cruz are currently struggling to install the tracking device to the central console. "If you don't hold it," she grumbles, "I won't be able to connect the wire."
He strains, "If I keep holding it, I won't be able to feel my arms."
"Can you keep it down out there," Miss Logue calls from the parlour. "I'm trying to study magic, but I cannot concentrate over your constant toiling."
The survivalist is disinclined to entertain the sorcerer's new apprentice. "How about you memorize your nursery rhymes when we're done with the real work over here?" The latter retaliates with a Latin incantation, causing them to drop the contrivance. "What the hell was that supposed to do?"
"Hmm," she murmurs, "must have the pronunciation wrong."
"All right, let's get back at it." As Miss Cruz and Mr. Green are relifting, Mr. Constantine walks up behind him.
"Gary, my alien chum, let's have a chat, eh?"
"Is this about us parking Kayla's ship at your place? Because we're kind of in a hurry."
"Not that." The sorcerer gravely inquired, "What do you know about the Fountain of Imperium?" During the occurrence in which the Legends were transformed into household goods, Miss Logue used her mother's expulsion spell. It stripped Mr. Constantine of his enchantment. Since then, he has been vigorously researching where the mysterious wellspring can be located.
Panicky, the alien consultant lets go of the device to face him. He knows something. "Where'd you hear about that?" The survivalist falls to the floor with a thud. "I-I mean, no. The—uh, the Fountain of what?"
Miss Cruz leans against the central console after wrestling the bulky contraption off her chest. "All right, just let him be."
"Thank you, Spooner."
"No, it's just that, when you're stressed, I got to feel it too." She adds, exasperated, "This whole 'alien empath' thing was hard enough before we had an actual alien on the ship." Mr. Green turns back to Mr. Constantine, behaving cluelessly.
"Well, it's back to the books then," the narrow-eyed sorcerer resolves prior to retreating to his manor.
"Good luck," Mr. Green carefreely declares.
"All right," Miss Cruz states. "Come on, let's get back at it." They resume hoisting and affixing the contrivance to the console.
"And quieter this time," Miss Logue snidely requests. "Thanks." The survivalist mutters Spanish under her breath. I translate her comment as "I can't stand that witch". Yes, she actually used 'witch'.
Captain Lance wakes up in time to see her fiancée bringing her breakfast. "Man, this is so much better than waking up on an alien planet."
"Right?" Captain Sharpe sits across from her on the bed, setting the tray between them. "Here you go, my sweet."
"Thanks."
"And I'm just going to say this, okay? Whenever you're ready to talk about what happened out there, I am here."
"Hey, who wants to talk about space when we have Legends gossip to catch on?"
The co-captain gasps in delight, "Ooh! Hot and juicy." She adjusts herself before she divulges on everything Captain Lance has missed. "Um, so Spooner is great, well, once she put away her rail gun."
"Sounds like my kind of girl."
"Yes, and I was a binder. And, actually, I think the gang and I were turned into cartoons."
"That's a new one."
"Yeah." At that moment, Captain Sharpe notices that her fiancée isn't eating. "Babe, something wrong with the food?"
"Oh, no, babe. The food looks amazing. I'm probably just jet-lagged, but what's with the smoothie?"
"That's from Zari. She said it's for passion, which—" The co-captain takes a sip of it. "Mmm…" She moves closer to her, suggesting, "Why are we wasting time talking about gossip and aliens when we could be focusing on you and me?"
Captain Lance dodges her kiss, blurting, "I'm an alien-human hybrid clone." What did I tell you?
"Wait, what?" As it turns out, while she was in space, the captain did, in fact, succumb to Amelia Earhart's poisonous bite. She also met the solicitor behind her abduction: Bishop, a scientist knowledgeable in genetic modification. He transferred her consciousness into a new body with recombinant DNA. Once Captain Lance finishes recounting, she sits back down in anticipation of Captain Sharpe's response. "So, you're an alien-human hybrid clone who can regenerate?"
She reclines next to her in discontentment. "Ugh, I know it sounds crazy."
"No, I—I mean, yes, obviously, but—okay." The co-captain sits up, assuring her, "Listen, you are Sara Lance. You're still the same beautiful, tough, and sometimes very surprising woman I fell for. And you're here with me, okay? That's all that matters." Captain Lance sweetly smiles as they join hands.
