This chapter is the transition to the next part of his life. So a little slow here.

Chapter 11

SUNDAY
I woke up early to get back to Abeula, I had a great time last night, but I promised her I would go to mass. It means a lot to her, and I haven't attended since before I left for basic training.
As I stepped through the front door, my Abuela, beamed at me from the kitchen, "Carlito, Nieto, where have you been, you didn't come home last night.!" she scolded me gently pulling me into a hug that felt like a home.

'I have missed you, I worry about you. You are going have a dangerous future.' she said
'Now come, sit we will eat and then we will go to mass. Everyone will be there, Celia, your Tias and Tios, and primos everyone.'

The pews had familiar faces from my time living with Abuela. The pastor began his sermon, talking about peace and love.

As I listened, I thought all the boot camp drills, the endless miles of running, and the weight of a loaded rifle in my hands.

I hadn't always planned on serving, that changed last fall. The anger and need for revenge made my decision simple. I felt like I owed it to ChiChi and the others killed that day

Sitting there in the peace of the church, it hit me just how violent my future will be, all while the Priest spoke of peace in a voice in the background.

TUESDAY

When I flew into Newark on Monday afternoon, Papi picked me up at the airport.

The familiar scent of Mami's cooking all my favorite foods hit me as I stepped in the front door, a sense of home washing over me.

The house, usually a place of chaos with the twins Conni and Cesar running around, was surprisingly quiet this time. Consuela (Conni) was glued to the TV, binge-watching a marathon of reality shows, while Cesar sat at the kitchen table, messing around with his model tanks. He was trying to act cool about it, but I could tell he was really excited to see me. It's funny because it feels like I've become his hero over these last few months.

The days were ticking down during my short leave before heading back to training and then deployment. It's hard to wrap my head around how soon I'm going to be in a war zone.

Right now, it feels like a rare moment of normalcy in the craziness of military life. I was relaxing in the old recliner in the living room, the same one my Papi has had since I was a kid; I swear it's as old as I am.

I am listening to everyone share stories about their everyday lives that suddenly felt so important to me.

My Mami talked about her new sewing project, something to do with Celia's upcoming wedding. Conni and Cesar were figuring out what to do after high school. Conni is looking for a college, Cesar wants to follow me and join the army.

My parents and I are saying he's too young for that. All these pieces of the life I've been missing.

Wednesday

After breakfast Papi and I talked for a while. I told him about some of the funny things that happened in basic training. Sergeant Pyle showing my how to do pushups until everyone was laughing quietly and Sergeant Sherman so had he had to walk away. The first ruck march and getting lost in the woods.

While we are talking I noticed he is starting to show silver on his sideburns, maybe from worry about Cali and I both going into a war zone and a child dying.

While we are talking I noticed he is starting to show silver on his sideburns, maybe

a reflection of the worry weighing on him about both Cali and me heading into a war zone, as well as the painful loss of a child. It's clear the stress is taking a toll on him.

Later, when Mami and I go to see ChiChi in the cemetery, I see the worry showing on her face. Tiny new lines, a little new gray.
She worries about all the children, about Cesar and Consuela's future, about Cali and me in the military, and she still carries the pain of losing ChiChi. However, there is also something to look forward to with joy: Celia's wedding.
I hope she doesn't see a wedding for me, I know I am not responsible or grown up. Not for many years or maybe ever.
But I am smart enough to not say anything like that now or ever. I'll leave that to Calista being on the hook for the next wedding in the family.

Thursday

Lester and his little brother Diego, Dariel, Conni, Cesar and I all hung out together for the day. Later, we grabbed some food at McDonald's, the greasy food tasted great, a change from the not-great food we'd been eating on base for months.
Then we all headed home to go to be in time for the Mass of the Lord's supper. I wouldn't be able to attend mass with Mami on Easter Sunday; this would will mean almost as much to both her and Papi.

After Mass, we walked home, I started thinking about what the priest said about love and forgiveness. I thought about how that happens in my family, but I just can't seem to forgive. After everything that happened, losing my family and friends, and spending days digging through the rubble of the towers. I know I should forgive, but I still have so much anger and need for revenge.

My leave is over, tomorrow I start the advanced training then airborne then deploy. Unless I can qualify for Ranger assessment.

Mami said goodbye at home a few tears in her eyes.

Papi drove me to the airport late Thursday as they approached the airport, Papi said 'I love you, son,' his voice thick with emotion. 'We are always here, but we know why you're there. We are proud of you.'

The plane lifted off, carrying me back to my duty station.

Next advanced training and airborne.