Roxas is an asshole.

He decides that immediately after Struggle practice. Perhaps, he'd just been born an asshole, right from the womb, fed asshole nutrients and vitamins, until he was ready to come out as a bonafide asshole, crying and demanding more baby asshole formula.

That's the only reason.

That's precisely the only reason he leaves practice feeling like absolute shit. She hadn't said, but he knew Kairi was upset.

In fact, he's almost expecting an angry letter from Sora demanding why he'd hurt his poor princess's feelings.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), he had received nothing all week. There was complete silence from the entire group of overlapping friends—not even Axel, which had alarmed him at first, but now, lying in his bed, all it seemed to do was depress him.

He's destined for loneliness. He convinced himself of that at a young age which only ever was contested the moment he had met Sora. Now, he's even further convinced of this initial conviction. Sora would never forgive him for this.

And now Kairi will never forgive him.

All that's left now is to wallow. That's fine.

Wallowing is perhaps Roxas's favorite pastime anyway. There's a lot to wallow about. His lack of motivation, unclear goals, and aspirations, and apparent lackluster success with the ladies.

Also, he really hates the shape of his head.

But he supposes that falls under the body dysmorphia subcategory of his wallowing. Followed by the knobbly knees he's inherited from his father.

In the end, Roxas's wallowing only lasts so long before he begins to feel stir-crazy. The Struggle arena is out, as he is actively avoiding anything Sora-related (and by extension Kairi). Hayner, as he comes to find through a short texting conversation, has gone off to the beach with his friends Pence and Olette. Which leaves him with really one option.

He tracks Axel down, which is easier than he expects. Overpriced coffee shops tend to be his favorite haunts, so Roxas's search is short and sweet when he stumbles into Trams Common and spots the obnoxious red hair.

Axel, naturally, is chatting up the barista at the counter.

Probably trying to worm his way into a free latte.

"Roxy! I was wondering when you'd turn up. Latte?" Axel gestures to the barista, who, Roxas notes with irritation, is practically salivating over his friend. Axel charms admirers anywhere he goes. It's not the same as Sora, it's not as sincere. "Oat milk or almond? I don't want you shitting your pants this early in the day."

"We need to talk." Roxas cuts to the chase.

Axel retrieves the steaming cup from the counter. He shoots the barista a wink that has her flushing. Roxas rolls his eyes.

"It's important," Roxas continues.

"If this is about your tragic loss at practice I want it on the record that I am innocent."

Of course, he's making this more difficult than it has to be. For a moment, Roxas considers just nixing this entire idea and returning to his cave of endless misery and wallowing. But the nagging remorse bubbles in the pit of his stomach. And he's sure it'll worsen if he ever runs into Kairi again.

"How did you figure it out?" Roxas asks. He stops, letting Axel walk ahead of him.

"You left yourself open. It's Struggle 101, Roxy." Axel waves a careless hand.

The irritation slowly slinks away.

"I meant about," Roxas takes a deep breath, then sighs, "Kairi."

Axel stops. He only gets the view of the back of his spiked gelled head. Whatever runs in that porcupine head is lost on Roxas. Axel turns around, and Roxas is relieved there's no trace of the usual mischief on his face.

"You're an open book, Roxas. And I'm your best friend. It's not hard to put two and two together."

It's given in his usual airy tone, but Roxas is touched by the words. For all his idiocy and flakiness, Axel truly is his best friend. A flood of relief hits him then, and he decides that this is the best course of action.

Axel sips his drink. A little foam mustache forms on his lip, immediately ruining whatever profound image that was conjured up with those wise words. "Plus, I heard you both were off canoodling in the early morning hours before practice."

Roxas blushes. "Who told you that?"

Axel shrugs, the annoying smirk appearing again. "Rumor travels, Roxy."

Of course.

It's a small town, and everybody knows everybody's business.

News travels faster than an STD here.

"Don't worry. I don't think Prince Charming knows yet."

There it is again – yet. The word that had once sounded so hopeful yesterday fills him with dread. It's drowning and overwhelming.

"That's my only consolation," Roxas admits, running a hand over his face. He catches up to Axel, and they both resume their walk, matching pace. Axel is quiet for a moment, the only sounds are him sipping his drink. And Roxas wishes he'd taken up his offer for a drink because he feels helpless, waiting for a response.

It's not a good sign seeing Axel think so hard.

"He'll find out eventually."

"Not if I can help it."

Axel stops again. His smile fades. "What did you do?"

It's not accusatory, but Roxas is defensive. It's as if Axel poked around inside his head and pulled out the exact guilt that had manifested since the last practice.

Roxas shoves his hands in his pockets, trudging forward.

"I took care of it."

Axel's eyes narrow, pressing for more. Roxas groans.

"I took care of it, okay," he says, keeping his tone even. But Axel's gaze is imploring and heavy. "We both decided it was a mistake," Roxas adds sheepishly.

At this, Axel laughs, loud and echoing, causing several people around them to look. Roxas grabs his elbow, yanking him forward. He falls into step with Roxas, but he's still shaking with laughter, stumbling.

