I Can't Hear It Now

His heartbeat thudded steadily, like a clock, grounding her in the present with each beat she felt against her cheek. His presence steadied her, allowing her the time she needed to process her fragmented memories, without ever letting it become too overwhelming.

Every time she would start to feel her mind reaching a breaking point—conflicting traits battling for dominance—her body would give silent signals, tensing or breathing faster. Her nails would dig into her skin, her jaw would clench, ever so slightly.

But every time, Ekko noticed. He would start rubbing her harms, pretending to keep her warm. He would stroke her hair, lovingly, over and over again until she calmed. No matter how discreet she was, Ekko would always respond without fail. A simple caress on her cheek, gently anchoring her back to that rooftop, under the stars.

Whenever Jinx's nature would resurface, she had to fight her own body not to pick up and flee. It was unbearable—feeling such unconditional love. Every now and then a single tear would escape, without permission, slipping silently down her cheek.

And every time the memories of them together resurfaced, as Powder and Ekko, she felt equally devastated. The ache in her chest strained her, pulling splinters from her heart. Anger, guilt, and longing warred inside her.

"I'm never going to be ok again, am I?" she murmured, her voice coarse, her throat hurting.

Ekko didn't know how to respond to that, she thought, when his heartbeat quickened beneath her cheek. He hugged her, tightly, as if pain was something he could squeeze out of her.

"If there is something I know, is that sometimes… Taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind." His voice carried a tenderness she'd only heard once before.

Her heart shattered, tears silently soaking his shirt.

Maybe she could heal. In his arms, in that moment, it felt strangely possible.

"There are some things I will never leave behind," she whispered, matching his tight hug, an unbreakable bond coming alive between them. No matter how much time passed, this memory would be engraved in their souls forever—the moment they accepted each other, flaws and all.

She lifted her head to meet his gaze, her eyes locking with his bright brown ones. "But you did leave me behind." She didn't want to go there. But she had to. Some things, no matter how hard, were better spoken than being left inside, consuming one until only doubt and grudge survived.

His eyes became damp as he quietly admitted. "I know. I can't deny it… I can only try to explain it." He took a deep breath. "I had to come back. They needed me. I had to." He turned his face away from her, guilt shadowing his features. "And you can't imagine how hard it was. But… You were never mine to begin with. I felt like I was betraying your trust. Every second with you hurt because I was deceiving you. And that was even harder than staying." His voice was heavy with longing and sorrow.

Jinx cupped his face, forcing him to meet her eyes. "You really think I didn't know? All along?" He looked confused. "You think I wouldn't notice when you started behaving like a different person? You were a different person." Her voice softened. "You hid behind mysteries and lies… But I could tell you didn't mean harm." She placed her hand over his thudding heart. "In every universe, you are good."

For a brief moment, she felt like Powder again.

But the feeling was fleeting. All of this intimacy strained Jinx, triggering her instinct to pull away. She rolled to her back, pulling further away from his warmth, as she stared at the sky.

Ekko noticed the shift in her. Staring at the sky, as well, he said hesitantly. "But I never left you behind, Jinx." It was barely a whisper. "I never gave up on you. No matter how I behaved."

His words cut deep, poking at an open wound. She let her tears stream down her face, forcing herself to let them follow their path. It was difficult but she made herself still instead of hiding away. If she was going to survive this, she had to leave some things behind, no matter how hard. And it started like this. With small steps. With being present. With feeling and breathing.

Ekko remained distanced, giving her the space she needed. It was all he could do now.

When the violent wave finally crashed, ending its course, only a void remained. A peaceful void where turbulence once existed. She rolled to her side, facing him again.

"I wasn't ready before. I tried to kill Powder so many times." Her voice trembled. "Every time I saw you, I saw her." She exhaled, realizing she was tensing her lungs. "And I couldn't let her breathe. I had to suffocate her. And all of her feelings."

Ekko turned to face her, his gaze tender. "I know," he said softly, wiping her tears. She grasped his hand, holding it tightly.

"I'm very aware this is not easy," he continued. "And while I might not know when you will feel whole again… I am sure if anyone can survive this, it's you." His slight smile did not reach his eyes, which gloomed with pain. Leaning closer, he rested his forehead against hers, both of them closing their eyes. "My resilient, wild, fierce Jinx."

She could see all of those traits in herself. She could believe them. Maybe that was enough.

"Maybe…" she began. "Instead of letting this pain eat me alive, of letting it break me… Maybe it can forge me into something greater." Silco's words echoed in her mind, lingering.

With their heads still touching in place of their hearts, she asked "And you?" She gathered the strength to continue. "You were there too. You saw what could've been. And you had to leave everyone behind. Benzo…" She felt his forehead furrow. His hand tightened around hers.

"It's another life." His voice was moody and dark. "The wrong universe…"

She pulled away from him. "No. This is the wrong universe. Look around you!" she pointed to the darkness around them, showcasing it. "But maybe I can change that."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his tone surprised as he sat up slightly, leaning on one hand.

"Nothing…" she muttered, staring at the concrete beside his jacket. "Just that maybe… Maybe I can fix some things." He could barely hear her. "Vi." She finally said.

His hands shot to her shoulders, pulling her from the floor into his chest, tightly wrapping her in a warm embrace.

Gestures meant more than words.

"She's ok," he murmured, reassuring her.

"She thinks I'm dead!" she snipped back, trying to free herself from him. "Actually, she doesn't even know I exist! I'm a fucking mess, a freak!"

"You're her sister." His voice unwavering. "No matter what, you will always be her Powder."

"But I'm not—"

"No matter what name you choose, she will always love you," he interrupted.

Vi.

Her heart twisted with sorrow. At least she was alive.

"I'm so tired," she whispered.

He laid back, drawing her with him onto the jacket. "Me too," he replied softly, cuddling her close. "We have time."

It had been years since she'd felt this protected. Vander had always been there for her, just as Little Man did. But as she grew older, she no longer needed it. A bittersweet warmth spread across her heart, sheathing her like a heavy blanket.

She slowly inhaled and exhaled, closing her eyes. Next to her, she felt Ekko doing the same.

Snuggling together, their bodies melded as one, they drifted into a restful slumber.