Chapter 8
Worth It

January, 2006 – Upstate New York

1 : Jade

Extreme cold had not been a welcome surprise. Earth had so many temperature variations it wasn't even funny, especially during Guard duty. He was well beyond the point where Antar's climatic control was sorely missed, and as tiny snowflakes began to drift his way, he swore. If he didn't see snow for the rest of his life, it would be too soon. He was frozen to the depths of his every cell, and no matter what shape he took, he just couldn't shift out of cold.

At least His Majesty looked thoroughly happy.

Laughter echoed in the woods as Liz yelled, "No powers!" while she aimed a well-compacted snowball and hit right on target. Zan kept coming for her.

They'd been like this for the past three days.

Free.

Since the Guard had arrived on Earth, all they had read about their charges was that they moved together. How much they stuck to each other and, even now when they were allowed to travel, they didn't venture too far, much less alone. Today, though, today it was all about Zan and Liz, a fact that the two of them were taking advantage of. Jade had never seen a couple so in love. He wondered if Zan and Ava had been as happy, too.

The house they were staying in tried to disguise itself as a cabin, but nothing that size could be called that. It tried to say with its wooden exterior that it was rough and uncivilized, but one look at the fireplace, the plush rug and the kitchen—not to mention the bedroom—and that illusion quickly disappeared. The only true thing about its appearance was that it was isolated.

It belonged to Susseth, that redhead who made Luke nervous because she dealt with matters close enough to the king to be a liability. It had been a gift from Dave three years ago in an attempt to convince his assistant to take vacation time—and do something with it besides work—but it still looked brand new. It was one of Ray's emergency shelters in the area, as well, which meant it was secure. It was one less worry for Jade and his fellow shifters.

They were rotating their duty hours, with three shifters guarding at all times. Somewhere, out there, Jet and Ash were sharing this view with him. In a hidden room in the basement, Violet was sleeping.

"Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it," Jet said behind Jade's tree, taking a human shape, his clothing and skin the color of bark. From this distance, he was virtually invisible to the Royal pair.

"He's worth it," Jade said with absolute confidence, his eyes following the couple as they went in circles around a small tree.

Out of all of them, Jet was the pessimistic one. It was as if a dark cloud were always around him. The fact that he'd been working in Khivar's army still made everyone nervous. They had all been engineered for that, Jade reminded himself, they had all been designed to be soldiers. Except Jet actually liked it, he thought uneasily as he took human form as well. It was nice to stop pretending to be a tree-trunk, that was for sure.

"Not him, but this. We're going to take this from him," Jet elaborated, "the snow, and the laughter and the freedom."

And Liz, Jade thought privately.

No matter how hard he tried to picture it, Jade couldn't imagine a future in which Zan would allow his wife to go into a war-torn planet, where he was a wanted fugitive, where a rebellion would blow out in all directions once he arrived on Antar. No, in Jade's mind, when the time came for Zan to make a choice, he would go alone. He would go while hoping she would wait for him.

"What would you have us do?" Ash asked, shifting on the opposite side of the tree. "Snatch him right now, lock him up in a spaceship, and hope he wants to rule after overthrowing the usurper?"

"He won't stay," Jet said quietly, his breath condensing in the cold air. "Because of her, he won't stay on Antar."

Jade's heart ached. They were guarding Antar's future King, risking their lives, keeping their hope alive, but none of it would matter if, at the end of all things, Zan was still thinking of himself as Max.

"He'll remember," Ash argued back. "He'll remember his people, and he'll fight with us, and he'll understand. He'll choose us."

Jet remained silent. That black cloud of his drifted over Ash and Jade as well as the three kept their watch on their King and, for all intents and purposes, their Queen.

"He's worth it," Jade repeated a minute later, as Zan finally caught Liz at the waist and spun her around, her laughter ringing too loud in their ears. "And this is worth it. He'll need these moments to sustain him when Earth won't be anything more than memories of the past."

2 : Max

He'd been dreaming of Antar again. It was disorienting to wake up out of those dreams into the peaceful quiet of his bedroom, with Liz resting on his chest. She said his heartbeat helped her sleep. The sight of her helped him stay calm. Anchored him to his present self.

Sometimes, he would wake up in the middle of the night, just like tonight, and he would grieve for Zan, and all he had lost. A kingdom, a planet. His family. Max couldn't regret that, exactly, because all that had happened had led to Liz sleeping in his arms tonight, but he recognized that a lot of people had lost their lives to get Zan here.

It would have humbled Zan to know that. He hadn't thought he was worth it.

And for the longest time I didn't think I could have this, Max thought, absently caressing Liz's back, her hair falling on her side. He loved that hair. He loved knowing he could touch it whenever he felt like it. Antar with its palaces and guards and power had no lure for him.

Sometimes, he would wake up and think that he was still dreaming. That he'd never left that white hell and his mind had taken refuge in this make-believe life. Or maybe he'd died and this was what Heaven looked like for him. With all the craziness and strangeness of his life, this was what he wanted. This was his dream come true.

Zan would have gone crazy waiting here. The thought of Khivar on his throne, ruling his people… This exile would have been the worst kind of torture. And Max was not stupid. There was a very distinct possibility that someday he would be faced with the fact that an entire world was counting on him to come back. For him to play Zan.

