Chapter Three
Author's Note- Is anybody out there reading and enjoying this story? Not really sure. I continue to write it and have some chapters already written, but I am waiting for at least 2 reviews per chapter before adding anymore. Thanks in advance if you are reading and/or enjoying the story.
"Amarice, take the children outside for a little bit," Xena told the startled young Amazon as she entered the hut. "I need to start packing."
Amarice's eyes widened as she picked up the baby boy with golden hair as well as his raven-haired younger sister. Talking softly to the children, Amarice exited the hut. Something had Xena quite upset, so she thought it best she comply and give Xena a little bit of space.
Gabrielle approached the hut, seeing Amarice outside playing with Solan and Elysia. "Could you watch them a little while longer?" she implored. "Xena and I need to talk."
"Of course. I hope everything's alright."
"It will be," Gabrielle said with a sigh.
She walked into the hut to see Xena practically ransacking it, hastily tugging clothes from one satchel and stuffing them into another. "What are you doing?" Gabrielle asked.
"What's it look like I am doing? I am packing. If Solan isn't wanted here, then I can't stay. My son and I will be leaving, but don't worry, Gabrielle, you and Elysia will be safe. You will remain here, guarded by the Amazons. I'll come back to visit when I can -."
"Xena, no!" Gabrielle interrupted in horror. "You're not going anywhere and you're not taking Solan. We are a family. He is MY son. I was with you when you carried him. I felt him moving inside of you. I was with you when you gave birth. I saw him take his first breath. You placed him in my arms as soon as he was born. He's my son, too. He's ours. He may not have been born of my flesh, but he's my child, just as Elysia is mine. I won't let you leave me. Remember after you gave birth to Solan, you said, 'You have a son' when you handed him over for me to hold. He's our child. He's always been ours... and if Solan has to go, we all go. You can't leave me. You can't leave Elysia. We belong together."
Gabrielle took Xena's hand into hers, trying to calm her. Xena was shaking in anger and tears filled up her eyes. When they slid down her cheeks, Gabrielle used her free hand to tenderly wipe them away. "I love you," she said softly.
"This isn't going to work. You and me. Being a family."
"How can you say that? We're joined. We took those vows. We're forever now. You can't back out on love."
"What's someone like me doing with a woman like you?" Xena hissed with self-hatred. "After all I have done, I don't deserve you. And we both know I don't deserve either one of those beautiful children out there. I have blood on my hands, Gabrielle. I've done unspeakable things... and you, firsthand, have tasted just how cruel and selfish I can be."
"But you've changed, Xena. If I wouldn't have believed that with all my heart and soul, I wouldn't have agreed when you asked me to become your lifemate. Please stop," Gabrielle begged as Xena turned away and was once again trying to stuff some of her belongs into her saddlebags.
"My own mother didn't love me. She sent me away. She slapped me and she sent me away after accusing me of killing my younger brother."
Xena had a look of so much pain and longing on her face that it nearly broke Gabrielle's heart. Her love was being tortured. Her mother-wound was so deep that it was agonizing for both of them.
"We need to go away for a little while, just you and me and our babies. We need space from these Amazons. Let's go off together. Just for awhile. I need to talk to you," Gabrielle pleaded, once again grasping Xena's hand. She gave it a tender squeeze as though to infuse Xena with strength and courage.
"Alright, Gabrielle. We'll pack up what we need and we'll go off a short ways into the Amazon forest. Not far though. I still want you and the babies protected by Artemis."
Gabrielle sighed with relief. "Okay, I'll go let Eph know. You start packing. I'll be back soon."
~~X~~~~X~~
That evening, after the babies were fast asleep in their make-shift shelter constructed of sturdy logs and animal skins, Xena and Gabrielle sat down close to the water's edge to talk. Only the soothing sound of the water rushing within the nearby stream accompanied by occassional animal noises met their ears. Everything seemed so peaceful as Gabrielle reached for Xena's hand, giving it a tender squeeze.