"Will you shut up?"

"Roxas," Axel wheezes. He nearly drops his coffee. In fact, a large amount splashes onto Roxas's sleeve. "I can't – please tell me you're kidding – please tell me you did not stand there and reject little Miss Princess like that."

"I didn't!" Roxas stammers, horrified. "We - we agreed. We definitely did."

"What, did you guys pinkie promise and make little friendship bracelets too?"

At the mention of friendship, a sour feeling crawls under Roxas's skin.

"What did you do this time?" Axel asks, hanging on to his every word. If possible, Roxas would not be surprised if Axel sprouted a tail and it started wagging.

Roxas clenches his jaw, feeling like absolute shit.

"She - uh - she wanted to make sure we were still friends. And I - well…" Roxas covers his face.

"You what?"

"Look, I was doing it for both of our sakes, okay? It's too risky, and with Sora there, I just didn't think it was appropriate. Too much is on the line here."

"Roxas."

"Basically I said we weren't friends anyway."

Axel spits out his coffee, choking with laughter. He actually drops his cup, and Roxas watches as it spills along the pavement. The coffee drips, creating a mocha stream between the cobbled streets. If only he could just drown in a river of coffee right about now. He wouldn't have to hear the howling maniac beside him.

Roxas considers leaving him there, perhaps if he's lucky Axel will choke to death on his latte and die an embarrassing death. Then no one will know what had transpired on this fateful day in Twilight Town. But Axel recovers after a few seconds of gasping.

He wipes at his eyes, laughter petering out into soft chuckles. "This is why I keep you around," Axel says, clapping his back. "Just endless entertainment. You do owe me a new latte though."

Roxas grunts. This entire thing has been emotionally exhausting. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he is better off alone, dealing with the Kairi situation, rather than being judged.

"Now, don't do that." Axel's voice brings him back. "Don't retreat back to your dark hidey hole. We can fix this."

"We can?"

"Do you know who you're talking to?"

Evidently, Roxas does not know who he's talking to, because in the next hour, Axel has shed his jester personality in favor of one Roxas has never seen before – the hopeless romantic.

They've settled in their friend's usual spot. It's a small corner of the town beneath the railway that has been converted into a makeshift basement hangout, courtesy of Hayner. But it's only as innovative and cozy as a teenage boy's mind can make it, with a torn red rug used as a haphazard door. The couch, a dingy old loveseat, is lumpy and half-broken, creaking every time someone sits on it. But it's theirs, and there's a certain charm to having an exclusive spot at their disposal.

Axel is halfway giving Roxas a very deconstructed overview of the five love languages, even dragging out a chalkboard to sketch out confusing diagrams, before Roxas puts his foot down.

"No, no this is not what I meant at all. I'm not trying to date her, you idiot!"

"What do you plan to do then, Roxas? Take her out back and put her out of her misery?" Axel snaps. "These are soulmate bonds we're talking about."

"She's Sora's," Roxas says, sinking into the couch, avoiding the rip in the middle cushion. Axel's hopeful optimism is decidedly not contagious. As a matter of fact, Roxas feels a little queasy.

His hands curl into fists.

"It's never going to happen. I'm just," Roxas sighs, "a nobody."

A pregnant pause silences the space. The tram rattles above them. But the noise is barely registered. A pounding headache begins to form, which makes him dig his nails into his palms. Roxas is content to continue to wallow, with or without his best friend.

But then, Axel yawns loudly.

"Are you done?"

Roxas turns a glare on him. At this, Axel makes a show of stretching as pushes the chalkboard away.

"If this is your way of making me feel better, it's not working," Roxas says. Axel scoffs.

"Your problem is that you're convinced doom and gloom is your entire personality," Axel says. "And you've made it your mission to be the doomiest, gloomiest person in the room. It's not the end of the world to be happy."

Roxas looks away. "She's Sora's."

"She's her own person, with her own thoughts that – who knows – are probably just as doomy and gloomy as yours."

Kairi? The person who radiates sunshine and rainbows, and all things cute and fluffy.

Roxas rolls his eyes. "Please."

"You don't even know her. Maybe she'll surprise you."

Roxas has had enough surprises for the rest of his life.

The conversation with Axel weighs heavily on his mind. Almost as much as Kairi herself. It's annoying and he partly wishes he had never brought it up. Honestly, the nerve of that guy to make him face his own problems head-on.

And speaking of problems, it seems that the source of his major one just can't leave him alone either.

For being two people who had rarely ever crossed paths before, Roxas is finding it comically horrifying how often he manages to run into Kairi.

Whether it's down Station Heights, as he's shopping for Struggle accessories, or Central Station, catching the shuttle to downtown, or even the shared communal space of the Struggle arena during practice.

The unexpected encounters always start with awkward eye contact, the uncertain pause, before the stilted greetings. But however many run-ins there are, it never gets easier. It always manages to end with Roxas feeling like shit.

There's an ache that begins to grow every time he looks back at her, and it's unwarranted. He did this. They shouldn't turn this into anything. No matter how captivating the subject of his avoidance becomes.