"Captains, you're needed on the bridge," I notify. "An alien pod has been detected."
"We have to go."
The captain stops her, asking, "Babe, can we maybe not tell the team about the whole hybrid thing just for the first mission back? I kind of wanna feel normal."
"Yeah, I get it. And you know what? After everything we've been through, they could use a little normalcy too." Captain Sharpe strokes her fiancée's arm.
"Yeah. Okay."
"We have to go, though."
"Yeah," Captain Lance sighs. She tentatively gets herself dressed. Although I know her secret will eventually become apparent, I commend her honesty. When she and the co-captain arrive to the bridge, the rest of the Legends welcome her with a standing ovation. "All right, all right, all right," the captain gloats. "That's enough." I display my holographic face. "Gideon, what have we got?"
"Welcome back, Captain! I've detected a pod in the Oklahoma territory, 1891, near an encampment known as Fist City." I exhibit its location on the map and photographs of the community on the panels.
"Oof, that can't be good," Dr. Heywood asserts. "The outpost at Fist City was the wildest of the West. Countless outlaws passed through there: Butch Cassidy, Belle Starr, Wild Bill."
"Sounds like a bad scene on its bad days," Mr. Tarazi comments. "Hate to see the kind of havoc an alien could wreak out there." Miss Cruz is spotted wincing.
"Hey, Spoons, are you okay," Miss Tarazi queries.
"Yeah, just alien mind-meld's been flaring up since the space cadets got back." Captain Lance immediately averts eye contact. "It's coming from—"
"Gary, obviously," Captain Sharpe implicates.
"Well, if my read is correct, Gary is hiding something big from us." The survivalist and most of the other Legends start glancing askance at Mr. Green. He begins defending himself.
The co-captain quickly reneges her allegation. "That's okay, whatever it is, right? I mean, Gary, you're an alien, but you're also one of us. And I think we should be more accepting of him." The alien consultant gives a pleased smile. Dr. Heywood and Captain Lance agree in silence.
"Okay, but I'm now getting a read that Gary wants to jump Ava's bones." Not even 11 hours into the captains' engagement is his predilection wakeful. Mr. Green's protests are futile since the inhabitants of Necria thrive under a matriarchal rule. In actuality, Kayla was his boss and fiancée.
"Okay," the captain intervenes. "Well, I feel like getting back into the saddle. Who's coming with me?" She imitates gunfire sounds as she embarks for the fabrication room. Almost everyone follows after her.
Captain Sharpe briefly pulls Dr. Heywood aside. "Hey, Nate. Just with everything Sara's been through, I think she could use a nice, smooth mission. Okay?"
"So, a classic Legends romp?"
"Yeah, but easy."
He assures, "On it." She skimmed over the photographs before she joins them. They disembark for Fist City upon landing there. I monitor their conversations through their earpieces.
"All right, gang, be on watch," Captain Lance forewarns. "The pod has already landed. So, the alien could be anywhere."
Dr. Heywood seconds, "Try to keep a low profile. I don't know what's more dangerous: the alien or the locals."
"Sounds like my kind of town," Miss Logue instinctively expresses.
"Yeah, mine too," Mr. Tarazi concurs. Hardly. "My dad put me through a cowboy phase as a kid when he was trying to lean into American culture. Some of it stuck."
"Cute, but I was talking about the lawlessness. I might even know some of these people from Hell. If you want to talk line dancing and lassos, try Spooner."
"I was raised in Texas," Miss Cruz rebuts, "not 'Hee-Haw'."
"I don't know what that is, but it looks like your hat does, 'pardner'."
"Well, I had to put this back on to dim my alien radar. So far, I'm getting nothing but Gary."
In the meantime, Miss Tarazi warns her brother against flirting with the novice sorceress. "Look, it's hard having a social life on a time ship. So, I want to offer my help as your khaahar e bozorgtar and someone who has recently learned how to balance work with a healthy and fulfilling love life."
"Okay, I didn't need to hear about that. Also, if this is your way of finding another test subject for your passion smoothies, I'm good."
"Hey, guys," Dr. Heywood states, "I promised Ava a classic Legends romp, okay? So, no getting captured and no personal drama."
Miss Logue warrants, "Bet we'd find the alien quicker if Spooner wasn't afraid of her brain."
