Chapter 2 - The Return
Seeing the Marauder again is jarring. Somehow, it hurts more than it makes Crosshair feel anything else. He shouldn't be surprised about that, but he also almost is. He thought it would feel better to be home, but really, he thinks it makes him feel worse. He thought when he got back, it would be to Hunter and Wrecker and Echo.
All of them.
He stays in the cockpit to watch as Wrecker comes down the ramp, and scoops Omega into a tight, crushing hug.
Wrecker is the only one he sees.
"We should go out together," Tech suggests.
Crosshair nods numbly. He should feel something, but he really, really doesn't. He doesn't know why Echo's not here, what happened to their oldest brother. Maybe he's not on speaking terms with Tech. That's not too hard to believe.
Tech goes first, but Crosshair follows him down the ramp.
Wrecker pauses when he sees them both, eyes widening. "Tech?"
"I made it back, just as I told you I would," Tech replies, "And the mission was a success."
"You could still've taken me," Wrecker objects. Crosshair still doesn't understand how Tech ended up going on a mission like this alone. That would be so reckless. It also sounds like something Tech would end up doing.
"Do you still have my armor?" Tech inquires.
"Of course!" Wrecker looks past him to where Crosshair stands, still in the shadows, and his face closes over. His body tenses, and Crosshair is struck with the sudden realization for the first time that of all of them, Wrecker is the one who was angry at him. Wrecker is the only one who was never too afraid to clearly show his rage, and Wrecker is the only one who never gets angry.
And this is one thing Crosshair has no idea how to rectify.
Crosshair can't even blame him for it. He remembers Wrecker's hurt when he looked up to him from across the hangar, when he lifted his rifle and was about to drop Hunter with a headshot. Wrecker had been facing him, the only one who saw, and Crosshair hadn't cared.
He hadn't stopped to think about how Wrecker was watching him, looking at him even as Hunter and Echo tried to lift him. He hadn't thought about it until a long time later.
Until now.
Wrecker had asked him back.
"We still would've taken ya."
He wanted him. Even after everything, and Crosshair ignored him, because he's very, very nice like that. As if Wrecker hadn't once meant everything to him.
"It's alright," Tech promises, "He is not a danger. At least I do not believe he is."
"He's not," Omega objects, "It's okay. He helped us escape."
Wrecker still looks wary. "I – uh, okay."
"And where is Echo?" Tech inquires.
"He went on another mission."
"He didn't wait for us to return?"
"He didn't think ya would return."
"I did," Tech replies, "We all made it back." All, except Hunter, but no one is brave enough to point that out.
"We should leave," he says instead of any of the million things whirling in his mind. "The Empire will be on us soon enough."
He should have thought twice about boarding the ramp. Should have thought ahead of what it would be like to be in the Marauder again.
Omega goes up first, looking around and inhaling deeply. She relaxes instantly, more than he's seen her since Tantiss, or really, ever. She wasn't this relaxed since Kamino, if that.
Gonky waddles up to them. Crosshair hasn't seen him in even longer than his brothers. He's missed him, too. He touches the droid's top with a shaking hand, looking up from there.
The gunner's mount looks different. There's a curtain there, and it's decorated. There are lights on the ceiling, though the lights are off. Lula is sitting propped against the wall, with a small white helmet and a small assortment of other toys. It's Omega's space. Crosshair never saw that made. He wasn't there. He never saw it as they adapted to fit their little sister into their lives. Or older sister, because that's really what Omega is.
It doesn't look the same. He knew it wouldn't, but it hurts more than he thought. It doesn't smell the same, either. It's foreign. So...
This isn't the place he left.
Crosshair's eyes fall on the little stand Wrecker and Tech must've set up near the computer Hunter always worked on. A very, very familiar red cloth sits on it, a little torn and shredded at the edges. The skull stands out, even if it's covered with soot.
If there's blood on it, Crosshair can't tell.
All he does know is that he can't breathe.
This was Hunter's.
Crosshair made it for him himself, stitched the skull onto the red fabric to make it fit with their symbol. It was meant to be theirs, because Hunter was always meant to be theirs, and there was never any other way it could be.
Hunter's their leader.
He's the one who always knew, and Crosshair craves for his gentle calm understanding now more than he ever has in his life.
He needs him.
He needs Hunter.
He needs their second oldest brother, needs to know if it would be – alright.
Tech said Hunter loved him.
Of course, he did.