And yeah, fine Kairi is pretty captivating. He has eyes. Roxas has pretty much thrown out any reservations in admitting it. It's too late for that anyway.

Kairi is very pretty — in the way that songs are written about, poetry waxed, in the way that one needs to pause to take it all in, just to make sure it's all real. All of that melodramatic bullshit that gets guys caught in a love-sick knot.

He gets it. Boy, does he get it.

But for every moment that Roxas takes to appreciate it, he's reminded of how perfect she looks on Sora's arm. A golden couple, gleaming in the sun for all to see and admire.

This is his life now, he decides. And he'll suck it up. He'll go on to find a wife he'll probably hate, pop out a few kids that he'll later end up resenting, and all the while his thoughts will always end up returning to her.

Struggle practice is long, grueling, and best of all, distracting. He enjoys it. The more physical toll his body takes, the less he has to think about soulmates. As a matter of fact, he barely pays any attention to Kairi. He's only glanced her way a couple of times. Honestly, a personal record.

There are only a few practice rounds left today. Roxas is almost tempted to ditch the remainder of it, but it's rude. And even though he's gone through his own match (this time against Hayner), he owes it to the rest of the members to watch.

Riku is up against Axel, which normally would entertain him. But looking at Axel's stupid smug face has brought up any dredges of irritation he'd been suppressing since their last conversation. He also doesn't miss the way Axel had been sending him pointed stares all practice.

Just leave it.

Roxas plops down on the nearest bench, setting his club down beside him.

"You were good today."

Roxas jerks, kicking his club. It rolls away a few feet, before he scoops it up, fiddling with the handle and delaying the inevitability. He considers perhaps making a run for it. It wouldn't be completely awful– he was chasing after his club but then –

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Kairi catches up to him.

"You don't scare me." Roxas nearly tosses the club in embarrassment. He finally peers over at her. The effect is immediate, and exactly why Roxas had been avoiding being in this situation in the first place.

Kairi's mouth quirks, right dimple slowly peeking out. His stomach begins to do that fluttering again that almost makes him wish he had the queasy feeling back.

You idiot.

"Right," she says.

He scratches the back of his head, hoping she'd get the hint. But the more they stand there, the more Kairi seems to be thinking and staring. A risky combo.

"Did you need something?" Roxas asks impatiently.

Kairi's mouth does something else now – something perhaps worse than the smile she'd been fighting – it curves into a tiny, dangerous, pout.

Just kill me now.

Roxas's face is hot. He looks away, looks anywhere, looks for salvation. He lands on Axel, who dodges away from Riku's swing. Their eyes meet. Axel even has the time (and audacity) to throw him a thumbs-up.

Fucking idiot.

"I've been thinking," Kairi says, pulling his attention back against his better judgment, "about us."

The fluttering intensifies, rising up until he feels it in his chest, which begins to pound rapidly. He's afraid it's so loud she may be able to hear it.

Us?

She's using an us now.

There is no us.

But what if there was?

There isn't!

"I've been thinking about what you said," she says slowly. Roxas holds his breath. "I want us to be friends."

It's the single most uplifting and depressing statement he's ever heard.

He barks out a laugh that makes her flinch. He only feels a little sorry for his reaction, but really? This entire thing is ridiculous. Friendship is the last thing on his mind. Friendship leaves the door open for more unwanted situations. Friendship is the delicate balance between life and death.

Ok, dramatics.

He shakes his head, before brushing past her. He makes a beeline for the end of the courtyard. Unfortunately, Kairi is hot on his heels.

"Hey! Wait! I'm talking to you."

His eyes dart around, and he realizes, chagrined, that people are beginning to notice them.

"I have friends," Roxas says over his shoulder. He hears Kairi scoff.

"You're incredibly difficult. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Yeah, plenty of times, he thinks, before dropping off his club and heading out of the courtyard, away from the noise.

That's not the end of it.

Roxas begins to learn that Kairi is extremely stubborn. Perhaps even more stubborn than he is. She corners him every practice and forces him into small talk. When there isn't practice, Roxas has become hyper-aware of the comings and goings of Market Street, searching for the red hair before he even attempts any downtown outings.

After days of unsuccessful dodging, he thinks he may have finally delayed another encounter when he stops for coffee one morning. But the blood drains from his face as he hears the barista call Kairi's name.

And there she is, perfect, pretty, gliding to the counter to pick up her coffee cup. It's some sort of iced drink. A sugary monstrosity, no doubt. He doesn't wait for his receipt as he slams down loose cash, then stomps over to her.

"Are you stalking me?" Roxas nixes the greeting entirely. To her credit, Kairi does actually look surprised for a moment. For a brief moment. Then she smiles, taking a sip of her drink.

"Maybe you're stalking me," Kairi says, with an arched brow. Roxas opens his mouth to argue. "Relax, this is the only cafe in Trams Common."

Roxas's eyes narrow. "I've never seen you here."

"I'm broadening my palate."

Roxas clenches his jaw, before moving back towards the counter for his drink. To his dismay, Kairi follows. He considers ignoring her, keeping his back turned. But she's too relentless for that, scooching up into his space and forcing him to face her.