The survivalist argues, "You mean you can't find it by bungling some a Latin phrase?"
"Okay, tension. Got it." Dr. Heywood propounds, "You know what this calls for? The buddy system. Starting now, you two are buddies. By the end of the day, you'll be friends, okay? Big smiles."
When the Legends enter the local tavern, everything from the piano-playing to the locals' indistinct chattering quieten down. "Remember, don't make waves," the captain instructs in a Western accent. "They don't take kind to outsiders around here." The music resumes soon along with the squabbling between Miss Cruz and the novice sorceress.
The latter complains, "Can you just find this alien, so we can get out of here?"
"Still getting nothing new."
"And you're not going to if you keep wearing this thing."
"Whoa, guys," Captain Sharpe exclaims. I can only hear an immediate crash followed by spilled liquor trickling and a chair scrapping the floor.
"Hey, partner," Dr. Heywood says to the offended cowpoke, "let us get you another."
"Yeah, that ain't happenin'," he asserts.
The co-captain affirms, "Look, we really don't want any trouble."
The hushed silence intensifies the pressure in the social atmosphere. However, the local's reaction is far less than the Legends have expected. "Aw, shucks! Come on, neither do I. 'Cause I should be the one treatin' you. Barkeep, may I please have a round for our new guests?"
"Guys, is that a swear jar?"
Miss Logue disappointedly queries, "Is this root beer?"
"Yup," the same local confirms.
"What'd you say about this place being dangerous," Miss Cruz quizzes Dr. Heywood.
Out of the blue, a singing cowpoke by the name of Otto "Strings" Baxter receives the Legends into the municipal on the behalf of the townspeople. Following his charming ditty, Captain Lance matter-of-factly verbalizes, "I've seen weird before, but this is weird." I recheck the historical documents; it seems that the "wildest spot in the West" has become "the gladdest place on Earth".
Meanwhile, Mr. Green has lingered behind to reconfigure the pod tracker. At that point, Mr. Constantine has portaled onto the ship. He approaches him with a book in hand. "Gary, mate, I found something that might jog your memory." He shows his former apprentice a picture inside. "This fountain is an ancient alien artifact said to amp up magic. Are you sure you haven't heard anything about it?"
The latter leaps up to his feet, querying, "Why would you need this? You're already the most powerful magician there is."
"Yeah, see, that's the thing," his former mentor smirks. "While you were away, the Legends got into a bit of a scrape and, in order to set matters right, I had to surrender my power."
Mr. Green's smile disappears as he articulates, "You lost your magic?"
"All right, all right, don't cry about it, but you can help me." Mr. Constantine directly jabs his finger at the picture. "This Fountain of Imperium is my one shot at getting my magic back."
"The Fountain—oh, right, right, Imperium. Yes, yes. I have heard of it. It's a total myth. I'm sorry; there's nothing out there." He returns the closed book to the frustrated sorcerer. "You should give it up." As the latter retreats home, the alien consultant continues redeveloping the hardware. His uneasy countenance indicates that he's wittingly preventing Mr. Constantine from uncovering the Fountain of Imperium.
Back in the saloon, the rest of the Legends are still confounded by the substantial changes of Fist City. "I'm telling you, these people should be low-down, dirty, probably diseased sons of—" Language, Dr. Heywood.
Miss Cruz reckons, "Something big must have happened to turn this place from Deadwood to Disneyland."
"It must be our alien," Mr. Tarazi surmises, "or gentrification. Either way, we should stop it."
"Let's blend in, spread out, figure out exactly when things changed," Captain Lance puts forward. Miss Logue has her eyes on another cowpoke's bag of gold. She ends up playing in a round of Go Fish, while the survivalist presumes the alien may be somewhere nearby. Miss Tarazi is steering her brother towards finding a "woman who appreciates [him] for the nice, sweet boy [he is]". However, he doesn't want her playing matchmaker for him. Mr. Tarazi is instead charmed by a saloon girl named Irma Rose. She entreats him to play a tune on the piano for her. They soon learn the sheriff implemented rules in the tavern. Under no circumstances is any of the following permissible: cussing, fighting, gambling, fornicating, alcohol consumption, spitting, cheating, yelling, gunplay, and disrespecting others.
