Disclaimer: I do not own any property in this work that I did not make myself.
Fiction Fighters
Chapter ten: Drawn Together housemates vs. Teen Titans (2003) (Drawn Together vs. DC Comics/Animation)
The small bit of dramatic music for the animated reality show Drawn Together played as the scene shifted to show an intercom speaker, from which the Producer called out, "Housemates, report to the living room area!"
The scene shifted to show Xandir in the confessional looking right at the camera. "This week, the producers said that another group of characters will be brought in, and the other housemates and I have to fight them," Xandir said.
The scene shifted to show all eight of the Drawn Together housemates looking at the front door of their house, waiting for the people they have to fight to show up. Suddenly, the doors burst open, and five teenage superheroes came into the house.
The teenage superheroes in question? It was Robin, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire of the Teen Titans. And they're the version from the early 2000s, so obviously they're the good version of the Teen Titans.
Pointing dramatically at their opponents, Robin called out, "Titans, go!"
The Teen Titans immediately rushed the Drawn Together housemates, kick starting the team versus team battle. Although the Teen Titans did go in with a slight numbers disadvantage, not ALL of the Drawn Together housemates were experienced fighters, so things about evened out for both of the teams who would be throwing down against one another.
Xandir immediately tried to rush Cyborg, with his sword raised high to make an overhead swing. But Cyborg blasted Xandir with a cannon attack from his arm, sending the gay elf man flying backwards until his back slammed into a bookshelf. Hurt but not deterred, Xandir got back up and proceeded to try to rush Cyborg again.
Wooldoor Sockbat was about to be rushed by Starfire, her hands glowing green to cast her laser shot attack from her hands. But Wooldoor opened his mouth wide, reached in, and pulled out a clown horn and a rubber chicken, squeezing both at the same time to make silly noises. Starfire paused because she found this display to be funny, pausing mid flight to giggle.
While distracted by the comedic antics of Wooldoor, Starfire didn't see it as Wooldoor pulled out a wooden mallet and used it to smack Starfire away, sending her flying until she landed on the other side of a couch. Peeking up from the other side of the couch, Starfire, now pissed and her eyes glowing green, fired laser eye beams at Wooldoor, making him jump in surprise and run around the house to avoid an angry Starfire.
Foxxy ran up to Beast Boy and tried to kick him in his holy land. However, Beast Boy turned into a tortoise and quickly withdrew into the shell. The only effects of this was Foxxy stubbing her toes on a hard tortoise shell. "Ah! Motherfucker!" Foxxy yelled as she hopped up and down on her good foot while clutching her bad foot in her hands.
Captain Hero tried to fight Robin in hand to hand, but Robin not only dodged every move that Captain Hero made, he was also able to get in some hits of his own. "Is this about when I got drunk at that cocktail party?" Captain Hero complained as he was trying to fight Robin.
Meanwhile, Raven found herself cornered by both Toot and Clara. "Alright you Hot Topic reject," Toot said, "We're going to send you straight to hell!"
"Toot's right," Clara remarked, "We've got you and your friends outnumbered!"
"But my friends and I are keeping up just fine," Raven replied, "I think we can... wait, would it be weird of me to say that the both of you have amazing sounding voices?"
Toot and Clara, both looking surprised, were caught off guard for a moment. "...Actually, no," Clara said, "That wouldn't be weird at all."
"And now that the subject's been brought up," Toot continued while gesturing to Raven, "Your voice sounds pretty amazing as well."
Smirking a bit, Raven said, "I guess all three of us have amazing sounding voices." Raven then shared a laugh with Toot and Clara, right before she used her magic to blast both the fat former sex symbol and the bigoted fairy tale princess, sending them flying back.
Spanky Ham tried to attack Beast Boy with a crowbar, but Beast Boy turned into a green Spanky Ham and sent the normally colored one flying with a kick, making the real Spanky Ham crash into a bookshelf where an open can of green paint was on the top of. The paint fell over and splashed onto Spanky Ham, making him look exactly like the transformed Beast Boy.
The two green Spanky Hams were then next to one another when Ling-Ling came up, hands over his head as he was about to cast an energy sphere attack. But Ling-Ling couldn't tell which Spanky Ham was the real one, so he blasted the one on his right, destroying everything above the waist and leaving only legs and buttocks.
