Professor Layton Hit the Road Chapter 6
After driving across the Atlantic Ocean with the finesse of a drunken flamingo fused with a suspicious red bean, Sam and Max drifted against one of the many street signs of The Street, only to crash down near a large building.
« Well I'd say that my stay in Britain has improved my driving skills. Maybe next time we can go on a high way without exterminating 90% of the driving population. » Sam proudly commented.
« But that's the best part! » Max whined.
« Tell that to my unpaid fines I owe the United States. » Sam shot back.
« So why are we again? » Max asked.
« I really do forget that you have the memory span of an armadillo which insides have been replaced with acid, but given how many times you slammed your head across hardened surfaces, I'd say that your memory has peak performance. » Sam commented.
« I'm a work in progress. Last night I even remembered that I needed to give water to our bush! » Max proudly declared.
« Anyway, we're here because we need Momma Bosco cloning machine and Harry Moleman ability to speak to the spirits to resurrect a certain Mr. Barde which we will then interrogate with the same ferocity of South American police officers when looking for communists to see if he knows anything regarding a fiend disguising himself as a giant spectre and destroying a city which resembles a fog generator. » Sam explained.
«…Sam. Are you off your pills? » Max asked with a scolding tone.
« As a matter of fact yes. Never say yes to drugs! » Sam responded proud.
« I'm proud of you Sam. » Max commented.
« Anyway, first stop: Bosco's Inconvenience's Store! » Sam exclaimed.
Xxxxxxx
Luckily for the duo, the distance between the carnage they had just committed and Bosco's store wasn't much. Upon entering, the first thing that greeted them was a yelp of panic, coming from the counter.
It came from a bald, light black skinned man, who hid behind the counter. « Who's there!? Any more steps and you'll regret it! » he threatened the duo, while still hiding behind the counter.
« Relax Bosco. It's us! Sam and Max! » Sam tried to reason with the man.
« You know, the psychotic rabbit, his dog friend, the guys that gave you all that money… » Max continued.
« Oh thank goodness. I thought it was them! » Bosco came out from his hiding post.
« What sort of infamous fiends are attempting to make your life a living hell with the basic crime of existing? » Sam frowned.
« This ain't no simple conspiracy! No mere terrorists from the Middle East! We're talking about Telepathic Agents Ruining Girls and Enterprises Notorious for Termination! » Bosco exclaimed in a panic.
Sam and Max looked at each other's confused.
« Targent you fools! » Bosco exclaimed exasperated.
« Who are this Targent fellows you seem to be afraid of? » Sam asked.
« They are the biggest threat I've faced in my entire career! They put the US of A to shame in armament and they are masters of disguise! Only my trained eye has managed to recognize these unspeakable fiends! » Bosco explained.
As Bosco said that, two individuals entered the store. They had blue jackets and hats, with an incision writing "Totally not part of Targent let us in". « Gah! There's two of them! »
« Nah. Their hats say that they're not part of this Targent. » Sam tried to calm Bosco.
« That's what they want you to think! But only I and Targent know about Targent! If they didn't work for them, how in the world do they know about the organization!? » Bosco exclaimed.
« Truly, a masterful disguise! » Max said as he begun to blast off the two operatives.
« You see how dangerous Targent is! And the worst part is, they have even better disguises! » Bosco exclaimed.
« Is there any way to confront this menace to society? » Sam asked worried.
« Don't worry! I've figured out how to rule out Targent members without those hats! You just have to ask "Does the carpet match the grapes?", and they'll respond with "What does that have to do anything with anyone!?", and proceed to punch you in the face! » Bosco explained.
« We hope the best of luck to fight this menace of mankind. » Sam reassured the man.
« Anyway, the coast seems clear. What can I get for you boys? » Bosco, having calmed down slightly, asked.
« We're actually here to see your mother. We need her cloning machine to create the clone of a certain Mr. Barde after we summon his spirit with the help of Harry Moleman! » Sam explained.
« Here to see momma? She's upstairs cooking up some weird new invention to spread feminism or something. Has helped a lot against these Targent guys. » Bosco responded.
« Thanks Bosco! Enjoy another day in which you miraculously don't suffer a heart attack! » Sam thanked the man.
« Wait! Before you go, I've something interesting for you two! The latest in the BoscoTech equipment! » Bosco halted the duo.
« What item you seem to be so eager to sell us? » Sam asked.
« Why, it's no other than the Anti Robot Personnel Automatic Object Trower! With one single throw, it's capable of eliminating any kind of sentient A.I. equipped with any kind of armour! » Bosco presented his product.
« Convenient! » Max exclaimed.
« And what is the price for this peculiar item? » Sam asked.
