Destined to fail

I was leaning against the fence of training ground three, doing my best to try and enjoy the cup of hot instant coffee I was holding. Suffice it to say that I had more successful endeavors in my life. Yeah, the stuff wasn't great. It was bitter, but not the good, refined kind of bitter that high-quality coffee has. The cheap kind of bitter. Unfortunately, when it came to coffee, the Hidden Leaf Village didn't offer many options. Tea? Sure, that I could get on every corner. Coffee? Not so much. The only shops that sold freshly-brewed coffee were those that thought people wouldn't notice if they just heated up the very same instant coffee you can buy at the store and slapped a higher price tag on it. If there was a way to get actual good coffee in the Hidden Leaf, I wasn't aware of it. Thinking back, the only time I had decent coffee since I was born in this world was when I visited the Hidden Sand Village in the Land of Wind about a year ago.

As I shifted my position, a soft ringing noise was audible from my bag. It came from two certain trinkets, a pair of little bells that would soon shatter the shinobi dreams of three certain brats.

The bell test had a long tradition in the Hidden Leaf. The premise was simple: tell the graduates that they needed a bell to pass, but since there were only two, one of them was guaranteed to fail. The real test however was for all three of them to overcome the so-created discord and work together regardless. 'It's a test to show your ability for teamwork,' was the official explanation for this test. Of course, once you thought about it for five seconds, it became pretty clear what this test was actually about; it was meant to test the kids' willingness to sacrifice themselves for the mission. Just the kind of fucked up shit you would expect from a town that rents out child soldiers as mercenaries.

I took another sip and sighed. 'No plan survives first contact with the enemy,' such went the saying. And it had proven itself to be true once more. Even if said enemy in this situation was one's own brother.

Five months prior

I was surprised when I got informed that the Hokage had requested to see me. What could he want from me? It wasn't like this was my first time meeting him, after all, he was the one I'd always get my missions from. But this wasn't a mission, otherwise, the message would've said so. So what else could he want? I wasn't idealistic enough to think he wanted to make me his successor. While I planned to become his successor one day, it was too early. I was strong compared to most, sure, but there was no way I was Hokage material yet. Was I in trouble? But my mission record should be flawless. It definitely had been as a Chūnin. I hadn't been a Jōnin for long, so I had only done a handful of A-rank missions so far. Had I overlooked something? Maybe I accidentally let information leak out without noticing. Was it possible that I might have screwed up like that? Or maybe one of my teammates did and I had to take the responsibility as the team leader? The Third seemed to be a fairly relaxed man, but he was still a military leader. Trying to appease him could backfire if I wasn't careful. In either case, the first step had to be letting him talk. Not interrupting your superior was a basic principle. I needed to know what the exact problem was before attempting any damage control.

Such were my thoughts as I kneeled before the wide desk. Besides the Hokage, there also were two other Jōnin in the office, as well as my brother. Six years ago, he had started to work as an instructor at the academy and also occasionally assisted with mission assignments. Maybe he would be able to leave a good word for me if this went too badly. Sure, he was just a Chūnin, but connections could sometimes outweigh ranks.

"Welcome, Tanya," the old man greeted. "Please stand."

I stood up.

"I must confess, saying that I had mixed feelings about you attending the academy at your age back then would be an understatement."

That wasn't a good start.

"But when I talked to you, I could feel that you were no ordinary child."

Wait, what? I couldn't recall ever talking to him prior to my graduation.

"Back then, you were the topic of many of our discussions. I was against many things that the others tried to convince me of, but… we don't need to repeat all of that now. The important part is that despite your young age, you managed to prove me wrong each time. You have amassed quite an impressive record, and you showed that every special exception you were permitted to was not wasted on you."

Okay, now it started to sound a bit better. Maybe I wasn't in trouble after all.

"Ikkaku and Kohari would be proud of you, I'm sure."

He gave me a short pause. Did he want me to say something? He mentioned my father and mother in the classic way someone did when trying to help you overcome your grief. 'You've become a child your parents can be proud of and now they can have peace' or something like that. I threw a glance toward Iruka, but judging by his look, he didn't know what the old man was getting at either. I still wasn't completely sure that I wasn't in trouble, so the best idea would probably be to continue his thought.

"My parents did their duty as shinobi and embodied the Will of the Fire, giving their lives so we could live on. I am proud to call myself their daughter."

Another moment of silence followed before the old men spoke again.

"That is true," he said, clearing his throat, "they were great ninjas. The village was lucky to have them and sad to lose them. But enough of that. Today is about you, and the many things you achieved despite your young age."

I started to like the direction in which this was going. So it seemed he had good news for me after all. Maybe a special reward?

"Even if you were just promoted recently, you have without a doubt proved yourself as one of our most capable Jōnin."

Yes, keep going like that!

