Chapter 7

"Not all of our friends will agree with this. . . It could split the group." {Emma Bloom, pg 187 book 4}

Millard had entered Jacob's room expecting to find him packing, but instead the room was empty. He must be with Emma.

Not a stranger to going places he wasn't supposed to be, Millard let himself in and took a look around. Surprisingly Jake's room had several things Millard actually recognized. Records lined one wall with an old record player on the bookshelf beneath them, old postcards were scattered across his desk - one specific one from Cairnholm. But the thing he loved most was the wall of maps Jacob had plastered to one entire wall of his room near his bed. There were layers upon layers of them, taped and tacked over one another. World maps dated from many different years mixed with smaller local maps, mixed with hand drawn fictitious maps. The strange thing was, some of the crayon maps he recognized – because they secretly were peculiar.

The door opened and Jacob walked in. He didn't see Millard and Millard didn't say anything, he just went still. For a moment he recalled how Abe used to chuckle about his day to day activities. Some days he'd run up to Abe shouting, 'Hey Abe, I know what you did today!' then proceed to tell him where he'd been, what he'd eaten, if he picked his nose when he thought no one was looking. Abe got such a kick out of it, he remembered fondly.

Jacob sighed like he was still frustrated as he started packing.

"I feel I must confess." Millard said and Jacob nearly jumped out of his skin as his head snapped toward the sound of Millard's voice, "You are not alone."

"Jeez Millard." Jake said with a hand over his heart.

"Apologies. I was just admiring your wall mosaic."

Jacob took a few deep breaths and walked up beside Millard now looking at the wall as well. "It looks like either a cartographer's dream or their nightmare."

Millard chuckled, "Depends on the cartographer."

"My grandfather got me into maps. I never knew how much he liked exploring until I met all of you."

Millard nodded even though he knew Jacob couldn't see it, "I'm sure he would have loved to share more with you."

"It's my own fault. When he tried to tell me, I didn't believe him."

"If I know Abe, and I like to think I knew him quite well. . . that wouldn't have made him give up. Not that easily. No offense, but he could have taken you."

Jake chuckled, "I think so too."

For a moment it grew quiet and they just looked at the maps.

"Wait a minute." Jake muttered tilting his head. Then, out of nowhere he moved forward and stood on the bed, pulling out thumbtacks and carefully peeling back tape. Then he looked up and around one specific spot on the wall. "Help me with this will you?"

Millard joined him, practically smelling the spike of adrenaline radiating from Jacob. He helped hold map corners out of the way while Jacob worked to peel back the layers. Finally, he freed an old placemat from a diner, the paper kind with the logo printed across it in bright colors.

They both got off the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. In his hands Jake held the placemat, old and crinkled in some places, that said Mel-O-Dee across the middle. There were crayon markings all over it and Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded square. When he shook it open he was holding two identical placemats.

"Do you see what I see?" Jacob asked.

Millard waited for him to continue, ". . .I need more context."

"My grandfather used to take me to the same diner when I was a kid. The waitress would pass out crayons and we'd mark up the map –"

"And Abe circled Mermaid Fantasyland the same way H left a ring from his wet glass around the same place?" He pointed out. Jake nodded staring at the placemats. His hands started shaking and his breaths came in shorter pants. It was quite the discovery, like an old scent trail left long ago, a small clue Abe had put all his faith into.

"It can't be a coincidence right?"

"When it comes to the peculiar world Jacob, I don't believe anything is a coincidence."

Aurora went to bed without putting her pajamas on. Instead she flopped back on the comforter and stared at the ceiling wondering what the next twelve hours would bring. She knew come morning Jake and Emma would be gone, who knew how many of the others would decide to go too. Not to mention Miss Peregrine. Sneaking out was one thing, sneaking out of a house with an ymbryne was another. Would they make it? Or would they get caught? If Aurora went was it safe to assume the Bird would catch up to them within an hour and put a stop to everything and she could go home? Aurora knew only one thing for certain: this was an adventure she did not have any desire to partake in. But what if everyone else went? Would she stay home by herself? Surely Millard would stay with her. He promised he'd stay, she reminded herself.

No, he swore he wouldn't leave you, another side of her argued. If he thought you'd go with him then that's not leaving you.

