Chapter 30: An Adventure in Eating

It's the holiday season, and food has always played a significant part in the celebrations. Baked turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole with marshmallows, and green bean casserole are staples of the feast. But even during these festive times, it makes you wonder who in history ever became so brave or so hungry to invent some of the more exotic foods we eat, such as the Swedish delicacy mentioned in this chapter.

This chapter's song is Owl City's, "Learn how to Surf."

Stone Kole was lounging on a picnic table bench next to the large canvas tent that served as his summer home during the surfing season. The fennec fox lazily gazed up at the green leaves adorning the sturdy water oak that provided shade overhead. His ears perked up when he heard the voice of his best friend, Cooper. He turned to see the small wallaby strolling down the gravel campground road paw in paw with his boyfriend, Billy. Both of the wallabies looked a tad tipsy. "You two dudes look like you've been having fun," he called out.

"We just came from a retirement party that we carnies were throwing for Madam Olga," Billy replied. "She is giving up her fortune-telling gig at the Carnival because her eyesight is getting worse."

"Yeah, she knew it was bloody well past time to retire after she mistook a snow globe for her crystal ball and told some tourist from the Rainforest District that there was going to be a blizzard at her house," Cooper added.

"She is getting up there in age," the fox said after the two wallabies sat down in a pair of nearby camp chairs. "Years ago, when I was just a kit, she hired me and Storm to help inventory her storeroom. We were busy digging through boxes and drawers full of mystical trinkets and crystals when someone came into the shop. Madam Olga told us to continue working, but we were curious and had to peek around the corner to see what she was doing. A huge bull and his wife had entered the shop and were towering over her. 'She's an arctic fox! Everyone knows that a fox has to be a charlatan, and I'm not going to let you waste a dime on this nonsense!' he snorted to his wife."

"Sounds like he was a real sweetheart," Billy scoffed.

"Madam Olga just silently sat down in front of her crystal ball and stared into it for a moment before looking up at the skeptical bull. 'I can see that you are the proud father of two young calves,' she finally spoke," Stone stretched before continuing his story. "After she said this, the bull dismissively grabbed his wife's arm and yelled, 'See, I told you she is a fake. We have three children!' As he yanked her toward the door, his wife looked down at Madam Olga with fearful eyes and didn't say anything. Calmly, Madam Olga just gave the wife a knowing smirk."

Stone just grinned and continued talking, "She once foretold Storm's future and told him that he would go to jail."

"Any bloke who met your brother knows that he was going to end up in the slammer sooner or later," Cooper scoffed.

"Did she ever tell your future?" Billy asked.

"Dude, life is supposed to be a mystery to live and, hopefully, enjoy," Stone answered with his paws reverently pressed together.

"He's been hanging around that smelly yax again," Cooper said with a shake of his head, taking Billy's paw and giving it a loving squeeze.

"The one who works at Mystic Spring Oasis?" Billy asked with a grin. "The lifeguards keep reminding him to wear clothes while on the beach."

"Brah, he is very wise," Stone protested.

"Mate, I'm pretty sure that all he does is quote from fortune cookies," Cooper scoffed.

Their conversation was interrupted when an old, light-gray Furred hatchback rumbled up next to their campsite, and a handsome meerkat hopped out carrying a brown paper bag. Grinning, he yanked out a red-and-yellow can and, with a dramatic flourish, placed it in the center of the picnic table near the lean fennec fox, who was eyeing it with suspicion. "TA DA!" he exclaimed to his fellow surfer.

"Reggie, what is THAT?" Stone.

"It's called Stormstormy or something," the meerkat answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Where did you get it?"

"My dad has a friend who bought it in Tundratown. He said it is considered a delicacy in the Great North."

"Dude, what is in it?" the fox's ears were flat and his nose gave a slight twitch as he picked up the can and looked it over.

"Herring...I think. The label is printed in a language I can't read," Reggie answered as he reached for a can opener.

"I like herring!" Stone replied.

"Preds!" Cooper chuckled. "Come on, honey, let's leave these two blokes alone so they can enjoy their nasty fish meat." The two wallabies ducked into the tent.

"Hey, sweetie!" a cheery feminine voice called out as a pretty sand cat in a blue crop top and cut-off denim shorts entered the campground from the nearby sandy beach trail. Stone stood up and greeted her with a kiss. "We're trying some fish that Reggie got from one of his dad's friends. It's called Somethingoranother," he told her.

"Surströmming!" the cat hissed as she came to a halt. Her hackles had risen, as if she was scared. "Stoney, don't tell me you have Surströmming!"

"Yeah, why?"

Our hotel chain has a strict policy that you cannot have that...that stuff on the premises. There is even a law in Tundratown making it illegal to eat it indoors. Whatever you do, don't... She didn't finish because there was a slight hissing sound when the meerkat began to open the can, and it sprayed liquid into the air. Reggie was upwind, so he didn't immediately catch the scent that permeated the breeze, but both Stone and Karen did.

The scent...no, the stench wafting in the stiff breeze was sourly putrid, and the fox's ears shot up in surprise before his nose scrunched up. His muzzle fell open as he watched the meerkat stick his claw into the can and pop a hunk of the fermented fish into his mouth. "Well, that certainly tastes very different," Reggie muttered.

"You ate it!" Karen cried out. The cat had fled back down the trail and was peeking around a tree trunk. "You actually ate it!"

In the nearby canvas tent, he heard Cooper exclaim, "Crikey, what is that bloody rotten stench!" He and Billy both stumbled out of the tent. Wallabies are not renowned for their sense of smell, but neither of the herbivores could stomach the rancid odor and were gagging.

"It isn't that..." Reggie began to object, and then the wind shifted. The meerkat's eyes began to water when he caught the stink coming from the can. It wafted across the campground, causing the inhabitants of the nearby RVs and tents to flee their dwellings.

About ten minutes later, there was the sound of a familiar-looking white pickup truck, which skidded to a halt on the nearby gravel road. A park ranger leapt out of the truck while frantically yanking on what appeared to be a bright yellow rubbery suit over his tan uniform and then the raccoon pulled on a gas mask over his muzzle. Grabbing what looked like a long pair of tongs, he approached the table and carefully pinched the can with the device before dropping it into a thick, clear plastic container marked "Warning: Hazmat Materials". Quickly, he screwed on the container's lid and dropped it into a plastic baggie. Without a word, the ranger carried the bundle back to the van and returned with a sprayer, which he used to douse the table, the meerkat, and the air with a liquid that had a fresh, piney scent. "Don't you ever bring that stuff into this campground again!" he warned Reggie, Cooper, and Stone before he hopped into his pickup truck and roared away.

"Well, that was dramatic," Reggie stated.

"Brah, not as dramatic as your breath," Stone added. "Go home, brush your teeth, and gargle a gallon of mouthwash or something before you come back."

Stone met Yak in Chapter 12: Beach Wisdom, and mistook him for an all-wise guru.

Surströmming, a traditional Swedish herring dish, is renowned for its pungent scent. Many hotels ban the opening of the canned fish inside their buildings, and it is even prohibited as carry-on luggage aboard aircraft. Although I have never tried the stuff, I saw a hilarious video of a group of brave Texans trying to eat the fish. The wisest one in the crowd was the little boy who cried out, "I want to go home!" I do not recommend that video for everyone due to the cursing.