Chapter 13
Tony was instantly wrapping her up in his arms as she fell apart. He tried to comfort her as best as possible but she just kept on crying, coming close to hyperventilating. He knew she needed to get it all out as he tried his best to hold it together.
"Angela… try and take a breath okay?" he finally managed to say to try and get her to breathe normally.
"Okay…" she managed to say as she took a few deep breaths, mirroring Tony's actions.
"There you go… did… did they say anything about any of the results?" he asked as he kept rubbing her back.
"No… just that they wanted me in first thing tomorrow morning. That… that can't be good right? I mean if it was bad news they want to see you right away. Good news they make you wait…" she said as she clung to his shirt.
"Sometimes yes… but not always Angela! They probably want to get you in sooner because of the fertility clinic stuff. And maybe you won't even need surgery! Another type of treatment that they can start right away! It could be a thousand different reasons but Angela… I'm with you all the way with this… you are not going in there tomorrow or the next day or any other day without me right by your side…" he said as he slowly pulled back so he could look her in the eye.
"I know Tony… I don't think I would be able to do any of this if it wasn't for you… I really do love you so much Tony" she said as she leaned up to kiss him.
"C'mon… let's go get some dinner!" he said as they walked out of the office and into the kitchen. They were able to work together to set the table as Tony put the final touches on dinner. Soon, all five of them were sitting down to dinner. Angela waited until the end of the meal to update the family.
"So Tony and I met with the clinic today and everything seems to be good to start the process. We will be going for testing and to start moving forward on Thursday morning. Nothing is a guarantee but it sounds promising" she said as she moved the leftover food around her plate with her fork.
"We are just going to take it one thing at a time. Hopefully they can freeze the eggs so one day we can have another Samantha or Jonathan running around here!" he chuckled.
"I really hope it works for you Angela. Now that some time has passed, I think it would be nice to have a little brother or sister… well another one! But can you make the next one less obnoxious please?" she laughed as she threw her napkin at Jonathan.
"Yeah maybe I'll get a sister who's not gonna hog the bathroom and the phone all the time!" he laughed as he threw the napkin back at her.
"Enough you two! Please keep the napkins outta the air!" said Tony. He tried to be stern but the smile on his face said otherwise.
"A potential baby is a long way off but it's nice to know you both are excited about it! So aside from that news, my doctor just called before about my test results. He wants me to come in tomorrow morning to discuss the results" she said as she watched the happy faces of her family fade.
"Did they say anything about any of the results?" asked Mona as she tried to keep the fear out of her voice.
"No, just that they wanted to see me first thing tomorrow" she said as she willed back her tears.
"It could mean a lot of things but we won't know anything until tomorrow. We all have to remember that alright?" he said as he looked at everyone at the table, but focusing his gaze on Angela.
"Right… so I will be going in late to work tomorrow Mother. I should be in by late morning hopefully" she said as she stood up and emptied her plate into the garbage. Tony stood up to take her plate as the family started to clear the table.
"I think I am going to finish up some work in my office" she said as she headed out the swinging door.
"Tony… what are the odds of it being something bad, really bad?" asked Jonathan in no more than a whisper. Tony made quick eye contact with Mona before taking a long, deep breath.
"Look… we really don't know what it is or it could be. I don't want to say there's nothing to worry about because it could be something serious but it could end up being nothing bad. Until we know for sure, we have to stay positive. Your mom is trying to be strong for all of us, but even she has her limits. We just have to take everything one day at a time" said Tony as he put his arm around Jonathan.
"Whatever it is, we are all family and families stick together…" said Samantha as she put her arm around Mona's waist, leaning into her as Mona embraced her back.
"Exactly! So no doom and gloom! We take it as it comes" he said as he pulled them all in for a hug.
"I think the dweeb and I can finish cleaning up in here Dad. You go and make sure Angela is okay" said Samantha as they pulled back from the group hug.
"Thanks guys…" he said as he headed to her office. He knocked gently on the door as he peaked his head inside.
"Come in…" she said as she looked up from her desk.
"Angela, I think you've worked enough for one day. It will be there tomorrow. The kids offered to clean up the kitchen and even Mona is helping out! I think we should go and relax out in the living room" he said as he walked around to her desk, sitting on the edge.
"Mother is helping out? They really must think I'm on death's door…" she said with a halfhearted laugh.
"Stop it Angela! They do not! They just want to give us sometime alone. They want to be there for you in anyway they can" he said as he cupped her face in his hand as he leaned down for a kiss.
"Well, how can I argue with the family? I think some alone time would be good. I could really go for a bubble bath…" she said as she stood up from her chair.
"Of course Angela! I'll make it up for you…" he said as he started to turn to head upstairs.
"You'll join me right?" she asked him as he stopped in his tracks, looking back over his shoulder.
"You know Tony… I've pictured us taking a bath together in that tub ever since you walked in on me naked all those years ago…" she said as she walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"Why do I think the bath won't be all that relaxing?" he said as his voice raised an octave as he thought of all the ways they could christen the bathroom.