Hunter would always love him, and Crosshair never once doubted that. He couldn't, because this was Hunter, and he would always love and protect them, no matter what had happened. He was right. Crosshair should have known, and he'll never get to tell him that. Hunter will never know that Crosshair loved him, too.
He's never going to know. He's never –
Crosshair stumbles to his knees, staring blankly ahead of him, at the area that used to be Hunter's. This space here was always... Hunter never had anything of his own. Not really. He always had it for all of them.
He was...
And now he's gone, and this is all they have left of him.
Crosshair will never hear his voice again, will never get to feel his hand on his shoulder, to follow him when he so desperately wanted to, to make up for all the time he never had. His brothers had so much time with him. Time Crosshair never had and will never get to have.
Time lost, because Hunter won't have time anymore.
Crosshair ruined all of it.
Tech was right.
He's the one who sent that message. He was trying to help, and he couldn't have known, but he should have known that his brothers would answer and that there would be consequences.
He should have known it would be Hunter.
When he cries, he cries alone.
**w**
Pabu is... peaceful. Crosshair knows why Hunterwould have chosen for them to settle down here. In another lifetime, he might actually have been able to imagine being content here. The ocean surrounding the island is familiar, like Kamino, except it's far more peaceful and relaxed here.
But it feels so empty. Nothing can fill the gaping emptiness that Hunter's absence has left behind. He feels so out of place even if he shouldn't.
Batcher has run off to roam around on the island. The hound and Omega – to a point, because there's an obvious emptiness to how she's acting too – seem to be having fun here. Crosshair thinks they're the only ones who are.
It's still morning when Crosshair spots a shuttle suddenly flying in.
Echo.
He's here.
He wants to see him again, but he's nervous, too. But most of all, he just feels a gaping emptiness.
He lingers in the back as they approach the landing ship.
"Echo!" Omega practically squeals, sprinting the rest of the way to the ramp when Echo reaches the bottom. She throws her arms around him and he drops to one knee to catch her, chuckling quietly.
"Glad to see you're back safe."
"What? No hug for me?" Crosshair asks when Echo steps back, looking to him for the first time since... Kamino. He was the second to walk away, after Tech. It feels so awkward, so – he doesn't know how to talk to Echo, so going for something casual is probably the best. The worse he can get is his older brother yelling at him, not like he wouldn't deserve it.
Echo makes a noncommittal noise. "Depends how good your intel is."
He didn't really expect a warmer greeting. Doesn't really deserve one. The distance of it still hurts a little.
"So, you really did make it to Tantiss," Echo says, looking to Tech.
"Of course, I did," Tech replies.
"And you got back out unharmed with only two of the prisoners," Echo goes on, eyeing him dubiously, "Do you have the coordinates?"
"I do not."
"And a hound!" Omega interjects, "We got Batcher, too. Though she's not here right now."
"...How did you get there and out without even finding the coordinates?" He does not look very happy.
"The ship crashed," Omega pipes up, "It was too badly damaged for us to extract the coordinates. I wanted to stay and try but there wasn't time."
Echo sighs. "Well, if we made it there once, there has to be a way to make it there again."
"I agree," Tech replies, "However, that is not our mission."
"You're not gonna help out?"
"I am willing to offer whatever information I can when you are prepared to arrive, as will Crosshair and Omega," Tech answers shortly, which is basically a polite no. The relief he feels is almost ridiculous. Of course, Tech wouldn't want to drag them back to Tantiss, but it still helps. Crosshair never wants to think about it again.
He doesn't want to think about the mindless gray walls, the inability to speak with anyone but Omega, the pain of electricity running through his head again and again and being strapped down in the training room.
Any of it.
He wants to stay here and untouched from his past. It shouldn't be able to hurt him so much still.
"What other intel do you have?" Echo asks.
"I know the layout of the part of the facility I have been through," Tech replies.
They decide to go somewhere more suitable for the conversation, and they end up inviting Echo to a meal while they're at it. It's nearing sunset when they finally start actually talking about it.
Crosshair does not want to think about this, anything that will lead them back to Tantiss. He understands Echo's desire to help the regs seeing as he was one of them, but he doesn't want to get dragged into something himself that will lead them back there. He doesn't want to lose another one of his brothers there. Not again. And he doesn't want to think about him or – or any of them being trapped there again either. But to be fair, Tech is obviously not enthused about going back either so – just because Echo finds the coordinates doesn't mean they will be going.
Omega will probably want to, though.
And... Crosshair doesn't like the thought of Echo walking into that with only the regs for help either.
But the point is moot when they don't know how to get back, anyway.