But I don't want this.

He'll see that as you pulling away, not him. Maybe you should, or that fear of burdening him, of holding him back, will be your reality.

She lifted her hands to rub her temples trying to stop an oncoming headache before it could begin.

The door to their room opened and Millard walked in, she only knew it was Millard because seemingly no one was there and the door appeared to shut on its own.

"Abe left Jake a map." Millard said in a rush as he headed for the closet.

"Wha – what?" she asked turning her head to watch him as he rifled through random clothes they'd been borrowing and other miscellaneous things that belonged to Jacob's parents.

"Jake and I just found it. An old map from a diner placemat that Abe drew peculiar symbols on. There's even markings for loops."

He returned with an open button down thrown on and a duffle bag he tossed on the foot of the bed.

"So. . . Abe knew about this?"

"My best educated guess was he knew Jacob would find out he was peculiar. Knew Jacob would find us and someway somehow he'd find that bunker and take up Abe's mantle."

Aurora mulled that over for a moment. She remembered back on Cairnholm how Abe would call every night. But that last night. . . before the hollow attack. . . what if Jacob had picked up the phone? That simple action would have changed so much. For one, young Abe would know he would live long enough to become a grandfather, he would know his grandson found Miss Peregrine's loop eventually.

And, when Abe died, he knew it was the start for Jake, he would have known all he had to do was put Jacob on the path and he'd find it. And he had. So that only left one question: how many clues did Abe hide while he spent time with Jacob in his childhood?

She let out a long breath, the idea that Abe left more for them to find, that it was all purposefully done, was a lot to process. While at the same time, it was all quite sweet. In a way it felt like Abe was rooting for them.

While she'd been lost in her thoughts, Millard had been packing, only then did she start to mildly panic.

"This is so invigorating. To think Abe intended all this, planned it, even when he was retired. He believed in Jake – he believed in us." Millard said sounding so exhilarated.

Aurora returned her gaze to the ceiling, "It is remarkable." She agreed, her reply sounding a bit absentminded, "But Abe was a remarkable person."

Millard's hands stilled mid-stuffing clothes into the duffle bag. "What's wrong? You don't seem. . . excited."

Aurora bit her lip, she hadn't wanted Millard to ask questions until she was sure herself what was wrong, and what a possible solution might be. But since he had. . . she turned to her side leaning on one elbow, "It's only. . . we just survived a life and death situation. We trekked across war torn Europe, went hungry, ran for our lives, I almost lost you –" she took a steadying breath, "I just want to get away from it all for a while. The reconstruction has been. . . I'm still adjusting. . . slowly. And now things have suddenly changed direction."

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed closest to her and rested his hand on her arm, "I know it's been a lot, and feeling burnt out is inevitable." He paused, "But if we're needed, especially for something the ymbrynes are ignoring, it seems wrong to ignore that in favor of going to work, coming home and sitting on the beach doing nothing."

"We wouldn't be doing nothing Millard, we would be building a foundation for our life together."

His body grew rigid and he started stroking her arm with his thumb to try and alleviate some of the tension he felt. Doubt had always been one of his biggest adversaries, mainly because it dwelled inside his own mind, knew his weaknesses, knew where to poke where it would do the most damage. His doubt was how Victor had wormed his way into Millard's head. His doubt was why he'd made the stupid mistake of breaking up with Aurora. And for many, many decades after he still had to fight the belief that he wasn't good enough for someone like her.

Now his doubt tried clawing back to the surface, it saw an opening and was doing all it could to take over him. It hadn't given up the fight. Aurora deserved the best life possible and he refused to believe that he couldn't give her that. He had been through too much, they had been through too much for his doubt to win out now. But that didn't stop the whisper in the back of his mind, that trickle of poison.

"What is it you expect?" he asked needing more data. "What is your ideal future?"

She shrugged, "We would need jobs –"

"The only job I could have is in peculiardom. The job they gave me that would require I leave you to spy on some waste management office. And, understandably, you seem to want to distance yourself from that. Doing this mission with Jacob would prove to them we are more capable then they are treating us, would give my words more weight when I refuse any job that takes me from you. Logically it all adds up. So we can get to the place you want to be. We can't just pretend to be normal."