"Can I ask you something?"

He refrains from the snarky comment that bubbles in his head. But he's tempted, especially when she steps closer.

"If you don't believe it's 99.99% accurate, why did you go to Castle Oblivion in the first place?"

There it is again, that stupid statistic that will haunt him for the rest of his days.

"Never gonna live that down," he murmurs to himself. "Look," he says, addressing her firmly. "I didn't come here for an interrogation."

Kairi flushes. He notes that it begins at the tip of her ears before slowly moving across her cheeks. It's — sweet.

"You're right that's far too deep to discuss over morning coffee," she giggles. The sound curls around his ears pleasantly. "What's your favorite color then?"

"What?"

"Mine is yellow."

It's embarrassing how slow he is to keep up, but his sluggish mind is still hovering around her laugh and the urge to hear it again.

"I'm guessing it's black?" Kairi gives him a once-over that makes him feel exposed. He almost throws his arms around himself, despite being fully clothed, and yes, despite being decked out in an all-black ensemble.

"What are you doing?"

"Forming a connection."

"Well, stop." He drums his fingers against the counter, wishing they'd hurry with his order. It shouldn't even be taking this long. Roxas isn't a complicated person with a complicated order. Flat white. No sugar. Dash of oat milk. Delicious.

"You look like you could use a friend."

"I have friends," he says through gritted teeth. She hums, amused.

"So you've said." She takes another sip of her drink, watching him. He doesn't like the way she's looking at him. The exposed feeling just builds tenfold. "But you look like you could use me as a friend."

The cafe is loud and noisy, drowning out his own mutinous thoughts. Kairi quirks her mouth over her straw and it's quite possibly the most distracting thing in this damn building.

"Now, this is where you ask me a question."

She smiles fully, the curve dimpling on her right cheek. He's charmed by the entire thing, which just irritates him all the more.

Roxas tears his eyes away from her mouth. "If you wanted sugar in a cup, you should've just grabbed a Slurpee at Wallace's."

It's not quite a question. But it's the best he can do in this weak, pathetic state.

A small reprieve comes when he finally hears his name being called. He could cry. His steaming cup is placed on the counter and he makes a big show of moving to get it. She doesn't get the hint. She never does.

She steps into his space again, and his eyes are forced to meet hers.

"Who said it's sweet?"

"You just look like a sweet –," Roxas stops, frowning as the grin begins to grow on her face, " – drink person." He finishes awkwardly.

She pops the coffee out of her mouth, holding the cup out to him. "Wanna bet?"

His gaze darts down to the proffered straw. There's a bit of lipstick staining the edge. He should put a stop to this. Just say no, grab his drink, and hightail it out of there. But the more he stands there, in this public space, the more he doesn't want to leave.

He brings the straw to his lips and he's surprised with the heavily caffeinated taste, wincing at the bitter flavor. He's about two seconds from complaining about it, ready to call it what it is – ass in a cup. But the moment he raises his gaze he freezes.

Kairi's eyes are fixed to his mouth.

Abort, abort, abort!

Roxas practically spits out the straw. He scrambles away, bumping into the counter behind him.

"Not sweet at all," he screeches, snatching up his coffee. He doesn't offer a goodbye as he makes his escape. He half expects Kairi to call after him, but the only thing he hears is her faint response: "It's a quad espresso."

He makes it his mission to avoid Kairi. Completely. But that's proving too difficult to accomplish. She must have had some kind of tracker on him. How was it that she knew his favorite places?

The only spot — the only relief— is the clock tower. But he couldn't very well spend the entire day up there, could he?

Yes. Yes, he definitely can.

In fact, he can spend an entire week up there. The view is glorious, and the best part is how far away everything is. The world is quiet up here, with only the sounds of the whipping wind and the occasional whistle of the train to keep him company.

Roxas dangles his legs over the edge, closing his eyes, and enjoying the breeze. It's a very short-lived moment of peace.

"Figured you'd be hiding out here."

For once, Roxas is relieved to see this shade of red. Axel comes to take a seat next to him.

"I'm not hiding."

"Could've fooled me."

Roxas digs his hands into his sweater pocket. The sun is setting, drenching them in warm, thick, orange, and red colors. He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply.

"She won't leave me alone."

"Like literally or metaphorically?" Axel asks.

Roxas turns a glare on him, and as expected there's already a smirk there, wide and obnoxious.

"I can't even get a cup of coffee without her trying to play 21 questions with me."

"Cute."

Roxas scowls. "Not cute. Very not cute. I'm trying to salvage this, Axel and she's just prancing around like nothing's wrong."

"Maybe, just maybe, there is nothing wrong."

Roxas doesn't offer that a response. He just returns his sullen stare out into the sun, ignoring the reddish shade that reminds him all too much of Kairi.

Roxas reluctantly decides he can't rely so much on avoidance anymore. By avoiding Kairi, he avoids the central core of the entire friend group — Sora.

It doesn't take long for Roxas to get the friendly invitation he'd been so used to receiving.

His gummiphone pings.