The next morning, after getting very little sleep, both from christening the bathtub and then bedroom then from worry about her test results, Tony and Angela managed to get themselves ready and downstairs. Tony made a simple breakfast as he knew no one had a big appetite.
"Have a wonderful day sweethearts" she said as she hugged both Samantha and Jonathan as Tony handed them their lunches.
"Good luck today Angela. I love you" said Samantha as she headed out the door.
"Yeah Mom… I love you" said Jonathan as he gave her another hug before running off after Samantha.
"Alright Angela! I packed us some snacks in case we get hungry since neither of us is hungry right now. I think we should head out" he said as he grabbed his stuff for school. He had already decided that if it was bad news, he was skipping the rest of his classes for the day.
"Yes, I guess we should go…" she said as she got up and put her coffee cup in the sink. She felt her legs start to give out on her and had to grab onto the counter.
"Angela! Are you okay?" he asked as he came running over to her, placing his hands on her waist.
"Yes… I just got a little dizzy. I… I don't know if I can do this Tony…" she said as she looked out the window, watching a bluejay land on the neighbor's fence.
"I'm going to be with you Angela. I'm not leaving your side, I promise…" he said as he wrapped his arms around her as he put his chin on her shoulder. "I love you so much" he said as he kissed the side of her face.
"I love you too Tony…" she said as she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him towards her body. They reluctantly pulled away from one another as they grabbed their belongings and head to the car. Tony drove them to the oncologist's office and walked hand in hand into the office. Angela checked in as they waited in the lobby. Soon, they were called back. Tony grabbed a hold of her shaking hand as they walked into the room. They sat down in the two adjacent chairs as Tony pulled his chair as close to Angela's as possible.
"Hi Angela and Tony" said Dr. Drake as he walked into the room and sat across from them. "How have you been feeling?" he asked.
"I'm feeling okay for the most part. The pain isn't all that bad and the other symptoms have been manageable" said Angela.
"That's good. So I was able to review your test results from the CT scan and MRI as well as your bloodwork. Your white blood count has decreased but still remains elevated. The mass is larger than what was previously reported and seems to be covering most of your uterus. It is amazing that you haven't had any symptoms until now. Based on the findings, I want to schedule surgery to remove it as well as potentially one of your ovaries and fallopian tubes" he said.
"Is… is it cancer?" she managed to say as Tony's hold on her hand grew tighter.
"Nothing is going to be conclusive until we do a biopsy during the surgery. Right now, I would say the chances of it being cancer are about sixty percent but that's a rough estimate. It might turn out to be benign. We've had plenty of cases that when we performed the surgery, what was thought to be cancer turned out to be nothing more than a benign mass. If this is cancer, we will be performing a full hysterectomy to try and remove all the cancer cells. Depending on the stage of cancer, I would most likely recommend radiation and possibly chemotherapy but we won't know that until after the procedure. I wish I could give you more definitive answers. I am hoping we can get you scheduled for surgery within in the next few weeks. We can work along side the fertility clinic and even schedule the surgery on the same day as the retrieval if it can be coordinated" said Dr. Drake.
"If… if this is cancer, what are my chances of survival?" she asked, a strange calmness coming over her, as though her emotions left her body and a numbness came in it's place.
"If it is cancer, there is a probability it is at least a stage two or three. The higher the stage, the higher the chance of mortality. However, your bloodwork doesn't reflect a dire situation, which is very promising. A lot of people do show a lot of promise with the newer radiation and chemotherapy treatments. Uterine cancer has a good survival rate, better than many other cancers, but the odds on paper don't always reflect that. You are healthy and young, which is in your favor for fighting off cancer, if that is what we are dealing with" he said.
"When… when will you know if it is cancer and where we go from there?" asked Tony as he quickly wiped away his own tears.
"I will be doing the biopsy during the surgery and will have the preliminary results in real time. I will be able to make a decision during the surgery as to the course to take. The biopsy results will be sent off for confirmation and will be available within a few weeks" said Dr. Drake.
"Is there any chance that the surgery can happen sooner than a few weeks? If… if it's cancer, I don't want her to wait" said Tony.
"A few weeks won't impact her treatment. We will be able to get her in for pre-surgical testing as soon as possible, which takes time on it's own. I will need you to be seen by your PCP, a cardiologist and a pulmonologist for clearance. We can provide referrals for the specialists if you need" said the doctor.
"Yes thank you. I can make an appointment with my regular doctor. Is it still possible to proceed with the egg retrieval if it's cancer? Will that… impact the eggs?" she asked. Tony looked over at her, knowing she was starting to shutdown emotionally. He just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and take her as far away from this place as possible.
"If it is cancer, the eggs won't be impacted. It would mean that a surrogate would need to be used for any future uses of the embryos" he said.
"If we even get to that point… is there anything else I need to be doing right now?" she asked as she said a silent pray of thanks that she had gotten a head start on all her future planning paperwork.