They had joked the other day about running away and finding somewhere normal to hide. But it had only been a joke, they both were well aware of that. Aurora knew he had said it just to make her feel better, the problem was it had made her feel much better and part of her now wanted it. In Millard's mind he knew it had been a joke and he thought when they'd both laughed about it that meant they were in agreement about how ridiculous the idea was.

For the first time in a long, long, long time, they weren't on the same page.

Aurora's mind was also dwelling on the negative way Millard had said 'normal' and the reminder that peculiars often spoke ill of normal people still rubbed her the wrong way. It struck a chord with her, she knew being normal wasn't a bad thing, just as being peculiar wasn't a bad thing.

"I would appreciate if certain prejudices did not take part in this conversation."

"They have to. Because it seems like you want to choose normalcy over your own people. People who need our help."

She pushed herself into a full sitting position, just barely far enough for Millard's touch to no longer reach her, "Have we not helped enough? And please do not make this about being unselfishly aiding others, your desire to move into the mapping department could be considered selfish. By that logic we are both being selfish and both are in the wrong. But there's nothing wrong with my wanting to live the life I've been given the way I want to live it."

Millard mumbled something she couldn't make out. Then he sighed, "I thought you liked the idea of my attempt to be moved to the mapping department."

She sighed and stood from the bed, crossing her arms as she paced back and forth a bit before turning back to face him.

"I do support your plan of going to appeal to Perplexus. I do not appreciate the insinuation that anyone who doesn't go on this mission is being selfish when I do not hold that against you. But that was alongside the goal of the pair of us staying together." She said feeling exasperated, "That's quite contradictory to your new desire to head off with Jacob."

Millard deflated, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. He prided himself on being intelligent, and yet, he had not accounted for this. "Do you, do you not want to come with me? With us?"

He had assumed she would, but assumptions were dangerous things.

"I –" she paused wanting to say 'no' more than anything in the world, "I. . . I'm not sure."

There was a long silence before Millard was able to speak. His voice was soft and he hated how broken he already sounded, "Aurora we need you. I need you."

She looked to the floor sadly, her arms still crossed. "Is it me you need or my peculiarity?"

His breath caught in his throat. He stood and took a couple steps toward her. Thankfully, she didn't backpedal away. "Have I ever treated you like your abilities were all that mattered?"

She hated the mixed hurt and offended tone he spoke with. She hated more that she was the cause. "No, but –"

"Then why would you cast such doubt on me?"

"I'm not an adventurer Millard." She said looking up at him with shimmering eyes, "And while I know you have an endless curiosity that always is seeking knowledge and experiencing new things. . . that does not make you an adventurer either." Her voice grew even quieter as she looked away again, "Neither of us are hollow hunters. We are not like Abe or Jake or even Emma."

In the silence her heart dared to hope. Hope that Millard understood what she was getting at. They hadn't become 'heroes of the Battle for Devils' Acre' willingly. Their home had been bombed and it was run and try to do what they could, or get caught by wights. They were accidental heroes, accidental adventurers. And they had been very, very lucky. Especially considering how very close they had come to losing everything.

"But could I be?" he asked, almost to himself, and she saw the bottom button of his shirt fiddle with itself. Aurora felt herself fill with dread. Millard was a massive admirer of Perplexus, but had she underestimated just how much he idolized the man? Was his life something Millard wanted? To travel constantly in search of adventure and exploration? It only made her fears worse when she had to admit to herself that she could picture it, that it suited Millard's personality well.

She took a shuddering breath. Having a husband who routinely left for dangerous missions was not what she had signed up for. Yet, it was the situation she found herself in.

"I thought you said you wanted us to stick together."

He sighed and his sleeve rose like he was combing his fingers through his hair. "I just want to be useful."

Then it clicked. "Millard why do you burden yourself with the ridiculous notion that you aren't enough?"

His arm dropped, "Because maybe I'm not. You have a beautiful dream of settling down, finding employment, a quaint little home, but out there –" his sleeve gestured to the window, "there is no place for me to pretend to be normal, no matter how much I wish it."