"So… how would you feel about joining the Anbu?"

…shit.

The Anbu were basically the Hokage's personal hit squad, and what someone from my first life probably imagined when hearing the word 'ninja'. They specialized in infiltration and assassinations and only ever did S-rank missions. The perfect career choice if you didn't want to worry about retirement. Because your chances of living that long were slim.

But that wasn't the only problem. My end goal was to eventually achieve the one position in the village a strong shinobi could have without getting sent on dangerous missions: the seat of the Hokage. I had come to terms with the fact that I would have to risk my life a few times to achieve this and be safe in the long run. But if I joined the Anbu, I would just be one of many. A nameless mask in the crowd. No chance of standing out and becoming a succession candidate.

This was bad.

This was really bad.

Think, Tanya! How do you get yourself out of this without ruining your future plans?! There has to be a way! But with what I just said about duty and this bullshit philosophy they follow, I basically blocked off all my chances to say no.

Unless…

Maybe…

"Lord Third, I would ask for permission to decline."

Everyone in the room looked at me, baffled. Go figure. To them, an offer to join the Anbu was the greatest appreciation of their skill the Hokage could show them. It wasn't an offer that someone simply rejected.

"You 'ask for permission'?" the old man asked with a raised eyebrow. Alright, time to twist this in a way that makes me look good.

"My heart and my loyalty are and will always be with the Hidden Leaf. If this is an order, I will follow it without hesitation. However, if it is an offer, I would like to decline and give another proposal."

"It was an offer," the Hokage clarified. "You can decline without giving a reason. But sure, voice your proposal."

I nodded.

"All I want is to do what is best for the village and to serve its people to the best of my ability. The fact that, despite my age, you consider me strong enough to join the Anbu is a great honor. However, the Anbu are specialists, the elite of the elite. I, in turn, take pride in my wide knowledge and ability in almost every field. Add to that our time of relative peace, and I believe there is another place where I can serve the Hidden Leaf better."

I bowed down.

"Lord Third, please allow me to become a Jōnin-sensei!"

This time, it took him longer to break the silence.

"Are you sure? I'm not saying it's impossible, but wouldn't it be strange for you to teach children of your own age?"

Oh, so THAT was weird. But sending a thirteen-year-old on borderline suicidal missions was A-OK, obviously.

"Age has no bearing on that matter. I've led teams in which at the time, the youngest member was three times older than me. The time after the academy is the most important in the growth of young shinobi. I believe that my aforementioned skill set is perfect for giving them the guidance they need."

Plus, as long as my team consists only of Genin, I'll only be sent on easy and safe D-rank missions, with the occasional C-rank in between. On top of that, the second, the third, and the fourth Hokage all had been Jōnin-sensei before ascending to their rank. Maybe the first as well, that I didn't know. What I did know however was that, now that my fighting prowess was no longer in doubt, becoming a Jōnin-sensei was the perfect stepping stone on my way to becoming a Hokage candidate.

The look the old man gave me in response seemed almost nostalgic, and in the end, he agreed. I would become a Jōnin-sensei once the current school year ended a few months down the line.

Present day

Back then, my plan had seemed great. What I hadn't expected was for my own brother to backstab me. For some reason, he thought it would be a great idea to give me the most problematic team the academy had seen in years. I had done my research on them, and things did NOT look great.

First and foremost, there was Naruto Uzumaki. Without a doubt the biggest troublemaker of the three. He was known in the entire village for being a massive pain in the ass for everyone, and in the academy, he was always dead last. Admittedly, I could feel some sympathy for the kid. The entire village ostracized him because the nine-tailed fox was sealed inside of him. As if the attack twelve years ago was somehow his fault. In consequence, he became desperate for attention. But just because I could understand how he became that way didn't mean I was willing to deal with him. Iruka might have had a soft spot for the boy, but I sure as hell didn't.

Second, there was Sasuke Uchiha. While he wasn't the same type of noisy prankster as the Uzumaki brat, he was a whole other can of worms. He was the sole Uchiha left in the village, having somehow survived the massacre of his entire family five years ago. There was no way for such an event to not leave massive psychological scars on a then seven-year-old. That boy didn't need a 'sensei', he needed a therapist! Being responsible for someone like that could only be a nightmare.

And last, Sakura Haruno. Harmless when compared to the other two, but not great either. In the academy, she always had top marks and proved to be a model student many times over, but her files and teacher's notes made one thing clear: she was a girl first and a shinobi second. This, in a sane world, would have been perfectly fine. Hair, clothes, romantic interests, those were things girls that age were supposed to be concerned with. Unfortunately, sane worlds weren't something you can expect when Being X was involved, and this world was no exception. If Sakura would become one of my students, I first and foremost would have to spend a lot of time beating that attitude out of her or she would sooner or later die in the field. If she were at least a clan child, I could've used her to form some new connections. But no, she was a civilian-born.