In the meantime, the captains are situated at the bar. "Hey, barkeep," the captain conveys. "Have you noticed anything weird around here lately?"
"Weird? Not at all. Now, what can I get you ladies? Got sarsaparilla, phosphates, milkshakes."
"Make it a milkshake. Extra cherries."
"Yes, ma'am."
Captain Sharpe perceives this, querying, "Another one? You just had one."
"Well, guess I'm finally getting my appetite back."
"I ain't never seen no one down 'em like that," the barkeep attests to the co-captain.
Dr. Heywood calls, "Guys, over here. 'Wanted Dead or Alive: Bass Reeves'. Bass Reeves was the first Black Deputy Marshal west of the Mississippi. He's a hero, not a criminal. The alien's changing history."
"'Contact Sheriff Levi Stapleton'," Captain Lance reads. "Hmm."
"Oof, I know that name. Stapleton was a criminal famous for terrorizing the Oklahoma territory. But how did an outlaw end up a sheriff and a marshal an outlaw?"
The captain inquires the barkeep, "What can you tell us about Levi Stapleton?"
"Well, just that he's the finest lawman around."
Soon after, the man in question makes his presence known. He strongly resembles General Kilgore. Let me see if they're related as well as Deputy Marshal Reeves and Mr. Diggle. Even Mr. Baxter has high regards for the outlaw-turned-sheriff. "I heard we have some visitors come in. I'd say, 'Let me be the first to bid you welcome', but I see my fine citizenry's beat me to it."
"It is a fine town y'all have here," the captain declares. "Fact, we was just wondering how you made this place such a haven."
"Now, don't you worry about that. You just enjoy yourself. Barkeep, fill our guests some drink and vittles so they can be on their way."
"Guess we know who's scared this town straight," Mr. Tarazi presumes. "Think he's our alien?"
"We'll have Spooner get a read," Captain Sharpe proffers. "Speaking of, where are Spooner and Astra?" I track their location to outside the saloon. Miss Logue has hunted down the resident with the satchel of gold. Miss Cruz follows after her to keep the peace. Suddenly, I detect some seismic activity. The Legends and the patrons in the saloon are brought outside. The novice sorceress further provokes the enraged resident, who adamantly refuses to tell her where he has found the gold. Before he can end her, a subterranean creature devours him.
It submerges again after a dissonant whistle is blown. Levi Stapleton imparts the townsfolk, "Shame to see, but let that remind y'all why we keep our tempers in check here. So, how about you all go back inside and get back to having a good time? Go on, get." His tone becomes smarmy towards the Legends. "As for you, I think you've seen just about enough of Fist City. So, y'all don't come back now, you hear?" They did leave the town, but they are determined to return.
Mr. Green is easefully sitting in the pilot's seat. The reemergence of the other Legends soon alerts him. He jumps up as Captain Lance shouts, "Hey, Gary. Do you know any alien species that live underground, look like a worm, and swallow people whole?"
"Ooh, that sounds like a Haverack. It translates into 'rage eater'. Haveracks are drawn to the chemicals we release when we're angry and then eat us."
"That's why I felt it gaining when that guy got all riled up," the survivalist concludes.
"Its outer shell is impenetrable, so the only way to stop it is to tame it. There's this whistle."
"Yeah, that's the thing Stapleton used," Mr. Tarazi confirms. "It must have been loaded with the pod."
"So we get the sheriff to give it up," the captain supposes. "Great. I was looking for a reason that can wipe that smile off his face."
"Whoa, but we need to avoid a fight," the co-captain infers, "especially if the worm's drawn to anger."
Dr. Heywood opines, "So we gotta sneak it off Stapleton, and I know the perfect way to get close to him." He reaches inside his coat and exposes a bulletin for an event the very next day. "Square dancing contest. High noon."
"There's no way I'm square dancing," Miss Logue asserts.
"Yeah, we can't have you two triggering the worm alien."
"Are you benching us," Miss Cruz questions in disbelief.
The novice sorceress challenges him, "Do you even have that authority?"
"I don't know. It did feel weird."
"But he's right," Captain Lance accedes. "If this thing is attracted to hot tempers, then you two are definitely staying here, while the rest of us… dance." Technically, it'd be three of them since Mr. Rory is still on the ship. So, before the next high noon, six Legends dismount for the square dance contest. Mr. Constantine joins them for no other reason than to extract more information about the Fountain from Mr. Green. "Everyone, find the whistle." The barkeep infrequently sings out directions in the background.