She was silent, Millard had always been so optimistic about his peculiarity and while she knew there were moments where he struggled, she thought after everything, so much time and so much heroism, that he would feel much better by now. That he wouldn't be trapped in the same swirling thoughts that gripped him when Victor was still alive.

"My Darling I adore that you see past my invisibility, that despite it you see me, see me as the man that I am. But I fear its blinded you to reality. I fear I can't give you the dream you want."

She took a few steps forward and rested her hands on his upper arms, "Millard you have always been plagued by self doubt, but you've let it drive and motivate you to go above and beyond. You overcome it. I don't need to be psychic to know what a great friend you are, what a great boyfriend you've been, and what a great husband and father you're going to be."

She felt him freeze and wasn't sure why.

Millard's brows pinched together as his mind tried to unravel what she'd just said. They were plain and simple words, but the revelation they brought was like dumping a bucket of cold water on him.

"You want to have children with me?" he asked sounding genuinely befuddled.

"Why would I not?"

He paused. So many things ran through his mind. Logically he blamed life in a loop which was the natural cause as to why they'd never had this discussion before. But even in his dizziest daydreams he had never once thought of himself as a father. Just the notion put a cold rush of fear in him. He remembered vividly how his parents had looked at him when they realized he was disappearing. It would kill him to have his child look at him the same.

The doubt found something to feed on, and it grew like a parasite.

"Aurora. . . I don't think I can be a father."

He found it remarkable that he'd been able to maintain a relationship at all for as long as he had. He was even more blown away when she'd agreed to marry him, to make a commitment to him and only him. And he knew she could spend hours pointing out all the traits he had that would make him a good parent. But what of their child? Would they cry when they heard his voice and saw nothing there? Would he startle them the way he'd startled Jacob just an hour or so ago? Children were more susceptible though, what if he traumatized them? They'd be born normal, since peculiarity was such a rare recessive gene; would his child make friends and think because he wasn't around that Aurora was a single mother? What if they had birthday parties with those friends, with normal children, parties he would have to attend in secret, invisible to everyone and pretending like he wasn't there. His mind was reeling, the only logical solution was not to father a child at all.

But Aurora made it clear that wasn't what she wanted when she thought of their future. And he glanced at her only once before he had to look away. It looked like her heart had been shattered.

Her hands slid from his arms and crossed as she took half a step back. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something or ask him one of a million questions that flew to the front of her mind. Instead she found herself tongue tied and opened and closed her mouth three times before biting her lower lip realizing her throat was tightening and she was going to cry.

"I'm sorry." Millard said before he fled the room. The door opened and shut and she was alone. Her back hit the wall beside the window and she slid to the floor as she wept.

The following morning Jake and Emma were up before everyone else. Everyone, that is, besides Millard. He'd spent the night pacing through the living room and kitchen, occasionally rushing to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He drifted in and out of sleep in the rare moments he felt at ease enough to even sit on the couch, but the tapping of Emma's lead flats along the floor roused him enough in the early hours and he asked if he could tag along.

He was in dire need of a distraction.

Jacob drove back to Abe's house filling Millard in on how H had told them there was more to the secret bunker then what they had found and the older gent had mentioned something about a car. The one they were currently in was still banged and broken from when they had been dealing with Jacob's parents and Bronwyn had been spooked.

"I can't fathom how a car would fit inside a tunnel too small for us to even stand up properly in." Emma whispered as they walked through the woods and heaved open the secret door under the moss-covered plywood.

They used Jacob's cellphone light to check every inch of the tunnel walls, floor and ceiling but it wasn't until they reached the subterranean workshop did they find a handle in the wall. It was partially hidden in a darkened gap between two metal shelves explaining why none of them had seen it last time they were in here. Jake reached and twisted the handle, a door in the wall opened outward moving the shelves with it and revealing a new section of tunnel.

Hunching once more they ventured inside. This tunnel was even more low ceilinged and claustrophobic so they propped the door open with a metal box labeled 'breakfast entrée'.

They walked for roughly a hundred feet before they reached a narrow concrete stairway that led up to a thick metal door. Instead of sliding in or out it slid to the side disappearing into the wall. On the other side was a closet, a carpeted closet and through the slatted door was another cookie cutter suburban bedroom. The bed had a bare mattress, a nightstand and a dresser. Nothing was on the walls, the windows were shuttered and the only light in the room was coming through the cracks between the nailed on boards.