There had been so many other interesting teams. Team 10 for example consisted entirely of clan heirs - definitely no nepotism involved there - who would've been perfect to get closer to the Nara, Yamanaka, and Akimichi clan. Team 8 also consisted entirely of clan children. But no, I got the team with zero relationships and the most potential for trouble. My main reason for becoming a Jōnin-sensei was to prove my skills in teaching and leadership. Trying to do that with this trio would just be tempting Murphy's law. Long story short, I had no intention of letting either of them pass.

Now, while the goal and core principle of the bell test was more or less fixed, the exact execution was up to the examiner. I had a lot of leeway and I intended to abuse that to the fullest, making this test as hard as I possibly could while still being somewhat reasonable. After all, I had to make it at least look like I was giving them a fair chance, or I could get in trouble if word got out. In order to achieve that, I had talked to other Jōnin who had done the bell test before, playing the role of the interested kouhai to get some mean ideas. Tricking them into skipping breakfast was one of them. Simple, but not insignificant. If you got up early, skipping your first meal would hamper your performance, especially for children who were still growing. There were also many other things I had planned for them, all of them balanced to a point that would still allow me to excuse them with having a high standard. That didn't even seem to be something frowned upon considering one of my colleagues, who was among the most revered Jōnin in the village, never had even one team passing. In other words, delaying it one or two classes until I got some kids who were good to work with was perfectly reasonable. As long as it didn't look like I was playing favorites.

"Stop running into me!" someone bickered from down the path.

"Then stop walking so slow if you insist on walking in front of me."

"Naruto, stop bothering Sasuke!"

Huh, look at that, they were actually on time.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted as he saw the girl leaning at the entrance of the training field, a plastic cup in her hands. "Why are you allowed to have breakfast if we aren't?!"

The girl looked up.

"First of all, I'm not the one being tested here, assuming I have to abide by the same rules as you is idiotic. Second, who said you weren't allowed to?"

The blonde blinked a few times in surprise at that answer.

"Are you kidding me? YOU told us to skip it!"

As if to underline his point, Sakura's stomach grumbled, causing the pinkette to blush in embarrassment.

"Was that an order?" the girl asked. "Or was that a piece of advice?"

All three of them looked at her befuddled.

"…huh?"

The girl put down her cup and got away from the fence.

"You three might still be kids, but you are in the world of adults now. That includes thinking for yourself. Don't get me wrong, if I, as your team leader, give you an order, I expect you to follow it to the letter. But sometimes, there might be a setting in which we got separated and your orders aren't directly applicable to the situation at hand. In moments like these, you must evaluate your position and decide what the best course of action is. And advice is exactly that. Compare it to the other information you have, and then decide whether or not to follow it. So, let me ask you again: did I order you to skip breakfast, or did I advise you to?"

As she said it, Sakura could almost hear her words from the day before.

"For this test, it is advised to skip breakfast."

She had even put emphasis on it. And all of them had fallen for it. What the girl said made sense to her though. So the test had already begun yesterday. Sakura could just hope that this wasn't already enough to fail.

The girl opened the gate and gestured for them to follow her. The training ground consisted mostly of a large forest, interrupted only by a narrow pathway.

"It's true that eating right before a physical activity can be a bad idea," she continued her explanation as they walked. "But if you got up at, let's say six, you would've had more than enough time to digest your food. Well, your call if you want to make it harder for yourselves."

They reached a wide clearing with three wooden posts in the middle, and even a surprisingly large river. Standing in front of the posts, the girl turned around.

"Now then. Just as I said yesterday, let's start with introducing each other, shall we?"

"Alright!" Naruto shouted eagerly, seemingly having gotten over his frustration. "Me first! I am Naruto-"

"What do you think you are doing?" the girl cut him off.

"Huh? You said we should introduce ourselves!"

"No, I said introduce each other."

Confused stares from all three were the answer.

So she doesn't want us to introduce ourselves? Sakura wondered. But what else is introducing each other supposed to mean?

The girl sighed, seemingly frustrated that no one was getting it.

"To a shinobi, few things are as valuable as information. Information can make the difference between victory or loss, or prevent combat all together. Information can be what keeps the peace or what causes war. Information can be the reason you survive. Most high-ranking missions are either gathering vital information or killing someone to contain vital information. Information is the lifeblood of this village, and by extension, ours. It is the most central aspect of our handiwork. You've known since yesterday that I would be testing you. And since you apparently had no idea who I was, you naturally would gather information about me. Who am I, what am I known for, what skills do I possess? Gathering information about a person you are about to deal with is just common sense! So, Naruto, since you wanted to start - introduce me. Tell your teammates what you have found out about me."

"Um… uh…," the boy started to stammer nervously. "A-and what about you?" he finally decided to deflect.