"Hey, babe," Captain Sharpe notes, "this is our first dance since we've been engaged."
"Oh, yeah. Didn't expect it to have so much fiddle, but I'm into it. I might go have another milkshake."
"Again?"
"Yeah. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, it's just that you've already had—" I presume the captain has gone to the bar for her fourth milkshake. The co-captain finds herself dancing alongside her longtime associate.
"Ava," he breathes. "I've missed this. I've missed us." Remember, Mr. Green, she's now affianced.
"Yeah. So, this might be a really weird question; is there any species of alien that loves cherries?"
"Hmm, could be a Wafter. They have the biggest sugar craving. You're worried about sharing a ship with an alien?"
"Oh, that's not what I said."
"No, don't worry. I haven't wanted to eat a human in… years."
"Okay, well, thank you, Gary. Appreciate it." On the other hand, he may not like dancing with his next partner as much.
"Oh! John, I've missed this. I've missed us."
"Have you, Gary?"
"Yeah."
The sorcerer harshly whispers, "Well, you can see why I'm struggling to believe a word you say after you lied to me all those years about being a human being."
"Well, you know, those days are over."
"Are they now? So, you're telling the whole truth about the Fountain of Imperium, then?"
Mr. Green will be in hot water had the barkeep not called for the dancers to switch partners. "Oh, listen to that! I gotta go!"
"I'm almost in position to grab the whistle," Miss Tarazi informs.
Her defiant brother professes, "And I'm almost in position to make my move with Irma Rose."
"Listen, I believe long-distance relationships can work, but the 1800s? That's a bit of a stretch." She's correct. "I'm going in." Soon, she's in close proximity to Levi Stapleton.
"Strange," he claims, "y'all don't strike me as the square-dancing type."
"No?"
"Thought I told y'all to get."
"Oh, but Sheriff, we just love dancing so much." She attempts to take the whistle; the criminally-minded sheriff outmaneuvers her.
He barks, "Don't think I'm unaware as why y'all really here, but that worm is mine."
"You're hurting my arm."
This immediately catches Mr. Constantine's attention. "Take your hands off her, you bastard."
"Oh, is this one yours?"
"Rude," Miss Tarazi exclaims.
I detect the seismic shift again. "It's comin'. But go on," Levi Stapleton goads the sorcerer. "You know you want to get a good hit in."
"Hey, Stapleton," Captain Lance proclaims from the bar. She hocks and spits. Light gasps collectively permeate in the background.
He laughs in contempt, "You just broke Rule #6."
"Well, I don't give a darn about your rules." She's born to disrupt. "And your reign here is about to end. I challenge you to a duel. Winner gets your whistle; loser gets out of town."
"You want a fight? You got it." The contest promptly ends to prepare for the shootout. Misses Logue and Cruz have incidentally snuck off board. Mr. Rory is… well, indisposed.
"You sure about this," Captain Sharpe queries her fiancée. "I mean, the Sheriff's one thing, but we've seen what that worm can do."
"Babe, I'm Sara Lance. I always keep my cool." What about your secret, Captain? She can still sense her partner's disquietude. "What's up, babe? You know I've never lost a shootout."
"Yes, I know."
"And I would tell you if I didn't feel up to this. It's like you said, 'Nothing's changed'."
"I meant it, but, with everything that you've been through—"
"With everything I've been through, a Wild West shootout is exactly what I need."
The co-captain ultimately relents, "All right. Let's go win ourselves a standoff, shall we?"
Mr. Baxter narrates his certainty that Captain Lance won't arise from the shootout unscathed. According to him, "there ain't no one faces Stapleton's guns and walks away, lookin' intact". He conversely makes a point that either the Haverack or Levi Stapleton's bullets might execute her. Little do they know the captain has a great advantage. "Godspeed, Sara Lance."
"Can it, cowboy." In due time, she confronts her opponent. "You done playing with your pistol yet?"
"Mmm," he chuckles. "Ten paces. Then we draw." However, I hear a gunshot after three paces counted. The greedy sheriff has broken his own rule.