In some bizarre way, it was as if he'd been Zan's twin, and now he was asked to take on his brother's life, piecing it together from what little he knew, while everyone was fooled into believing he was the real deal.

No, if anything, the fact that Antar felt distant while Earth felt his home should be proof enough that Zan did not lurk in the back of his mind. That he dreaded the day when he would be expected to return certainly was proof enough for him. To know the differences between them kept Max sane, and helped him cope with the vivid hallucinations that came from time to time. They were memories, but not his memories. Not his life.

And yet… he couldn't find the right moment to tell Liz all of this. That she would doubt that he was Max despite Zan's memories sent a chill down his spine. He'd been lost for so long trying to define what was human and what was alien about him, that going through all that again kept bringing up unwanted memories and feelings better left buried. He didn't want to feel 17 again, or have Liz thinking that after all that had happened between them, he still had a duty to his destiny and the people who had brought him here.

He didn't think he could survive that a second time.

She stirred in his arms, probably sensing his turmoil and despair. Quieting the doubts in his mind, Max watched her as she murmured something and then settled in again. He sighed inwardly. Letting these thoughts eat away his peace of mind was not healthy, and certainly not fair to Liz. He knew he was not Zan, and that certainty would have to be good enough for both of them.

One day he would tell her. One day when none of this was weighing on his head, when he no longer cared about Zan's past. One day he would share with her the wonders of another world, and the royal intrigues of the palace. One day, surely, but not today. That he loved her and she loved him back was all that mattered now.

If there was any lesson at all in Zan's life, it was to seize the present, because no matter how wonderful it was, there was no such thing as a certain future. Not even for kings.

3 : Jake

February 23, 2006 – The Compound

"Aaaaand that's a new record, ladies and gentlemen," Jake said as Max's green shield disintegrated, pressing the stop button on the watch in his hand. Max faintly smiled as he let himself fall on the couch. He was sweating and breathing hard, and in obvious need of some water.

"It didn't feel like a new record," he said while Jake opened the mini-fridge, fishing for a strawberry Gatorade.

"Two whole minutes more than last time," Jake explained, throwing the Gatorade in a nice arch. Max caught it without a problem. And that's a 100% in reflexes after exhausting yourself, too. These tiny details he didn't say out loud. Max might appreciate the little tests Jake kept doing without their knowledge, but Michael wouldn't. So it was easier to keep his mouth shut, than to be telling Max one thing and Michael another. "You reached eleven minutes of a consistent force field, and about 20 seconds of declining strength.

"I wouldn't know, after the six minute mark everything becomes a blur," Max said between drinking the first half of the bottle, and drinking the second part. He trashed the empty container by throwing it to the trash in another display of perfect aim.

Jake sat down on the table in front of Max, handling him a towel. "Make sure Michael knows that."

Max chuckled. "I did. He said if he hasn't gotten us out after six minutes, we're as good as dead."

"Charming," Jake mused.

"Practical," Max corrected, using the towel to wipe out the sweat from the back of his neck. "Ray certainly agreed."

"What about you?" Jake asked.

"What about what? If I can't improve my timing in a meaningful way, they're right. I'll become a liability if I can't keep up with the escape plan. I have to get better." Max sighed in a tired way. "I gotta admit, it was better when I had a full guard of shapeshifters and they had to worry about this."

Jake's heart skipped a happy beat. It was the first time Max brought the subject about his past memories with humor.

"Your time off did you good," Jake said with approval. Max nodded, smiling slowly.

"We needed to get away for a while," Max agreed, his eyes going to the monitor that was showing his light-blue signature. There had been a time when none of them liked that screen at all. Now it was an accurate measure of how much energy they were using. "They haven't stopped—the vivid memories," he confessed. "But I'm not as disoriented when I come out of them. I've been dreaming about Antar a lot, though. Not about the war or how we died. Just… glimpses of it. Everyday things. Makes me feel sorry for Zan, actually. That he lost so much."

"For what is worth," Jake said, "he had an extraordinary life, sure, but no one beats yours. Being an alien and all," he elaborated when Max frowned.

"First contact and special powers, huh?" Max said with half a smile. Being an alien was not a happy part of being Max, Jake knew. Just like being a genius had robbed much of Jake's life as well. It did make them unique, and with the right perspective—like Dave's—it could make one feel special in a good way.

"I can't imagine what being king must feel like," Jake said, thoughtful. In so many ways, Jake's and Dave's lives had been so out of the norm they were as much in an exclusive club as kings were. But there was no comparison, really. To be born for the express purpose of ruling, of having people's lives in one's hands…

"It wasn't as much fun as I would have thought," Max said, standing up. "Do you have any ideas how I can improve my awareness after six minutes?"

And that was that. Something about talking about Zan always made Max uncomfortable, which Jake could understand. There was good reason why Jake and Dave never talked about their past—and they didn't have to deal with half-remembered identities in another planet.

"Besides training? Not really," Jake said when Max nodded. "If anything, maybe you should start training with Ray with the assumption that six minutes is all you've got."

Five years later, trapped in a car in the middle of Manhattan, Max would remember those exact words.