"And I listen for the whisper
Of your sweet insanity
while I formulate denials
of your affect on me"
- A Perfect Circle
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"Sano!" I smile as soon as I open the front door ten minutes later.
He stands there, the darkness around his eyes not betraying the fact that he hasn't slept well at all last night. I guess Soujiro's not the only one who was tossing and turning. He grumbles and nods, dragging his feet into my house before I close the door behind him.
"Do you, uh.." I smile awkwardly as Sano continues to walk on towards the living room now, "Want some coffee there?"
He sighs, "Sure."
He slumps into a couch and I take it upon myself to head into the kitchen to start the coffee machine. I don't mind another cup of coffee if I can share it with my friend. I make sure there's enough for Soujiro, in case he wants to join in. He's in the bathroom right now washing his face so that his red eyes won't alarm our friend. As the coffee machine does its thing, I walk back into the living room and sit on the couch in direct opposite from Sano.
He looks so stressed out. Or perhaps, worried. I watch him carefully as he keeps his tired eyes on his lap, not saying anything to me all the while.
It isn't until Soujiro finally walks down the steps that Sanosuke finally looks back up at him.
Soujiro smiles gently at him, "Hey, Sano.."
Sanosuke smiles back sleepily, nodding, "Hey."
Soujiro walks over to take a seat right next to me, and I brave myself to ask Sanosuke, "So.. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"
He grunts, frowning at the floor as he takes his time to formulate his answer. Soujiro and I look at him with a puzzled frown on our faces. But before we could say anything or press further, Sano looks up with us and responds evenly, "Come back to our school tomorrow. We don't think it's healthy for you to be locked up in here."
"H-huh?!" Soujiro balks, blushing, "What do you mean by that?"
Sanosuke sneers, "You know what I mean! The guys and I agree that you two hiding out here is driving you both crazy. You need to leave this house and you need to come to the school and enjoy the fresh air. You two need to give each other space, it's ruining you two!"
I blink, caught off guard by all of this. But of course, this is why he and I were such best friends for so many years now. With Sanosuke, you are never in the dark with him; he's blunt and to the point, and has no problem telling you what the fuck is your issue to your face, even if he sounds insensitive. But I like that about him. I can be blunt too, so we share that trait together.
"Yeah, but Sano.." Soujiro coughs behind his own fist shyly, "We agreed that it would be best to stay low after what we discovered about my dad's limo.."
"Yeah, and guess what? Nothing happened at school at all. Or with any one of us, or with the teachers, or really, just anybody at all," Sanosuke shakes his head, "It's been radio fucking silent from your dad's side. Did he contacted you at all?"
"No.." Soujiro looks at the floor, a faint blushing creeping over his cheeks.
"So then, you should just come back to school starting tomorrow," Sanosuke shrugs casually, "Hell, you know something? Why don't you start staying over with us, one by one? You can sleep over at my place tomorrow night, my folks won't mind."
I blink in confusion now, "Sano.."
Sanosuke scoffs, "Listen, man, I love you and all, but.. Soujiro needs to take a breather from this place. I know what you were doing was done out of love or whatever, but right now, I think Soujiro could take a few days off from this joint. He's always been the outgoing type, right? And what have you guys been doing here, besides the obvious?"
Soujiro snaps upright, his blush deepening, "S-Sano! It's not like that at all!"
"Yeah," I snigger, scratching the side of my face with my finger sheepishly, "We were working on our schoolwork and studied religiously."
"More like studying each other religiously." Sanosuke scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest defiantly.
"This is!" Soujiro hastily gets up from the couch, stammering, "This is ridiculous! Kenshin and I are doing just fine, and.. and while I appreciate your offer, Sano, I still feel too afraid to be out there right now!"
"Yeah, I mean," I gulp, "How are we gonna keep Soujiro safe from the likes of his father? I mean, even here, we're kind of like sitting ducks if his dad decides to just swoop in and start shooting us all in the face."
"But he won't," Soujiro grits his teeth and looks at me heatedly, "Since your dad works for him and having us three killed off, or even disappear altogether, would shine a light on his other crimes. He won't do it. He'd be too stupid to do so!"
I lean back slightly in submission, and opted to just look back at the floor with a grunt. Whatever you say, pudding.
"Even if so," Sanosuke cuts in with a glower, catching Soujiro by surprise, "You have all of us to protect you. You don't just have Kenshin and honestly, it wouldn't be fair to place all of this on his shoulders. I understand he's your boyfriend and all, but it's okay to lean on your other friends, too. As far as you're aware, I was there in your father's room and saw all of that disgusting shit, too. So I'm a witness to this entire thing, too, if police ever wants to talk to me once all of this is done and over with!"
"Sano's right," I mumble, feeling Soujiro turning his head back to look at me, "I mean.. I love having you here, Soujiro, but.."
God. I fucking hate moments like this. I hate when I have to be extremely careful with my wording, because I have a tendency to just blurt hurtful shit if I don't. I can feel Soujiro's hurt slowly bloom inside of him as I keep my gaze squarely on the floor, ready to maybe have another fight with him once Sano goes back home. But I knew it had to be said.
I've always been the beacon of the truth, no matter how much it sucks to hear it.
I finally sigh, "I think it would be best if you slept over at Sano's place tomorrow. And you can also sleepover with our friends afterwards. Just so you can, you know.. get back to socializing with people outside of me."