Omega does most of the talking once they get started. "They were using clones for testing, taking samples. Most were held in the detention wing, but I never saw what was in the vault. Even Emerie wasn't allowed access."
"Emerie?" Echo repeats dubiously. Probably wondering what Imperial Omega's befriended this time. Crosshair doesn't much want to think about her himself. Not when all his memories of her involve being tortured.
"She works for Hemlock," Omega explains, "She's a clone, like us. Like... me."
"She has no training or at least she does not carry any weapons," Tech interjects.
"And what about you?" Echo queries, looking to Crosshair, "Anything else to add?"
There's a lot he could tell them. About the CX's. About the – everything they're doing to them. But the amount of conditioning that they go through isn't something that can be reversed. Detailing it all out is going to change nothing. Crosshair would rather never think about the training room and everything that's been done to him there ever again. The mere thought makes him clam up and his mind goes blank. He tries to convince his racing heart to slow before it makes his chest hurt. "I was a prisoner. Not much to tell."
"We've been searching for this base for a long time. Accurate intel's hard to come by. We need to know all we can before making any moves," Echo says.
"We have Nala Se's datapad, but it isn't working anymore," Omega tells him, pushing the datapad across the table toward him, "If we can get it online, we should be able to pull more intel on Tantiss."
"It could have schematics, entry points. Maybe even the coordinates of the base itself," Echo muses, "Tech, can you crack the Imperial encryption?"
Echo passes the datapad to him and they wait in silence as Tech looks it over.
"Breaking through the encryption will take time," Tech replies finally, "And it may have a failsafe to delete the information if there is any tampering."
Well, that wouldn't be helpful.
"Then we'll have to find some other way," Echo replies grimly.
"Plugging it into an Imperial terminal will bypass the encryption," Crosshair suggests.
"Where do we get one of those?" Wrecker inquires.
"I know a facility," Crosshair speaks up, very very reluctantly. It's not somewhere he wants to go back to either but... "Remote, understaffed. It shouldn't be a problem to infiltrate." And the thought of causing trouble for the Imperials at the base who nearly got him killed for no reason is a little appealing anyway.
"Then we can go to this remote facility," Tech decides, "Wrecker can remain behind here with Omega."
She jerks, looking up at him, instantly unhappy. "We're finally together and you want to split us up?"
"You are the one the Empire is after," Tech replies curtly, "There is no need to risk you by taking you to an Imperial facility."
"We escaped, but I left all those clones behind," Omega argues, "This is something I have to do."
Tech sighs. He's not happy. About any of this. He glances over at Echo, who's seated beside him, and then to Wrecker at the far end of the table. The seat across from Wrecker is empty.
Hunter would be sitting there, if he was here. But he's not.
If he was here, he'd be the one making the calls like he's supposed to, not Tech. He'd -
Crosshair has no idea how they're supposed to live without him. Not when this is forever. Not when everywhere he turns and everything he sees reminds him of how Hunter ought to be here and he's not.
"Very well," Tech concedes finally but he's visibly unhappy.
Crosshair has to agree that it would make far more sense to leave Omega behind, but he can also see that she's too stubborn to argue with most of the time. He can respect that, even if he doesn't understand or relate to her insistence or desire to help.
**w**
"Tech's only worried about you," Crosshair tells Omega as they load the ship.
She sighs. "I know. You don't think I should come, either."
Is she kidding? "You're capable, but you are still a kid."
She laughs. "I'm older than you are, little brother."
Crosshair scoffs a half-felt laugh. She didn't go through the same training, but she does have a semi-valid point.
"Hey, uh, Crosshair." Wrecker is standing behind him when he turns around, a small and familiar crate balanced in his arms. "I don't know if this'll still fit, but, uh, here."
He opens the lid a little, looking inside. A familiar assortment of red and gray armor stares up at him. "My old armor?" They kept that? They kept all of his things, even if he hurt and betrayed them?
The colors are familiar, but they look wrong.
"Yeah. It never felt right to get rid of it."
Tech comes down the ramp, carrying another familiar crate he dumps at Crosshair's feet. "If we are going on a mission, you will need your rifle," is all he says before reboarding.
Wrecker and Tech are still in their own old armor. Mostly. It's repainted, and has a few too many scratches and dents for his liking. Same for Echo's, though he's missing a couple of pieces.
They want him back.
Hunter wanted him back, but he should be here to see it.
He'll never get to see Hunter's armor, either. He has no idea what it looked like. They might have holos. Tech's got to have some recordings, something Crosshair could ask to see, but he doesn't have the heart to do so. He doesn't deserve to see more of Hunter when Hunter never got to have him.