Up for some sparring?

He mulls over his response. Normally he'd jump at the chance to fight Sora. It's a challenge he's always willing to accept. Yet, the thought of facing him now, now that all of this is looming over him…

It's a terrible idea. But ghosting Sora seems like an even worse one that will ultimately raise suspicion.

So, Roxas finds himself down in the courtyard ten minutes later. Dragging his feet. Tossing his poor, dwindling pride away.

He hears them before he sees them. He can hear the grunts and smacking of the Struggle club against the hard plastic of the practice dummy. Then comes the sweet, girlish cheering that makes Roxas's pulse race.

Roxas watches them once he gets close enough. It's a scene reminiscent of their childhood. Days spent on the beach watching the pair, Kairi clapping as Sora fought off an invisible beast with his wooden sword. Roxas, of course, was never in that picture. He had been farther away, watching from the sidelines.

But that's where he liked it best, anyway.

Kairi sees him first, and she rises from her seat. The motion causes Sora to stop and turn. He breaks out into a wide grin, waving him over.

The smile eases his nerves a little. That's just the Sora effect. One that permeated even as kids, and clung to him like a safety blanket.

"Thanks for coming. There's a new feint I wanna try," Sora begins without a preamble.

Roxas's eyes slide over to Kairi.

"Oh, you don't mind right?" Sora says, noticing where his attention has gone. "I know you guys have been hanging out a lot lately. Thought we could make it a threesome."

Roxas's eyes bulge. Not quite sure which of the things Sora has said makes him want to scream more.

So they were being incredibly obvious.

He searches Sora's expression for anything remotely negative, any kind of animosity brimming beneath his normally bright smile. But he draws up empty. Sora, if anything, looks far too happy about the prospect of them hanging out. Which is… confusing.

Or maybe you're just the asshole and Sora's too nice.

"Hey, Roxas," Kairi greets as she approaches them.

It's just a simple greeting, but it's weighted. He can feel it in her stare.

"Kairi." He nods, attempting for nonchalance, but his nerves and the guilt pooling in his belly say otherwise. Kairi's smile grows, dimple on full display as if she sees exactly through him. Roxas turns away.

This impromptu practice all feels so incriminating. Being here, wedged between them, as if this is a normal occurrence for them, is nerve-wracking. One wrong move and this entire thing can explode in his face. Even something as simple as staring at Kairi for a second too long threatens the very sanctity of this bond.

He tries to focus on their match. He pulls all his energy into studying Sora, observing his moves. Something that comes easy for him, considering Roxas has spent most of his life doing just that.

There is a beauty to the way Sora duels. It's unpredictable, and it both captivates and infuriates Roxas. It's an unbridled, wild spirit that's effortless.

Roxas is not like that. He's composed, always calculating his next few steps. It takes practice to be so refined. Yet, Sora can easily dismantle that with a simple swing of his weapon.

Their clubs clang every few seconds, jolting him back to the present. For every slice Roxas attempts, Sora blocks just as easily.

Maybe that's what it is, what she likes. Why I'm just not –

The feint Sora tries is quick and biting, and Roxas nearly misses dodging. But he regains his footing. His eyes track Sora's footsteps, analyzing his next move.

It's because it's Sora.

This time, Roxas does expect the feint, leading Sora down for an opening. He charges. Roxas slips away and brings down his club. Roxas expects Sora to surprise him, to come back with a sturdy block.

It's always been Sora.

Instead, Roxas meets the sharp bone of a shoulder.

Sora cries out. He collapses before Roxas realizes what exactly has happened. The offending club is heavy in his shaky hand. He can still feel the subtle vibration of the strike deep in the hilt of his club.

He drops it. The sudden clatter breaks him out of his daze.

Kairi is upon them in an instant.

"Sora!"

She kneels down, attempting to help him up. Her eyes meet Roxas's, sparking him into motion. He squats, hoisting Sora on his back, and lifting. When Kairi tries moving his shoulder, Sora yelps.

"We need to go to the hospital," she says urgently.

"I'm fine. It's just a little scratch." However, Sora's face begins to look paler by the second. He dangles his arm pathetically, and through the strain of his t-shirt, Roxas can see the disfigurement of the cuff of his shoulder. Kairi touches it gently. Sora winces. "Baby scratch."

"Roxas," Kairi says, eyes pleading.

He wastes no time, heaving Sora, until he's half supporting him, and the three of them trudge to the hospital.

It's not broken. Roxas probably really would have jumped off the clock tower if it was broken, smashed his head in on the Central Station tracks, and locked himself up in that old mansion beyond the outskirts of town. Whatever it took to repent for his sins.

He counts his lucky stars that Sora only needed his shoulder popped back in. The doctor sends him away with his arm in a sling and a prescription for low-dose painkillers.

"See? Good as new." Sora attempts to lift his sling up, but Kairi forces it back down.

"Let's not test fate, dummy."

"You worry too much," Sora says. His smile is delicate as he watches her fiddle with his arm. The moment feels far too intimate for Roxas to be witnessing. He's intruding, and whatever his presence is for, it's definitely not for this.