Ladies and gentlemen, I confess that I am an innocent man by all accounts. So then, why is Soujiro looking at me with a twisted look between anger and pain? As if I was the one who committed the most heinous act known to man? I don't back down despite his look, though, and sit up straighter to glare back at him, ready for anything at this point. We've had so many fights now, that he doesn't scare me much anymore.
For once, Soujiro, ever since we started seeing each other..
I need my space.
I did not say this out loud. Despite this, though.. Soujiro takes in a quiet, faltering breath.
It's a sound that breaks my heart.
My eyes soften as he turns his head to look at the floor, not saying anything at all. Even Sanosuke is looking up at him with concern. There is a breadth of heavy silence in the room as we wait for the brunet to collect himself. I didn't know that this suggestion for Soujiro to take some space from me would make him so emotional like this.
I love you, Soujiro. I do. But I think Sano has a point. We've been at each other's throats ever since I nabbed Soujiro out of the mansion that night before booking it to a motel. It was all too much, too soon. And yeah, Soujiro gets to be safe and he gets to spend a lot of time with me, but at what cost? We nearly broke up and he almost ran away from me. We bicker so much, it's insane.
It's quiet for a while longer, and we finally hear Soujiro's small voice mumbling, "But.. I can't leave his side.."
Soujiro..
I look at the back of his head worryingly, my heart swelling from the sound of his voice. Understandably, Soujiro's been through a lot of trauma. He relied on me to be there for him through the worst of it. I was always the one to catch him while he was falling, and protected him from anyone who tried to lay their hands on him. No one else understood him like I have. No one kept him under their wings to shield him from the horrors like I have.
Soujiro's have gotten used to needing me as his guardian angel.
At this, Sanosuke responds softly, "Soujiro.. No one's asking you to break up with him. Just spend time with the rest of us for a while. You'll be back home with him again in no time.."
Soujiro shakes his head and we both lean back in surprise as he suddenly bolts towards one direction away from us, rushing up the stairs. It is a reaction I've never seen from him before, honestly. I look at Sanosuke wide-eyed and he gives me the same look. We then flinch at the sound of a door upstairs slamming shut. Great. Just fucking great. I nearly sink into the couch where I sit, my face feeling hot from blushing so much in embarrassment, ".. Fuck."
Sanosuke takes a pause to look at me, before he smirks, "He'll get over it."
"Yeah!" I snap at him angrily, "Because we're definitely talking about the most logical person we know, aren't we?!"
Sanosuke sighs, leaning his head and craning his neck over the top part of the couch to look up at the ceiling exasperatedly, "Look. It's not like we said anything serious. It was just a suggestion."
"Sano," I try to calm down, ignoring the beeping coming from the kitchen to signal that the coffee is ready and has been ready for several minutes now, "You might not know this, but my dad just found out for us that Soujiro's mom is still alive. And that we are going to meet her this weekend."
"No shit?" Sanosuke looks back at me, stunned by this news.
I nod, "Yeah. So.. I think Soujiro's mind isn't exactly the strongest at this point. He needs me."
Sanosuke sighs, "Well.. I guess maybe sleeping over might be too much for him right now. But you two should start coming back to school tomorrow. Just to get away from the stuffiness here. You're both young still, for fuck's sake."
I chuckle, "Yeah. I know."
"I'm serious."
"I know.."
"Kenshin?"
"Yeah?"
".. Megumi's pissed off at me."
I gape at him, "What? Pissed off at you? But why?"
He sighs, "Well.. The other night when Soujiro ran off and you chased after him, I went back inside the house and had Yahiko ask me what happened. I told him that Soujiro caught you hanging out with Kaoru and he kinda freaked out, since he's pretty close with her these days. I told him to chill out and that's when Megumi called his phone. Screamed the fuck out of him, asked me where I was since she wanted to talk to me to find out what the fuck happened."
I look at him as he continues to explain, feeling shy of knowing that the argument spawn out of Soujiro's babyish behavior.
"So, he passed the phone to me, and she went off on me. Asking me why the fuck I basically helped Kenshin cheat on Soujiro with Kaoru. I told her that none of that shit is true, and that you basically found Kaoru randomly at the convenience store while getting snacks of us all. Explained that he never knew Kaoru was visiting Kyoto to hang out with her and Misao, and it caught him by surprise. But then Megumi told me that Kaoru called her up, crying ballistically and that she wished that she never agreed to hang out with you."
I grunt, "Kaoru.. cried..?"
He nods, his eyebrows twitching up and he purses his lips, "Yeah. She cried. I guess maybe she's still kind of not over seeing the affair partner responsible for ruining her relationship with you."
I exhale, looking at the floor, "I should.. I should call her—"
"—Kenshin," He shakes his head sternly at me, "Don't. Just leave it be."
I shut my eyes, grunting. Silence. Finally, I sigh, "Fine.."
"Of course," Sano sighs, "I think you could call Megumi or something and save my ass with her. That would be great. She's pissed off at me still and I think if there's anyone she'd rather get to the bottom of this, it's you. You can explain yourself to her, and.. well.. I just hope you and Soujiro are still interested in hooking us up together. Or whatever."
I blink rapidly at the floor before looking back up at him, his blushing face making me pause. Oh, my, fucking, god. I feel myself smiling at him from where I sit, "No way.. You mean you really want to go out with her after all?"
"Yeah," He scoffs, trying to play it cool, "And Soujiro would be my best bet. But I think she's mad at him, too, so I guess it's up to you to clean house."
I nod, "Okay. Yeah. I'll do it. I'll come to school tomorrow and face her if that's what it takes."
He smiles, "That's great. Thanks."
