Chapter 55: I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!
As the doors closed behind Subaru, he stood in the hallway, sighing. He really wished he had a cigarette right now. Or, actually, maybe a cigar, or a pipe. Those tended to be healthier. Then again, since he couldn't die, there really wasn't a point for him to "live cleanly."
To think that most of the animosity he and Wilhelm had with each other was over a fucking misunderstanding felt like bullshit. Sure, he understood that Wilhelm was a hot-blooded teenager once, and probably didn't like the concept of some know-it-all asshat muzzling in on his territory, but come on! Communication saves lives! Or at least, doesn't destroy them.
Waiting quietly in the hallway, he could hear the doors open, as several knights came out.
Subaru nearly gave an exasperated sigh. Now what?
Julius and the knights following him walked up to Subaru. "We need to talk."
"Not in the mood to talk," Subaru curtly said. "Now kindly buzz off."
"You don't have much of a choice."
Subaru gave an angry chuckle at the choice of words, and ended up crushing the wood from the bench in his hands, an act that made the knights flinch. "Oh, trust me, you do not want to pull the "I don't have a choice" thing on me."
The purple-haired knight narrowed his eyes. "And why not?"
"Because I have been told that same line over and over again, and it's got a lot of bad memories associated with it."
Julius was silent for a second before speaking. "Then I'll make this quick. Follow me."
Just ready to get this over with, Subaru reluctantly followed Julius.
When Subaru followed the Juukulius brat, he wasn't really expecting to end up in the knights training arena, but he wasn't completely surprised, either. What made it more interesting, however, was the number of knights in the seats, watching, as if expecting something.
He had a few sneaking suspicions of what it might be.
"So, what's the deal?"
"It's come to the attention of us all that you are not only an ex-rebel and member of the Demi-Human Alliance, but also openly antagonistic to our former captain, and overall, a mockery to all knights, despite being registered as one," Julius said.
Subaru clicked his tongue. "Not my fault he turned into a complete asshole who blamed his five-year-old grandson for what happened to Theresia."
"Regardless, the people here want your death. However, since we're all civilized here, we'll instead punish you with wooden swords. Think of this as a practice spar."
Subaru snickered at the "threat," pathetic as it was. "Trust me, I've had to deal with worse shit than you in only a year. Imagine what I've had to kill in over four hundred."
"Hmph. Very well, then. Julius Juukulius, Finest of Knights."
Seeing that the now-armed knight wasn't open to reason, Subaru just sighed as he grabbed a wooden sword. "Alright. Subaru Natsuki. The Chosen Undead."
Several knights in the audience grumbled audibly, as Julius lunged forward.
Julius prepared a stabbing attack, but Subaru managed to parry by striking from below.
The purple-haired man jumped from above, and swung down with his sword.
"Shamak!"
FWOOSH!
Subaru released a cloud of black smoke that completely blinded Julius' senses. Subaru moved out of the way so Julius only hit the ground.
"Magic?! Do you have no hon-?!" Subaru kicked Julius in the torso which sent him to the other side of the arena.
"Honor's overrated. Your opponent won't show you any honor. They'll fight dirty, and they'll do anything to achieve victory. In a real fight, the only thing that matters is killing your enemy before they kill you." Subaru gave another swing of his sword which dispersed his dark cloud, while giving Julius a glare. "I suggest you take that lesson to heart."
Meanwhile, at the Thorne Room, the nobles and remaining knights were still talking with the Royal Candidates, or, were trying. Most of them were still focused on what happened between the butler of the Valkyrie, and the knight of the Dragonborn.
Emilia couldn't stop looking at the door. "I hope Subaru's alright."
Felt chuckled, "He's probably just out for a smoke…"
Anastasia looked around for her knight, but not seeing him. "Hey, has anyone seen Julius?"
"Maybe he's taking a piss?" Al suggested.
"I believe I saw Julius exiting the throne room along with a few knights." Reinhard spoke up with his hand raised.
"Same with Felix…" Crusch said, as she began to put two and two together.
"Hmm…" Priscilla had a feeling about what was going on, and it was making her smile in amusement. "Mineself believes something interesting might be happening."
The doors of the Throne Room were slammed open, as a young knight entered the room, his face giving away a state of panic. "Councilmen! We have an issue!"
"Speak!" Bordeaux commanded.
"Julius Juukulius has challenged Subaru Natsuki to a duel!" the young knight shouted. "They're currently fighting in the arena as we speak!"
Emilia jumped up in shock as she heard that. "What?!"
"Uh-oh." That was all Rem said, already having an idea what will happen.
"Should I intervene?" Reinhard asked.
"No!" Prisiclla snapped. "I want to watch this."
Al chuckled at the neat scenario. "Well, this ought to be good."
Miklotov, meanwhile, had gone pale. "That poor boy…"
Roswaal simply smiled. "Well, let's go see how it goes."
Everyone quickly ran through the halls, making their way to the outdoor arena, where they saw Subaru currently charging towards Julius with his sword.
"Don't you know who I am?!" Subaru yelled out with a crazed grin.