He looks down at his gummiphone for a distraction. Maybe he can slink away. It's probably his greatest talent - fading into the background.

But Sora's greatest talent is painfully generous acknowledgment.

"You caught my feint!"

And of course Sora's thinking of Struggle. The ridiculous surprise on Sora's face almost earns a chuckle. Almost. But Roxas's eyes fall down to the sad sling, then to the manicured hand holding onto his arm.

"Sora," Roxas begins. "I'm so sorry."

The words feel thick and heavy coming out of his mouth as if he's dredging them up from something sticky. He means more than just the shoulder, more than the disaster of a Struggle practice. The worst part is Sora stares at him with naive patience.

Poor guy.

"Accidents happen. Don't worry about it."

Accidents happen.

Roxas shifts his weight on his feet, feeling the discomfort sink its claws around him. "I hurt you."

The double meaning doesn't fall on deaf ears. Kairi's expression flickers into something that makes Roxas feel even guiltier.

Stop looking at me like that. This isn't about that.

Sora pulls them away from the heated exchange.

"You couldn't hurt me, Roxas." Sora laughs. It's good-natured and for a moment Roxas allows the warmth that comes with it to soak up inside of him. He craves validation like a starved animal.

"Besides," Sora continues, "I'm tougher than I look."

Roxas has hurt Sora. It spreads like wildfire among their group. To make matters worse, he receives dozens of text messages asking him for details.

Is Sora okay?

How did it happen?

How hard did you hit him?

Maybe you should take it easy.

He's definitely not taking it easy.

He takes to resuming his clock tower hiding, avoiding the bustling of Twilight Town. But his self-imposed banishment is only temporary.

Axel, the ever-optimist, drags him down and out into town. Sometimes he's grateful for Axel's impulsive personality. Having to be a reluctant party to his stupidity serves as a wonderful diversion. This time it's a trip down to the Sunset Terrace District to catch a movie. Not that watching a movie is exactly stupid. No, Roxas should have specified that paying an insufferable amount of money to watch a remake of a children's animated film is stupid.

"Couldn't we watch something – I don't know – good?"

"What's not good about talking lions?" Axel demands.

It's fine. Perhaps the urge to kill himself over annoyingly catchy, repetitive songs will be the best kind of distraction. So he lets Axel run with it, even allowing him to buy half the candy at the concession stand.

These little happy interventions are swallowing up his funds. He winces, as he closes his munny bag, stuffing it back into his pocket, while Axel fills up their drinks. Not the wisest decision, Roxas realizes, remembering the last time Axel had loaded up his cup with the most disgusting combination of soft beverages: root beer and grape soda.

He's only half made up his mind to join Axel at the soda dispenser when he sees them.

Sora and Kairi, bright, golden, shining like a kaleidoscope of all good things, walk down the hallway together, arms full of their own movie snacks.

There are, at best, two options here.

Run.

Based on his quick, sloppy calculations, it really won't take that much to zoom out of there. Sure, the popcorn bucket will slow him down, but he's seen Kairi run. There's no way she's catching up to him. And Sora? Well, Roxas is sure he's still dealing with that injury.

Five minutes, tops, to reach the end of the hallway, and dive into the nearest theater room.

He'll probably have to deal with everyone wondering what the hell's come over him. It'll also lead to unwanted questions and explanations. He can already hear Axel's cackling the moment he catches wind of this whole potential debacle.

The second option – a greeting.

On the surface, it might seem like the least painful way to go. A simple hello, acknowledging each other's existences, and the like. But the consequences – talking about feelings and explaining his absence. Oh, he'd rather die.

Run it is.

The plan, along with his hopes and dreams, is crushed, however, when they spot him.

"Roxas!" Sora calls out.

Kairi's head snaps up.

Too late.

"You're alive!" They approach before Roxas really has the chance to consider his first option.

"In the flesh," Roxas deadpans. He takes them in. No sling in sight, no hand holding his arm. He's annoyed that this is the first thing he's noticed.

Sora, of course, has a ridiculous extra-large Slurpee in his hand. And he knows for a fact it's his because of the faded blue color around his lips. A literal child.

He avoids looking directly at Kairi, but from the corner of his eye, he can see that she's opted out of the drink, carrying around her own canteen.

"You haven't been responding to my texts," Sora says. Roxas sighs. Here it comes.

"He's been busy brooding," Axel says, as he joins them. Roxas shoots him a glare. "What?"

"I knew it. But Roxas, look, I'm all good now. Really." He lifts his arm up, but Kairi quickly brings it back down. "Well, better, now," he amends, grinning. "We can probably start sparring in a few days."

"I don't know, Sora," Axel says, smirking. Roxas feels his heart sink at the look. "Roxas is a fiery little menace, especially when there are girls around. Don't want you to get hurt again." He turns to Roxas, nudging him. "Who were you showing off for this time? Olette?"

Roxas balks. He's about two seconds away from dumping the popcorn bucket over his head. But he stops short when Kairi's voice breaks that mutinous urge.

"You know Olette?"