"You want me to start? Very well," the girl said with a shrug. "From the left, we have Sasuke Uchiha. A standout at the academy in terms of grades and ability. Your abilities in both Taijutsu and Ninjutsu are exceptional when compared to the academy standards and are not limited to just the basics taught in the academy. Socially, you have close to no contacts at all, although you gather much attention around you. You are considered the most promising graduate in terms of skills, but your personality greatly reduces your potential."

She ignored how the black-haired boy clicked his tongue over her last comment and without a pause turned to Naruto next.

"Then, we have Naruto Uzumaki. In terms of academic prowess, you are the exact opposite of Sasuke. You had the worst grades out of everyone and only managed to graduate on your third attempt. You are known for your pranks and inability to take things seriously. That being said, you are known for your high tenacity and stamina. You have quite a knack for the transformation technique - albeit acquired through unorthodox reasons – and also managed to learn the shadow clone technique."

The last sentence made Sakura raise an eyebrow. Shadow clone? Was that different from the clone technique they were taught in the academy?

"And finally, Sakura Haruno. Civilian-born. Top-scoring Kunoichi of your year in the theoretical department. Passable skill in terms of Taijutsu and basic Ninjutsu. Besides that, there is nothing noteworthy about you."

"H-hey, my father was a ninja!" she retorted, her inner self not allowing her to just take the verbal gut punch, but the girl just shrugged.

"Yes, a life-long Genin who survived the war by manner of being absent from the big battles and retired from active duty at the first chance he got. In case I sound like I'm blaming him for that, I'm not. He realized this life wasn't for him and changed course. Nothing wrong with that. Still, your family is very much civilian, which on its own isn't something negative, so just accept it."

She crossed her arms and leaned against one of the poles.

"Well then, I'd say that I have sufficiently demonstrated that I did my homework. Your turn, Naruto."

The boy attempted the start of a few sentences, but in the end, wasn't able to get anything coherent out.

"Really, nothing? Come on, I even gave you a freebee and told you I'm Iruka's sister. That should be all you needed to find out my name, and from there it's easy to find at least something. Alright then, Sakura, you're up."

"Um… your surname is Umino?"

"… going strictly by definition, that was indeed something, congratulations," the girl quipped with audible sarcasm.

"Sasuke?"

Upon being called out, the black-haired boy simply clicked his tongue again and crossed his arms, but said nothing. Sakura could feel her heart drop. That was already the second part of the test and she was doing miserably. Sure, everything the girl said made sense in some way, but were they honestly expected to do all of this?

Well, I guess the only silver lining is that Sasuke didn't do any better so far. But it doesn't seem we failed already, so for whatever comes next, I have to give it my all!

Visibly disappointed, the girl turned around and grabbed her bag.

"For the sake of convenience, I'll at least tell you my name. I am Tanya Umino, Jōnin of the Hidden Leaf and, should you somehow manage to pass the test, your sensei. The rest… well, guess you're going to find that out the hard way. While you did make it quite hard for yourself, you still have a chance to pass."

She pulled two small bells and fastened them at her belt.

"These are your goal. You can imagine it as a simulated mission. I am an enemy spy, and these bells are stolen intel. Hunt me down and take them from me. You don't need to defeat or restrain me, just get a bell and you pass. Now, as you can see, there are only two bells, meaning at least one of you is guaranteed to fail."

Sakura swallowed. That she was still able to pass was good, but the fact that there were just two bells was mean. Assuming Sasuke would manage to get one, she not only had to do the same, but she had to accomplish it before Naruto.

Looking at the two boys, she could see them getting motivated as well. Naruto got all fired up and glared at Sasuke, while the latter's hardened expression displayed pure determination. Maybe she could convince Sasuke to work together with her?

"There is only one rule," Tanya continued. "Should either of you leave the training ground for whatever reason, all three of you will fail immediately. Besides that, anything goes. Weapons, Ninjutsu, come at me with all you've got, catch the spy before they escape to the enemy's village."

As she said that, she placed an alarm clock on one of the posts.

"Of course, the training area is a finite space, so I can't exactly 'escape'. Instead, I will move around the forest, and you will have to track me down before the time runs out. Should you encounter me, I will focus on defending and disengaging. Doesn't mean I won't throw the occasional punch in your direction, but my role in fights will be passive. After all, the goal of the spy is to get away."

Another alarm clock got placed on a different post.

"However, things will change once this alarm goes off. After half of your time is up, the spy gets reinforcements. That will be simulated by me switching to offense. I will no longer try to disengage and instead actively attack you on sight."

She dropped a round, marble-sized object. As soon as it hit the ground, the three got enveloped in a thick cloud of smoke that robbed them of their vision.

"Test: start!" they could hear Tanya shout, and as the smoke dissipated, she was gone.