...However, the other green Spanky Ham turned back into Beast Boy, who then chuckled in a rather mischievous manner like a gremlin before leaping away to help the other Teen Titans deal with the remaining members of the Drawn Together housemates. The numbers were starting to even out in favor of the Teen Titans, it would seem.
Clara tried to rush Robin, but he stopped her cold with a punch to her face. "Ow!" Clara cried out.
Captain Hero, who stood nearby and saw this, said, "Oh yeah! Punching party!" He then punched Clara in the face as well, making her drop to the floor.
"Captain Hero, you damn idiot!" Foxxy yelled, "Clara is on OUR side!"
Captain Hero at least had the decency to look sheepish. "Umm... sorry," Captain Hero said, "I guess I got carried aw-" Captain Hero was cut off when Robin jumped up and kicked him away, sending the idiot hero flying over a sofa.
Elsewhere in the fight, Cyborg picked up a sofa and smashed it down on top of Wooldoor. When the sofa was removed, Wooldoor was smashed into a yellow round pancake with the little white wings on his head and nose sticking out. "...I found that quarter that I lost last week," Wooldoor said, a bit dazed from being slammed by a sofa wielding Cyborg.
Ling-Ling then conjured and cast an energy sphere attack right at Raven, who raised up hands glowing with magic as she cried out, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Ling-Ling's energy sphere attack was surrounded in Raven's magic before it could strike her, but Ling-Ling shouted to put more effort into the attack, to try to break through Raven's magic.
Raven had to will up more effort to maintain her magic to keep Ling-Ling's attack at bay, and soon enough the attack from Ling-Ling and the magic keeping it at bay blew up, sending both Raven and Ling-Ling flying backwards. The two were able to recover and go right back in for more fighting in this massive team versus team fight.
Foxxy had Starfire in a headlock and was giving her noogies, making Starfire cry out a bit in an even mix of pain and distress. Starfire was able to free herself by using her laser eye beams, not because she had been able to hit Foxxy with them, but rather because seeing green laser beams shoot out from Starfire's eyes had surprised the hell out of Foxxy.
Starfire then floated in place, her eyes glowing with her laser eye power again. Seeing this, Foxxy threw a tambourine at Starfire's face, smacking her near the left eye and making Starfire flinch, thus giving Foxxy time to run away from Starfire. "Ain't no way in hell am I dealing with a teen girl with powers like Captain Hero!" Foxxy called out.
Seeing that she and the other housemates were in dire straits despite having a numbers advantage, Clara said, "We're gonna need some backup to help us out here! I know, I'll sing to call forth some animal friends!" Then Clara, being a stereotypical fairy tale princess, began to sing, and a number of animals came to the sound of her singing.
Including, to Clara's surprise, a green snake. "Oh, I wasn't aware that you wanted to help too," Clara said as she looked at the green snake, "Snakes are usually associated with the devil, so-"
*BITE*
"Ahh!" Clara cried out in pain as the green snake bit her around her right ankle, right before releasing its biting hold. The green snake then turned into Beast Boy.
"And I was transformed into a rattlesnake when I bit you, yo!" Beast Boy said, "Hope you enjoy the venom!" Beast Boy then turned into an eagle and flew away from Clara.
Elsewhere in the fight, Xandir and Robin were having a sword fight, with Xandir using his usual sword and Robin using a sword he made by combining two birdarangs together. Seriously, Robin can do that, I think it first happened in the episode where that dragon tricked Raven into helping him get out of... oh, umm... spoiler alert?
Regardless, Robin has a sword, so he was having a sword fight with Xandir. "There are few men who are willing to cross blades with me!" Xandir remarked as he and Robin parried sword strikes from each other.
Smirking a bit in amusement, Robin said, "I have to admit, crossing blades with you is pretty fun."
Xandir was about to speak up, but was cut off by Captain Hero calling out, "Xandir is using 'crossing blades' as an euphemism for touching dicks!" Somewhere in the distance, a loud, moaning cry of aroused, sensual pleasure could be heard crying out.
Robin, instantly alarmed, jumped back. "Woah," Robin said, "Woah ho ho ho! Umm, look let's turn it back a notch or two, alright? We can still fight, but I... umm, I prefer girls."
"Ooh damnit," Xandir said, stomping a foot in complaint.