"What is this place?" Emma asked trailing a finger along a dusty dresser.

"It could be a safe house."

"Think anyone's here?"

"Probably not." Jacob said peeking into an attached bathroom, "But keep your guard up anyway."

They crept down a short hallway, glancing into other rooms as they passed them. They were all sparsely furnished like you'd see in a chain motel. The layout was identical to Abe's house so Jacob led them toward the garage. Millard took a brief glimpse through the peep hole in the front door and spotted Abe's house across the street. Fascinating.

When Jake opened the door to the garage it was clear the house's only purpose was this room. The walls were covered with pegs and shelves and all manner of tools and spare parts. In the center of it all, surrounded by floodlights, two cars were parked side by side.

"I'll be damned." Jacob said with his jaw hanging wide, "He did have cars."

One was a white Caprice Classic, it looked like a bar of soap on wheels. The other was a muscular black coupe that had wider hips and swoopier lines. It was hard to tell what it was since there was no badging on the car to identify it. The Caprice was for traveling incognito one could safely assume while the other was for traveling fast and in a bit of style.

"You really didn't know he had these?" Emma questioned.

"None. I knew he used to drive, but my dad made him give it up when he failed a vision test at the DMV. He used to go on these solo trips, days at a time, sometimes weeks. Just like when my dad was a kid, only less frequent. To go from that to needing me and my parents to drive him to the grocery store and the doctor – that must have been hard."

Millard wanted to scoff, but restrained himself. Abe probably never stopped driving, he just started keeping it a secret.

"And yet he kept the cars." Emma pointed out, glancing to Millard who gave her a knowing look despite her not being able to see it, both of them were on the same page.

"And maintained them." Jake said moving deeper into the garage and walking around both vehicles, admiring them. "He must've snuck out here every so often to work on them. Shine them, change the oil. So they'd be easily accessible but hidden from my family."

"It makes you wonder why he bothered." Emma pondered.

"Fighting hollows?"

"Having a family."

Jacob looked like he didn't know what to say to that, and neither did Millard. He was just glad Aurora wasn't here to hear her friend's comment. But he agreed. Peculiar life was always a dangerous one, even if you weren't badass Abe Portman. Would Aurora understand that if he brought it up? He didn't in all honesty even want to address the subject, knowing he'd broken her heart enough. Maybe her staying behind would be a good thing, maybe they needed some time apart, some space. It could help them both gain some perspective. But even as he thought it his stomach tied itself in knots. He didn't want to be away from her, he wanted to hold her, to tell her everything would be okay even if it wasn't. Even if he was the cause of her pain. He felt like the world's biggest idiot but unlike any science or math equation, unlike a clue in the Tales or a riddle – he had no idea how to solve this.

"Ever heard of Andrew Gandy?" Jacob's voice pulled Millard from his thoughts and he saw Jake sitting in the passenger seat looking in the glovebox.

"Must have been a false name he used." Emma said approaching and taking the paperwork Jacob handed her, "I wonder if Abe was even his real name."

"It was." Jacob replied sounding certain but sour.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked with a raised brow.

"I'm sure." He said before putting the papers away and walking around the cars again, "It's almost nine, let's pick a car and go."

"You're driving. You choose." Emma told him as he looked around again. Millard waited beside her also fine with whichever choice Jacob made.

"Are you alright Millard? You've been awfully quiet." Emma said turning to him, head tilted in curiosity.

"I apologize, I've been stuck in the throes of some rather serious contemplation."

"Would talking about it help?"

"I –" he took a deep breath. "No. No it wouldn't."

"This one." Jake called from the driver's side of the faster looking vehicle.

"Aurora's not coming." Millard said quickly and quietly to Emma before he hurried into the backseat of the car. For a moment the blonde stood there stunned, she knew as well as all the others that Millard and Aurora had never been apart before. Even when they'd broken up, they still lived in the same house. This would be monumental for them.

She shook her head and got in the passenger seat. Thankfully, discussing the mission with Jacob helped keep her mind off it the entire ride back.