This was Crosshair's fault. He doesn't have the right to...
Be here.
But Hunter wanted him.
He wanted Crosshair to be here, and he's here. That's the most he can do.
He – he wants to know what happened when he was away. He wants every single minute of it, not that it'll make up for all the time he was away.
Hunter will never get to see him again.
He can soak up the memories, can gut himself to nothing, but it won't bring his brother back.
**w**
His armor does fit. Mostly. It's a bit loose, but it's not so bad. Worse is having to wear these when they're the same colors as when he was still one of them. As when they were together. When Hunter was here.
The outpost is... the same. The sun is out, and he tries to think about something other than the déjà vu it brings. This is where he remembered who he was. Everything Hunter had told him was exactly as he said it. He was right, was always right, and Crosshair realized that right here, kneeling in the snow.
An ice vulture screeches overhead.
Still the same.
They always find a way to survive.
"Hey, it does fit," Wrecker remarks, looking up at him.
"You did not inform us this outpost was entirely abandoned," Tech objects, turning back to him.
Crosshair tenses. It's not his fault he didn't know – he went unconscious not far from here and he woke on Tantiss to Emerie and a lot of screaming. "Well, I didn't get daily intel briefings in my cell," he snaps back.
"If there is something about this place we should know, I suggest you tell us."
Tech doesn't trust him. That shouldn't hurt as much as it does.
Batcher barks, snarling.
"Batcher, what is it?" Omega calls. The hound whines, turning and running back to them.
"Uh, what's going on?" Wrecker asks.
Tech pulls down the visor over his helmet, scanning the area. "The sensors are emitting a high frequency that animals evidently react to. It is clearly intended to keep a perimeter."
"Perimeter detection against local raiders," Crosshair supplies.
"You could not have warned us of this before?" Tech demands.
"They were all dealt with."
"Is there something else about this place you would like to share?"
"Not particularly."
"Hey," Echo interrupts, holding his hand and scomp between them. Crosshair jumps away from the metal, because he does not want to get stabbed by that thing. "Kill each other later. We're here for a reason. Let's crack into that datapad and get out of here."
Echo turns to go and Tech follows.
"Do you always have to argue?" Omega grumbles.
"Only if he starts it," Crosshair huffs, walking after.
Omega groans.
The door is entirely buried in snow when they get there so they have to start digging it up by hand since all shovels are back on the ship. Batcher turns out useful for something, though, because she looks between them curiously before pouncing forward and wildly digging through the snow far faster than they ever could.
It takes time but they finally get it cleared up enough for Wrecker to pry the doors open.
The other four turn flashlights on as they enter the base. Crosshair remembers when he was a few months ago far too well. He doesn't have any desire to linger longer than they have to. It feels like walking into the past, and he doesn't like the memories it brings.
Omega shines her flashlight onto the control panel and Tech hastily moves over to it, pushing a button that brings the power in the base itself back online. "It appears the power to this base has been largely depleted by the sensor beacons stationed around the outskirts," Tech reports. "I will divert all power here."
"So, why'd the Empire abandon this place?" Echo asks Crosshair conversationally. It's still an almost jarring question. It's so hard to remember he's here and not in prison. Or confined somewhere. He's free. He can do what he wants for the first time in his life, and it's scary.
No wonder he didn't do it before.
"I guess it served its purpose," Crosshair replies bluntly.
"Sounds familiar," Echo remarks.
Unfortunately.
Echo and Tech are getting to work on getting the systems re-operational and trying to get the datapad working. Crosshair lingers, but he doesn't need to be here, and he looks around the rest of the room.
The area the regs kept each other's helmets in was always lighted in some form or other. It's not lit anymore.
Crosshair breaks away from the others, entering the room. The helmets are supposed to be lined atop the crates, but they're – they're piled on the floor. Whoever cleaned up just left them there, forgotten.
Just like him. Like Crosshair, where he would be if not for Tech and Omega.
No one ever got to add Mayday's helmet to the rest of his squad's. Crosshair was the only one here to do it, and he never got the chance. He's the one who reminded Crosshair of his brothers, who told him everything Hunter did, and he saved Crosshair's life. Multiple times. He wishes he could've repaid that. He'd tried. He tried as hard as he could, but it wasn't enough, and at the end of the day, Crosshair was as expendable as all the regs.
He was never special.
"All you'll ever be to them is a number."
He wants to see Hunter again.