He and I have coffee together and catching up casually before he left my house around fifteen minutes later. Now it's time to face the music. I'm not sure which song I have to face, though: Megumi, or Soujiro? I guess I could call up the former first so as to give Soujiro more time to be pissed off. But then, leaving him alone for too long might make him even more angrier. This is a toughie. I put the cups away in the sink before climbing up the stairs slowly, trying to savor the last of the peace and quiet before getting into another row with my lover.
Here goes nothing.
I go to the guest bedroom door and knock on it gingerly, speaking softly towards it, "Soujiro..?"
Silence.
I try knocking again, a little louder this time.
More silence.
At this point, I wonder if he went into my room instead. I frown, walking away to go into my bedroom, where I find my bed and all these blankets on top of a figure. I couldn't help but bite down a laugh over what I'm seeing. Of course he'd come straight to my room. I carefully walk over to where my bed is, hesitating on whether I should reach over to touch him, or take the blankets off of him, or even say anything. I feel like I'm being forced to make a choice on which cable to cut before a bomb goes off on me. I gulp, my lips thinning as they press tightly against each other anxiously at the sight in front of me.
...
If that even is him under the blankets.
I feel my hands forming into fists on my sides as I start mumbling, "Soujiro?"
Silence. Okay. It's now or never. I lean over to take the blankets off to see the brunet's messy hair in front of me, curling into a defensive fetal position. I blink once, grunting. But I carefully climb onto the bed and bring the blankets up over our bodies, keeping our heads above the covers this time. The back of his head mesmerized me since the first day we've met, I swear. He's always had the best hair I've ever seen in my life. And right now, it almost looks too messy to belong to the boy who was once a part of the ruling class of this country.
I bravely reach out to start touching his shoulder gently, whispering softly, "Baby..?"
He doesn't respond at first, but then he curls into himself tighter, whimpering. This is a far cry of how he used to behave around me, honestly. Back then, he acted like he could do just fine without being in a real relationship with me. But right now, he's acting like he's completely love sick over me. The mere suggestion of spending just a night apart is enough to send him into a spiral.
I'm not mad at him about this. I'm just worried about him.
"Hey.." I try to whisper to him softly again, scooching closer to him until my chest is nearly meeting his upper back, "Sano and I talked and we agreed that you don't have to sleepover at anybody else's house if you don't want to. Just that he wants us to come back to school grounds tomorrow to see our friends. They're worried about you. They miss you.."
He moves one his arm to wipe something from his face, and I realize that he's in tears once again. Oh, baby. I brave myself to finally wrap my arms around his waist to bring my entire body against the back of his own, kissing his shoulder blade lovingly. I hate when he cries like this. I hate making him cry. I keep kissing his shoulder blade and the side of his neck and he welcomes this, thankfully, with the way he tilts his head into the pillow so that I can gain easier access. He's so warm and soft and I love embracing him. I love kissing him.
"I love you.." I mumble near his ear, kissing his cheek near that area to prove it so. He sighs contently.
"I can't be without you.." He hiccups, and I can see a flash of tears sliding down his cheek from where I lay.
I shake my head gently, kissing his head, "Me neither.."
He takes a few moments with enjoying the many kisses I bestow upon him, before turning himself around to face me. His eyes look so bright and wet now from all the crying. I touch the side of his face with care, my heart pinched from seeing him like this. I can't be mad at him for how he's behaving. I said it once before, but he's not in a good head space right now. He needs me now more than ever. And this time, I have to step up and be the best, most supportive boyfriend ever.
I want to marry him. And if this is a test to see if I can withstand the hard parts of being in this world with him right now in order for him to agree to marry me.. then I have to do whatever it takes to make him feel safe and loved by me.
"Do you want to come to school tomorrow with me?" I smile at him.
He swallows something and wipes his eye with the back of his hand, nodding, "Maybe.."
I chuckle under my breath, leaning into kiss him on the lips chastely, "We'll have fun, I promise. Being here was nice, but I bet you miss seeing your other friends, right? They're thinking of you."
He shuts his eyes, more tears streaming down his face, "I don't care what they're thinking about. I still feel anxious leaving this house.."
"I'll be there with you, though. You know this.."
"I know.. I guess.. I guess it would do me well to get out of this place and try to have a normal life again."
"Exactly," I kiss his damp cheek, "We'll take our classes like normal, and then we come back home here so that it's not such a shock to your system."
He smiles, so relieved that I am so understanding to his plight. I win the best boyfriend award!
"What if I get horny during classes?" He smiles at me teasingly, scooching closer so that his eyes can trail down towards my lips before letting them swoop up to gaze deep into my eyes.
"Then I'll fuck you hard after school," I growl, leaning in to kiss him deep in the mouth and shoving my tongue inside of it for a couple of moments before I whisper against his lips, "Just like we used to do."
He shivers, visibly turned on, "Oh, fuck.."
We fucked on that bed and it was fucking amazing. Say what you want, but I think the fact that we're so compatible in bed makes me happy as shit. I helped him wash up in the shower before giving him his cup of coffee that he had missed out on sharing with Sanosuke and me earlier, and he really appreciates it. Somehow, all the crying gave him a headache, but I told him that caffeine will help with that. He seems surprised that he never knew of that, but then became happy at knowing that I know so much about that sort of stuff.
He feels so cherished by me and it shows.