« I'd say…. about 100.000 dollars. » Bosco said.
« WHAT!? 100.000 bucks!? That's more money than I've ever seen in my entire life! And my previous one too! » Max exclaimed.
« Take it or leave it. I need money to protect myself, man! » Bosco shot back.
« Not to worry, little buddy. I have an idea. Excuse us for a second. » Sam said, as he and Max exited the building.
Seconds later they returned alongside a clearly controlled fat man with a lot of cash. « Well isn't this convenient! This guy appearing out of nowhere said that he's willing to pay for the object thrower! »
« I always dreamed of spending 100.000 dollars for others. » the fat man cheerfully said, before handing the money.
« Well they DO seem legit. All right, you got yourself an Anti-Robot Personnel Automatic Object Trower! » Bosco exclaimed.
« I knew that boar toy was gonna come out handy eventually! » Sam whispered to Max.
« Here you go boys! Have fun destroying stuff! » Bosco said as he handed the Anti-Robot Personnel Automatic Object Trower, the product being a bit disappointing for the name and price.
« This is just a Dutch catapult kit. » Sam complained.
« Wait, a catapult? How the hell is this thing automatic!? » Max protested.
« Pull the rope fast enough and it's automatic! » Bosco responded.
« Well we're tempted to say this is a scam, but we love you too much to care and we didn't use our own money. » Sam then said.
« Anyway, take the door behind the counter to see my momma. No one except myself is allowed inside this holy ground, but for today I'll make an exception. » Bosco then said.
« Thanks Bosco. » Sam thanked the man.
« Good luck resurrecting this Barde guy! Now if you excuse me, I need to check the surrounding for any other Targent agents! » Bosco said, before checking the surrounding.
Xxxxxxx
After the duo had entered the magic counter and begun climbing the stairs for the second floor, they finally found Momma Bosco door, to which they knocked a couple of times with the finesse of a drunken donkey.
Opening the door was a tall, slim woman with a large afro and a scientist coat. « Look, if you boys think you can bother people all day for the sake of selling cheap product, I say- » she ranted angrily, before realizing who she was talking to. « Oh, Sam! Max! it has been a hell of a while, hasn't it? »
« Hey Momma Bosco! How's your mission in exterminating patriarchy and replacing it with pure feminism? » Sam greeted the woman.
« Wow, easy there sugar! I don't have any genocidal intentions towards the opposite sex! I only want women to be treated equally. Notice that I say equally. I don't want the world to turn into a dystopian light novel written by a crappy Japanese writer molesting Korean girls! » Momma Bosco rose her hands in mock defeat.
« Good, because if I'm sent in an all-girls academy, I'm NOT acting the dense part with the ladies! » Max frowned angrily.
« But Max! You don't even like girls! » Sam noted.
« That's what I just said! Duh! » Max shot back.
« Anyway, what can I do for you boys? » Momma Bosco asked.
« We were here for your cloning machine. » Sam responded.
« Urgh. I already told you guys. They are all been built under the law conditions and are 100% safe. » Momma Bosco said annoyed.
« Which is why we're here! They're supposed to be built illegally and being highly dangerous! » Max scolded the woman.
« Quiet, bonehead. We need the cloning machine to resurrect a guy and interrogating him regarding a mystery in the largest fog generator in the world! » Sam interrupted Max.
« I don't really know it's going to work. Even if we had 100% of the DNA of the person we intend to resurrect, they wouldn't act like themselves. I mean, remember what happened last time with you, Sam! » Momma Bosco warned the two.
« Which is why we're bringing Harry Moleman along! He'll summon Mr. Barde, the guy we're trying to resurrect, and we'll plunge that sucker in the clone we just made with your cloning machine! » Sam explained his fiendish plan.
« Normally I would say that you're out of your mind, but honestly this isn't even the weirdest thing I've heard since lunch! And I didn't even have lunch yet! » Momma Bosco exclaimed.
« So, can we use the cloning machine? » Max asked.
« As long as I tag along. Without the lab tech, the babymaker is going to be much harder to use, and without a trained individual there might be a nuclear explosion! » Momma Bosco said.
« Oh, I've got to see that! » Max said in glee.
« You can't, Max. There will be a nuclear explosion! » Sam warned his rabbit friend.
« That's why you gotta record it for me! Duh! » Max responded slightly annoyed.
Xxxxxxx
After Momma Bosco decided to enter in the group as one of the characters the author shoved in with no plan of actions for them, Sam and Max headed towards Harry Moleman new home, a rather fancy looking apartment building.
« Well, here we are at Harry's place! » Sam exclaimed.
