A/N: danny: hi i'm jared i'm 19 and i wish i never learned how to fuckin read

"Is this a prank? This has to be a joke," Danny muttered as he stared at his phone. Any emails flared as important usually had something to do with a new request coming in, and his curiosity had only prompted him to open the attached document when he saw its title was simply 'The List'.

Now he wished he could go back in time and stop himself from reading. Or simply not be able to read. Really, anything to erase the words that were now burned into his mind.

"Selina?" He popped his head out of the kitchen to find her lounged across the sofa, laptop open. "Sorry, are you in the middle of something?"

"Simply scrolling through some auctions for research, but now you have me intrigued." She shifted to make space for Danny to sit as he walked over to her with his phone held out as far as he could manage, as if it were a live bomb. "Okay, what is going on?"

"Just… look at it and confirm that I'm not hallucinating on Scarecrow's fear toxin?"

Selina rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, Danny." She opened his phone with a flick of her finger and quickly read what was on the screen. "Oh, never mind. Do be dramatic."

"They think I had sex with Batman!"

She shrugged. "You could do worse. Then again, you could probably do better too."

He sat down heavily next to her, holding his head in his hands as he groaned. "That makes no sense. You're the one dating him."

"Exactly." Danny didn't trust how wide her smile had become as she grinned over at her. "I could be with you. See? Better!"

He narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion. "I can't tell if you're joking or not."

"That's part of the fun. Ooh, they make a good point– Canary would make Arrow watch." Her gaze caught on something below it and peals of laughter finally burst free. "Jim Gordon?!"

Danny cracked a smile at that. "Okay, the Batbrats did strike gold with that idea."

"Who's to say it's them?"

"Who else would willingly dive this deep into conspiracies over Batman's sex life?" He continued before Selina could begin to argue with him. "Besides, they say "Jay" under the Wonder Woman entry, and I always had a feeling Jason was secretly into–"

"Tall, strong women that he'd like to respectfully step on him with stilettos?"

"…Not at all what I was going to say, but you make a fair point." Danny sighed. "I doubt they meant to send this to me though. Do you think it was an accident?"

"Very unlikely. Sounds like a good old fashioned leaked file to me. I wonder if they know it's out yet, because I highly doubt it was only sent to you."

"What makes you think that?" Danny asked just as the heavy pounding of footsteps approaching at top speed reached their ears. "Ah. Gotcha."

The door burst open with enough force to make the frames on the wall shake as a cackling Harley Quinn raced into the apartment. "Y'all are not going to BELIEVE this! The Batkiddies think grumpy ol' Bats fucked Danny!" She finally paused to take in a large breath of air as she waited for some sort of reaction out of them. When they continued to stare unimpressed at her, she deflated and pouted. "Aw, what's tha' matter with you two?"

Selina held up the phone silently in answer.

Harley huffed and stomped her foot. "Well that's no fun. I wanted to be the one to tell y'all about how we're in some sort of harem with Danny."

"Must've missed that development," Danny said with a tired laugh.

"What… development?" Ivy asked as she finally made it to the apartment, more out of breath than Harley. She leaned heavily on the door for a moment before slowly shutting it. "What made you run off like that, Harls?"

"Apparently we're all sleeping with Danny behind each other's backs," the blonde summed up. "And he's sleeping with Batman."

"Please, stop saying that," Danny cringed. "I'm going to need therapy after this."

Harley looked at him seriously. "It would be a good decision on your part. You're clearly still working through some post-traumatic stress from Joker's attack and looking to gain control back by learning self defense, but you do really need to stop blaming yourself over it." She shot him a sunny smile as her three flatmates looked shocked.

"Sometimes I forget you have a doctorate," Selina acknowledged.

"That's on purpose 'cause I like having people underestimate me!"

"Hold on, I'm still processing the second part,"' Ivy interrupted as she lowered herself to the floor. "Harley, come be my pillow." She waited until Harley was seated with crossed legs before laying her head in the doctor's lap. "Okay: you slept with Batman?" Ivy asked, judgement ringing loud in her tone as she pointed at Danny.

"NO!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure about who I've slept with!"

"Aha, so you have!"

Danny shouted in frustration. "That's it, I'm gonna kill those Batbrats!"

Selina patted his shoulder consolingly. "Congratulations, you've taken one step closer to thinking like a Gotham villain!"

"Oh, bite me," he snapped.

"I thought you didn't want to give people the wrong idea about us, Danny, but if you insist…"