We spent the rest of that day relaxing, playing video games and watching shit together, before having dinner at that nearby restaurant. The soups were delicious and we're happy to find our favorite place to eat now. Dad was late coming home, but by the time he did, it was about nearly ten at night when Soujiro and I were getting ready for bed soon. We hounded him to tell us about his date and he kept batting us away. Soujiro pleaded and I kept making stupid jokes to see if I can take a crack at him, until finally my dad sighed and told us it went great and that he thinks they'll be in a serious relationship soon.
"I wonder who it is!" Soujiro sighs happily once I tuck him into his own bed, "Maybe it's someone we know?"
"That would be nuts," I nod with a beam, "Alright, so you know what to do from here, right?"
He nods, "Yup. Wait a while once Hiko's in his room before I come back to yours."
"Right. Goodnight, Soujiro."
"Goodnight, Kenshin." He winks at me knowingly, and I smirk before heading back to my bedroom to wait for him.
At least things ended on a good note.
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I feel like a terrible boyfriend to Kenshin.
All he does is try to understand me, and all I do is act like a child.
But what can I say?
I am seriously in love with him and I'm afraid of losing him.
Hiko was kind enough to drive us in his truck to drop us off at the school, and I'll admit, a part of me is shaking like a leaf looking at that school building now. I wonder if Kenshin and I being both missing in action has roused suspicion in all of the student body right about now. Why are two unrelated boys living together like that? And why did they both decided to stay home alone during school hours? I use up all of my emotional strength to keep a straight face on as Kenshin and I walk into the building together and try to ignore some of the way the people are now looking at us.
Just as I suspected.
They know.
Kenshin and I walk side by side without holding hands or giving away our relationship to other people. But we can feel it. The hushed silence. The way some students stared at us openly as we walk past them. The whispering. I can feel the blood in my veins turning cold as we continue to walk carefully down the hallway, trying to get to our homeroom before anything bad happens.
Just calm down, Soujiro.
You've been through this before.
You got this.
"Hey, you guys!"
Kenshin and I look up blinking as we hear Yahiko calling after us up ahead, seeing him near the homeroom door and waving at us. Well, I guess he's not too pissed off at us, which is good. I feel myself relax more on the inside at Yahiko's friendly face and having Kenshin by my side. We walk up towards Yahiko and nod at him in salutation.
"Are you guys.. okay?" Yahiko's eyes does a quick scan looking around, noting the way other students are behaving as they walk past us. Their hardened gaze at Kenshin and I are palpable enough to even give Yahiko pause.
Kenshin's eyes narrow at a male and a female student walking together, with the way they are now glaring at him back, "Yahiko.. What's going on?"
"I don't know, I swear," Yahiko shakes his head with a frown, still keeping his eyes on the other students, "They started acting like this the second you two walk in the doors. I haven't heard of anything weird before today."
The three of us are on edge as a group of male students from some other homeroom walk past us, throwing dirty looks at me and trying to glower at Kenshin, who definitely looks pissed off now. My stomach is dropping and I can't help but walk backwards until my back meets the lockers behind me, prepared to flee if anything horrible erupts.
"What the fuck you're looking at?!"
We all flinch and turn to see Sanosuke coming into this same hallway now, his face almost pink with rage. The students start to scatter off pitifully, obviously not in the mood to try to take down the tall, muscle bound guy who could take them all at once. He walks up to us, his glare not leaving his eyes as the other students continue to walk on, frightfully looking at him from behind their shoulders as they do so.
"Are you two alright?" Sanosuke looks at me and Kenshin.
"You're.." I feel my eyes waver from where I stand, "Amazing."
Kenshin scoffs, "Yeah, man, that was so cool."
Sanosuke rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grin, "Aw, come on, guys, it's nothing. I didn't liked how they looked at you two and had to say something."
"But why are they like this?" Yahiko frowns at Sano while blinking, "I've never seen them act like this with Kenshin and Soujiro before, so why now? What changed?"
Sanosuke takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, shaking his head with wider eyes, "Seriously, man, I don't know. This is so weird."
"Oh my God. Sano!"
Another voice. This time a girl. We all turn to see Megumi and Misao both hurriedly walking towards us, their faces etched with worry.
"Hey, what's wrong, what's going on?" Sanosuke takes a step towards Megumi, who is now looking up at him with anxiety. I've never seen this side of her before, and my own nervousness is taking on a deeper low.
"It's.." Her eyes scans at Kenshin's face and then my own, and looks back up at Sanosuke with her phone now in her hand, "It's these two.. someone.. someone saw them.."
All of us fall silent, watching her phone as a video plays in front of us. It shows what occurred Saturday night, where I was screaming at Kenshin with Kaoru and Sano on that same street. It looks like someone caught us at a street corner and was hiding while recording the fight between us all. The video shows me crying and taking off, and also Kenshin trying to catch up.
But that's not all.
The video then cuts to moments later where the person who is recording, now shows the back of Kenshin while he's comforting me as I am sobbing loudly. I feel my heart dropping down to my stomach as I hear Kenshin yelling in the video:
"What is with you tonight?! Why did you leave your friend's house like this?!"
"She.. She's right.. I'm so.. disgusting..!"
"Snap out of it! Talk to me! What is wrong with you? Why did you look for me like this tonight?!"
"You didn't..! You didn't.. respond to my text message.. and I got scared.. and I wasn't happy over there.. and I saw girls kissing each other.. and I realized.. How much I missed you.. I.. I'm so.. I'm so sorry.."
I am so mortified. Is that how I look when I'm being so pathetic and out of control? My face couldn't feel hotter even if it tried, and I feel myself slowly sinking into a hole as Sano and Yahiko look at me either with worry or with pity. Either way, it's a terrible look on them, and I just want to disappear.