« Never thought a homeless moleman could afford living in what is essentially the white house of this street. I mean, at least the walls aren't inhabited by sentient rabbits! » Max joked.
« Well that's because he either stole the money for this residence or his uncle Morty did actually hide his money on the statue of liberty. » Sam deduced.
« I'm more amazed that he decided to stay here. With all that money, I think he would had been better off anywhere else! » Momma Bosco commented.
« True, but you have to admit that despite constant alien invasions, shitty 80's villains and ratmen in the sewers, the Street has his charm! » Sam commented.
« Yeah, I would never change it for anything else, if I have to be honest. » Momma Bosco sighed.
« And hey! No sign of fog! Certainly makes it better than that other place. » Max commented.
« Be thankful that in our stay there hasn't been a single drop of rain. I thought British weather was supposed to be 90 % rainfalls. » Sam commented.
« So, how are you boys gonna convince Harry to go to England? He was a stubborn little man. » Momma Bosco asked.
« We have our ways. » Max grinned as he pulled out a mace out of nowhere.
But as the group went towards the door, a loud screaking noise could be heard in the distance, until it became closer. It belonged to a police car which quickly slammed itself in front of a building. Then, coming out of the passenger seats where two rather robust men, one of them a police officer.
He wore a pale-coloured jacket with a low white shirt and red tie. His chest hair and quiff were both blue. He begun to wrestle with the other man, clearly a convict of some kind. Coming out of the driver seat was another man, with a white shirt, a red necktie and a deranged look in his eyes.
The third man quickly begun helping the second out with dealing with the criminal, but was pushed aside by latter. « Damn, thought you British boys were a bunch of sissies! What are you, Charles Bronson!? » the third man exclaimed.
« By all alligators in Space Florida after the elephants invented fire! Flint! Need any help!? » Sam exclaimed, recognizing one of the trio.
« Sam! Max! Momma Bosco! Good to see you! And nah, me, Inspector Clamp Grosky and this bonehead are having a swell time! » the man, Flint, exclaimed, as he begun beating the criminal with a water hydrant.
However, it was of little use, as the thug shrug off the two and looked at the group. As he glared at Sam, Max and Momma Bosco, the woman pulled out a laser gun, shooting the man with it and turning him into dust.
The other man alongside Flint, Grosky, looked surprised at the scene. « I say… »
« Oh, no need to worry, darling. Just use this molecular recombinator to put him back into pieces. But between me and you, I think you should keep him like this until he has finished his sentence. » Momma Bosco said as she handed Grosky the gun.
« I…many thanks. Anyway, the name is Inspector Clam Grosky, as my friend here introduced me before. From Scotland Yard. » Grosky introduced himself.
« What is a Limey from the United Kingdom doing in the land of hypocritical freedom and gun usage? » Sam asked.
« We were going to deliver this thug to the police station, but then he decided to fight back, causing me to take the Underway instead and ended up here in the States! » Flint explained.
« That must had been a weird experience. » Momma Bosco commented.
« You kidding? It was amazing! Skavenblight looked gorgeous this time of the year when there isn't the 6739856397456237403576928943740235704397546730475295843075084367598678037529035738467594676725826479368375096845968037582975926482346392756435709370275928365972569483750824750297385629356942652893659842365725197457394698356042570294570869163971346193463185604257402594503865927647154714591367125419468236704108469813649164719491346018463028574057028465981461975715964308137404579824659713461974691846308247630574205862084618461046018346028562057502486598649175491364803567045704620860186410846835604285604256028650821641974924628356045702846592649214601846028650284564956349756349756023841284083476598365082478193248308574965872694750835792865205873985634957394573298th Skaven civil war. » Flint exclaimed.
« One of these days we gotta visit the place! » Max commented.
« So what are you doing in Britain Flint? I though the place was not for your style of justice. » Sam asked.
« Yeah, with all those "regulations" towards criminals. Just beat them to a bloody paste already, will ya!? » Max complained.
« You kidding? The place is awesome! Thugs, master criminals, Scottish separatists… » Flint begun to list the criminals he had to deal with.
« Wait, Scottish separatists? What do they do, aggressively demand another referendum? » Max joked.
« May I ask, who are you folks? Flint seems to know quite a lot about you. » Grosky asked.
« Why, we're Sam and Max! Freelance police! Here to work in a case in Misthallery revolving a giant mechanical spectre destroying the countryside! » Sam proclaimed.
« Huh. Didn't expect that out of Misthallery. Most of their crime records could be recorded on a notebook. » Grosky noted.
« Also isn't that fog generator in England? What are you doing here in the states? » Flint then asked.