"No, not right now. Keep working with the clinic so that process can begin as soon as possible. We will schedule the pre-surgical testing and get those referrals happening soon. Other than that, we will see you back here once all the results are in so we can schedule the surgery. Have you assigned someone as your health care proxy?" he asked as he opened up her chart.
"Yes, Tony is my health care proxy" she said as she finally looked over at him.
"Okay good. During the surgery, we will have staff update you on the progress. I just need you to sign this form so it can be added to your chart" he said as he handed Tony a paper to sign confirming his role as Angela's healthcare proxy. He looked it over but the words just blurred together, most likely from the tears in his eyes. He quickly managed a sloppy signature and handed it back to the doctor.
"There is still a good deal to be positive and hopeful over. Even if this is cancer, you have the very best team here at our practice to help start the treatments. We will do everything we can to help you" said the doctor as he stood up to escort them out of the room.
"Thank you doctor" said Angela as she shook his hand. Tony managed to nod and shake his hand as well, his words getting caught in his throat as his tears threatened to fall again. Angela was able to get the paperwork for the pre-surgical testing and the referrals. They would be scheduling the appointments for Angela and would call her before the end of the day with the days and times. She thanked the staff as they walked out of the office to the car. Angela took one look at Tony and took the keys from his hands as she headed to the driver's side. Tony was just in a daze as he got into the passenger side door.
"Tony… Tony… Tony!" she had to yell to get his attention.
"What?" he managed to stutter as he was pulled out of his frozen state.
"I'm going to drive us to the train station but are you going to be okay to drive yourself to class? If not, I'll drop you off at home first and then go to the train" she said as she started to put the car in drive. Tony reached out and put his hand over hers, effectively stopping her from driving away.
"Angela wait! We need to talk!" he said as she put the car back in park and turned off the ignition.
"What's there to talk about Tony…" she said as she trailed off, opting to stare out the window. Her attention was momentarily taken by a couple not much older than them; the husband was helping the wife out of the car. It was evident that the woman was receiving cancer treatments. Angela had to take some deep breaths before she completely lost it.
"There's plenty to talk about Angela! This… this was a lot to hear today. It wasn't the best news we could have expected but it also wasn't the worst! There's still so much we don't know but we are just going to have to tackle it together. I'm not leaving your side through any of this" he said as he watched the tears form in her eyes.
"Tony… I don't want to die" she managed to say as the tears silently rolled down her face.
"I know Angela, I know… it scares me more than anything to think of something happening to you" he said, his own tears falling.
"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this fertility process. Even if it works, I may not even get to…" she started to say when Tony cut her off.
"Eh oh, oh eh! If you don't want to do this because you don't want a baby anymore, then we will stop, but if you are thinking about not doing it because of what may or may not happen with your health… no way. I won't let you give up on this dream Angela" he said as he leaned over, placing his hands on either side of her face, gently turning her so he could look straight into her eyes.
"Listen to me Angela Katherine Bower, soon to be Micelli! You and I are forever. I'm going to hold on to the hope that forever for us is years and years and years. You need to do that too Angela! Whatever you need, I'm here for you" he said as he wiped away her tears.
"Let's go to the train. I need something normal right now, even if it is work. I'll try and leave early though so we can talk to the kids tonight" she said as she began to start the car again.
"Are you sure work is a good idea? We could just spend the rest of the day relaxing at home" he said, his worry about her being alone taking over.
"Yes Tony I'm sure. I am going to have more appointments now taking me away from work. I need to be there as much as I can right now and you need to be at school. Your class goes until 5:00pm so I'll get home around then and you can pick me up" she said.
"Okay Angela…" he said as she started pulling out of the parking lot. About ten minutes later, she was in the train station parking lot. The next train was still five minutes away as she got her stuff out of the car. Tony got out and helped her, walking her up to the platform. They found a bench and sat down. Tony wrapped his arm around Angela as his other hand found her engagement ring.
"Angela… you know how I said I would do anything for you… do you think there's one thing you could do for me?" he asked as he looked over at her.
"Of course sweetheart… what is it?" she asked.
"Marry me…" he said.
"I said I would marry you Tony…" she said, not understanding where he was going with this.
"I mean marry me now… before the surgery. I want us to be husband and wife, take our vows in front of our family. We can figure out a larger ceremony and reception later on once you're feeling better but please say you will marry me now" he said as the train slowly pulled up to the station.
"Tony I…" she started to say.
"Don't answer me now. Just think about it… I want us to be together forever and I want it to start now…" he said as he kissed her passionately. He pulled back as they stood up so Angela could get on the train. Angela stepped on the train, turning around right before the doors shut.
"Tony… yes, I'll marry you now" she said as the door shut. Tony wasn't sure he heard her right until the smile started to grow on her face as she put her hand up to the window. The train started to slowly pull out of the station as Tony stood there, finally feeling a bit of hope and happiness.