The video continues with Kenshin just standing there quietly for a while, until he gently pulls me into a hug, ".. Come on.. Let's get out of here. Let me take you back to Sayo's."
".. I don't want to go there.."
"Fine. Yahiko's, then?"
"No.."
"Okay. Let's just go home, then. I'm sorry. I love you."
...
And there it is.
I feel myself suddenly falling into that hole, falling and falling and falling with no way to stop it. I suddenly feel a sense of dizziness and nearly trip backwards before I feel Kenshin suddenly grabbing me in time, looking alarmed.
Megumi switches her phone off and hurries over to me, taking me on the other side so that both her and Kenshin can keep me standing. I feel faint. I want to die.
"Fuck," Sanosuke hisses, "This is bad. This.. this video went viral, didn't it?"
Yahiko exhales shakily, "This whole school knows.. and God knows who else..!"
"I..!" I try to grab onto Kenshin's shirt and jacket helplessly as everyone looks on in shock.
"Soujiro!" Kenshin holds onto me tighter, "I don't.. believe this is happening.. who in the world would record this..?"
"I don't know at this point, but," Megumi shakes her head, "This is bad. This is real fucking bad. I bet his old man would see it soon once the news reporters get a hold of this video!"
"What are we going to do?!" Yahiko gripes, "Soujiro can't stay here, these people are gonna beat the fuck out of him!"
"Then we'll fucking fight today if that's what it comes down to it!" Sanosuke yells at the shorter male, "Soujiro can't keep hiding like this with Kenshin anymore. Sooner or later their relationship has to come to light, and I guess today's the day!"
"Sano.." Megumi looks at him now with panic in her eyes, "At this point, all of us are going to be targets from now on. We'll all have to fight other people, even if Soujiro goes home right now.."
"I don't care!" Misao glowers, "If some bitch wants to fight me, I'll break their teeth in!"
The bell rings and everyone else starts to rush off to head into their own respective homerooms. We have no choice but to face today head on since it's too late to go back home without getting into trouble.
"Come on," Sanosuke grunts, "Let's just go to homeroom and deal with today as best we can. We need to stick together."
We all look up at him quietly, unsure of how to feel. Me, especially.
I can't believe it. I can't believe my secret with Kenshin is out. I knew that someday I'll have to be honest about who I am as a person, but I didn't think a video would do that for me. I did all I can to avoid cameras to the best of my ability, save for taking pictures of myself or with loved ones.
But now.. once again, a video is going to ruin my life.
And I didn't even have to have sex with Kenshin to do that.
Funny, isn't it? I was so close to making a sex video with him back at that hotel, as a way to control this entire situation to the best of my ability. Leaking that would have spelled the end of all of our futures as we know it. But all it took was a bystander catching us being close together at the right place and at just the right time.
...
What if I had never left Sayo's place?
What if Kenshin spent the night at Yahiko's without worrying about me?
What if I had never caught him with Kaoru and fly off the handle like that?
What if this is all my fault?
"I.." My voice is so quiet, so thin, so unsure. Everyone looked at me sadly but with gentleness at the same time, helping me walk into the homeroom together as a team. If nothing else, I at least have the support of my true friends here to get me through today.
But.. Kenshin..
What will happen to you now?
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Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I am tense as I stay close to Soujiro while we walk to our classes for the rest of the day. There would be classes where I don't share with Sanosuke or Yahiko, so it would be just him and I to fend for ourselves. All day long, people would stare at us and some would shoot glares at our general direction. The most verbal confrontations we had were some guys sniggering as Soujiro walk together with me down the hallways, or if some guy calls us slurs under their breath. If looks could kill, I'd be without my head right now. Since our homeroom teacher was absent today, we weren't able to find any relief or support from Mrs Kita at all.
Where could she be?
I can't believe that out of everything in the entire planet, it took a stupid public fight between me and Soujiro to out our relationship to the entire school.
And soon enough, the entirety of Japan itself.
We're too nervous to open up our social media apps. We wouldn't dare to even take a sneak peek at our Facebook accounts. We just know that all awaits are hateful comments.
I can't believe that still, to this day, so many people are so homophobic.
Soujiro looks so sick with fear from the way people are looking at him. I can at least fight if I have to, but Soujiro's got soft hands and probably a weak punch, so he's food for the vultures. I stay close to him as much as I can today, but that just makes our relationship even more obvious at this point.
We made it to lunch period without any confrontation..
But.. You know how it always goes. All it takes is just one asshole to start something.
"Yo, faggot!"
The crowds coos loudly as I watch in terror of some random guy throwing soda all over Soujiro's face. It took just a swift second of me coming back to my senses before I nearly flung myself at that guy to start wailing at him, the crowds clamoring loudly as I once again fight for Soujiro's honor. With my nose all nice and healed up, I am back for a second round of whoop ass.
"Kenshin!" Soujiro screams helplessly as I am punching the other guy in the face.
"Why don't you fuck off back from wherever you came from, freak!" Some girl pushes Soujiro into a small crowd of other random students, who take it upon themselves to violently shove him towards the floor now near us.
I don't understand why people are like this?!
Soon our friends swoop in to try to stop this entire drama as best they could, what with Sanosuke trying to pull me off of the guy I'm trying to kill, and the girls helping Soujiro get up from the floor. Teachers fly in to scream at everyone and to break up the crowds, one of them even blowing a whistle to let the students disperse back to the tables. A teacher hauls up the bloody nosed teenager off the floor and one bystander says that she saw him throw something at Soujiro's face and calling him a slur.