He can't read Kairi's expression. It's another stone-cold wall of impassivity. But he decides immediately he doesn't want to know at all. No, definitely not, as he feels a chill run down his spine.

"Not really," Roxas says as Sora responds with: "Just Kairi."

Axel bursts out into raucous laughter. Sora, for his part, at least looks confused before he joins in on the laughter.

Get me out of here.

Roxas and Kairi exchange another glance before he decides to put a stop to this.

"We should get to our movie."

Unfortunately, due to Roxas's shitty luck and the universe's personal vendetta against him, the golden couple had the same preposterous idea to watch singing lions as Axel did. It's another awkward encounter when he realizes they're in the same theater. And of course, Sora immediately suggests that they sit together. Axel, the fucking traitor, agrees wholeheartedly.

This is how he finds himself sandwiched between Sora and Kairi. Completely against his will. Watching lion cubs belting out their little furry hearts about being brothers.

For the life of him, he tries to focus in on the uncanny valley of it all, the way the expressions are transposed onto this CGI mess, but he can't help his attention fracturing, moving treacherously towards the girl sitting beside him.

She has her arms crossed, eyes glued to the screen. Yet despite that, he knows she can't focus either. The happy song plays in the background and she's not moved one bit. Sora, on her other side, is laughing and soaking it all in like a child.

It's a long two and a half hours.

The 15-minute train ride back into town feels even longer. It's spent with Axel dropping inappropriate jokes at Roxas's expense and Sora humming the songs from the movie. To Roxas's disdain, Axel begins to join in. He wouldn't be surprised if the two decide to spontaneously burst out into a duet.

Kairi, on the other hand, has remained uncharacteristically quiet the entire ride.

What is she thinking? Is she mad?

That's stupid, why would she be mad?

I haven't exactly made this easy at all.

This? This shouldn't even be a thing.

They reach Central Station in one piece, though Roxas admits his last few brain cells are still stuck on the singing lion brothers.

I never want a fucking brother.

Roxas prepares for his hasty departure, already rehearsing his farewells inside his head. However, that is completely dashed when Axel suggests pairing off with Sora under the guise of living on the same block.

That was his reasoning. Sound reasoning under normal circumstances, but these were not normal circumstances. And Roxas can see the evil plan cooking up in his best friend's stupid head.

"Roxas can walk Kairi home, right, Roxy?" Axel winks, confirming his suspicions.

Roxas grunts, on the precipice of giving a big, fucking fat no. But Sora stares at him with wide hopeful eyes, pouty blue mouth and all. Angels part the heavens and shine a holy light down on him, saddling Roxas with even more heavy guilt.

"Fine."

The four of them part ways after a dramatic hug Sora gives Kairi that has even Axel looking away, embarrassed. The satisfaction of Axel's discomfort is only a little helpful.

If I have to suffer I'm bringing him down with me.

Once Axel and Sora disappear around the corner, Roxas and Kairi make their trek down Station Heights.

The shops around them have long since closed down, leaving only the twinkling lights of the street posts. Some would think this would be quite a romantic setting. Some are also stupid, Roxas decides.

He and Kairi walk in silence. Just the sound of their steps echoing against the cobbled pavement can be heard. There's a slight chill running through the town, and he peers over at her, wondering if she's cold.

He could just offer her his sweater. That doesn't necessarily have to mean anything. He'd do it for anybody.

Not Axel, but anybody else.

He's started unzipping his hoodie when she finally speaks.

"You'll be friends with Olette, but you won't be friends with me." Ugh. Another statement disguised as a question. Roxas really, really hates rhetorical statements.

She stops in her tracks. He nearly bumps into her, nose faintly brushing against her hair. Flowery perfume leaves him dizzy and sluggish.

"Don't be an idiot. It's not that simple," he says, recovering quickly. But she catches him off guard a moment later when she spins around and steps into his space.

"Then explain it to me like it is simple," Kairi says fiercely. "Instead of over-complicating everything for no reason."

He tries to sidestep away from her, but she blocks his way.

"Stop running away from me."

"I'm not!"

"You are."

"Well you're pushy," Roxas finally snaps. He regrets it the moment it comes out.

It stuns Kairi into a painful silence that stretches past them. It chokes Roxas, suffocating him beneath the brewing tension. She backs up as he steps forward.

Her eyes widen before Roxas sees them brimming with tears. The panic that rips through him is debilitating, perhaps worse than the guilt of nearly breaking Sora's shoulder.

He glances around wildly, hoping no one is witnessing this ridiculous scene. He expects pitchforks and flaming torches, perhaps some ugly caricatures of his oddly shaped head. Not this.

This isn't supposed to happen. Isn't the whole point of his period of melodramatic self-isolation to prevent something like this from happening?

Of all the things this conversation could bring, the last thing he expects is Kairi crying. Worse, him being the cause of it.

He has to rectify this situation before it gets any worse. More importantly, before Sora finds out.

In a split-second decision, he reaches down and grabs her hand. He ignores the tingling sensation of their palms brushing against one another. He disregards the way Kairi's sniffling has paused. And he definitely, rebuffs the heavy pounding of his heart.