Elsewhere in the fight, Ling-Ling came upon Clara who was lying on the floor, clearly dying. "H-Help me, Ling-Ling," Clara said, "I... I've been bitten by a rattlesnake. I... I need the poison sucked out."
Ling-Ling then proceeded to say something in his incomprehensible language, which the subtitles translated as, "Honorable housemate, please allow Ling-Ling to mercifully end your suffering."
"Oh... oh yes, little friend," Clara said, unaware of what Ling-Ling had just said due to the language barrier, "Yes, please do so as soon as you ca-" Clara was cut off when Ling-Ling blasted her head off with an energy sphere attack.
Meanwhile, Cyborg took aim at Foxxy who was distracted and fired his cannon attack right at her. But Toot jumped in the way, opened her mouth, and swallowed the attack. Toot, with a mildly satisfied look of relief on her face as if she just ate something good, made a little fart before she violently blew up, sending huge chunks of blubber everywhere.
One chunk smacked into Starfire's side and sent her reeling, Ling-Ling moved to hide behind the one end of an overturned couch to avoid the falling blubber chunks, and another blubber chunk had knocked Foxxy over due to striking her right in her sweet ass. Basically, it was raining whale fat, which isn't an accurate statement because it was actually Toot's fat, and whales don't have THAT much blubber.
Captain Hero, as he looked around, saw that he and his housemates were losing badly. "Alright fuck faces, you wanna play hardball? Oh ho ho, Captain Hero can play some hardball!" Captain Hero then flew straight up, crashing through the roof of the Drawn Together house in the process, before he got right up into outer space.
He then flew around the world super fast, leaving a trail of energy in the process that wrapped around the planet, before tying it off to keep it secure although he left a decent length of that energy trail to use as a handle, which he grabbed before he began to swing Earth around in a circle. He then stopped spinning and let go of the length of energy trail he was holding while saying, "Booya!"
This swinging around of the planet ended up having the effect of sending Earth flying straight into the Sun, annihilating the planet and all life on it. "Oh yeah!" Captain Hero cheered, "Captain Hero one, superhero teens and everyone else on Earth..." Captain Hero stopped suddenly, realizing what he had just done. "...Umm..." Captain Hero said, feeling a bit awkward, "...uhh, whoopsie daisy." Captain Hero then awkwardly tip toed away, despite flying in outer space.
WINNER: CAPTAIN HERO (BY TECHNICALLY BECAUSE HE'S A DUMBASS)
END, CHAPTER TEN
Author's notes;
This season finale to the first season, or block, of Fiction Fighters saw the first (so far) fight where each side had more than one competitor. In this case, the eight Drawn Together housemates fought the Teen Titans. The ones from the 2003 version, so it was the good version. Anyway, despite the numbers disadvantage, the Teen Titans actually held their own.
As a matter of fact, they were actually winning before Captain Hero got carried away and threw the Earth into the Sun. Doing this chapter was pretty funny, given what all I came upon while doing some research for Drawn Together. Anyway, if and when the next chapter comes out, it'll be the first chapter of the second season/block. Until then, take care.
Next time, on the season two premiere of Fiction Fighters...
Kevin was riding around the cul-de-sac on his bike, feeling confident that the Eds weren't up to anything that needed him to give them a pounding for. He felt like today could actually be his lucky day, like nothing could go wro-
*WHACK*
Kevin was yanked from his thoughts when a football smacked into his side, catching him off guard and sending him falling over. "Ow!" Kevin cried out, "Who's the dork who just knocked me over with a stupid football just now?!"
"Hey, don't go dissing football!" a female voice called out as Lynn Loud Jr. came up on the scene to pick up her football, "It was an accident, alright?"
Scoffing, Kevin said, "Accident, yeah sure it was."
Lynn's tone took a sudden and annoyed shift. "Hey, I'm not liking that tone," Lynn said, "I said that it was an accident!"
Kevin similarly didn't like the sudden shift in Lynn's tone. "Hey, you're the one who knocked me over," Kevin snarled, "You don't get to take any tone with me!"
All pretense of diplomacy had suddenly disappeared. "Alright, no-one can get all demanding like that with me, regardless of reason," Lynn spat, "It's go time!"
Kevin vs. Lynn Loud Jr. (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy vs. The Loud House)