It was an absolute shit show.
It didn't take long until we find ourselves in the principal's office. Sanosuke is pacing back and forth inside the office while Megumi and Misao are comforting a crestfallen and otherwise dissociative Soujiro. Yahiko is crouched down on the floor with his hands over his head, muttering how fucked this entire thing is.
And then there's me, the boy who committed the crime of falling in love with another boy.
I sit in the chair in the direct opposite of the chair that belongs to Principle Saito, who has yet to show. I'm guessing he has to make some business calls first before coming in to talk to us all. This is bad. This is really bad. With that video now out to the public, Soujiro and I are about to face things larger than any one of us could comprehend. This could just be the final nail on the coffin that will make his dad come right after him and snatch him out of our hands and drag him back home.
Or just disappear altogether.
I'll never see him again.
I watch my fists that are over my lap hard for a few moments before I hear the door nearby opening and closing. We all stop to look up at Principal Saito walking in and sit in his leather bound chair, and my friends take their respective seating wherever appropriate. Soujiro is in a chair right next to me, and we both look at each other briefly with worry before looking back at our head principal.
Mr Saito doesn't look happy, but he doesn't look angry either. Finally, he mumbles, "The press is outside."
We watch him in stunned silence. Sanosuke gets up from his seating with a grunt, "What?"
Mr Saito nods once solemnly, "I have called the police to escort both Himura and Seta out from the premises. I was told that something was let out on the internet that showcases their relationship is to be one of romantic intentions, which has compromised the reputation of the Seta Enterprise."
Soujiro makes a small sound and I quickly look at him, his face paler than usual and his eyes mere pinpricks.
I look back at Mr Saito, "He called you, didn't he?"
Our friends behind us grunt at what I just asked and are probably looking straight at him now. He looks at us with a deadpan expression for a moment before he responds evenly, "Yes. He has."
Soujiro shakes his head, "I.. I'm not going back there..!"
"Since you are of age," Mr Saito reassures him, "You do not have to go back with your father if you don't prefer it. But the school administration board has asked that you and Himura return to your home for the remainder of this week, and to utilize our online service for your assignments while we control the student body. I am as shocked as anyone that students as young as you two are exhibiting behaviors one would expect decades ago. But of course, I suppose certain mindsets never change."
"Sir..?" Misao whispers, "You mean, you're.. not against something like this?"
Mr Saito sighs, "I have a family member who is like that. He is the closest friend I could ever ask for. When I was suspecting the relationship between Seta and Himura, it wasn't because I hold distasteful view of people who are like that. I am merely trying to protect this school's reputation from the likes of his father."
"Yeah, that makes sense.." Yahiko mumbles behind me, "So.. I guess you guys should go home, then? Just until this drama calms down.."
"And then what?!"
We all are taken back by the surprising force of the voice coming from the boy that is sitting right next to me. I turn to look at my lover as he keeps his head down, trembling with his fists over his lap just like I had mines before.
"Soujiro.." I hear myself mumbling, taken back by his outburst.
"I can't.. I can't keep doing this..!" Soujiro shakes his head, still not looking up, "I can't keep hiding myself like this any longer! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of lying and being ashamed..!"
We are all quietly watching him, moved by his brave choice of words right now. Even the usually stern Mr Saito looks on with a mild surprised look on his face.
Soujiro takes a sharp inhale before straightening up in his seat completely, glaring at Mr Saito dead on, "I have a request as a student of this school! I want to do it! I want.. to come out officially in front of everybody!"
Our friends collectively gasp softly from behind us, and even I gape at him in shock.
If you would have told me months ago, when we were first starting our private affair, that this would be the same guy that wants to come out in front of the entire student body.. I would have laughed you straight out of the building. The Soujiro I knew was afraid. The Soujiro I knew was always trying to fit in, against everything that is good inside of him. The Soujiro I knew wanted to do whatever it takes to keep his true nature a secret so that he would gladly take to the grave in order to please his father.
That Soujiro.. that I loved so much.. has been replaced by an even braver one.
And I love him all the more for it.
Mr Saito blinks once and then his eyes tighten, ".. I see. How will we conduct this?"
"We should do an assembly," Soujiro nods, "About acceptance. About being true to yourself. And I'll tell everyone that the video is real and that I am who I really am. Maybe this will make some students also come out and stop hiding."
"Damn, man, that's actually awesome!" Sanosuke pipes up, "I'm all for it!"
"Same here!" Yahiko beams.
"We're right behind you!" Megumi places her hand on the back of Soujiro's chair, making the latter look behind at her to smile in relief that he has her support.
"Is that something we can do, sir?" Misao clasps her hands together with pleading eyes.
"I'll make some calls to all of the teachers to prepare the students if you can wait a while here." Mr Saito carefully gets up in his chair.
"That's fine," I nod, "We'll wait."
"And!" Misao smiles brightly at Mr Saito, "Thank you! This is so how I want to end my senior year!"
"Hmph." Is all Mr Saito can muster before excusing himself to the next room over, where it is the designated teacher's lounge.
We all start to gather around Soujiro, placing our hands on his shoulders and his back and whispering compliments on his newfound surge of courage. He could only smile and blush demurely, but is secretly loving all of this attention on him. His eyes then flutter over to gaze deep into my own, and in that moment, I feel it.
That same surge of courage is now coursing through my veins.
Soujiro is right.
