Disclaimer - This chapter may contain triggering topics such assubstance abuse and other self-destructive behaviors. Please be mindful of the sensitivity content and be weary of how the topics discussed may affect you.

It's been almost a year now. She couldn't get herself out of this hole. Nothing was the same anymore, she just couldn't get used to the emptiness, or the absence of familiar laughter and the smell of a homecooked meal when she walked through the apartment door they used to share.

She started on a path to self destruction. Although her work hadn't gotten sloppy in the least bit, it was pretty obvious to her colleagues that she was struggling in the other areas of her life. She barely spoke to anyone anymore, her smiles were empty and dark shadows circled her eyes most days. It was a battle making it out of bed every morning. Surgery was the only thing keeping her here.

Figuring the hour spent self loathing after her alarm went off should be enough, Callie slowly rolled out of bed and sat up on the edge. She let go a heavy sigh before pushing herself off of the bed.

She walked into the kitchen, resisting the urge to take a swig from the bottle of vodka on the counter before leaving for work, but that would mean she had finally lost all dignity and self respect. She couldn't even bear to look around at the mess that had come of the apartment. Empty bottles of beer and large bottles of vodka were scattered across the room along with the laundry she neglected to put away and the takeout counters piled in the trash can.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to get rid of the racing thoughts that had plagued her mind constantly for the past nine months. She just took deep breath and decided against eating a real breakfast, she took a granola bar from the cupboards before leaving. She couldn't deal with the nausea that came with eating today.

At the Hospital

The group of interns stood at the on call room door arguing over who should be the one to wake the bear. None wanting to face the wrath of the angry Head of Ortho. "Oh forget it! I'll do it." She said pushing through them.

Knocking, she timidly poked her head through. "Dr. Torres?"

Turning to face the ajar door to see the group of interns all peeking in with terrified looks, she tried to bite back the irritation from being woken up. "What is it, Wilson? This better be good."

"Dr. Bailey sent us to remind you that you have surgery in half an hour. She tried paging but you didn't answer."

Callie sat up and rubbed a hand down her face trying to wipe away some of the tiredness. "Could you tell Dr. Bailey that I am capable of keeping track of my surgeries on my own?" She knew the older surgeon was trying her best to be there for her friend but what she really needed was for everyone to let her be. "Actually, I'll tell her myself." She took up her lab coat from the floor next to her and stormed out of the room.

Not bothering to knock she just walked right in and began her rant. "Can you explain to me why you are sending interns to check on me and remind me about my surgeries? Yesterday I found Schmitt stalking me in the food court. Miranda, I appreciate you trying to make sure I'm alright but right now I need everyone to just..." for the first time she looked up realizing Chief Bailey wasn't the only one in the room. A blue eyed blonde was watching her quizzically as well.

"Um, I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll catch up with you later Bailey. Continue what you were doing." She rushed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Banged her head a little harder than needed as she rested her head on the wall, she muttered to herself. "You need to get grip."

She looked around hoping there was no one watching her from around a corner so they could add talking to herself to the list of things everyone seemed to be so concerned about. Callie just took a breath and began heading to the OR for her hip replacement surgery. At least she would have a distraction for a while.

In the OR

"Doctor Torres..." the nurse called out once but got no indication that she was heard.

"Doctor Torres!" She said a bit louder this time, stepping closer. Callie finally looked up from the body she had been doing chest compressions on for the past ten minutes now. The nurse looked at her sympathetically. "He's not coming back, it's time to call it."

She stared at the nurse for a few seconds before looking up at the clock and saying barely above a whisper, "Time of death, 16:48." She walked out without stealing another glance at anyone in the room and made it into the scrub room before angrily kicking the trash can.

It was supposed to be a simple procedure. He threw a clot and things just went down hill from there. At his age any number of things could go wrong. His body just couldn't handle it but this was a procedure she could do in her sleep. It felt like she had lost more patients than she saved recently.

She leaned on the sink for a few minutes to steady her breathing before scrubbing out and going to notify the family.

Back In The Chief's Office

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the last Head of Peds? Don't get me wrong, this is a great offer but I just want to know what I'm getting into."

"He wasn't a good fit." That really was the easiest way to sum up the last Peds surgeon, Dr. Starke. "Dr. Robbins, I can assure you there is nothing to worry about."

The smaller woman seemed sincere and she would take the sincerity in her words for now. "Okay."

"Okay?..." She waited for more.

"I can start Monday. That'll give me some time to finish moving in." The blonde said enthusiastically.

"Monday works." The Chief says happily and stands holding out her hand.

"Well then, I'll see you bright and early Monday morning Dr. Bailey."

The two shook hands before leaving the office together.

Authors Note

Hi there! I'll probably be updating this story along with "Where The Road May Go" interchangeably. I am hoping I can keep up with updates a bit better now.

I have another story I have been working on along with these two works I've already published. I'm not sure I will be bringing it out yet, but here's the first chapter to "Pick Your Poison", I've been sitting on this one for a while. This story may probably be filled with quite a bit of angst, I haven't quite decided yet but I'll be sure to leave disclaimers at the office top each chapter.

I just hope this story is one that can be enjoyed. Any feedback is really appreciated.