Xena appeared to be lost in her own little world at that moment, barely breathing, until Gabrielle raised her beloved's hand to her lips, gently kissing her long fingers. "Please talk to me, Xena. What happened today?"
"I thought we had a home, you, me, and our children. I thought I could protect you, make things up to you. I really haven't treated you all that well. You deserve so much more. I wanted to give you everything. But the Amazons insist Solan can't stay, Ares lies in wait, threatening our daughter, and my enemies could find us at any moment. If we stay with the Amazons, we have the protection of the village as well as Artemis. If we leave, who knows what will happen. We'll always be in hiding... on the run. What kind of life would that be? You didn't ask for this. I just took you. I wanted you, so I took you. I brought you into my world where there is danger and heartache. You didn't ask for that, nor did you ask for what happened that night with Ares. I was wrong, Gabrielle. So wrong and I can never say I am sorry enough for it."
Xena hung her head in sorrow, but Gabrielle reached out, gently lifting her chin to gaze into her azure eyes. "That isn't true," she said softly. "I did ask for it; I just don't know how to tell you or make you understand. Just know that I love you, Xena, and I don't regret anything. Yes, things have been difficult and confusing at times. There were times I was full of anger and wanted to lash out at you, but through it all, I thought I could reach you. I thought we could have a chance. This is our chance. Whatever obstacles we have from here on out, we'll face them together. We still have nearly a year and half we can stay with the Amazons. During that time, the babies will become older and stronger. You can teach me everything that I'll need to know to protect myself, though I bet you'll be surprised at how quickly I can learn... and when we leave the Amazon Village, there are a few places I'd like to go."
"Where?"
"I'd like to see if Lila made it home safely to my parents... and I'd like to see them and make sure everyone is doing alright. Then... I'd love it if you took me to meet your mother. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to know she has two beautiful grandchildren."
"No," Xena refused. "Absolutely not. That woman hates me."
Gabrielle sighed, lightly caressing Xena's cheek. "You have to give her a chance. This is our chance, but it's yours, too, Xena. You've been through so much pain and suffering."
"More like I have inflicted pain and suffering."
"Hurt people hurt others sometimes. They lash out like I almost did when you and Borias brought me to your camp. I wanted to hit you. I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't. Deep inside, I could see it in your eyes. All the turmoil and the agony, eating away at you."
"That's no excuse for what I did to you. Do you know what I did as a warlord... as The Destroyer of Nations? I took whatever I wanted and I didn't care who I hurt in the process. So many innocents. Belach, the son of Borias, suffered because of me. His wife, Natassa - I stole her husband away. Just because I could. Just because I wanted him."
"I think Borias is the one who made the choice to leave his wife and child and go with you, Xena. You can't blame yourself for everything ... for what others did."
"I corrupted him, Gabrielle. Deep in his heart he was capable of so much goodness, but like a rotten disease, I infected him. Who knows what would have happened to Solan had it not been for you."
"Everything changed the day you and Borias brought Lila and me to your camp. That was the turning point. Nothing has been the same since, has it? You've changed."
"Yeah, I changed. I fell for you. Somehow I came to my senses and I asked you to be Solan's mom. But then what did I do once we were finally alone? I set it up where you and I had that threesome with Ares. I made sure you would only remember it as a dream."
"Xena, we are passed this. You shouldn't have deceived me, but you lived to regret it. Thankfully, Aphrodite came to our rescue. And you know what, I don't regret that either... because it gave us Elysia, our beautiful baby girl. She ours, Xena. A part of you... and a part of me. How could I ever regret that?"
"I am glad that you have no regrets."
"That's where you're wrong. I do have regrets. I think it's time I told you everything. I nearly told you more than once, but I just couldn't. My fear was much too strong."
Xena looked baffled. "Tell me what? What is it you're afraid of?"
"You need to know the true reason why you and I are together," Gabrielle stated. "I've been afraid to tell you all this time because once I do, you'll think I've lost my mind."