We can't hide like this anymore.
It has hurt us since the very beginning, and we deserve better than this.
It has even lead to hurting a very dear friend of ours, Kaoru.
"So, then.." Soujiro mumbles, looking at all of us individually, "We're gonna do this. Together."
"You bet." Sanosuke smiles at him.
"We're here for you." Megumi clasps her hand on his arm and it prompts him to place his hand on top of hers gently.
As long as we have people on our side, Soujiro..
I promise you..
You will never be an outsider ever again.
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"Students! We have gathered you here for a very important announcement! This school has been under fire recently over a video that not only defames our reputation, but has also placed two students in active danger. As an esteemed high school that has taught your parents and even your grandparents, Kyoto High stands by our moral obligations to cease this quagmire at once. This assembly will be one of acceptance, and we need your cooperation today!"
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"My name is Soujiro Seta."
The world is hushed into silence. I look into the void, and all I see are dozens of pairs of eyes looking straight at me. In the gymnasium, I remember this place as being how I started my sordid affair with Kenshin. What began as something nefarious and selfish for my own desires, became the foundation of our love blossoming over time. As my eyes take focus on the senior class of students of various backgrounds—some who are athletes, others who take art or theater after school, while others like myself run a study group or the student council—I realize that in spite of the actions of several, I know that most of them are just as shocked by the behaviors seen today against me than they are of the love I share with Kenshin.
And as my eyes land on a pair of familiar lavender eyes.. I feel myself relaxing on the inside. He smiles at me gently, as if he knows.
My name is Soujiro Seta.
And starting today.. I will no longer be afraid.
"I came to this school to join the likes of yourselves because I wanted to experience life outside of my privileged upbringing," I speak confidentially into the microphone at the podium stand, "That part remains true even to this day. But I must also confess to something else. You all are not the only reason why I wanted to attend this facility. I came here because ultimately, at the end of the day.. I fell in love with one of your peers."
The students collectively soften their stances as they witness the vulnerability in my words, though a few are already scoffing and are fighting against the urge to heckle at me.
I continue, "This peer is someone you know and someone you might've saw already on a video that never should have been taken that night. I never consented to being recorded like that, and neither did he. But it's true what was said in that video: I love him, and he loves me. I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore because all it has done was made me suffer, and hurting everyone around me. Including my dear friends. Especially my dearest friends."
My eyes look over at Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, Misao, and Tsubame who are all sitting together and smiling proudly at me from where they sit. Even my other friends like Sayo and her group are happy to see me take a stand in front of everybody today.
"The violence shown to me today was unfortunately not my first time experiencing, and it certainly won't be my last. I know that I have to continue to withstand so much abuse just to be who I am. But let me ask you this: What good does it do for your life by hurting someone who wants nothing more than to be with the one they love? How would you feel if you were shamed for something you could not help? For something you wish and prayed hard to change, but never could? Are we not a more accepting generation than many generations ago? Or are we doomed to repeat the narrative?"
Slowly more and more students perk up and seem inspired by what I'm saying.
I can see Kenshin gazing at me in awe and how I wish I could go over there to kiss him.
But right now, I have a speech to finish.
"I don't ask for any special favors. I don't want to be treated any better or worse than the next person. I just want to be treated just like everyone else who attend this school. I want to be seen as just as regular, just as normal, and just as boring as the person you sit next to in all of your classes. I want nothing less than to be seen as your equal. I ask for basic respect, and I ask to continue to let me attend this school, to be with my friends, to be with my teachers, and more importantly.. to be with you."
...
Kenshin.
I look at him as he seems moved to tears from where he sits, though he tries to fight back as much as he can before giving me a weak smile.
It's because of you that I have grown to be so much better than before.
Thank you.
I love you.
"Thank you!"
The crowd starts to clap and cheer, and even some of the teachers join in on the excitement. Everything seems to move in slow motion as I look at all the students in front of me, at my friends, and of course, the boy I love more than words could describe. I can see the shy faces of some students that I have a feeling are battling this same secret deep inside of them.. but the way they smile at me tells me that they can now feel free to come out soon on their own accord.
"THANK YOU!"
The crowd cheers louder, and I am soon taken by a kind teacher to help me get back out of the gymnasium, looking back over my shoulder to see Mr Saito also instructing Kenshin to climb down from the indoor bleachers to join me.
We can go home now, Kenshin.
And this time, when we come back..
We'll be free to love each other.
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"Mr Seta!"
"Can we ask you a few questions, Mr Seta!"
"Is it true that you are in a homosexual relationship?"
"What does your father Tsukino Seta think about all of this?"
"Will you continue to run the empire under your father's name?"
"What's next for you?"
"Mr Seta!"
"Mr Seta!"
"Mr Seta!"
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"Oh my God," I whisper, nearing to tears as I climb into the shotgun of Hiko's pick up truck while Kenshin sits right behind me, "Thank God you're here!"
"Just hang on." Hiko grits his teeth as he locks the doors and starts honking his horn to keep the reporters from coming any closer, and the ones that are right near us jump back with a startle.
"This is crazy.." Kenshin whispers behind me, "All of these fucking people.."
But this is my world, Kenshin.. I never wanted you to see this side of my life. But I guess today you'll get your first sneak peek.
Will you still love me if you knew this is what you have to deal with for the rest of your life?
I say nothing as Hiko revs up the engine, clearing out the rest of the paparazzi outside of the truck as he drives slowly through them, driving and picking up the speed before tailgating it out of the school's parking lot. He makes it onto the main street to drive past the school building as we all sit in silence while the buildings zoom past us, completely stunned by how everything went down today.