"Sara," Captain Sharpe screams. I can still hear Captain Lance slowly panting. Needless to say, the rest of the Legends and all of Fist City are privy to her secret.
"What the bloody hell happened on that planet," Mr. Constantine mutters.
"That—that ain't normal." Levi Stapleton says to the captain, "You must be some kind of monster."
"No, not a monster. But you're right about the other thing. I am definitely not normal." He fires more shots at her until he is out of bullets.
"The deal is off. You ain't getting this." A distinct reverberation is heard from her end. The Haverack is coming in very quickly. "Why… won't… you… die…?" It snarfs the cheating outlaw prior to reverting subsurface.
"Would you look at that," Irma Rose utters. "Looks like y'all did it."
Captain Lance triumphantly agrees, "Yeah, I guess we did."
Mr. Tarazi apprises the saloon girl, "We'll take it from here, my lady." If they've thought this mission is complete, they are sorely mistaken.
"Like hell you are. Ain't nobody taking our little worm. That thing's a literal goldmine, you know." This is valid; discussions from Misses Cruz and Logue's earpieces signifies that the deceased Levi Stapleton had been protecting the Haverack due to its ability of discharging genuine gold. "And the thing about us shooting y'all? Well, actually, we're happy to do it." Irma Rose laughs hysterically. He distracts her as the Legends retreat inside the tavern. Gunfire from the townsfolk is aplenty.
"What happened out there," Mr. Tarazi asks aloud.
"Okay, so maybe not everything is back to normal." Captain Lance sighs and concisely describes what had happened to her.
Dr. Heywood wonders aloud, "So, you're bulletproof now?"
"Yeah."
"Welcome to the club," he enthusiastically voices. His steel powers are underutilized.
"I was gonna tell you guys; I just—I wanted to have a normal mission first. And on a normal mission, I'd be out there fighting."
"If we fight, we attract the worm," Captain Sharpe points out, "and I cannot see you take another bullet."
"Babe, I don't know what you want me to do. Look, I'm sorry, but this is who I am now."
"All right, so, let's focus on getting the whistle," Dr. Heywood relates, "so we can squash this worm for good."
"Ooh, I have an idea," Miss Tarazi sardonically remarks. "How about Behrad just flirt it away from his girlfriend?"
Her brother replies, "Hey, just because she's evil doesn't mean she's not into me, okay?"
"You are dumb."
"You know, magic would be really useful about now," Mr. Constantine alludes. "Guess I'm not getting that back any time soon, am I, Gary?" The Haverack has sensed the accelerating contention.
"Oh, milkshakes are 10 cents!"
"Look, we'll come up with a new plan," Dr. Heywood enounces. "The important thing is that we keep our cool. Gang, remember, we're romping." As day transpires into night, the Legends are avoiding speaking to one another. "All right, we cannot stay in here forever. So, let's brainstorm. No bad ideas." It's a matter of time before their individual squabbles force them out of hiding. He strives to coax the Tarazi siblings into a sing-along. Neither of them wants to sing "Sweet Baby James" or especially "The Thong Song". The sorcerer has finally weakened Mr. Green, who divulges about a map of the Fountain of Imperium somewhere on Earth. He has kept mum because "anyone who's gone after it has ended in ruin". A furious Mr. Constantine exclaims, "You're telling me that I could be out there right now searching for this map, but thanks to you, I'm stuck in a bloody saloon!?" Dr. Heywood offers to do card tricks for them. It's an unambiguous refusal from the sorcerer.
"Babe, I know that was hard for you to watch, but I'm fine," the captain assures. "All right, look at me."
"I know you're still you," the co-captain puts forth, "but seeing it in action—I don't know—made me realize we can't just pretend that everything's normal. You know, I was talking to Gary—"
"Yeah, obviously—wait, why are you talking to Gary about this before you're talking to me?"
"I wasn't talking—"
Dr. Heywood interjects, "Guys, have a drink."
"What is with the cherries?"
"I don't know, okay?!" Dr. Heywood is the sole person resolute on staying calm. His voice is white noise compared to the thunderous rumbles. Be that as it may, he has reached his limit.
"Enough! Can't you just hold it together till we get the job done? I mean, I don't know what's harder: fighting the alien or keeping the peace between you people."
Miss Tarazi reminds, "Um, Nate, the worm? You might wanna simmer it down."