Instead, he tugs her along, dragging her back up Station Heights, desperate for what he's searching for. Absolution.

And yet, even in this frantic state, this mortifying scene of leading a sobbing girl through the dark lonely streets of Twilight Town, the only thing he can think of is how unfairly cute she is even while crying.

"Come on, I'm sorry."

"Better?"

Kairi sniffles, giving the popsicle a tentative lick. "It's sweet, but it's also salty."

Roxas nods, not having the heart to tell her it's probably the snot she inhaled on the way over to the clock tower that's contributed to the saltiness.

He's not a complete heathen.

Though, Roxas had been hoping for something better, perhaps a disgusting coffee drink, to cheer her up. But his resources were limited and the only thing open was the Moogle convenience store, where he dug through the bottom of the ice cream cooler for something salvageable, and ended up with two Sea Salt popsicles nearing their expiration date.

The taste isn't as fresh as he's used to, and he's pretty sure the left side of his pop is freezer-burned. But Kairi looks satisfied, nibbling on the baby blue treat.

Since the sun has long since faded, the distance is an inky blue sky, and the breeze has dropped considerably in temperature. But the lights from the town still bring a warm dazzling glow, offering a decent view and fair company. He denies it having anything to do with the girl sitting next to him.

"Thank you."

Roxas shrugs. "Don't mention it."

She's quiet. He distracts himself from saying something stupid by stuffing the ice cream in his mouth. The taste always used to make him feel better, reminding him of the summer his parents split and Axel had taken it upon himself to make sure Roxas received his daily dose of Vitamin D. His actual words.

It was a rough summer. While everyone else was soaking up their vacation, Roxas had been wallowing over soulmates and shitty fathers.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Roxas. This whole thing is a mess." Kairi's voice pulls him away from his thoughts. "And it's all my fault."

Is she serious?

Roxas nearly laughs at the absurdity of it all. Kairi had spent the better part of their awkward climb up here weeping over results that could very well be a load of bullshit.

It is a load of bullshit.

"How is this your fault?"

Kairi twirls the popsicle between her fingers. He watches as it drips down her hand. He looks away, lest he do something stupid like grab her hand. But it continues to melt until the last remainders of the ice cream slide down the wooden stick and into the night.

They both stare over the tower ledge, the ice cream chunk completely out of sight. Kairi lets out a humorless laugh. It sounds too wobbly, like she may still be on the verge of tears.

"I just can't shake this feeling, like I've disrupted something, the balance or whatever," she says, waving the stick out to the town. "And all I want is to be near you now, like all the time."

"It's probably a placebo," Roxas says. Then he notices her puzzled face. "It's like when a —,"

"I know what a placebo is." She snaps the popsicle stick in half. Roxas makes a mental note not to act like a fucking dictionary around her. "What I'm trying to say is, we're – soulmates."

Her voice is hushed. Roxas likes to think he's at least somewhat observant. The perk of being the quiet introvert of the group is that you tend to see everything.

And from what he's observing, Kairi looks – well – disappointed at the admission.

No, that's a complete understatement. She looks horrified, like Roxas traveled back in time, beheaded her favorite doll, and presented it to her in a gorey ritualistic sacrifice.

It's supposed to be Sora.

The words are unspoken between them, heavy and persistent, making Roxas buckle beneath them. What did he possibly expect? How can he delude himself into thinking anything otherwise?

Roxas chews his lip, two seconds away from making a suggestion that will probably damn him.

"It doesn't have to mean anything." Even as the words come out, they feel wrong on his tongue. Kairi's head snaps up, stricken. "I mean, it can mean nothing, honestly."

He's waffling, he knows it. He can see the uncertainty creeping up on her face.

This is going terribly.

"Nothing," Kairi echoes.

Roxas has to stop himself from wincing. When she says it, it sounds so much more definitive. What was a self-incriminating suggestion in his head becomes so much more tangible, so much more permanent.

"The algorithm strips us of any kind of real choice in the matter. Are we just gonna be controlled by a set of test results for our entire lives? No. I don't need some fancy machine to tell me what I want."

It's meant to be consoling. Another option to present to Kairi who seems entirely too hung up on the idea. But the words come out warbled. There's a lump in his throat as he forces it out.

Kairi takes them in all the same.

For being supposedly tied together by fate, he has never felt more far away from Kairi.

"And what is it that you want, Roxas?" she finally asks.

Her question startles him. Her eyes are wide, studying, as if she can delve into his mind and read all the incriminating things he's been thinking these past few weeks. He feels his insides burning, urging him to admit it out loud. But it's dangerous. Even this conversation they're having up here, dangling over the intimacy of his special place, is dangerous.

What I want…

… it's wrong.

Roxas sighs, expelling all the pent-up energy he'd been desperately trying to hold on to, and letting the exhaustion finally slither through. He pockets his wooden popsicle, ignoring the word winner branded on the side of it.

"I want to go home. It's late."

A/N: more shouting in to the roxiri void. have another one!

also, not sure if you're all here or on ao3 but it's posted there too.