To think all it took was a random person catching us in the act.. instead of someone we know for sure.. who would've thought?
Hiko drove and drove and drove. I am holding Kenshin's hand secretly from my right side where the car door is at, and find comfort in the way he rubs my fingers with his thumb. As if to say that he won't leave me even after everything has happened.
Kenshin..
Maybe you think you don't deserve me, but honestly.. it's you that I don't deserve.
Hiko doesn't know of our hand holding, thankfully, and keeps his eyes on the road.
"Dad.." Kenshin mumbles from behind me, ".. Where are we going?"
"We can't go home, Kenshin," Hiko seem to catch a breath or a hiccup of sort before he sighs, "We're going to have to put you and Soujiro out somewhere for the next few days to give these lunatics something else to latch onto. You two don't happen to have your laptops with you right now, right?"
"No, sir," I shake my head, "We left them at your house."
"Alright. Fine by me. I'm going to head towards a place I know for so many years now."
"Dad..?" Kenshin leans closer now that I am able to see him from my peripheral vision.
"Son," Hiko nods, "I'm going to the police department where I used to work in before. You might not know this, but.. I've met up with an old friend this past couple of weeks once I've learned what's been happening in Soujiro's life. He used to be my partner when I worked there, and I have called him before I came over to pick you two up. He's agreed to have me drop you two off there while I go gather your belongings."
"But, does this mean we won't be able to come home with you?" Kenshin asks, "Where are we going to sleep?"
"You two will stay at the station to give your statement, Soujiro," Hiko turns to me with an amiable smile, "If you want to or if you feel ready to, of course. No pressure. I have a feeling I'm being followed as we speak right now, and if they see you go into the police station, they will have no choice but to give up and go away."
"And then what?" Kenshin presses further.
"You two have a choice. Sleep at my partner's place with his wife at their house, or go to a hotel. Up to you."
Kenshin grunts, taking his time digesting this information before he sits all the way back again. He tightens his hold of my hand secretly on the other side meanwhile, almost as if asking me what do I want to do. I grunt, frowning at my lap to ponder on this. It might be nice to stay with some people that might want to learn more about us, and what we're going through.
But then..
I just want to be alone with Kenshin again.
I want to be free to love him lavishly without the fear of judgement.
Even though I've essentially came out of the closet in front of the entire school, and even though Kenshin will no longer be seen as exclusively just a ladies' man.. I still feel apprehensive in showcasing our relationship publicly just yet.
I still need time.
So sue me.
"I think," I nod, "I think I'll feel better staying at a hotel with Kenshin. How about you, Kenshin?"
"Yeah. I think that's good."
"Alright," Hiko nods once more, "I'll drop you at the police station. Hang on tight."
"Thanks, dad.."
".. By the way.. I received news about your mother, Soujiro," He squints his eyes at the road ahead as I watch him carefully, "She is taken care of at a specialized facility for the severely ill. She is under the care of her family members from her side, since it's clear your father has abandoned her completely all of this time. She was told about you, and.."
Kenshin and I are quiet, taking in this news.
".. She wants to meet you."
I tighten the hold of Kenshin's hand hard, and he squeezes back.
Kenshin..
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"Officer Abe," Hiko steps aside to introduce both of us to a mustached man around my dad's age, "This is my son, Kenshin, and this is Soujiro."
"Ah," The police officer does a half bow, prompting us all to do the same in return to show our respect, "Yes, your father told me all about you two. Especially you, Soujiro. I understand you need some time and space here while the rabid reporters are going off outside?"
Soujiro blushes next to me, "Um. Yes, sir. I'm really sorry to cause a commotion."
Officer Abe shakes his head with a prompt laughter, "Not at all, my friend, not at all. Will you two be needing something to eat or drink? Coffee, donuts?"
"Oh," I perk up, "Maybe a cup of coffee for me will be fine. Black with sugar."
Soujiro smiles shyly at the floor, "I'll have the same, but with cream, please."
"I have to go get these two their belongings," Hiko crosses his arms over his chest, "They will be staying at a hotel nearby for the next few days. Apparently their school thinks it's best they stay away until the upcoming Monday morning when all of this calms down."
"That will be fine," Officer Abe nods solemnly, "Tell me, Soujiro.. Do you feel prepared to tell me about your side of the story? My friend Hiko here tells me that you are in serious trouble regarding your father, and if it is true over what he said.. then we have a case here that we must look into. Especially when the safety of young children are on the line."
I look in time as Soujiro looks up at the police officer with a scared expression on his face, unsure of how to respond. I suppose this is not going to be easy for him to open up at this time, especially with so much that has already happened so far since last night.
I take a step forward, "We have.. I mean, do you mind if I speak with Soujiro in private somewhere before he answers you?"
Office Abe nods, "Absolutely. You can use the empty office behind you."
"I'll get your laptops and your clothes," Hiko turns around to walk a few steps away from us before he looks behind at us, "Do you two need anything extra?"
"Do you.." I grunt, "I mean, do you have maybe a spare credit card I could borrow or some cash to get through the next several days? I think I'm short on money right now.."
"Oh, I.." Soujiro looks like he was about to say something but then takes it back, "Never mind.."
Hiko looks back around, "I have a credit card you can take with you. I'll be back."
"Thanks, dad." I smile from behind his back as he walks away.
"Right this way, boys." Officer Abe politely opens the door to the spare office behind us with a key.
(To be continued)