He relines the helmets where they'll sit forever, forgotten by the Republic and the Empire and everyone except him.
Tech is watching when he comes back into the main room, and Crosshair tenses, leaning against the wall. He thinks someone might've been watching. Doesn't really care.
He wants to cry. To scream. Just – to get all this crushing emptiness out of his chest, to fill it with something, anything – he's been empty since Kamino. Since the Empire.
That will never change. Not without Hunter.
"There are even more clone prisoners on Tantiss than we thought," Echo remarks, scanning the datapad.
"That is unsurprising," Tech replies, "We suspected that is where they were transferring all the clones."
Batcher barks, whining and eyeing the door. She must sense something wrong. Or smell it, like Hunter did.
The raiders were dealt with, but... there could be something else out here.
"Where're you going?" Wrecker queries when Crosshair moves for the door.
"To check the perimeter," he mutters, disappearing outside.
He feels wrong with them again. Hunter should be here, and he's not. Crosshair should have stayed, and he has no idea how to go about trying to bridge the gap he made between them.
It's bright outside. The sun reflects off the snow in a way it almost hurts his eyes. The snow's higher than it was when he was last here, covering a bit more of the sensors. They're more deteriorated now than they were before.
He hates it here.
Really.
It's pretty, but it's too bright, and reminds him in all the wrong ways of his time with the Empire and Kamino at once.
It couldn't be more than a minute until he hears Wrecker's heavy footfalls crunching in the snow behind him.
Crosshair doesn't want to talk to him. He doesn't know how.
"Hey, uh –" Wrecker's fumbling, as awkward as Crosshair himself, and that hurts even more. Wrecker never used to be awkward. He's always so blunt. Forthright. That's why Crosshair loves him. "So, you – uh – had friends here?"
He saw. Must've. "They weren't friends," Crosshair answers.
"But you... ya knew them."
"Hardly." Crosshair sighs.
"But," Wrecker objects, hurt bleeding into his voice. "You turned on the Empire for them when you wouldn't for us."
His heart clenches sharply, and he turns around. Wrecker looks hurt. Angry. "That's not what happened."
"Then – what did? Why did you leave us, Crosshair?"
His throat tightens. He wants to cry so badly it's ridiculous. "I – I thought I knew what I was getting into with the Empire. I thought I was being a good soldier."
"That's never mattered to us."
"It mattered to me."
"You saved the kid. On Kamino – you saved her."
He can't really say why. "I... owed her." He nearly died, and Omega saved him. She pulled him from the water. He was an enemy. She could've let him die. He wishes she had.
Wrecker's asking if he cares, if he ever has, and that's not something Crosshair remembers how to express. The why did you leave what were you thinking why weren't we enough aren't things Wrecker is ever going to be able to put into words, but Crosshair sees them all, because he asked himself those same questions for so long.
He doesn't think he ever quite forgave Hunter for lying to him and leaving him.
Doesn't know how he ever will.
How he ever can and it's so messed up because he's the one who got his brother killed.
Wrecker had his blaster aimed at him on Kamino. They all thought he was turning on them. That he was going to – even Echo and Tech had their blasters out. He never forgot it. Wrecker was angry, but wavering. Tech had been – he was just angry. Crosshair never forgot the tightness on his face or the anger in his eyes.
He fought them. They fought each other.
"I... guess I owe you, too," Crosshair mutters, "You saved me on Kamino."
"And from Tantiss."
Yeah. All he ever does is need repeated saving. He's a liability. His hand is aching, shaking again, and he shakes it, trying to get the throbbing and trembling to stop. "I guess I owe you one, too."
He doesn't know what happened on Kamino, but that is true. They had saved him.
He wishes he knew what to tell Wrecker and how to help. He's hurt, and Crosshair is at a complete loss on how to help. How is he supposed to...
He regrets hurting them. All of them, and he hates everything and how is he supposed to...
He doesn't know how to apologize. Doesn't even know what he could say.
"Why'd you turn on the Empire?"
"They betrayed me." It's cut way too short when the full story is a they left me for dead, left a reg to die when he was a loyal soldier despite everything the Empire had already done to him, they left us there in the cold to freeze to death over stormtrooper armor, just like Hunter warned me and he was right he was always right and I need to tell him he was right all along but I'll never get to see him again because he's gone and I was an idiot.
"I killed an Imperial officer. It... was on this world."
"You were here?"
Their conversations interrupted when Batcher runs out of the outpost, barking, and the ground rumbles beneath their feet.
Uh oh.
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