Julius barely blocked the sword strike and was holding it back with all his mana-infused strength. It seems like he had taken Subaru's advice to heart.
"I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!"
While Julius was occupied with the sword, Subaru took the opportunity to slam his fist strength into Julius' gut, which caused him to stagger and gasp for air.
"What?!" Anastasia shouted, "Isn't that cheating?!"
"Come on! What are you waiting for?!" Subaru roared, as he kept slamming the wooden sword into Julius' face. "If you're gonna stick to your honor or whatever bullshit is holding you back, you're never gonna beat me! Come on! Hit me like you wanna kill me! DO IT!"
Julius growled, as he sent his sword forward, smacking Subaru's face repeatedly.
However, Subaru grabbed onto the sword as it was about to hit him again and he wouldn't let go. He just held a look of disappointment as he prevented Julius from pulling back.
"How disappointing."
Using his unnatural strength, Subaru crushed the wooden sword in his hand before releasing what remained.*
With the last of his strength, Subaru rasped out, "What are you…?"
SNATCH!
Julius felt his breath halt, as the black-haired monster's grip was on his throat. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see that thing staring at him. But he couldn't stop himself.
Julius Juukulius looked up, and staring at him was…
"A dead man walking."
WHAM!
And with that last one-liner, Subaru slapped Julius in the face, knocking him out.
Subaru looked up to see the audience, all the knights in shock that Julius was defeated so easily. "Anyone else want to go?"
No one else spoke up, almost… afraid to.
"Good answer."
Felt shivered at that a bit, thinking "Badass" to herself. "Rein… call it."
"Yes, Felt-sama. Julius Juukulius has been defeated! The winner is Subaru Natsuki!"
There were mixed results, as most of the knights didn't cheer, but three of the four Royal Candidates did, and loudly so.
Priscilla clapped at the Undead's victory. "An excellent display!"
"HELL YEAH!" Felt cheered.
"Well done, Subaru!" Emilia didn't like the scenario that led to this happening, but she was glad her friend won.
Anastasia sighed. "I should go hug Julius…"
"I'll get him healed up!" Felix said, running behind Anastasia.
As Julius was getting treated, Subaru dropped his sword and left the arena. As he was leaving, Reinhard walked up to his surrogate uncle. "Subaru, are you alright?"
"No."
Reinhard looked a bit concerned. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Tell your folks I said hi."
"I... very well." Reinhard wanted to say more, but held his tongue.
Subaru gave Reinhard a quick hug before he took his leave.
As he left the arena, Subaru debated whether he should have asked Reinhard to keep tabs on Wilhelm, but he decided to go against it. That kid had enough on his plate, as is.
Much later, Emilia walked into one of the many rooms within the Royal Castle, and found Subaru just… lazing about on one of the couches. Finally, she found him.
"Subaru, are you alright?" The half-elf asked in concern for her friend.
"If I said yes, would you believe me?" he asked.
"I know you better than that."
"Alright, I don't know how to describe it, so let me try, via a joke."
Emilia just sighed and nodded.
Getting up from the couch, Subaru asked, "Did you know that the newest voting machines now come with a blood drain, an enema, and an auto-sex tab?"
"Nope." Nor did any of that make sense to her.
"Yeah, you get your blood drained, give yourself an enema, and go fuck yourself," the nasty-eyed Undead said. "It saves the government the trouble."
"Not entirely sure I got the joke."
Subaru knew he had to elaborate. "Basically, whenever I'm near the government or any part of the establishment, I usually feel light-headed and like there's something up my ass."
"Oh... now I get it."
"Yeah," Subaru sighed again and turned to the Dragonborn. "Anyways, how are you?"
Emilia tilted her head a bit as she leaned against the wall. "Well, no one's called me a disgusting half-devil... so that's nice."
The former Great Sage snorted. "Yeah, that's probably because most of the assholes in the room were hating on me. I still consider it a win, but, yeah…"
"Yeah... Well, if it makes you feel any better, we'll be leaving in a few minutes."
"Great. Guess I'm gonna head out and say goodbye to my "kids.""
"Okay…" Emilia nodded, before she did a double-take. "Wait, "kids"?"
"I've been around for four hundred years, and I've been all around the world. I'm bound to adopt some brats during some of my adventures, who've now grown up."
Emilia couldn't argue with that. "Yeah, that makes sense."
"Alright, I'll go say my goodbyes. See you back at the courtyard with the others?"
Emilia nodded her head. "Sure. I'll go tell the others."
Subaru walked around the castle, trying to ignore the memories this place invoked. By the time he reached the courtyard, he came across Anastasia and her foster siblings.
Subaru cleared his throat before speaking up, grabbing the attention of the Hoshin girl and her adoptive family. "Hey, Ana. Sorry about earlier, but Julius did start it."
"Oh, it's okay —"
Subaru shook his head and raised his hand up. "No, I went a little overboard. After that crap with Wilhelm and then Julius challenging me, I felt like I needed to blow off some steam."
"An' tha' wuz steam ya blew off! Man, ya musta been havin' a bad day!"
Subaru jumped a bit, turning around to see none other than Ricardo the Kobold. "Oh, hey Ricardo. Good to see you. Especially after what I just went through today."