I've suspected his unhappiness for quite some time. "You know what? I won't simmer down. I've been having a lot of big feelings too, lately, and now's the exact right time to share them." The rumbles are picked back up again. "When Mick left the ship, it wasn't easy being the O-est G, but did any of you check in on my existential crisis? No, because Nate's so chill, isn't he?"
"Dude, you're right," Mr. Tarazi affirms. "We should talk, but maybe not while the worm's coming."
"I used to have Zari to talk to, right? And while all of you are hooking up or getting engaged, I guess she's just stuck in the totem forever." Dr. Heywood murmurs to Miss Tarazi, "No offense. I think you're great. It's not really an 'either/or' type of thing." He resumes his outburst. "And don't get me started about life on the ship! Six roommates, and I'm the only one that replaces the cartridges in the fabricators?"
"I didn't know they took cartridges," Mr. Green confesses.
"Well, they do, genius. They do!" He exits the saloon, yelling, "And I know one of you changes the thermostat every night, so don't blame it on Gideon." I unequivocally dislike such accusations. "Well, since none of you can hold it together, guess I'll draw the worm to me, so you don't get eaten alive because I'm so chill. Come and get me, you alien slug, I got your romp right here! And another thing, I asked for a chair at the Hall of Justice. Big surprise: no response!" Dr. Heywood's plan works; the Haverack is drawn out. Fortunately for him, Misses Logue and Cruz collaborate their powers to obliterate it.
With Fist City restored to its original state, the Legends return to the Waverider. Mr. Green seeks out Mr. Constantine in the library. He briefs that the sorcerer can find a map to the Fountain of Imperium. "Shouldn't be much trouble 'cause the man who found it lives in your attic." Mr. Constantine maintains his hardened veneer yet is appreciative. Afterwards, he informs Miss Tarazi in the corridor and bids her a goodbye kiss.
The captains reconvene in their shared quarters. "Hey," Captain Sharpe greets. At the time, Captain Lance was staring reflectively in the mirror.
"Hey, babe."
"Made you something." The co-captain places a vanilla milkshake and a bowl of cherries in front of her fiancée.
"Thank you. I think my normal appetite is finally starting to come back."
"Good."
"But this does look good."
"Well, dig in." She sits on the bed. "You know what? I-I think I've been trying way too hard to pretend that things around here could be normal."
The captain gently smiles, saying, "Babe, we both were."
"Right? Ugh."
Captain Lance fidgets with the drinking straw. "I wanted so badly for everything to just feel like it was before. But after everything we've been through, there's no going back."
"But does that have to be a bad thing? Maybe we can be something new, something better." Change is inevitable. "I mean, let's be honest, we were never normal to begin with. So why start now?" The captain sharply inhales in response. "What?"
She advances towards her partner tantalizingly. "Was that…"
Captain Sharpe coyly states, "I've no idea what you're talking about."
"…Passion Dragon Ash?"
"Yes," she giggles as they proceed to canoodle on the bed.
Mr. Tarazi had spotted Mr. Constantine on his way out. He checks up on his sister in the library. She says she's trying to do okay. He tells her that he's here if she needs him, though he knows she'll be fine since she's "the wise one". Miss Tarazi apologizes for being overbearing and desires her brother to be happy. He appreciates it; however he remembers someone who can actually use their help.
Dr. Heywood is eating a box of sprinkle-covered doughnuts in the galley. Mr. Tarazi bestows his and Miss Tarazi's totems to his friend. The latter mistakenly believes he's being offered to train as a totem wielder. The former clarifies his gesture is meant so that his friend can visit Miss Tomaz. He has one condition: to notify him when he's done using them. "So, the Guy of Steel's off to see his girl. Sure, it's weird, but so is the world," Mr. Baxter sings. "So I leave you now with this takeaway: that there might not be a normal, but that might be okay." Oh, and Mr. Rory has recovered and is asleep reading Rebecca Silver's Celestial Bodies.
Captain Sharpe, who has heard the singing cowpoke via the intercom, enters the bridge and sees him perching in his chair. "Guys, I told you we can't keep the cowboy narrator!"
At that moment, Dr. Heywood and Mr. Tarazi arrive to portal Mr. Baxter off the ship. "Happy trails, Legends." So long, partner.