Eli would never quite understand how Blitzo's mind worked. It was another slow day, so Blitzo decided that everyone should gather together for a bit of fun—watching television... that he would shoot for fun. Millie cheered every time a TV was destroyed, while Moxxie kept switching channels to see which one Blitzo would most enjoy shooting with his flintlock.
At this point, Eli had grown accustomed to the sound of gunshots, just choosing to ignore them as he flipped through the grimoire, trying to learn as many spells as he could. Then, a commercial appeared—surprisingly featuring Heaven—with three cherubs flying in front of an imposing gate, an Eye of Providence adorning above it. Behind them lay a sprawling metropolis. The cherubs, Eli recalled from one of his lessons with Stolas, were known as Cherub.
"Howdy, y'all! I'm Cletus! If you wanna taste a slice of Heaven pie, you better behave!" One of the cherub said. He looked like a human child with wings and a halo above his head. The other two flitted around in glee before Cletus gathered them together.
"And these two are my best friends, Collin and Keenie!" He introduced, his two giggling companions—both looking like an anthropomorphic sheep. They all struck poses before their business logo appeared, followed by an annoyingly catchy jingle that made Eli almost shoot the TV himself—almost.
"Finally, some good target practice!" Blitzo said, aiming his flintlock at the TV as though imagining it were real. "Look at these little shits, spreading joy and happiness." He mocked. "Seriously, God made these little insects to make you all goody-goody for the rest of your life? Ugh." He fired, and the television exploded.
"Nice shot, B!" Millie praised, her voice full of admiration. She was glad the commercial was gone, but a discreet glance at Eli revealed he was breathing a sigh of relief. Good. He didn't seem to like it either.
Moxxie replaced the TV, stepping back quickly to avoid being in the blast range. The last few had been a little too close for comfort.
"Cherub, huh? And here I thought they were naked, like they're depicted in the Bible. Guess they've changed with the times," Eli said in a nonchalant tone. Honestly, his opinion of angels was low, and it had only gotten worse after learning about their annual visits to Hell. Every 365 days, they came down with angelic weapons to recreate the purge and hunt sinners. Even though Stolas had told him that Hellborns were spared thanks to Lucifer obtaining a pardon from Heaven, they didn't take any chances.
"That's right, kid! Time changes people." Blitzo said with a grin, spinning around. "But what hasn't changed is the fact that Heaven answers to us imps." He continued, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You see, those goody-two-shoes think they're all about spreading hope and joy and all that crap. Heck, they even tried to rip off our jingle! Good thing it sucks, though." Blitzo's disdain for their Heavenly counterpart was no secret. Their business model was the polar opposite of I.M.P.'s.
"Huh, I guess I can agree with that." Eli shrugged, while the still-sleeping Loona suddenly pulled him to her side, using him as a cuddle pillow. Eli was more impressed by the fact that Loona had managed to sleep through the entire chaos, despite her enhanced hearing.
Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie discreetly snapped pictures of the scene. It was rare to see Loona showing this level of affection.
A few minutes later, after Moxxie had switched channels repeatedly—from 666 News to a commercial about an imp desperately trying to recruit people to his little business, the same one Eli recognized from Loo Loo Land—Blitzo grinned and shot the TV again.
"Whoo! You're on a roll, Blitz!" Millie cheered, her voice full of excitement. Eli was sure they were going to run out of TVs soon, but he also knew that was probably Blitzo's main idea in the first place.
Suddenly, the entire building shook, sending a rare wave of concern through Loona as she perk up from her slumber. "Do you guys feel that?" She asked, pulling Eli closer, as if seeking comfort.
Blitzo, on the other hand, seemed more frustrated than scared. "Shit, is that a Hellquake?" He asked, the shaking momentarily stopping.
Eli shot a questioning look at Moxxie.
Moxxie sighed, exasperated. "Sir, Hellquakes do not—"
A panicked Millie interrupted her husband. "It's okay! Don't worry, boys!" She said as she jumped next to Eli, wrapping her arms around him. Loona, meanwhile, chose to wrap her arms around both of them. "Just stick close to yer Ma, sugar."
Moxxie tried to soothe everyone. "Hellquakes have never, nor will ever, occur."
"Stop being hysterical, fatty!" Loona yelled at Moxxie. Then, to Eli, she added, "And you, listen to Millie!"
Eli gave a simple hum of acknowledgment, but just as the situation seemed to calm down, the wall above Moxxie suddenly crumbled. Before it could crush him, Eli reacted quickly, extending his arms. A red, bubble-like shield appeared, protecting Moxxie from the falling debris.
The cause of the destruction? A wrecking ball made of black tubes that separated, revealing a sinner demon—one that almost looked like a classic comic book villain—stepping out of it. The I.M.P. team immediately went on high alert, preparing for a potential fight.
A/N: And now where at the Cherub chapter, which is gonna be interesting to try and figure out how to write.
I'm still trying to recreated Eli family's personalities. In the old one their just a blatant copy of loud house characters except for one of the the sister. So we won't be seeing Eli's family yet.
My back hurts... so many stuff to carry, jeez.