« Well, in order to find out who could be the fiend behind the spectre's attacks, we need Momma Bosco tech to clone a certain Mr. Barde, and we are here in front of Harry Moleman house to get him to summon his spirit and plunk it in the clone Momma Bosco created to interrogate him savagely! » Sam exclaimed.
Grosky remained silent and confused.
« You get used to it. I mean last time we had to deal with a rampaging demon! » Flint reassured the man.
« I'm still having an hard time believing all of this. » Grosky commented.
« Would you believe me if I say that Professor Layton is in the case as well? » Sam asked.
« Layton? As in the hatted guy everyone in Scotland Yard keeps talking about? » Flint asked.
« The very same! Alongside plenty of other questionable individuals such as Emmy Altava, Luke Triton, Sniper and Claptrap! » Sam exclaimed.
« Wait, Emmy is there as well? Might as well explain why she wasn't there yesterday for the last case. » Grosky commented.
« Anyway, now that the presentations are over, it's time to summon the Mole counts! Or count, because there is only one moleman here. » Sam commented as he knocked at the door.
Coming out was a tiny man with the head of a mole with glasses. « Sam? Sam is that you? Goodness, how long has it been!? »
« Good to see you too little buddy. I see that Uncle Morty wasn't lying when he told you where the money where. » Sam greeted the mole.
« No kidding! And thanks to my ability to summon ghosts, my life is set once and for all for luxury! » Harry exclaimed.
« Speaking of ghost summoning, we need your help. » Sam said.
« Let us call it a way to repay us for talking with Uncle Morty. » Max grinned.
« Sure. I couldn't be where I am without you two. So, how can I help you? » Harry asked.
« We need to resurrect a certain Mr. Barde to interrogate him savagely regarding ghost attacks in Misthallery in Britain. While we could just use Momma Bosco cloning machine to get him back, I'd like to punch someone into submission that isn't as braindead as a gaming journalist, so we need to summon his spirit. » Sam explained.
Harry scratched the back of his head embarrassed. « Ehh….it's not that I don't want to help you right now, buuuutttt I AM quite busy here with- »
« Did someone say Misthallery? » a man with a dark green blouse and an Egyptian fez came from behind Harry. Weirdly enough, in his chest he held a weird tentacle creature. Everyone looked at him confused.
« I must be blessed that most human beings in this era had their mind expanded, allowing to fully witnessing my form without losing their mind. » the creature begun to speak.
« Papierwaite! Yog-Soggoth! What on earth are you doing here at Harry house?! » Sam asked confused.
« We were just having some relaxing tea at Mr. Moleman house for a change. Some of the finest I have ever drunk in centuries, I must add. » the creature, Yog-Soggoth begun to speak.
« And what's with your big interest with Misthallery? What, are you a fog fetishist? » Max asked annoyed.
« No. It's because Clark Triton, an old colleague of mine, lives in there as the mayor. » Papierwaite explained.
« I do wonder how that little rascal of his is doing. I haven't seen him since he was a toddler! » Yog-Soggoth wondered.
« He's annoying as hell. Nothing much. » Max responded.
« It is also said that Misthallery is the location of the ancient Golden Garden of the Azran civilization! I've always wanted to see it with my own eyes. » Yog-Soggoth then said.
« Does that mean we can go to help Sam and Max resurrecting this Barde guy? I really wanna repay the two for finding all the money Uncle Morty hid away. » Harry asked.
« But of course! It might as well be a good reason to see how Clark is doing these days! He hasn't even responded any of my calls, the rascal! » Papierwaite exclaimed.
« I sure would like to carry all of you folks back to fogland, but the Desoto does have his capacity limits. » Sam said.
« Not that it ever stopped it from carrying you around! » Max joked.
« No problemo! We'll just drop this little dust thug to the police, bring Mr. Papierwaite on our car and reach Misthallery in a flash. Meet you folks there! » Flint proposed.
« Well that's one problem solved. Come on Harry! Time to dig up a grave and resurrect a guy without turning him into a zombie! » Sam exclaimed.
« Good. Because I hate zombies. They break stuff all the time! » Harry complained.
« Hey! At least they don't have fog! » Max exclaimed.
« What about those Silent Hill zombies? » Sam asked.
« Totally different kind of fog, Sam! » Max exclaimed.
Xxxxxxx
If you want to give me any suggestions for quotes and scenarios, just tell me in the reviews. I will also include characters both from the Sam and Max universe (Hit the Road, animated Series Telltale Episodes), alongside the universes of the chumps who participated in the Poker Night at the Inventory 1 and 2. Just tell me when you want them introduced!
In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please review so I can learn your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions, so stay tuned. Also remember to like and follow. I would also appreciate if you also supported my other Fanfictions!
See you on the next chapter!