"Yep!" Ricardo laughed. "And guess who else is here?!"
"Look, it's Subaru!" Subaru looked back to see the Pearlbaton triplets, Tivey, Hetaro, and Mimi.
"Yay!" Mimi cheered. "Daddy's here!"
Subaru shuttered in what could only be described as dread. "Please don't call me that…"
"Father?" Hetaro suggested.
"...That'll do."
"Ooh! Ooh!" Mimi raised her hand. "How about Papa?!
Subaru shook his head and sighed. He's been doing that a lot lately. "Sure."
"Oh, there you are."
Subaru turned around to see his Vollachian kid had found him. "Hey, Priscilla."
"I thought you'd sneak away," Priscilla said.
"I'm just checking in before heading out,"
"Checking out what?" Al asked.
"My adopted kids."
The helmeted knight sighed. "How many is this now? A hundred?"
Subaru sighed. "I have no idea."
Priscilla rolled her eyes. "Hilarious."
"So, wuz been going on? Last we heard, ya were plannin' on headin' to Gusteko," the brown-furred beast of a mercenary captain asked.
"Already went there, and found the fourth Royal Candidate. So, I'm back."
Anastiasa raised an eyebrow at that. "Emilia was also there? Why?
Subaru just shrugged. "I guess just getting away from Lugunica and all the racism."
"And that's when you discovered she was the Dragonborn?" Priscilla askes.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Ah, Subaru. There you are."
I'm trying to get out of here, and yet, I've managed to run into nearly everyone, Subaru thought to himself, as he turned around to greet the newcomers. "Rein, Felt. Time to say goodbye?"
Felt nodded. "Yeah, we're heading back to Rein's place."
"Coolio," he said, giving them a thumbs-up. "See you later?"
"Yep. See ya later."
Subaru gave everyone a salute, as he headed out to the courtyard, to Emilia and company.
Taking a few detours to avoid any nobles (and more importantly, his old foes from the Demi-Human War and their associates), Subaur made it to his destination.
Before the meeting officially began, the members of the Emilia Camp had agreed to meet at a certain place to make their leave, and sure enough, they were all there.
Making Subaru the last one… despite basically being their driver.
"There you are, Uncle." Rem greeted the undead.
"About time you got here." Ram greeted him as well.
"I was saying goodbye," Subaru said, trying to defend himself.
"Well, are you satisfied?" Roswaal asked.
"I'm better than earlier," he admitted.
Emilia smiled softly at that. "Glad to hear that."
Subaru used Al Shamak to send them all back to Roswaal's mansion. Hopefully, after all the bullshit they just went through, this would mean a return to normalcy.
Oh, who was he kidding?
Author's Note: Subaru is a menace when it comes to fighting human-sized opponents, especially when he's angry. He's that kind of Fromsoft player.
Also, yes, I was watching the X-Men movies when we were writing this, hence the whole "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" line, don't tease me. Now for the comments!
palik: What? You thought we wouldn't have Subaru lay the literal smack down on Julius after laying the figurative smack down on everyone present at the Royal Selection? (Of course we had to do it!) You were just expecting it a week earlier than it came out!
5queso: Yeah, I recently watched the third season of Shield Hero, so the comparison was pretty easy for me to make. Also, I would very much like to clarify that it wasn't just the thing about Theresia that made Wilhelm hate Subaru (there are plenty of other reasons), it just happens to be one of them. Will their relationship improve? I don't actually remember what we have planned. (We'll figure something out.)
Guest: Well, that happened in the last chapter, and it's safe to say that Crusch's speech, while he understood why she said it, couldn't help but be disappointed at her.
Qubon: The reality check Subaru gave Wilhelm was actually different when we were originally writing this chapter, we ended up expanding on it a day before posting. I'm also kinda chortling at the idea that Subaru "lolimanced" Theresia, just because he happened to be a couple centuries older than her when the two of them duked it out.
GlupItMan: I know that canon Subaru has the ability to attract girls younger than him (physically or otherwise), but I'm pretty sure that Theresia doesn't qualify.
Kifhjoofff: No fueron exactamente rumores lo que hizo Roswaal, fue más bien una broma que fue demasiado lejos. Y no, Priscilla no sabe quién es la esposa de Subaru, básicamente nadie lo sabe. (Más allá de algunas personas de confianza) Básicamente podría ser una broma ahora que Subaru tiene una esposa que vive en el equivalente de Od Laguna en Canadá. O tal vez sea muy tímida.
Anyways, back to the regular old shilling…
I'm pretty sure as you all know now, I have also made a Twitter account to post my art, so if anyone is interested in checking it out, /ErnaloreProf is the link.
If you want more content, visit my Discord, the link is /3PFYSt8Dqz. You can chat with others, post memes, fanfic recommendations and prompts, role play, fan art, and we even have a writer's corner now! I'll also drop by with announcements and chat with you all every now and then! Also, if you want to add me as a friend, my username is Ernalore#8663! Just please make sure to follow the rules
Thanks for reading, and once again, see you next time!
- Ernalore & Infinite the Celestian